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there will always be more

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"You were thinking about someone else.. That's why I can't.."

That was the reason why Daryl Dixon let them do all these things to him. But he deserved it, because it was all his fault. He should have been more careful on that run, so these people wouldn't have caught him and haven't brought him to this place. Daryl deserved it to be here, because of many reasons. Because he was light-headed in the last months, because he was feeling always so useless, sad, hysteric and mad at the same time deep inside himself.

So many things were his fault. People got hurt or even died because of him. She got hurt and died because of him. So Daryl really deserved it to be at this place. Maybe they will finally make an end to his useless, stupid life, something Daryl never could. He had harmed himself, but he never could do that. A voice inside his head told him, that there was something more, something he should wait for, something he should see. But till today, Daryl didn't know what this should be. He just went on, because this voice inside his head was hers.

He was thinking about her even more the last weeks, especially since he was inside this tiny, cold cell. Of course, he had to thought about her. She had told him more than once, that there were still good people, that there was something to living for, a reason. But since a long time, there wasn't any reason or any positive things in Daryl's life anymore. When he lost her, he lost everything.

That day, when Dwight ahd played that sad love song, all he could do was crying all day long, till he vomited the less things he had inside his stomach on the floor in front of him. Maybe because it was about the dog food too, the dirty water they gave him to drink or the awful pain from the shot wound, but most of it, because he could see her sitting in front of him. And every time Daryl tried to touch her, he just touched the cold wall of his cell. He needed her so much and he never told her so. He should had told it her, when he had the chance at the funeral home. But this was such a long time ago. He had his chance and of course he had failed.

And everything Daryl could do the whole time, while he was sitting on the hard ground of his cell, was thinking about the girl, who had changed his life, his mind such a long time ago. All what he could do was thinking about Beth Greene.


They were torturing him the whole time. Daryl still got only one old sandwich with dog food and one glass dirty water to drink for the whole day. His wound never really healed, because they were torturing him with pulling the tips of their knifes in it. They also cut him on his arms, till the blood was running down to his fingers like little rivers.

One of his eyes was swollen, because the last time someone had beaten him there and into his empty stomach. They were making fun of him, that he was looking so damn awful and smelled like a decaying animal, but Daryl didn't care, because the voice inside his head was still telling him that there was something more.

They just let him sleep a few hours per day, the rest of the time they were playing awful music so he couldn't sleep, they were also torturing him or Dwight brought him to their all boss Negan.

Still today Daryl didn't tell them about Rick and the other. Thank God he was alone at that run, maybe they were all thinking back at Alexandria, that he was dead. Since he had left for that run, probably over two weeks had passed. At least Daryl was thinking so, he had lost his sense of time.

Somehow Negan wanted Daryl to become one of his men, but the voice inside his head still said, that there was something Daryl should wait for. But Daryl also knew, that Negan's patience won't last so much longer.

Negan was swinging his beloved bat in his hands, while he asked Daryl again for the hundred of time, who he was. And again Daryl answered with his own name. Dwight began to laugh next to him, because he exactly knew what will happen next. Maybe today Negan will beat Daryl again, or the other men, who were already waiting excited in the next room, or they will lock him again in that fenced place outside, which was full of walkers and Daryl had to fight for his life again, because the voice inside his head was still telling him, that there was something Daryl should see.

But today Negan just smiled this terrible smile down to Daryl, who was already expecting the first hit, and with his deep voice Negan said to him "You can be really lucky man, you know that? I like you, because of that I'm playing this game with you. Normally I just kill the men, who don't say the word I want to hear at the first time. But you are different. You are a survivor and I want you in my team. But you aren't scary easy, I already got that, but Dwighty boy told me a few days ago, that you were crying like a little baby, when he has played you that old, stupid love song. So tell me Daryl, who had you lost?"

Daryl's hands got into fists, while Negan went on "I bet she was looking damn beautiful, hot and sexy, your wife. Some girl I would have really liked to get to know." Negan finally noticed Daryl's fists and pointed with his bat on it. "See what I mean, you are always so tensed, because you are still thinking about that bitch. Forget her, she is dead. Life goes on and there are some pretty ladies inside this house too, you know what I mean. If you want you can have one of them, you just have to say the magic word."

