Sirius is bold
Remus is italics
Cornwall, UK (4:51a)
Cornwall, CA (12:51p)
(4:51) PRONGS I GOT IT! We get up at 5am climb the flagpole ourselves at 6 with 3 bags of the mouses this time but we use water to mix the glitter into the gel first! FLAWLESS PLAN
(4:58) So I see many flaws to this plan but you probably don’t want to hear them as I’m almost certainly not the intended recipient of that message
(4:59) Oops. Huh. I was sure I’d finally memorized his number…
(4:59) But now you have to tell me what the flaws are I’m pretty sure nothing can go wrong this time
(5:00) … This time?
(5:02) Yeahhh last time there was an… incident. Long story short I’m using this phone because my last one’s battery got gel flooded and then accidentally microwaved inside a mouse…
(5:03) A rubber mouse! No mouses were harmed in the making of this plot!
(5:05) What? Out of all the things to respond to you choose
(5:06) Well the plural of mouse is mice. And I don’t know where even I’d begin, how the hell does that happen accidentally?
(5:07) Well.. I say accidentally.. but I guess you could say I was curious
(5:07) ANYWAY you mentioned flaws??
(5:09) It’s a gift yes. Flaws?
(5:12) Are we really doing this?
(5:14) Sigh okay first flaw: waking up at 5a I’m pretty sure is an automatic KO
(5:15) Nah Prongs and I are the most morning morning people to ever morning and we have enough blackmail to drag Wormy up with us, we’d probably have been up at 5am anyway
(5:15) … That sounds like actual hell
(5:17) See above: n a h. Mornings are great, they’re quiet and you get tons done without anyone bothering you
(5:19) … Riiight. Agree to disagree then. Second flaw: multiple people climbing a flagpole.
(5:20) What are your pronouns?
(5:28) … What?
(5:30) What? I got Prongs actual number (not even close by the way so maybe I was just guessing) and I’m sharing my brilliant and apparently flawless plan with him
(5:31) And obviously if a random lazy logical stranger can’t find a flaw it’ll go off without a hitch so
(5:31) And I wouldn’t wanna misgender you or anything so
(5:35) … Give me a sec.
(5:43) Okay. So. First of all, there are tons of flaws even without me knowing the end objective (and no, I don’t want to know) second, where do you get off calling me lazy, random weirdo person, and third, you’re worried about misgendering a complete stranger who’d never know?
(5:45) 1. you’ve pointed out none so far (a retaliation prank of magnificent proportion) 2. not-morning people are generally lazy, seems a safe assumption as does yours and 3. I wouldn’t even wanna accidentally misgender my archnemesis much less new friend
(5:52) I don’t know whether to ask why you have an archnemesis or when we became friends
(5:57) Because he’s the worst and mm at least 6 messages ago
(5:58) Right. Naturally.
(6:00) Mine are he/him for when you want to gush to YOUR friends about how brilliant I am
(6:08) I really don’t see that happening. But… also he/him
(6:08) Anyway. Flagpole.
(6:08) How do multiple people climb a flagpole at 6a?
(6:10) How does the time factor into the climbing? And I thought it was a typo but are you just intentionally leaving off the am?
(6:11) The flagpole would be cold? It would be dark? Idk I just don’t see how anything can be done at 6a. And pm and am both have the m so it’s superfluous.
(6:15) Oh my God I’m friends with someone who uses idk and superfluous in the same text
(6:15) The sun rises before 5aM nowadays, wake up for it sometime. And you won’t type the M but you objected to being called lazy?
(6:16) Also rest assured: we are fully capable of climbing the flagpole any hour of the day with a 100% success rate
(6:19) Oh I wouldn’t object I just wondered if you were psychic no it was spot on. And the sun doesn’t rise till past 6A here so. I don’t think I want to know how often or why you can state that success rate.
(6:21) Yeah you probably don’t tbh but riiight I forgot I don’t know where you are ?
