❁ ❀ ✿ ❀ ❁
It is totally and completely normal to have a favorite porn star. It's like having a favorite athlete, or a favorite musician. It's not any different than his older sisters and their favorite idols, really. Only, while his big sisters go gaga over U-Know and Hero, Jongin prefers the lean thighs and silly smiles of Suho, the star of pretty much all of Jongin's ~sexual fantasies~ since he was sixteen.
His parents had bought him a laptop to improve his study habits, and Jongin had discovered true love. Or, well, at least masturbation, to the tune of Suho's pretty choked moans. Sometimes Jongin fantasizes about meeting Suho—at a nightclub or a bar, when Jongin's shimmied his way into his tightest pair of leather pants and pushed his hair back from his forehead the way he knows makes him look hot. He'd walk up to Suho and smile at him charmingly, and then he'd—
"Hear a loud noise from the speakers and pass out in fright," Chanyeol says, which has Jongin throwing his History of Finance book across the room to hit Chanyeol smack in the head. "Stop plotting weird romantic encounters with your fave porn stars aloud. I'm trying to study." Jongin blushes.
"You have perfect grades," says Jongin bitterly to his roommate. "You don't need to study."
"Incorrect," replies Chanyeol. "I have perfect grades because I study. And also because once I've gotten off to 'Busty Broads from Overseas III', I turn it off and don't spend the next four hours planning swoon-worthy picnics with them where we feed each other fruit."
"Oh my god, shut up, I do not—"
"Oh Suho," says Chanyeol breathily, his deep voice making it sound creepy and definitely nothing like Jongin. "Your eyes glimmer like the starlight--"
"You! Are the worst roommate! Ever!" Jongin shouts, even as he pulls his comforter over his head to hide his flush.
Chanyeol is not the worst roommate ever. The worst roommate ever was definitely Jongin's roommate last year, Oh Sehun, who walked around their room in lingerie and liked to trick Jongin into walking in on him and his girlfriend having sex because he had a thing for voyeurism.
But Chanyeol is the second worst roommate ever, because he doesn't have any tact and he seems to think he and Jongin are closer than they are and at least Jongin had had dirt on Sehun. (Although hot pink lingerie with really obnoxious flower patterns made for startling homecomings. Jongin is very much each to their own but really, his eyes.)
"You need to find a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Or both! Live on the wild side. But you clearly need to get laid." Chanyeol smiles smugly with too many teeth and Jongin contemplates his laziness versus his desire to tackle Chanyeol and pull on his cheeks until he screams loud enough that the guys next door bang on the wall between their rooms for silence.
"I need to pass Finance!" Jongin says from beneath his comforter.
"I wish I could help but I can't make heads or tails of any of your homework. Not my area of expertise. You should sign up for a tutor through the student council."
"This is college," Jongin says. "University students don't sign up for tutors."
"They do if they want to pass Finance," Chanyeol says, his stupid curly blond hair an affront to everything Jongin stands for. "I could also ask around—"
"No!" Jongin yelps, because Chanyeol asking around means Chanyeol asking his best friend Baekhyun, which means, essentially, telling everyone on campus that Jongin is too dumb to pass introductory Finance on his own. "I'll. A tutor. Sounds okay. I'll… look into it."
"Good," says Chanyeol. "Now I'm going to study. And you're going to study. And neither of us are going to talk about Suho, okay?" Chanyeol shakes his head. "I can't believe you know his name."
"How many photos of Sandara Park do you have saved on your external harddrive, Park?" Jongin says, and Chanyeol laughs.
"All right, Jongin, all right." He hefts Jongin's History of Finance book and tosses it back over onto the foot of Jongin's bed. "Back to work. I doubt Suho is into guys who flunk out of college."
"He's into girls with long hair who like to read books in the window as the sunlight streams in," Jongin responds promptly before he can stop himself.
"That's… oddly specific," Chanyeol says. "If you put as much energy into school as you put into stalking you might have something going. But alas."
Jongin imagines Chanyeol in pink lacy flower lingerie and feels vindictively pleased by the image.
"I despise you," Jongin says, dragging the book to him with the grim determination of having his entire life paid for by his parents. "Almost as much as I despise this book."
"Good," Chanyeol says. "I like it when there's room for growth."
❀ ❀ ❀
It's pretty easy to sign up for a tutor, actually. The girl at the desk in the student council office is this girl named Krystal that Jongin knows from the yoga class he and Zitao had taken last term.
"Finance, huh?" She's chewing gum loudly, with her mouth open, and Jongin leans on the desk so he can look into the notebook she has open. "I'll hook you up with Kim Joonmyun. He's a whiz at this stuff and he hasn't put in many hours lately."
"Is he nice?" asks Jongin, and Krystal laughs. She looks like her sister when she laughs. Jongin had made out with Jessica last year at a bar in Hongdae. He is almost sure Krystal doesn't know about that.
"He's a senior in the music department." She blows a massive bubble and Jongin wants to pop it in her face and then cackle as she tries to peel the gum off her eyelashes. Luckily, Jongin is not Chanyeol so he doesn't actually do it. "He's nice, but he's not a pushover. He knows his stuff. You'll be in dedicated hands."
"Okay, sounds great." Jongin swallows. "I guess I'll need to start as soon as possible?"
"I'll have him email you if he's available," says Krystal. Another bubble. "And don't worry, this sort of stuff stays confidential. The student council is here to help."
❀ ❀ ❀
Kim Joonmyun does email Jongin that night, right in the middle of one of Jongin's favorite porn films. (It's the riveting Starship Sexpress, with a relatively high budget, where Suho leads a band of aliens from EXO-Planet to earth to find human women to make their wives. It's a weird plot but Suho looks really sexy in his silver spandex flight suit. It’s his tiny butt. Jongin wants to palm it.)
This Kim Joonmyun guy uses correct grammar in informal emails. For some reason, this makes Jongin uncomfortable. Are you free for lunch tomorrow? the email says. We should meet up to discuss schedules and figure out what's giving you trouble. :-) Jongin stares at it as Suho pants and gasps his way to climax in the background, the email window covering the girl's face.
sounds gr8 Jongin writes back, and considers a smiley face but he's a grown-ass man and grown-ass men don't sign emails with smiley faces.
The email is swiftly returned. Let's meet at the Paris Baguette next door to Red Mango, then. At noon? :-) More emoticons. Jongin mentally reviews his day, and yeah, noon will work. Suho makes a choked whimper as the girl drags her fingers down his back, and Jongin is momentarily distracted from his correspondence by imagining himself in that position, his own nails digging into that soft, pale looking skin and leaving red lines in his wake. Suho on top of him, maybe riding him-- Damn, he's so hard.
works 4 me he types back, before minimizing his mail and pulling out his dick.
❀ ❀ ❀
"Want to get lunch?" Sehun asks, on their way out of dance class.
Sehun's T-shirt is sticky with sweat, which unfortunately means that Jongin can see the outline of his lacy bra. He doesn't want to know what Sehun gets up to in his free time these days. (Sehun's girlfriend is into tons of ✫kinky shit✫ and Jongin is pretty sure he's only witnessed the tip of the iceberg.) Jongin thinks their friendship has really improved now that 1. Jongin no longer lives with Sehun and 2. Jongin is legally able to drink, which has helped significantly in him forgetting some of the things he's walked in on.
"Can't," Jongin replies. "I need to run and shower really quick before I go meet with my new Finance tutor."
"Oooh," Sehun says, "finally doing something about that failing grade?" He laughs, which makes his bra slide up and down under his shirt because he doesn't have boobs, and Jongin forces himself to ignore this utterly tragic turn of events. "What's your new tutor like? Hot?"
"I don't know," Jongin says. "I haven't met him yet. He's a senior. Named Kim Joonmyun?"
Sehun shrugs. "I don't know anyone's names," he says. "Too much effort. I can barely remember yours."
"You're the laziest person I have ever met," Jongin says, before glancing down at his watch and panicking. "Gotta run!"
"Have a nice date," Sehun sneers, and Jongin makes a lewd gesture as he runs away.
❀ ❀ ❀
He takes a perfunctory shower, rinsing himself clean of sweat, and tugs on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. He grabs his backpack and hustles out the door.
The sidewalks are crowded, and Jongin debates the crosswalks before he decides to take a shortcut through the subway station, running down the stairs and then up the other side. His thighs complain at being used so harshly directly following dance class.
There are long lines inside the Paris Baguette, clusters of girls hovering with their black trays around the chocolate éclairs and boys arguing over the cheese-sticks, but the tables are mostly empty. At a hidden table in the back is a small man, shoulders curved and book open, wearing a particularly unattractive shirt that is far too big for him. His hair is a puffy mess, and Jongin figures that guy must be his tutor because everyone else is sharing a table, huddling over coffees and phones as they chat.
Jongin shifts his backpack on his shoulders and approaches. As he gets closer, his tutor lifts his head to survey the crowd. Looking for Jongin, most likely.
And fuck, because beneath that horrid shirt and fluffy crimped hair is the face of an angel.
A familiar angel.
In fact, Jongin thinks, as his palms start to sweat and his mouth runs dry, his tutor looks like a mousy version of Suho, and Jongin is probably going to vomit all over him because this is not okay.
"Kim Jongin?" asks Joonmyun, and, oh god oh god oh god, he sounds like Suho, too.
Not that Jongin has ever spent hours imagining what his name would sound like coming out of Suho's mouth. (It sounds even better than Jongin could have hoped for coming out of Joonmyun's.)
"Hi," Jongin croaks, which is marginally better than 'wow you are all my fantasies come to life and I wish we were both naked right now'. He clears his throat. "Hi. You must be Kim Joonmyun?"
"Call me hyung, please," says Joonmyun, and Jongin sits down numbly across from him. As he does, he gets a whiff of some kind of raspberry lotion. It's a nice smell. "Can I call you 'Jongin'?"
"You can call me whatever you want," Jongin says, and Joonmyun smiles at him, his dorky hair falling into his face, and Jongin's stomach trips over itself on its run to who-knows-where. "I mean, yeah. Jongin is fine. It's my name. That's great."
"All right," Joonmyun says. "So let's discuss schedules, then, Jongin." He opens up a planner (who still uses a planner?) to reveal a mass of cramped black text in a neat hand.
"Are you sure you—"
Joonmyun lifts his hand to forestall Jongin's query. "I'll make time for you," he says gently, and Jongin licks his lips.
"Then let's," he says, and he can't take his eyes off Joonmyun's mouth and neck and curved sickle eyes.
❀ ❀ ❀
"So," Chanyeol says, leaning against the closet door, skinny jeans clinging to his legs in complete opposition to the bagginess of his shirt, "how's the new tutor?"
Jongin groans and tries to suffocate himself with his pillow.
"It can't be that bad. Is he not a good teacher?"
"No, he's a fantastic teacher," Jongin says miserably. "We've met twice already, you know. He immediately made a ton of time for me in what is an amazingly packed schedule. He's patient and friendly and he knows the material better than my professor." Joonmyun has a way of pulling the concepts apart into bite-sized pieces Jongin can easily comprehend. It's astounding, because Jongin's not lacking in intelligence, but math is not something he excels in. "Could not have asked for more. Five out of five stars, etcetera."
"Then what's the problem?"
"I'll never learn anything!" Jongin wails, beating his hands into his mattress. "I can't concentrate, I can't even read when he's sitting there smiling at me! He probably thinks I'm stupid!"
"You are stupid, though," says Chanyeol, holding two hats in his hands and weighing the options. He settles on the one with a fuse-lit bomb on the front, and grins triumphantly as he settles it onto his head. "So he's a fantastic teacher, but you'll never learn anything?"
"Right," Jongin says, scrubbing at his face with his hands. "I am doomed to fail both Finance and life."
"I am so confused right now." Chanyeol shrugs his shoulders and picks up his backpack. "I'm going out to have dinner with Yifan. When's your next tutor date? Do you need the room?"
"It's in ten minutes—" Jongin begins to reply, but then there's a knock on their door. "Of course he comes early." He sits up and runs anxious fingers through his hair and Chanyeol grins widely at him as he moves to answer the door. "I'm not ready for this."
"Sure you are," Chanyeol says. "You look like an extra from an early nineties movie with that middle part, though. I'm just saying~."
Chanyeol yanks the door ajar, and starts to gape mid laugh at the person on the other side.
"Is Jongin here?" asks Joonmyun's sweet, melodious voice, and Jongin's heart pitter-patters in his chest as Chanyeol continues to stare slack-jawed.
"Has anyone ever told you," says Chanyeol, "that you look just like—"
"I'm here," Jongin interjects, before Chanyeol can do something completely and totally ruinous like tell Joonmyun he 'looks just like Jongin's favorite porn star, and isn't that a lovely coincidence?' Because Jongin knows that is what Chanyeol was about to do, because Chanyeol is the worst roommate ever.
"Indeed he is," Chanyeol says, voice dropping into that teasing register he usually saves for Yifan and Baekhyun. He slides his eyes over to Jongin, and there's a small, microscopic even, sliver of pity in his eyes, but it is practically swallowed by the mirth. "I'm on my way out so I'll just leave you two to get to work." He lets Joonmyun into the room.
Today Joonmyun is wearing a cream sweater with red zigzag lines across the chest and tiny blue diamonds. Not only is it repulsive, it is also summer and thus completely the wrong season for sweaters. Jongin wants to lift the sweater up and leave hickeys on Joonmyun's stomach. Fuck everything.
"Hello," Joonmyun says, smiling pleasantly, cheeks pulling and eyes crinkling. "Ready to study?" Jongin has several stock responses that range from enthusiastic to mildly annoyed, but the wires between his brain and his mouth are clearly tangled because what emerges is a gurgling sound.
Chanyeol stifles a laugh with both his hands and Joonmyun looks behind him, startled, because it sounds like Chanyeol is violently choking. Jongin wishes Chanyeol were violently choking, because it is only what he deserves right now.
Chanyeol is the worst roommate ever.
"Sorry," Chanyeol says. "Some… air… got trapped in my lungs. Good luck, Jongin!" Chanyeol waves and the door closes behind him, leaving Jongin alone with Kim Joonmyun, who has walked right out of Jongin's laptop and nighttime fantasies and directly into Jongin's bedroom.
"He seems nice," Joonmyun says, looking around the room. Jongin's not a total mess, but he feels embarrassed by the socks on the floor and the mess on his desk where he's forgotten to organize his notes for Chinese.
"Ha!" Jongin says. "Haha." Joonmyun returns his gaze to Jongin with amusement in his eyes, and his lips twist into a smirk for a moment before the expression smoothes out into that more amiable smile.
"Do you want to study here, or…"
Jongin doesn't have a table here. There are just two… beds, and one of those beds belongs to Jongin, and in that bed he regularly masturbates to—
"How about the café next door?" Jongin says, picking up his Finance book and scrounging around for his favorite zip-up sweatshirt. "We don't have to go all the way to the student center."
Jongin likes the student center. It's… sterile. The seats are very uncomfortable. There is only one desk that would be the right height for Jongin to push Joonmyun down onto and--
"Sounds fine to me," Joonmyun agrees. "Are you all right, Jongin? You seem flustered."
"Me?" asks Jongin. "Flustered?" He shakes his head, and tries on the grin he uses when he's doing shows with the dance department that always makes the girls in the audience squeal. He's never tried it on a guy before. Joonmyun's eyes widen for a moment, and glint in a way that sends an exciting shiver down Jongin's back. "No way."
"Hmm," Joonmyun says, tongue peeking out to wet his upper lip. "Let's go, then."
❀ ❀ ❀
When they get to the café, Joonmyun insists on sitting on a small couch instead of at a table. "We're just doing theory today," he says, rubbing his elbow against Jongin's side as Jongin tries not to melt into a puddle of lust and despair, "so we don't really need a table." Joonmyun is small and dainty. He fits nicely against Jongin. This is not good.
"Okay," Jongin crackles, and Joonmyun rests his fingertips on Jongin's bare wrist and asks if he's feeling all right.
"If you're sick," Joonmyun says, concernedly, "we can always move this to the weekend."
"I'm great, hyung, really," Jongin says, and Joonmyun's eyes light up at the word 'hyung'. "Are you the type that worries about people a lot?"
"You caught me," Joonmyun says. "I'm a serial worrier." He nudges Jongin gently. "You can tell me if I'm overstepping my bounds."
"I don't mind," Jongin says quickly, and then winces, because it sounds eager. Jongin is not eager. He does like the way Joonmyun's fingers linger on his wrist, though. No! Wait! He doesn’t. He Absolutely Does Not like it. "So Finance theory?"
"That's what we're here for," Joonmyun says, awkwardly laughing like he's made a joke. Jongin must be sick, because he wants to laugh nervously right along with him.
This is their third study session, and Jongin still hasn't gotten over the facial resemblance to Suho. It's uncanny. Even the way Joonmyun tilts his head to the side inquisitively when Jongin tries to talk to him reminds Jongin of the way Suho listens to irrelevant dialogue from his female costars in the 'Skindiana Jones' series, his pale belly flashing underneath his cargo vest.
✫ ✫ jongin can't imagine the mild-mannered joonmyun wearing nothing but a cargo vest and shiny shorts, but he sort of can, because joonmyun looks just like suho.
Jongin's mind, against his will, wonders if Joonmyun's got that thin, almost invisible, line of hair that goes down from his navel to disappear beneath his underwear, and if Joonmyun, like Suho, would whimper as someone licked and nipped down it--
"Jongin? Earth to Jongin?" Joonmyun taps his thigh. "Have you been listening?"
Joonmyun's suddenly in Jongin's face, and Jongin can feel the blush crawling up his cheeks before he can stop it. "Yes!" Jongin says, even though it is a blatant lie. "I have been. Listening. To everything. About Finance." He leans away, plastering his back to the sofa and breathing deeply.
Great. Now he has been reminded that Joonmyun smells like raspberries.
Jongin has never associated a smell with Suho.
"Do you do this in class?" Joonmyun asks, smiling easily even though he's been talking to no one for the past—Jongin checks the clock on the wall—seven minutes. "If so, it's no wonder that you can't figure any of this out."
"My professor doesn't look like you," Jongin mumbles, before slamming his mouth shut. Things he should not say aloud probably include that. Definitely include that.
"What did you just say?"
"I'm easily distracted," Jongin says, louder, and Joonmyun nods. His puffy hair shakes with his head and it is completely and totally unfair that Jongin finds him so hot.
"I'd noticed," Joonmyun says, pushing up the atrocious sleeves of his atrocious sweater and revealing smooth forearms that are anything but atrocious. "You're a dancer, right?"
"Yeah," Jongin says. His lips are dry. He is sweaty despite the air conditioner. He tries to pull himself together.
"So you're probably better able to focus during physical activities, then," Joonmyun continues, and Jongin digs his fingernails into his knees and wills himself not to think of physical activities he might like to do with Joonmyun.
It should be easy, because he doesn't know Joonmyun, and Joonmyun isn't Suho. Jongin is not going to pretend that Joonmyun is Suho, either, just because they look alike. What Jongin is going to do is learn Finance and maybe make a new friend and definitely not scare that new friend off by popping a boner every time that new friend breathes in Jongin's general direction.
"Um." Jongin exhales heavily through his nose. He is winded. "I guess so."
Joonmyun beams at him, standing up abruptly and leaving Jongin's side feeling strangely chilled. "Then I have an idea," he announces. He reaches forward and picks up Jongin's hand. His fingers are short and stubby compared to Jongin's, but Jongin likes them. He'd never paid much attention to Suho's hands, but Joonmyun's hands are constantly touching him and it's hard not to notice them.
Pulling at Jongin until he stands, too, Joonmyun packs everything but Jongin's textbook away. "Are we finished?" They haven't been studying for long, but perhaps Joonmyun is giving up on Jongin. Jongin wouldn't blame him, considering all he's been able to do while they study is an impressive impersonation of a gnat.
"Nope," says Joonmyun, and his smile must be contagious because despite the fact that Jongin's pulse is still racing from Joonmyun's hand holding his own, he finds himself smiling back. "We're going to try a different method. Is that okay with you?"
"Sure," Jongin says, feeling like he would probably agree to let Joonmyun dissect him with a pair of scissors and a blowtorch if he keeps smiling at Jongin like that as he asks. "Tutor knows best?"
❀ ❀ ❀
'A different method' apparently means quizzing Jongin as they walk through the campus gardens, Joonmyun occasionally tripping over rocks as he asks Jongin questions from the chapter. This works much better, because Joonmyun doesn't blow hot air on Jongin's neck as he speaks and Jongin is too busy laughing at Joonmyun's stumbles to feel self-conscious. Joonmyun smiles good-naturedly every time his toes catch on a stone or a weed, and Jongin finds that when Joonmyun is not reminding him of Suho, he is still woefully endearing.
Once, as Joonmyun stumbles too far forward, Jongin reaches out to catch a handful of Joonmyun's sweater to keep him upright. Joonmyun is so small, and light. The impulse to wrap his arms around him and pick him up is overwhelming. This is really not good.
"You're getting the theory a lot better now," Joonmyun says approvingly, about forty minutes later. "Next time we'll get to work on your problem sets." He pulls his sleeves down over his hands as he speaks and it's so cute that Jongin is going to die.
Then Joonmyun's words register. "Next time?" Jongin asks, before he realizes how much that sounds like he's disappointed that there is no more 'this time'. Which he isn't. Maybe.
"Yes," Joonmyun says. "I have work tonight, and all day tomorrow. And I have to do my own homework, too. Maybe we can meet on Sunday?"
"What do you do?" Jongin asks. "I mean, for work?"
Joonmyun laughs and pats his shoulder, and Jongin realizes they're standing in front of Jongin's building. He hadn't noticed Joonmyun leading him here. He'd been too caught up in the way the August sunlight catches the red in Joonmyun's hair. Which is a perfectly normal thing to notice.
"Oh, I do this and that," he replies, and Jongin licks his lips. He doesn't push it. It's none of his business anyway. He and Joonmyun aren't friends. Yet.
"Sunday is fine," Jongin says, and Joonmyun gives him a tiny smile before shuffling off down the sidewalk, his backpack bouncing as he walks.
He's not that much like Suho, after all, once you get past the looks, Jongin thinks to himself, as he watches Joonmyun trip over a crack in the sidewalk.
That observation should cool the fire of attraction in his belly. But as Joonmyun looks over his shoulder and gives him a dorky wave, when he realizes Jongin is still watching him, Jongin realizes, with dismay, that it does not.
❀ ❀ ❀
Chanyeol cackles as he hands Jongin the electric kettle so he can fill his ramen cup. "Have you asked him out yet?"
"Who?" asks Sehun as he impatiently snatches the kettle from Jongin's hands when Jongin is finished adding water up to the line.
"Jongin's porn star lookalike Finance tutor," Chanyeol says. "I opened the door to him the other day and thought Jongin had suddenly developed the ability to make people appear out of his mind." Chanyeol blows on the noodles he's holding aloft with his unevenly broken wooden chopsticks. "Although I'm thinking Jongin's imagination ran out of gas before it got to the haircut."
"There's nothing wrong with his hair," Jongin snaps, before he remembers that 1. that is an incriminating thing to say, and 2. literally everything is wrong with Joonmyun's hair.
"Oh wow," Sehun says. "He must really look like Suho."
"He does," Jongin says, staring down at his own instant noodles. "But he doesn't act like Suho and he isn't Suho. You don't ask people out because they look like your favorite porn star."
"Why not?" Sehun asks, and Jongin stares at Sehun blankly for a few moments as he tries to organize his list of incredibly valid reasons.
"Because that isn't nice," Jongin finally settles on. "Besides, he probably doesn't like boys. No one likes boys."
"You like boys," Chanyeol says. "I think Zitao might like boys." He bites his lip, and doesn't add any more names to the list. Jongin has his suspicions. Chanyeol gives up on waiting for his noodles to cool and takes a palette-burning bite. "Something like ten percent of the human population is homosexual. And let us not forget the Kinsey scale. You could give it a shot?"
"Is that even real science?" Jongin asks suspiciously, even though he mostly believes Chanyeol, because Chanyeol spends disgusting amounts of time watching documentaries and factual shows on SBS2 with a bored but indulgent Yifan in the student lounge, and because Chanyeol is one of those annoying people who memorizes everything.
Sehun looks at Chanyeol from his perch on the end of Jongin's bed. "'Giving it a shot' might make Jongin's tutor uncomfortable," Sehun says. "Although knowing how Jongin is with crushes, he's probably already uncomfortable. Or he thinks Jongin is a short a few screws."
"Hey!" Jongin says, and Chanyeol and his massive ears nod in agreement, noodles hanging out of his mouth.
"On the other hand," Sehun says, "what if he really is Suho and this is your one chance?"
"If he is Suho," Jongin says, pulse quickening at the mere idea of Joonmyun the mild-mannered music student living the secret life of Jongin's favorite raunchy porn film actor, "then I have even less than one chance."
"Why is that?" asks Chanyeol, and Jongin bites down on his lip hard enough to break the skin.
"Because Suho does straight porn," Jongin says. "No boys. Ever." Jongin had looked. He's scoured the internet, to no avail. Suho's videos are exclusively with women. Jongin is not disappointed in that. It's not like he's ever actually going to meet Suho.
Sehun snorts, and takes a sip of his noodle broth. "Has anyone ever told you that you are a masochist?" He frowns. "You can't even watch porn about guys who might like you back."
Jongin knows that Sehun is making a subtle dig on his tastes. Jongin doesn't want to talk about the soul-crushing infatuation he'd had on their mutual friend and fellow dancer Yixing last year despite knowing, going into the whole thing, that Yixing had both a girlfriend and an inescapable fascination with breasts. "I'm actually pretty pitiful, yeah, what else is new," Jongin says.
"Well, as long as you know, I guess," Chanyeol says. He's still got a long piece of noodle hanging down his face, so Jongin looks back at Sehun again. "I still think you should ask him out."
"I don't even know him," Jongin says. "I would never ask someone out just based on looks. I might not even like him."
"Whatever," Chanyeol says, tossing his empty noodle cup into the trash. "It's your lonely, Suho-obsessed life." He leaps onto Jongin's bed, and Jongin barely manages to avoid a lapful of soup in the aftermath of the bounce. "All I'm saying is that your cute Joonmyun-hyung is a real, actual, attainable person, unlike your porn star picnic date."
"Attainable," Jongin says faintly. "Yeah right."
Sehun just shakes his head disgustedly at Jongin, and Jongin scowls at his cup noodles.
❀ ❀ ❀
He runs into Joonmyun on Saturday, as he's walking like a zombie through the cafeteria precariously balancing a tray, dark shadows under his eyes and hair matted from sleep.
"Long night, hyung?" Jongin asks, hesitantly putting his hand on Joonmyun's shoulder to get his attention. "You look wiped."
"I pulled an all-nighter at work," Joonmyun says. "We had to keep doing the same thing over and over again." Jongin wants to fold Joonmyun into his arms. And let him sleep there.
"That can get annoying," Jongin says. "I once helped my mom stuff envelopes for my sister's wedding and it took hours and I thought my eyeballs were going to roll out of my head and down the street like loose marbles." Shut up, Jongin, he probably already thinks you barely function upstairs, he chastises himself. No need to talk about your eye-marbles.
"I'm glad they didn't," Joonmyun says. "You have nice eyes." He picks up an apple and adds it to his tray. Jongin's hand is still on his shoulder. Oops. He flushes and drops it to his side. Joonmyun doesn't seem to notice. "You have a sister?"
"Two," Jongin says. "Older." He squeezes in front of Joonmyun as they approach the cashier and pays for both their lunches. "And you?"
"You didn't have to—"
"You're taking time out of your busy schedule to help me muddle my way through Finance," Jongin says. "At least let me buy you lunch." He purposefully doesn't meet Joonmyun's eyes, but when he sneaks a glance, Joonmyun is looking at him with a strange, deliberating expression on his face.
"I don't have any sisters," Joonmyun says finally, as he starts walking toward an empty table. "Eat lunch with me?"
"Yeah," Jongin says, nonchalantly, and Joonmyun smiles at him, sleepy but still cheerful. Jongin is torn between wanting to smush Joonmyun's cheeks between his hands and wanting to lick along the shell of his ear to see if it wakes him up. Down, boy. "Why are you awake if you were up so late?"
"Student council meeting in forty minutes," Joonmyun says. He sits down, and Jongin sits across from him. Their ankles brush, and Jongin burns red and pulls his legs in. Not Suho, he tells himself again, and starts to unwrap his sandwich. "What do you have on tap today, Jongin?"
"Dance rehearsal for the fall show," says Jongin. "In… an hour or so."
"Are you dance as a focus, or just really into it as a hobby?" Joonmyun opens his sandwich and starts pulling things off and setting them aside. Tomatoes, onions, lettuce. It's like he's making a tiny salad out of the things he won't eat.
"Why did you even get the sandwich, then?" Jongin asks, before he looks down at his own meal in embarrassment.
"I like meat," Joonmyun says, and Jongin peers up at him, startled, through his eyelashes. Joonmyun looks entertained at his question, not angry, so Jongin relaxes.
"You're probably so small because you don't eat vegetables," Jongin says. "Can I have your tomatoes?"
"Yes," Joonmyun says with a laugh, picking them up and dropping them onto Jongin's tray. "There's nothing wrong with my size."
Joonmyun seems like he'd fit easily under Jongin's arm. "You're the perfect size," Jongin says, because he's an idiot. "I mean. Well. There are lots of good sizes?"
"Perfect, huh?" Jongin likes the pink along Joonmyun's cheekbones, but it's probably a trick of the light. "Your focus?" Joonmyun prods again.
"I'm hoping to study dance as my focus," Jongin says. "But I'm only a second year, so who knows." He takes a bite of his own sandwich. "I've done ballet and jazz for most of my life, though."
"You must be flexible," Joonmyun says, putting a potato chip into his mouth, and Jongin's tuna salad goes down his windpipe. "I mean, aren't ballet dancers really twisty, like pretzels?" An innocent follow-up. Jongin is clearly stuck in the gutter.
Joonmyun's leg brushes Jongin's again, and Jongin's stomach jumps up and down as he carefully swallows the rest of his bite. Joonmyun's eyes are narrow, and he looks so much like Suho in this moment that Jongin's hand ventures toward his crotch to unzip his fly on reflex. He catches himself, and grips his own thigh instead.
"Uh, maybe?" Joonmyun's ankle rests solidly against his own, now, and it is warm. Jongin likes it. Or he hates it. Or he hates it because he likes it. "How about you?" he says in a rush, trying to distract himself from the suffocating attraction he feels to Joonmyun right now. "Music?"
"Yes," says Joonmyun. "Delightfully impractical focus subject, don't you think?"
"Not if you love it," Jongin replies, and Joonmyun's eyes soften. He just looks like Joonmyun again, and Jongin wishes that were more of a relief. He jams the last bit of his sandwich into his mouth in what is probably a gross display of how few manners he's retained since moving away from home, and stands. Escape. "I think I'm going to head early to rehearsal."
"An hour early?" