Making Ripples (The Testing the Waters Remix)
I'm Hyuuga Hanabi and this is stupid.
Iruka-sensei said that sometimes keeping your thoughts in paper helps sorting them out, but I still think this is stupid. No one is going to read it but me, at least if they know what's good for them.
Yes, I know there are a lot of Byakugan users around this compound and reading one little diary wouldn't be too much of a challenge for them, but as I said, they won't read it if they know what's good for them.
Maybe Iruka-sensei was right, I feel calmer already.
I guess for this to be useful one has to write on it more than once a year. Sensei said he keeps journals, not diaries since he isn't a girl, with his thoughts and fears and any event worth writing down. I kind of see his point.
I might be a girl but I've decided to keep a journal, not a diary.
I'm a Hyuuga, after all, and regardless of my gender, I'm not weak.
Yesterday I turned eleven, last week I was made a chuunin. Those two events are not even worth recording. What I saw today is.
My sister, the weak little Hinata whom everyone, myself included, thought worthless and unfit to be a shinobi taught everyone a lesson. I couldn't believe it when I saw from the distance, protected from the attack by some of the jounin still able to fight. I had told them I could help, but they didn't see my rank, they just saw a child and I let myself be convinced to stay put while Konoha fell to pieces around us.
I've never felt so useless in my life.
And what was my sister doing at that time? She was out there, fighting, helping. She disobeyed a direct order and interfered with a fight even the Hokage and her brute of an apprentice only watched.
Hinata died today. Standing proud and defiant before an enemy who had managed to kill even Sharingan Kakashi. And she wasn't afraid; I saw it in her eyes from my concealed place.
She, the weak one. While I, the strong one, was protected with the rest of the children.
What a way to put things into perspective.
Naruto gave everyone a second chance. I will take mine and learn more about my sister.
I think it's about time.
It's not spying if I stumble upon it, is it?
I mean, I wasn't looking for it, I just happened to pass by that particular corridor at that precise moment. And well, activate my Byakugan to see who was with my sister, and stay to watch after I should have left.
But still, not spying.
Cousin Neiji was with her, he had her cornered against a wall and was practically snarling on her face. It was surprising to see him displaying so much emotion. Scratch that, it was surprising seeing him display any emotion; Neiji has always been a bit of a cold fish.
I didn’t get to hear what they were saying in the beginning, the Byakugan is not the best thing for not spying. Luckily Sensei taught us sound enhancing jutsus, and I put one of them to good use.
No, it still isn’t spying.
"You died!" Neiji was saying, his usually composed face flushed with rage. "For him!"
My sister didn't move or react in any way, staring at him with that calm I used to believe was fear or slowness.
"I know." I could barely hear her response, it was too soft. "And I'd do it again."
Neiji didn't like that answer and for a moment I though he was going to hit her. She did as well, I could tell in the way she closed her eyes, bracing herself for the blow. But he didn't, he just punched the wall next to her head and turned around.
I had to hide or he would have discovered me, well, spying on them.
I think Neiji likes my sister; he's like the boy in the Academy who tried to bully me to get my attention. I hope he has better luck than that boy, I kind of like Cousin Neiji and I don't want him to need surgery.
I've been sitting next to my sister in family dinners for a long time and tonight is the first time I tried to start a conversation.
At the beginning she would be the one to try to talk to me, but I think my silence discouraged her from keeping at it after a while. She was surprised when I called her name, he eyes growing impossibly large on her face. They are very pretty eyes, Hyuuga eyes, and she's also very pretty.
She's interesting as well. I didn't know what to talk about, so I asked her about the principles of one of the jutsus Father taught us both. I was always faster to learn them, but she seems to have more theoretical knowledge. I've been wanting to investigate that particular jutsu for some time, try and see if it could be modified and used differently.
She's given me a few ideas; I think I might try them.
I sat between my sister and Cousin Neiji at her birthday dinner today, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a kunai.
I don't know why Neiji doesn't tell her he likes her; it's obvious to everyone but her. And the rest of the family. And probably most of Konoha. Ok, it's obvious to me, but I don't see why he wouldn't. I mean, she's my sister and I have to admit I didn't actually see her most of my life. But these past months I've learned a lot about Hinata, and she's pretty and kind and intelligent. Not to mention brave, and persistent and sometimes even funny.
Thinking about it, I kind of like my sister as well.
Hinata has given me an ivory comb and some lovely hair pins for my birthday.
It's the first time I've liked her present but looking back at what she used to give me, I can see everything was lovely.