(6:23) And you’re not likely to find out. Third flaw, climbing a flagpole at 6a carrying 3 bags of mice?
(6:25) … Alright fair enough I didn’t think that part fully through yet… But you’ve gotta drop the 6aM thing time isn’t a factor here
(6:27) Yeah maybe that part of the plan needs a bit of work, you could always backpack? If there’s 2 of you one wearing 2, one front one back?
(6:30) Clever, I like the way you think friend. Perfect, no flaws then?
(6:34) Still one left actually: you can’t mix glitter into gel with water. You’d have better luck heating up the gel then mixing in the glitter while it’s hot. If you slick your hands with vegetable oil it’ll also prevent glitter waste having it stick to your hands.
(6:39) Is it too early in this friendship to say I love you?
(6:40) Absolutely 100% do not.
(6:40) I LOVE YOU!!
(6:42) Oh my God
(6:43) PRONGS SAYS HE LOVES YOU TOO
(6:46) Right. Okay.
(6:47) YOU HAVE JOINED A REVOLUTION FRIEND, YOU HAVE BECOME A PART OF SOMETHING INCREDIBLE
(6:49) I regret so, so much
(6:50) What’s your name?
(6:51) Hell no, I’m barely comforting myself with the option of changing my phone number if this somehow incriminates me, there’d be no escaping my name
(6:53) Oh come on, you live at least 9 hours away by plane, I doubt local police could find you with a name and a number
(6:54) Furthermore, I resent the implication that I’d ever give you up, friend
(6:54) I’d take your name with me to the grave
(6:59) ?? How would you know how far away I am? And that’s really all it takes to win your undying loyalty?
(7:01) Oh I looked up where the sun rises past 6aM
(7:01) Sorry was that creepy? I’ve been told I can be a bit.. Much.
(7:02) AND on that note:
(7:02) Yes. I pledge my undying loyalty to you. So do Prongs and Wormtail.
(7:02) And we’d all die before we betrayed our friends.
(7:06) … Ookay. Intense. I’m questioning my entire evening right now. But hey, I could use 3 undyingly loyal friends I guess, bring the total up to 3
(7:07) Sorry that sounded pathetic. Anyway.
(7:07) What are we doing?
(7:07) Don’t answer that
(7:08) Okay I’m going to sleep now. Good luck with the 6A flagpole climbing and glitter mixing and retaliation. Bye stranger, nice talking to you
(7:10) There is no pathetic friend, there is only DESTINED FRIENDSHIP. You have contributed to our brilliance and you are one of us now. What we are doing is friendship.
(7:10) Right I’d forgotten the whole distance time dif thing right sleep well I’ll update you on everything in the morning!
(7:11) And I mean everything! Step by step!! Look forward to it!!!
(7:13) … Thanks I think. Okay. I guess this is a thing? Bye… friend
(7:13) <3 :D
(7:14) B y e.
Cornwall, UK (9:07a)
Cornwall, CA (5:07a)
(9:07) HI FRIEND! WORMTAIL THANKS YOU FOR SAVING AT LEAST 10% OF OUR GLITTER STOCK THIS IS MAGICAL AND WARM
(9:08) what the hell its 5a i hate you
(9:08) FRIEND YOU’RE AWAKE!
(9:10) i am now get off capslock its too late for tht
(9:10) what the hell why
(9:11) We’re getting the glitter all prepped and we had to thank you for the brilliant glitter expertise, where’d you know how to do that from? Pranks of your own??
(9:12) glitter hair gel to spike my undercut
(9:15) OH MY GOD ARE YOU FOR REAL
(9:15) shut up nd let me sleep
(9:16) WAIT WAIT I CAN’T STOP IMAGINING IT NOW ARE YOU HOT
(9:17) shut uppp im asleep
(9:17) FRIEND THIS IS VITAL
(9:18) time zone gmt-5 youre not allowde to text til noon go away
(9:19) <3 You trust me with your timezone, friendship progress!