Daryl just kept on with looking at the ground, while he tried to hold back the tears, which were already burning in his eyes. Negan didn't and won't ever understand what Beth was to Daryl, even when Daryl never had told her that. So Beth died without knowing, that he cared so damn much about her.

Finally Negan went on, when Daryl didn't say that one word he wanted to hear. "As I told you before, I like you man and because of that I will give you the chance to get relaxed again. Dwighty boy will bring you to one of my best girls. I also visit her very often, when my wife, which was Dwighty boy's wife before, is boring me. She is more or less my affair, you know what I mean?! My men found her in the middle of the forest, alone, almost like you, and they brought her to me and Dwighty boy assured me, that no one had touched her the way back here. So I could be the first one and you know what?! I really was her first one."

Negan was laughing like the devil he was and when he finally calmed down, he went on with an amuse voice "She was crying and blooding so bad. And damn she was tight. I have never had someone like her before. Hell, she is still very tight, damn sexy and so young. First she was such a little rebel, but finally she resigned with her pitifully life and she let me have her whenever I want, how often I want her or how hard I want her. Till today she never told me her name, so I just call her bitch, but you can call her whatever you want."

Getting closer to Daryl's face, Negan almost whispered "And I hope you will change your mind then, when you aren't so tensed any more. I will give you one hour with her. You can do whatever you want to her, you can fuck her as often you want, but remember this, no one ever was allowed to do this and hopefully then you will know who you really are."

With that Dwight grabbed harshly on Daryl's sweater and pulled him outside. They were going into a part of the building Daryl never was before. Finally they stopped in front of a black door with a red cross on it. Dwight unlocked the door and shoved Daryl inside.

Because Dwight closed the door instantly again, the tiny room was completely dark and Daryl couldn't see anything. Of course Daryl won't ever touch this poor girl, so he just lowered himself next to the door and waited till the hour will be over. But Daryl also knew, that this was probably his last hour on this useless world.

His hurting head in his hands, Daryl could hear the girl moving carefully a few feet away. Maybe she was expecting Negan again, but now she was still curious about who was in her cell. Daryl could smell so many things inside here. Fear, blood, tears and of course Negan's semen, which was probably everywhere.

Daryl rubbed his tired eyes and finally laid his head on his knees, he was so damn tired and powerless. Why couldn't this already be over?

He could hear how the girl was moving again, louder this time, like she was searching for something. Finally Daryl noticed, that the girl was lighting up a matchstick and even when the light wasn't that bright, Daryl's eyes were hurting and so he closed them instantly. Maybe he should tell her, that she didn't have to be scared, but Daryl just hadn't the power to.

He was just drifting off to sleep, when he heard the voice again, her voice. But today she was just saying his name. It was more a question and it sounded so real, so near. Daryl's tired mind made a joke with him, like it had done already so many times.

He was almost asleep, when he could feel a familiar touch on his arm and like before it felt so real. But Daryl knew it wasn't real, nothing of this was real. Maybe he was already asleep and just dreamed.

But when he could hear her voice a second time, it didn't just sound real or near, it was real and very close. Daryl could feel her breath on his skin and he automatically got goose bumps everywhere on his body. Also the place where she was still touching his arm, felt so warm now, it almost burnt. It was never like this before, when he had dreamed about her and he was afraid, that if he will look up, she will be gone again.

But finally the desire got the upper hand over Daryl and slowly he lifted his head and with tired and glassy eyes he was looking directly into the big deer eyes he loved so much. They were still the same, so big and bright, framed from long eyelashes and filled with so much love and hope.

"Hey." He could hear her voice again and his eyes slowly wandered down to her soft lips. She was smiling lovingly at him and finally her wonderful lips were forming his name again. "Daryl." It was almost just a whimper, but he could hear it so clear.

But still Daryl wasn't sure, if he was dreaming or if this was the reality. Slowly and scared he lifted his hand and before his fingertips were touching her warm cheeks, Daryl stopped breathing. The second his skin touched hers, a single tear found its way out of her beautiful eyes and was running down to his fingers on her cheek.