I asked her to comb my hair for me tonight and she smiled and then touched my hair gently and used her present to do it. She didn't pull even once.
I can't believe she had to die for me to see her; I must have been blind before. Father still is, and so is most of Konoha.
I don't care if only Neiji and I see my sister for what see is, this way we won't need to share.
I haven't had the time to write down anything in a long time.
Missions piled up for the past couple of years and I feel I've spent more time out of Konoha than in it. I shouldn't complain, I know. I managed to survive the war and so did most of my family, though we haven't been seeing much of each other lately.
Today I turned fourteen. Having lived through a war I can see why Sensei didn't want me to graduate ahead of my class. I haven't been a child for a long time, I don't want to imagine how things must have been for Hatake-san, graduating so young and fighting a war when he should have been playing with his friends.
But that's not what I want to write about, it's…
I don't know how to start; it's embarrassing and disturbing and… damn it! Nobody is going to read this, and I need to write it down somewhere. It's not as if I can talk about it with anyone.
I saw my sister today.
Well, it's not as if that's so difficult with both of us living in the same house. That's not what I mean, what I mean is… ok, Hanabi, deep breath and spill it.
Hinata was back from a mission today, and on time for my birthday party. I had not seen her for some weeks, and I was surprised to find her in the bath, getting ready for the dinner party.
My sister is a woman now, and a stunning one at that. There, I've said it.
I saw her coming out of the bath and I felt hot all over, and I've never been so embarrassed in my life. She smiled when she saw me and I wanted to hug her tight and don't let go of her.
Something is wrong with me.
Something is very wrong with me.
Last night I slipped into my sister's bed.
She had just come back from a mission, injured and out of sorts after almost losing a team mate. Father was his usual cold-hearted self, and his speech about strength derived from losses and becoming a worthy Hyuuga through other's sacrifice didn't help my sister's mood any. She held herself stoically, but I could tell she wanted to cry.
I waited for everyone to go to bed and then slipped out of my bedroom and into hers. I expected her to be asleep, or maybe crying. She was neither. She was laying on her bed with her eyes open and staring at the ceiling. She didn't move or acknowledge my arrival in any way, but I could tell she knew I was there.
I thought I should go back to my room, and then she patted the side of the bed and I climbed on it, curling around her body.
I don't know if she slept a wink, but it was the most restful sleep I've had in my life
Now I've done it.
I kissed my sister, I'm sure Father would have an attack if he knew. I'm sure we would be expelled from Konoha is anyone knew. The Hyuuga, the noble and venerable clan sired two sisters such as us.
Well, they won't know, will they? And Hinata didn't push me away.
I've become used to sneaking into her room and her bed whenever we are both at home, and last night, as she slept, I couldn't help myself. I pressed my lips against my sister's and kissed her.
When she opened her eyes and looked at me I almost expected her to throw me out of her side, instead she just smiled, curled closer into me and told me to go to sleep.
I wonder what that means.
She's with Cousin Neiji.
I suppose this shouldn't come as much of a surprise as it does, Neiji has been obsessed with my sister since they were both genin. He liked to disguise it as hatred, and he almost killed her once, but in my opinion when you truly dislike someone, you just ignore their existence.
I wonder what changed my sister's mind about the blond menace, but I'm glad she did.
I saw them tonight, when I was sneaking into her room as I always do. I'm sure she didn't expect me to since I was supposed to be out of Konoha until tomorrow. It was late and I opened the door silently, closing it behind me and approaching the bed.
Hinata was asleep with her back to me, her forehead resting against Neiji's and her naked body illuminated by the moonlight. Their hands were entwined between their bodies, and she didn't stir at my presence, as if she felt safe from all harm. Neiji was awake, staring at her with a softness in his expression I had not seen in my life.
I should have been furious, jealous and many other things. But I wasn't, it looked right.
Neiji turned to stare at me and his eyes sharpened, almost a glare. He was also naked and… well, it wasn't difficult to guess what they had been doing. I might be young but I'm not stupid.
"Don't wake her up," he said, a whisper barely audible from where I was standing.
I stood there frozen, staring at them dumbly and wondering what was my place now I knew about them. I wanted to keep my sister for myself, but I knew Neiji would never relinquish Hinata now he had her. And I didn't really want that.
"Come if you're going to come or go back to your room, Hanabi." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against my sister's forehead, closing his eyes to sleep. It was that gesture what decided me, I untied the sash of my yukata, letting it pool to the floor, and climbed onto the bed next to my sister.
They've been together for a year already, Hinata confided in me today.
