Gerard never thought of himself as the kind of guy who cuddled after sex. He thought he was a hard fuck against the bathroom wall kind of guy. Or the quick and dirty blowjob in a supply closet before a show kind of guy. He pictured himself as someone who, if he had the luxury of a bed, had athletic sex in many positions before going back to his own room, or asking his partner to go back to their own room.
Only, when Gerard tried all those things, the dirty quick fucking and the lack of emotional attachment he ultimately found it unsatisfying. He didn't really adjust his ideas of what he wanted, he just didn't quite enjoy the things he thought he wanted to do.
But then there was Ray. Ray reminded Gerard to wear his scarf when he went out in the cold. Ray listened to his long rambling theories on the role of music in the lives of disaffected teenagers. Ray touched him casually, easily, on his arm, on the small of his back. Ray sometimes brushed Gerard's hair out of his eyes and Gerard found himself doing the same for Ray. Gerard started leaning on Ray in interviews and casually bumping against him when they walked. Gerard started to see Ray's physical closeness as a natural part of his life and he was surprised by how much he enjoyed the gentleness.
One afternoon Ray had an eyelash on his cheek and Gerard touched him gently to get it. He held his finger out so Ray could blow the lash away and after Ray did he grabbed Gerard's wrist and pulled him closer. He kissed Gerard slow and sweet and gentle and Gerard was shocked by how much he liked it.
The first time they had sex was on a hotel night a few days after their first kiss. They'd been holding hands and kissing in supply closets but they hadn't done more than that. When they did have sex the first time it was just as slow and just as gentle as their first kiss. Afterward Ray arranged Gerard so they were cuddling and then fell asleep. Gerard was confused but he was warm and sleepy and he closed his eyes and let himself sleep.
They had sex again in the morning still bleary from sleep and taking their time to learn each others bodies. Gerard had never pictured his sex life like this, but he loved it.
They ended up having the sort of relationship that involved extensive cuddles and sharing of space and things Gerard never thought he wanted. But there were other things too. There was passion and covert venue blowjobs and fucking against walls and in bunks with Ray's hand over Gerard's mouth to muffle the inevitable sounds.
But there were also sleepy morning kisses. And Ray knowing how Gerard liked his coffee and Gerard knowing that Ray's forearms sometimes hurt after playing and just how to massage them. It was sleeping with legs tangled together and knowing just how to arrange themselves so they fit just right.
It wasn't anything like Gerard expected. It wasn't anything Gerard thought he wanted. But Gerard loved it and he loved Ray and it was good.