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Goldilocks

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"That's cute," Tony says, as Pepper pulls the pink vibrator out of its box, flipping through the instructions before Tony can take them out of her hands and toss them across the room somewhere, never to be seen again.

"Cute?" Pepper says, frowning. It's a little sleek thing, a rechargeable that fits nicely into her hand. It was expensive, for a sex toy, but Tony has no idea what expensive is anymore. Scratch that- Tony has never known what expensive is.

"It's a cute little vibrator," Tony says. "Small, inoffensive, innocuous- it's cute."

"What would you have me use?" Pepper says, raising an eyebrow.

"I bought you that Hitachi-"

"Tony, no," Pepper says firmly. "That thing looks and sounds like you should use it to get paint off the driveway. It's not coming near me."

"Fine," Tony says, waving his hand, in that voice that Pepper knows means that this conversation is not over. She does not know when this conversation will be resumed. She knows that she will be suddenly blindsided by it when least expected.

"Are we doing this or not?" Pepper asks, turning on the vibrator, which hums happily in her hand.

"You're so hot when you're annoyed," Tony tells her, pulling her towards him.

 

1.

Pepper keeps her vibrator in the little white bag that came with it, sitting in her underwear drawer. She doesn't need to do this- it's not like Tony doesn't know about it- but it just seems like that's where it goes.

Tony has been in the workshop for hours upon hours now. She tried to go down there and tempt him away- admittedly for her own benefit and not because she thought he was overworked- but she got brushed off. She was less than pleased by this, though it doesn't happen often, so she just made her usual threat of starting without him and went back up to their room.

She gets the little white bag out of her underwear drawer, taking off her panties and lying down on the bed. She shuts her eyes, letting her hands wander, cupping her breast and rolling her nipple between her fingers. She spreads her legs, finally pressing the button on the vibrator. It jumps in her hand, making a loud whirring noise, much louder than she expected.

And then it bursts into flames.

She shrieks, throwing it onto the- tiled, thankfully- floor. She looks around, finding one of Tony's shirts and beating the fire out; Tony is now out one dress shirt, but Tony fucking deserves it.

"Tony!" she shouts, apparently loud enough to reach the workshop, because Tony pounds in a few moments later. She points at the vibrator, still smoking on the floor; she wants to rub his nose in it like a dog, but she's still a little freaked out.

"So cross that upgrade off the list," Tony says.

"Tony," Pepper says, narrowing her eyes.

"You're less hot when you're angry," he says, wincing.

 

2.

"Is that-"

"Yeah, right there, right- wait, wait, wait, stop-"

"What?"

"Don't turn it up."

"I have like six more clicks-"

"Don't turn it up."

"Just a little more-"

"I'm going numb, Tony."

"You're not as hot when you're boring- Ow!"

 

3.

"Please?" Tony says, holding out the box.

"Please what?" Pepper says. Tony is still in the doghouse, and he knows it. She doesn't want to take whatever present he has for her, but Tony is giving her the saddest little look, and she sighs, opening the box.

There's a little pink vibrator in it, still sealed in its package.

"You know better than I do," Tony tells her.

"I always know better than you do," Pepper says.

"True," Tony says, without argument.

Pepper kisses him. "Please tell me you didn't open it, modify it, and reseal it."

"Would I do that?" he asks.

"Yes," she says.

"Yeah, of course I would," he says, "but I promise I didn't."

She opens the package; everything looks as it should. She turns it on, and it doesn't start smoking, which is a pretty good sign.

"You should wait for it to charge," Tony says. "Says on the package it only has fifteen minutes out of the box."

"Do you have something in mind that takes more than fifteen minutes?" Pepper asks, putting a hand on his hip and drawing him in.

"Lots and lots of things," Tony says.

"Because I'm hot when I'm not mad at you?" she says.

"You're always hot to me," he tells her, pulling her into a kiss.