I know I'm not one to judge them, or probably anyone. I mean, Hinata is my sister and that has never stopped me wanting her. So yeah, they're cousins, so what? They're happy; at least she looks happy when she talks about him and when she looks at him.
I think, if she had chosen someone else, anyone else, I would have felt threatened or jealous or all those things one feels when one is about to lose a loved one. But she chose Neiji, and I know I'm not going to lose her.
Neiji is Hyuuga, he's family. And he's the only one who had seen my sister for a long time.
If it's him I know we'll be able to share her, we understand sister has more than enough love for both of us. And I like him, Cousin Neiji has always been one of my favourites, so I'm ok with it. And I know he likes me as well.
I'm sure we will make it work.
I've been spending more and more of my spare time with Hinata and Neiji lately. Life in the Hyuuga compound is boring and stiff and interesting missions are getting scarce.
I do have friends, outside, but they seem dull and childish compared to Hinata and Neiji. She talks about the family all the time, about changing the constricting traditions that have been in place since forever. She knows she's not going to be head of the family and according to Father neither should I. She's weak and I'm too wilful.
What if I am? I'm Hyuuga Hanabi and was raised to lead a powerful clan. Everything I am is what they made me.
I think a change would be nice in the family. And I think my sister might be the one to achieve it. She has me in her corner, after all.
Neiji kissed me yesterday.
I knew he knew about Hinata and I, and I knew he didn't disapprove at all. One thing I never expected to come out of all this is Neiji and I sharing my sister's love, but it seems we're doing fine.
And when he kissed me I couldn't have been more surprised. But I liked it. And I liked it even more when I saw Hinata looking at us and smiling, the heat in her eyes unmistakable.
It might work.
It might destroy us completely, but what the hell, it's worth the risk.
I kissed Neiji back, and when the three of us slept together it felt right. Perfect.
There were five people at the ceremony today not counting the three of us, all of them sworn to secrecy until my sister reveals everything to our family. I know exactly when she intends to and can't wait to see Father's face.
Hinata was beautiful in her white kimono with the pretty kanzashi I gave her as a present. Neiji was also stunning in his traditional garments. And I, I was standing between them, in the place I belong.
I could tell the Hokage was amused by the ceremony, and sister's and Neiji's team mates looked sincerely happy for them. I think they don't know about me, though that Kiba might suspect. I don't think they'd judge us if they knew, not that I care.
I intended to come back home, to the compound, and let them enjoy their wedding night alone but they would have none of. They insisted the three of us are family, whether the papers signed today include me or not.
I still came back here, to do something urgent I told them, and I'll be joining them in the small house they've rented in a while.
I belong with them, I know, but they won't miss me for a couple of hours.
Oh my, and I wanted to miss it!
Hinata's birthday was one people from Konoha won't forget in a hurry. Father's face alone was priceless. And the Elder's. And everyone else's.
The moment my sister stood regally, like that time so many years ago when she faced Pain, and told everyone she was married to Cousin Neiji and would be leaving the compound… I wish I had a recorder.
She had a shouting match with Father, or as much of a shouting match as Sister can have with anyone. She told him everything she has been discussing with Neiji and me, all the changes she thinks the family needs to undergo. Father, the blind fool, still can't see, more's the pity. And then Neiji gave her the coolest exit ever, leaving Father staring after her with the words still on his lips.
I'm so proud of my sister.
I'm going to miss them, though. Now they've left the compound I'll have to sneak around more, and Sister has warned me to be careful. I'm still under Hyuuga control, but in three more months I'll be considered old enough to do what I want.
She doesn’t want to cause a commotion; she's all about changing things creating the fewer ripples possible. I'm not like that, but I'll humour her.
These three months are going to be incredibly long.
After tonight I won't have to come back if I don't want to.
In a while I'll leave for my birthday party. Sixteen at last. Hinata and Neiji are not going to be there, and I have no doubts I will be bored stiff by the end of the night.
It doesn’t matter, I'll see them later. I'm curious to know what they have for me, but I'm sure it will be nice and lovely. They know me. They love me. And I love them.
I belong with them, not here. And I don't care who knows now. After tonight I'm going home.
I will be with the people I want to be, changing the Hyuuga so it becomes the family it should be. Those who think Sister and Neiji don't care about the family, we don't care, can go screw themselves. They don't know us at all.
I'll leave this journal behind, and if someone wants to read it… well, enjoy it.
Hinata might not approve, she doesn't want to make waves. But well, that's the way she is.
Me, I'm Hyuuga Hanabi, and I'll cause a tsunami if I want to.