Daryl followed the tear with his eyes and when it finally reached his skin, his heart explored. He could feel everything. Not noticing before, that he was also crying, Daryl said with a broken voice just one single word. "Beth."

She began to smile brighter then, while more tears found their way out of her eyes. Still looking into her eyes, like Daryl was afraid, that they will be gone, if he would just look away for just one second, he could feel how her soft fingers were touching his arms again.

And then Daryl knew, that this all wasn't a dream. This was all real. She was real, Beth was real.

Unexpected, even for Daryl, he threw his arms around her neck and they both fell to the ground together. His arms never let go from Beth's body. Like a little baby he was crying at her chest, while she slid her soft fingers trough his way too long and dirty hair. Daryl's whole body was trembling, while the tears were streaming out of his tired eyes.

Between sobs he managed to whimper "This.. can't.. be.. true.." Beth tried to calm him down with cradling him carefully in her arms, while she whispered into his ear "It's true Daryl. I'm here. I got you." Even when Daryl was still crying that much, he could hear, that Beth was also crying and her voice was shaking.

He couldn't remember how long he was laying between her legs, when he finally managed to look as good as possible clearly up at her. Beth was already smiling down at him, like she was waiting for his eyes the whole time. "Are you proud of me Mr. Dixon?" She asked with still the same beautiful voice, Daryl had heard every day in his head.

Slowly Daryl lifted his body, so he was kneeling in front of her and could look directly in her endless eyes. Framing her lovingly face with his palms Daryl answered "Proud is really the wrong word for this Greene. I.. I just can't tell you how fucking bad I have missed you." This time Beth was the one, who threw her arms around Daryl's middle and cried at the place between his neck and shoulder. Gently he stroked her shaking back, while she whispered against the skin of his neck "I have missed you too Daryl, so much." Before Beth pulled away from his body, he placed a quick kiss on her forehead, getting a sweet smile back from her.

Beth told him then, how she had survived the gunshot, what happened after and how she got here. "What.. What about the other Daryl? Are they still alive?" She finally asked him with hopefully eyes. "I'm here since probably two weeks, but before I have left them, they were all alive and healthy."

Daryl could see how new tears were building up in Beth's eyes and she just wanted to ask him how he got here, when they could hear footsteps on the corridor. Damn. What should he do now? Solving his fingers from hers, which were holding each other the whole time long, while they were speaking, Daryl quickly crawled to the place next to door and sat himself there, like at the beginning of the hour.

He tried to calm himself down, while his brain tried to find a way out of this situation. When they could hear, that someone was unlocking the door, Beth was looking sadly at Daryl and best he wanted to go over to her again and take her in his arms, but instead he stopped breathing and prayed for the best.

When Dwight finally entered the room he said with an unbelievable voice "What? You were sitting here the whole time? You haven't even touched her?" Dwight looked over to Beth then, but she didn't know, if she should say or do anything. "Tss.. You can be really lucky, that Negan isn't in the building at this moment. Instead he would kill you right now. However, he will make it anyway, when he is back."

With that Dwight grabbed Daryl at this sweater and shoveled him out of Beth's cell. But before Dwight could lock the door again, Daryl saw Beth's worried look one last time, her beautiful eyes sparkling in the flames of the little light, before the door got closed.

Two days had passed since Daryl had seen Beth. The hours after Dwight had brought him back  to his cell that day, Daryl was thinking, that maybe he had just imagined this all, had imagined her, but then he saw Beth's beautiful eyes again, when he closed his eyes and could still feel the warm touch of her soft hands, and then he knew, that this was all real. Daryl wanted to see her again so bad, since she was gone, but he had never believed and he had also never wanted to see her at a place like this again.

While he was sitting in his cold cell and thought about how he could see Beth again, the door next to him unlocked and Dwight went inside with a big, stupid smile in his face. "Negan wants to see you." He simple said to his prisoner. After breathing deep inside his lungs for one more time, Daryl finally stood up and just wanted to step out of his cell, when Dwight stopped him with saying. "Wait a minute man. Negan told me something more. Take off your clothes."