(9:20) ill block you
(9:20) Okay okay sleep well friend! Tty@12PM!
(9:21) regretting it already
Cornwall, UK (5p)
Cornwall, CA (12p)
(5:00) A happy 12PM to you, friend!
(5:06) … Did you set a reminder or something?
(5:07) I considered waiting a minute or 2 to be fashionably late but punctuality is more punk rock
(5:08) You are without a doubt the least punk rock person I know
(5:09) You wound me deeply but you are in fact inaccurate, I am factually the most punk rock person I know here Prongs will tell you
(5:10) HI FRIEND STRANGER Pads is much less punk rock than he hopes PS please dont be a 40 year old major creep we love you for the glitter tips thank you!
(5:12) Thank you Prongs? I’m not? But it’s only just occurred to me you could be?
(5:13) I can affirm to you we are at most minor creeps and are also minors ;)
(5:13) Because a 40 yo major creep would say so
(5:23) Sorry if I offended you…
(5:25) Unless you’ve gone silent because I was right in which case please stop texting me
(5:26) Sorry I’m back Prongs was hogging you so we had a valiant fight to the death but the phone survived this time
(5:27) Oh and we’ve now realized you meant year old with “yo” (repeat: lazy) but we read it as yo and started a beatbox and had to wait ages for Wormtail to get with the program and lay down some backing vocals
(5:30) … You’re all ridiculous people. (repeat: very much so)
(5:31) But you love us for it! What about you, minor too?
(5:32) No, I can safely say I’m not even on the creep spectrum
(5:34) Well by virtue of it being a spectrum doesn’t that mean everyone falls somewhere on it? That’s why with gender and sexuality are spectrums all the cishets can’t oggle down from their pedestals and
(5:36) Though if it were a creep spectrum I’d think it would be more than just major to minor, and then it would
(5:37) Wait no no focus not what I meant
(5:37) I meant minor like age wise like under 18?
(5:39) … What ARE you. Just
(5:39) And oh. Yes. Do you ask every stranger you accidentally spontaneously befriend this many personal questions?
(5:40) FRIEND it may have been spontaneous (destiny) but there was nothing accidental about this love
(5:40) Also that means this would be a bad time to ask for your name I guess?
(5:41) Your guess would be correct
(5:41) What’s your name?
(5:42) We need something to call you!
(5:44) For some reason I’m assuming Prongs Pads and Wormtail aren’t your real names and yet somehow I’m managing
(5:45) Oh sorry yeah they’re nicknames. I proudly present, purveyors of aid to mischief makers, James, Peter, and (your ultimate fave and love) SIRIUS!
(5:45) That’s me I’m your fave and love
(5:48) Was this supposed to build my confidence in you? I still don’t know you, why would I give you my name?
(5:49) I see that, but I raise you a more compelling question: why not?
(5:50) Eloquent. Solid argument. Thorough reasoning.
(5:51) You’ve been talking to me for 207 minutes and I’m sure you’ve given your name to random strangers you knew for way less and who didn’t pledge eternal loyalty to you
(6:00) Key word: strangers I KNEW. Had SEEN in real life. Had PROOF weren’t serial killers.
(6:01) Also… did you go back and count the time or was that a coincidental guess?
(6:01) Did YOU go back and count the time to confirm it?
(6:02) … Touche
(6:02) Soooo ? :D
(6:04) Where did you get the nicknames?
(6:05) Brilliant segue, friend, smooth like chunky peanut butter. It’s a fascinating story actually, but one for another day. Prongs is insisting we get back to plot prep, you’ve put us behind schedule
(6:06) My deepest apologies. Good luck I think
(6:07) Lovely afternoon to you, friend, don’t spend too long mooning over me, I shall return to you soon
(6:08) I’ll try my best
(6:09) Farewell, Moony
(6:10) I mean you could always give me a name ;D
(6:12) Moony it is
(6:13) Go wreak havoc Sirius
(6:13) Always Moony :)