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Fair Weather Friends

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sometimes when sungah's feeling really masochistic, she listens to the birthday voicemail hyuna sent her that she has saved on her phone.

it's long—just under ten minutes—and it's mostly hyuna babbling about what a great day sungah is going to have interspersed with bits of hyuna cooing at the cats. she starts with the usual birthday wishes, tells sungah what a great person and friend she is (but she's not, she knows she isn't, knows it deep in her stomach she can't be a great person when all she does is wish for something she can't ever have), and recounts all the ridiculous anecdotes they've racked up over the years.

like that time when sungah first started getting to know the girls and she couldn't for the life of her make a good impression for at least a week. they all joke sometimes that the ice was only broken because sungah would always buy food for everyone. and sometimes sungah doesn't think it's just a joke, and that maybe all she can do for them is give and give without getting what she really wants.

sungah's favorite part of the voicemail is towards the end, when she can tell hyuna is getting sleepy and she gets quieter, softer.

on a good day sungah would curl up inside her blankets, put the phone on speaker, and fall asleep along with voicemail-hyuna.

other days, she blinks back the prickling in her eyes and tells herself she'll delete it.

"i love you," the voicemail says, "i love you so much. happy birthday."