The faint shine of the moon was engulfing the dark living room. It was winter and the days were short. I didn‘t recognize the sun going down and the moon replacing it‘s counter part. I didn‘t care about the darkness that was covering me like a warm coat in the cold Novembers wind, protecting me from the empty world outside.
Pictures were scattered all over the floor. Pictures of my past. Our past together. A wonderful time my mind often wanders back to. Happy times when I had allowed myself to feel, to be complete.
Now I sat in my living room, nursing my fifth or was it my forth glass of wine. I felt slightly tipsy but not more then usual. As a doctor I always warned people about excessive intoxication, but since the accident the red liquid was the only thing that managed to calm my nerves. I new about the dangers, I knew that I was at the edge to be slipping into alcoholism, but I just felt so empty and alone. There was a void inside me that craved to be filled no matter how crappy the substitute were it least it numbed the pain that ripped me apart. I had responsibilities and I used to be so strong but now I was just an empty shell clinging to sanity. I‘ve never imagined that it was possible to be addicted to person but then you came into my life and got me fixed from the first moment. You were my drug, my motivation, my love and my live. There were times I cursed you for entering my life, for causing all this pain but then I saw how ridiculous it was and just gave up. Strong on the outside but a wreck in the inside.
It became a routine for me to sit her looking at those old pictures. Pictures of us, when we were kids and some when we were teenagers. Pictures of us at home, at the beach or the park. Pictures connected with happy memories and sad ones.
I picked up a photo showing us at the age of 13, hanging out at our special place. It was a few kilometers away from our home town. A private lake, framed by a high metal fence. I had to smile when I thought about how we discovered it. We had skipped school and you were the one who made me, like always. You had never cared about the rules or what others thought. A bad influence my mother called you whenever we came home with cut jeans and dirt all over us. You were always very persuasive and charming. There was rarely a thing I said no to when you were involved. Me always being the one playing by the rules, me being the nerd, me being a walking library you often called me had been skipping classes. I have had no idea at that time were we going you had just told me to trust you. So we jumped in the next bus until it's final destination and ran until we saw that beautiful place. Hidden behind trees and a fence was a small lake. We climbed over the fence, and fell in love with the place and secretly,without realizing at first, with each other.
We came often back here, talking about our lives, skinny dipping, playing or just enjoying the company of one another.
I couldn‘t see the photo that was now in my hand because it was to dark but I didn‘t need to. Every contour, every tiny detail was burned into my head. Slowly my finger traced over your features remembering the feeling of your soft skin under my fingertips. It was like your unmistakable scent was filling my nostrils and my body with a warmth I thought I had forgotten. I still remembered the day the photo was taken like it was yesterday.
It was actually three AM. I was fast asleep when I suddenly felt your lips on mine. It was just a gentle kiss. My first kiss and it was wonderful. You probably didn't plan for me to wake up to this kiss, because you started to blush when I opened my eyes signalizing that I was awake.
″I'm sorry Lo... I... you.. you looked so peaceful and cute while you were sleeping.. I.. I shouldn't... Sorry...“ You stuttered, hecticly trying to pull a strand of your dark hair behind your ear.
″It's okay“ I just said, not wanting to deepen the conversation, to afraid of the outcome.
I wasn't surprised or wondering about your late visit. You often came to my place at night, slipping through the window after you had climbed the tree in front of it.
You came when you wanted to escape your home. The home your was taking home different man every night. They were loud and you were disgusted. Only lately your mother seemed to have one partner who frequently visited and you wondered why. They were fighting all the time and your mother? The mother who didn‘t care who didn't seem to love you. The mother who didn't respect you, was never thinking anything good of you. You just wanted to get away from her, from them. Especially your „stepfather“ You called him by now. Your stepfather who started to drink himself into oblivion since he lost his job. The same one, hitting you whenever he felt like it. I‘ve never seen him before, but from the things you told me about him, I've hated the bastard and only felt disdain for the woman who called herself your mother. It was a wonder that you didn‘t turn out like her. Your heart was always on the right side. Never did you hurt anyone willingly only to protect the weaker.
After pacing nervously up and down my room you finally spoke. ″Get dressed Geeky McGeek, we go out“
I stopped questioning you years ago. I loved spending time with you and enjoyed every minute and opportunity.
I just smiled at you. I quickly got dressed, not without feeling your eyes wandering over my body. A slight blush crept across my face. Fortunately it was dark so you couldn't see it. I was very self conscious of my body, but you were always the one who told me that I was beautiful and made me feel like it. I always believed you, trusted you. When I turned after I got dressed I saw you blush, being caught.
″So.. shall we go?“ I asked. You were a bit stunned about me being this straight forward. Usually I was the one who was afraid of what my father would do or say if he found out, afraid of getting into trouble like we mostly did. But in the end I always was coming with you. Just to see the big fat smile you gave me when I accepted. The smile that was only reserved for me, spreading a warm feeling in my chest. Even though I didn't knew at that time why I felt the warm feeling in my chest. Tonight was the first time I agreed coming with you without a single nonsupporting word, without any reason escaping my logical mouth. I just agreed and felt still giddy from the slight touch of your lips.
While climbing down the tree was easy for you -doing it almost every night- I had some problems. I nearly fell, but you caught me with your long, slender but strong arms. I always felt safe in those arms. The smell of nicotine and leather entered my nose mixed with the scent of your shampoo and body it was your personal, special scent. The scent that always calmed me but on the same time made my heart beat faster than usual. I inhaled it deeply, which send shivers down my spine.
Slowly I pulled away knowing that we couldn't stand here like this forever, even when I wished for it. I looked into your face which greeted me with a shy smile. I returned it until I discovered the bruise on your right eye, which you tried to hide behind make up. But even in the dim light of the full moon the dark purple gleamed under the mask. I pulled up my hand, gently touching the swollen part of your face, causing you to flinch slightly.
″Did... Did he do it again?“ my voice was soft and full of concern, but you just turned your head away from me. Still trying to keep up your mask. ″Bo...“ I just said. ″look at me...“ and you did. Bottled up tears started to form and you just pulled me into a tight hug. You didn't sob or said anything. You just hold me. I felt your tears trickling down onto my neck. Everyone knew your strong sight, trouble making, never listening to rules, big mouthed Bo, never being afraid. But I knew your other sight. The scared Bo, the nervous Bo, but also the genuinely happy Bo. The always helpful one, the best friend. I didn't say anything, I knew you didn't want to hear it. You just needed me in your arms.
I often tried to convince you to go to the police, but you refused. Saying that nobody would believe you and that you were scared, scared for your life. And desire everything they.... your mother was still your family.
″Let's just get out of here“ You said after a while, wiping your tears away with your sleeve. Then you grabbed my hand and we ran. We ran until we reached your car, you had just bought today from the money you had earned the last months in a cafe.
It was an old yellow Camarro. You stormed to the passenger side opening the door for me. ″My princess hotpants...“ nearly making a curtsey. Hotpants? Must be your weird friend Kenzi who didn‘t seem to like me even one bit.
″Where to?“ I asked when you started the engine.
You send me a smirk ″You really have to ask? Away Lo... away from this shit“ And we started our journey into the dark of the night.