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Not While I'm Around

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”GET IT AWAY FROM ME! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!” The Driver screamed while jumping up and down on the sofa.

 

”Calm down,” the Manager said and laughed. ”It’s nothing to be afraid of.”

 

”I DON’T CARE! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!” The Driver repeated just as frantically. ”OR I’LL…” He bent down and grabbed the bottle from the table. ”OR I’ll HIT IT WITH THE BOTTLE!”

 

”You’re not using a half-full bottle of 1995 Chateau Saint Pierre to smash a spider! Not while I’m around!”

 

”It’s half-empty,” the Driver stated.

 

”Half-full, half-empty, I don’t care what you call it. You’re not smashing it! I’ve been saving this bottle for years!”

 

”THEN GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!” The Driver demanded and lifted the bottle ready for attack.

 

”I don’t understand why you’re freaking out, love. It’s not even a real spider. It’s made of rubber. Look.” The Manager shook the black thing so the tiny legs jiggled right in front of the Driver’s face.

 

Something hard and cold hit the Manager’s hand and the spider ended up on the floor, drowning in red wine and broken glass.

 

As he was nursing his wrist, the Manager looked at the floor and sighed. ”I guess it’s totally empty now.”