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the random and the ridiculous

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“Sean Connery or Paul Newman?” Steve hears Natasha ask when he walks into the communal kitchen for a midnight snack. He glances over and sees Darcy sprawled over one couch, phone in front of her face, and Natasha relaxed on the other. Natasha spots him and nods in greeting.

“Goddammit, Candy Crush! Are you kidding me? I was so fucking close to clearing that level!” Darcy huffs, dropping her phone to her chest. “Sorry, I need clarification,” she tells Natasha. “Paul Newman circa Cool Hand Luke or shilling salad dressing? And are we talking Sean Connery as James Bond or King Arthur here?”

“Does it matter?” Natasha clips.

“You’re asking which one I’d let into my lady business, so yeah, it matters,” Darcy deadpans.

Steve’s heard them playing this game before and it’s always the same—Darcy asking for clarification and Natasha having to rein in her annoyance since she considers Darcy a close friend. His lips twitch in amusement as he pulls open the refrigerator to rummage for leftovers.

“Fine. James Bond and Cool Hand Luke.”

“Gonna go with Paul Newman on this one,” Darcy answers, picking up her phone again.

"Really?” Natasha asks, surprise evident in her voice.

“Stupid jelly!” Darcy spits down at the screen. “Yes, really. His eyes are so blue and dreamy.”

He chuckles to himself and pulls out a carton of Chinese food. “Alright, we’ve exhausted celebrities. I want to know which one of The Avengers you'd bang,” Natasha asks, and Steve is suddenly very interested in her answer. He swears if she answers Clint he might break the door.

“Aside from you?” Darcy retorts. “You know—if I had a death wish and liked eating pussy?”

Natasha’s lips twitch into a crooked smile, eyes flicking over to Steve. “Aside from me, yes.”

"Pfft! No contest. I'd bang Steve," Darcy says, not even looking up from her game. He freezes with a fork halfway to his mouth. The noodles slide off the utensil and fall to the floor.

"Steve, huh?"

"Mhmm. Like a screen door in a hurricane," Darcy says flicking her thumb across her phone screen and pumping her fist in the air when she cleared the level.

"Excellent. Hi ya, Cap! Stealing all the leftovers again?" Natasha smiles almost imperceptibly and rolls to her feet in one sinuous movement.

"You sneaky bitch!" Darcy hisses, eyes going wide as she scrambles up to a sitting position. She glances over her shoulder and color blooms brightly on her cheeks when her eyes land on Steve.

Natasha points a finger at her chest and angles her head. “Spy.” She lifts a hand in an absent wave and walks silently out of the room.

"Hurricane, huh?" Steve asks, left eyebrow twitching up as he leans on the breakfast bar, digging into the carton of noodles again. Darcy makes a little squeaking sound and he’s a little surprised when her typical word vomit doesn’t follow.

“Truth?” she asks, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, jumping when thunder booms loudly outside the window, the flash of lightning quickly illuminating her face.

He swallows the noodles and smirks at her. “Yeah, I generally prefer it.”

“Captain, the only way I’d kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.”

Steve nods as a crooked grin sneaks across his face. "Weather forecast looks pretty awful, doesn’t it?” he asks conversationally.

Darcy scowls at him, her face flushing several shades of red. “I guess it does,” she says coolly, turning her attention back to her game.

“You should come over and ride it out with me."