I told you two to STOP READING THIS!
April 6, 1969
Have finally settled into three room flat in Brixton after week of squatting in various parks around London. Despite Valley Girl tendencies, Buffy has some survivalist skills and can also hustle at billiards. Blames "Spike." Mention of this name caused more rowing between her and Doctor. This is current normal state of affairs.
Discussed how I can contribute to income with Buffy. Will not be housemaid again, cannot play poker, thought about finding job in local shop. Buffy told me about her time working for Doublemeat Palace. On her advice, will borrow psychic paper tomorrow for job interview as nurse at local emergency clinic.
April 10, 1969
Buffy and Doctor apparently speaking again, but am not sure how we will pay for repair of wall. Was not present for their make up but returned home from first clinic shift to find that we now have a two room flat. Also found very naked, unconscious roommates. Apology afterwards almost made it worth it. Note: Doctor has odd mole between his shoulder blades, looks vaguely like a 13th Floor Elevators album cover (the one with the eyes), if he wasn't a Time Lord I'd suggest getting it removed.
April 15, 1969
Wall paid for, although currently still a curtain, landlord says that it will be replaced after we leave. At least he didn’t kick us out. On principle, Doctor insists this was the one and only time he’d be placing any bets on sporting events where he already knew the results. Forgot how much I missed clinic work, but hours are long and pay is low. Not sure where Buffy is spending her nights, or most of her days, but at least she comes home with money. Doctor apparently spending his time in junkyards; half of living room now dedicated to his finds. Would be less annoyed by this if I did not sleep there.
- Sorry. You're asleep and I probably won’t be back before you leave for your next shift. I cleared my equipment out of your room. Also, I found some soundproofing material outside of a new music studio that they’re building to use as a new curtain; have you considered seeing an otolaryngologist about that snoring problem of yours? Once we get the TARDIS back, I can take you to the planet Snaaarhnfkle, they perfected the technique after the Great Sleep Apnea Epidemic of 86,753. Not complaining, just concerned. – D
- Buffy informs me that my previous comment was rude. Sorry. – D
April 22, 1969
Patching up rude boys and other 1960s chavs starting to get old. Have not told Doctor that many of them are made fun of by friends about "that little blonde bint." Spoke to her about it, she confided that the last six months is longest that she’s gone without killing something since she was fifteen years old. And yet she thinks the Doctor is the scary one. Not sure what to think about that.
- Martha, the Doctor is totally scarier than me, trust me on this. BTW, Ratface last night deserved more than three broken fingers, trust me on that one too. –B
April 26, 1969
Thinking about asking other nurses if they’d be interested in getting a new roommate as I cannot afford own flat and may otherwise go insane. It’s like living with two caged territorial animals. And at least one of them is generally in heat. Make up sex may be nice for them but does nothing for me, and I refuse to replace any more furniture.
April 27, 1969
Tonight was good night. Registrar was dealing with stab wound, leaving me to deliver Mrs. Wilson’s baby. 6 lbs 2 oz (almost 3 kg I think), full head of black hair. They’re calling him Leo. Felt like a real doctor again.
May 1, 1969
Doctor’s infamous device is finally complete. Claims we’ll be home any minute now. Bet 5 quid we’d be seeing the moon landing again. Buffy appears to be happy to have a excuse to patrol; maybe if they’re on patrol together I’ll get fewer blunt trauma wounds in the wee hours.
May 2, 1969
Apparently vitally important to keep device away from hens. Buffy & Doctor were quite the sight this morning. Finally Buffy knows what it’s like to be covered in chicken feathers and goo. Somehow have hunch Doctor already knew that feeling.
May 8, 1969
Vodka bad. Head worse. Thank God today is day off.
May 9, 1969
2 nights ago Buffy produced large wad of cash and new outfits for both of us and declared we were going dancing. Mini-skirts made me realise I had spent way too much time in 1913. Doctor grudgingly lurked in corner of club until Buffy hit dance floor. Did not realise until now that Doctor is standard alpha-male. Unfortunately, we were in a rocker bar and Buffy’s dance partner decided that Doctor was dressed like a mod. Buffy appears to be bad influence on Doctor who was laughing during the ensuing fistfight. Doctor is good influence on Buffy in that we were a quarter mile away by the time the cops had arrived. Unfortunately, adrenaline rush did not come down until after we had found another bar. Matching shots with a Time Lord and a preternaturally strong super hero was a bad idea. However, I have to go to work now, which means that they have to clean the bathroom. Think this means that I win.
May 12, 1969
Went to work in pink pinafore today. Doctor has been sternly lectured about how separating whites from darks in laundry does not count as racism, or even clothes-ism as he so eloquently put it. Buffy was laughing until she discovered that he’d been putting our bras in the dryer. She has now volunteered to take over laundry duty.
May 16, 1969
Delivered 3rd baby last night. May consider changing specialty to obstetrics. Very rewarding. Also not sure that xenobiology is recognized specialty and that is only medicine other than triage that I have practiced in very long time.
May 25, 1969
Have now been trapped by Doctor in racist hellholes of the 20th century for last four months. Next time he pulls that bloody lever we’re going someplace where all of the people are green.
May 26, 1969
Night spent with Buffy and two bottles of wine made me feel much better. She will be escorting me to and from work from now on, seeing as all the street gangs shit their knickers when they see her now. Informed me that she knows many green demons from her home dimension, so I have agreed that it is an acceptable destination.
June 3, 1969
Returned home without Buffy to note on table from Doctor: "Gone to Manchester to retrieve Buffy." What the hell was Buffy doing in Manchester?
June 4, 1969
Buffy’s mysterious cash was winnings from bare knuckles boxing circuit, busted yesterday by one D.I. Hunt, who showed up this morning with search warrant. Do not like D.I. Hunt, have feeling he shares the sentiment. Tossed our apartment before Doctor and Buffy returned, asked lots of questions about Doctor’s devices. Doctor has gotten charges dropped, but he and Buffy have returned to non-vocal communication.
- When she demonstrates that she is capable of resolving a problem using any approach other than violence, then I might be willing to speak to her. – D
- Please ask him for me, Martha, how me hitting someone in a fair fight is somehow worse than his habit of blowing up any given building/ship/planet/corner of the universe that he happens to be in? I’m curious, but apparently unworthy of his vast and mighty intellect. – B
- Martha, if you would please inform Buffy that she is capable of breaking a ten cm diameter solid titanium rod in two using her bare hands and then ask her with whom in the greater London area at this time she can claim to be having a "fair fight." I’ll be more inclined to offer her an answer afterwards. Also, the corner of the universe thing was not my fault, and she knows that. – D
- Both of you – this is my personal diary: STOP WRITING IN HERE! If you simply must write snarky notes to each other, there’s stationery by the refrigerator. – M
June 8, 1969
Brixton police much more understanding of Buffy’s latest assault charge. Her new waitressing job did not survive pub owner’s wandering fingers, now broken. Money growing tight. Nice girl, love her dearly, really needs to get over her addiction to the ultra violence.
June 20, 1969
One month to moon landing and I win £5. Don’t care. Want the hell out of here and he doesn’t have it anyway. As I will hear again from Buffy at the top of her lungs at their next row.
July 1, 1969
Compromise achieved: she’s been hired as a bouncer by The Country Club. Now she gets to rough people up, make money, wear tight clothes, and not get arrested or harassed by the Doctor. With new outlet for her violence, she and Doctor have returned to lovey-dovey state and my gag reflex is getting tired. On positive note, first non-tinned meal since her first arrest.
July 13, 1969
Billy bloody Shipton landed in the alley behind my clinic, after all that time the Doctor spent on his time detector thing. Gave notice to clinic, pawned our turntable in order to purchase Super 8 camera. Doctor apparently already made code for discs for Billy to place on the DVDs. Almost makes me forgive him for never getting around to fixing water heater. Almost. Not all of us have internal temperature of 19.
July 18, 1969
Filming is finished. For second time. After Doctor nearly set fire to apartment attempting to process film himself, Buffy took second negative to processing lab in Knightsbridge. TARDIS due to arrive tonight at midnight. Then and only then will I pay the Doctor his £5.
Time Vortex – Neither Now Nor Then
Enjoyed long, hot bath and privacy of own bedroom. Own bedroom is now down new corridor, apparently for privacy’s sake. Caught self lovingly caressing roundels ala Doctor. Slept in. Doctor and Buffy stopped by present day Wester Drumlins (carefully dodging Sally Sparrow’s escape, apparently doing something inappropriate in the west garden, didn’t need to know that, Buffy) and took samples of the time-locked Angels. Doctor now has theory on how to reach Buffy’s home dimension, is wandering around console babbling to self. Buffy even competitive when playing Go Fish.
Knowing his thoughts on magic and her thoughts on it, am half-tempted to ask them to drop me off for this one. On second thought, would be fun to meet a real witch and Doctor is especially adorable when he can’t stop shouting "Impossible!" So I guess I’m in.