Giles bit into his scone and smiled. Despite being the Undead, Spike had turned out to be quite the cook. Or maybe Spike was just trying to show Buffy that he could be Little Miss Suzy Homemaker.
Giles' smile faltered just a bit as he realized that once again he was spending too much time with Xander. At least spending time with Spike kept Giles up on his Britspeak toes, eh, so to speak.
The Summer's house was blessedly silent this morning and Giles was reveling in its glory. He had checked in on the Junior Miss Sunnydale contestants (yet another Xander term that had stuck) on his way to the kitchen. To his surprise they hadn't been sleeping despite the fact that they had spent all night on patrol. No, they were in fact all awake. And reading.
They weren't reading any of the research materials that were now scattered pell mell around the living room. Instead, they were all engrossed in Tolkien's "Fellowship of the Ring". His plan had worked.
Of course Buffy hadn't seen the brilliance of it all at first. She had merely arched one perfect eyebrow when he suggested the idea. Eventually she had relented after he explained a bit more. The Fellowship was a mirror to their own situation he explained (he ignored Spike comparing him to Gandalf), a ragtag band of young people (or at least those that appeared young) fighting to save their world from overwhelming and unspeakable evil --
"And there are cute boys!" Dawn had interjected.
Buffy had peered around him to glare at her sister.
"What? They are cute," Dawn muttered. She had gone back to making popcorn.
Giles sipped his tea and wondered why he hadn't thought of this little project to occupy Xander and Cordelia while they were still in high school. The library would have been quite a bit more peaceful if those two had something to occupy themselves aside from the sarcastic remarks that usually flowed from their mouths.
"Yes, but do you love the Hobbits?!"
Molly's voice broke the blissful calm. Giles groaned. Obviously wishing for a few hours of silence was too much to ask for. Bloody First Evil had something to do with this, he was sure of it. Now that the Turok-Han had been eliminated the First was branching out. Giles was not the least bit encouraged with its newest efforts to say the least.
He could hear Vi wail from the living room, but he didn't make any move to investigate.
The third step from from the upstairs landing was notorious for creaking but this morning Willow doubted that anything could be heard over the commotion in the front room.
"But they're so cute --"
Vi's pleading was met with a chorus of teenage giggling and Rona's throaty laugh.
"Girl, that's not helping your case any."
"But they're cute, in you know, a non-sexual way."
"Oh, you know that Sam loves Frodo --"
"--And Gimli and Legolas, well they're practically the Brad and Jennifer of Middle Earth."
Willow even had to smile at that one. She sat down on the stairs, hidden from the girls below, to listen.
"You haven't even see the first movie, Violet," Kennedy laughed. "Just wait, all those longing looks."
"Oh Aragorn, never mind Arwen, run away with me. I have some fabulous hair care treatments to show you!"
Willow assumed that Molly was impersonating Legolas. She just knew Giles would die if he ever heard about any of this. The girls were turning his childhood fantasy world into something out of Teen Beat, albeit with a decidedly gay twist. Willow smirked in spite of herself. This was almost as good as when she and Buffy used to play "Anywhere But Here".
She heard a chair scraping against the hardwood floors and a muffled yelp, then a few seconds later Andrew's high-pitched voice echoed through the house.
"Their love is pure!"
There were sounds of a struggle and then some more muffled yelps. The girls must've re-gagged Andrew. They were learning.
Rona broke in as the voice of reason. "Listen, who cares if they're going at it like monkeys anyway?
"Happy place. Happy place!"
"Violet, uncover your ears and be an adult. Anyway, like I was saying, who cares, it's just a story."
"But a very gay one."
Willow groaned. All this conversation needed was Anya.
"See, this is exactly what we've been saying." Kennedy was now on Willow's Short List of Dangerous People. Anyone that agreed with Anya landed that honor.
"Morning Anya. Care for some tea?"
Anya smiled up at Willow before she took a seat in the living room. She didn't acknowledge the other woman's presence but instead turned her attention to the gaggle of girls in front of her. She was never one to turn away a rapt audience.
"No thanks." Anya sat next to Kennedy on the couch and pulled her feet under her legs. "But you know it's not just a story, don't you?"
"What exactly are you saying?" Giles peeked his head around the corner from the kitchen. Whenever she started in on something along those lines Giles instantly perked up. Anya didn't even know he was in the house, but seeing an opportunity she was going to take full advantage.
"I'm saying, if I could get a word in edge wise," she huffed, "that the story is real."
"And how exactly do you know that?"
"Because Giles," Anya smiled sweetly at him and then turned to the girls, "I was the one that told the story to old Professor Tolkien in the first place."
"So wait, does this mean you actually know these people?" Molly sounded so eager that Anya wanted to pat her on the head. Children could be so much like cute puppy dogs when they wanted to. Not like evil bunny rabbits in the least.
"I met most of them at one of those inter-dimensional cocktail parties that Hallie was so fond of throwing. She had a sweet spot for Merry and Pippin, especially since they looked like nine year olds, though quite lecherous ones."
"Anya, stop encouraging them. Girls, none of this is true."
"Oh really?" She steeled her gaze daring Giles to question her. "Do you want to see the scar that I have from Aragorn's sword?" She started to lift her skirt up her leg.
The girls, not ones to give up on the innuendo this quickly, immediately dissolved into laughter again.
"He's really got to watch where he sticks that thing!"
"Oh, really," Giles sighed despondently.
Anya almost felt sorry for him, but the feeling didn't last long. She might not be a vengeance demon any longer but there were certain personality traits that just transcended species.
"So yes girls, the Fellowship was very, very gay. And very, very horny. Legolas seemed to think that Gandalf had slipped them all something back in Rivendell, but he didn't seem to object to it by the time I met him. He seemed quite the happy elf whenever Gimli was around." She looked at Andrew as he began to whimper from behind his gag.
Rona wiped tears of laughter from her eyes and looked at Andrew. "I think you just destroyed his faith in humanity."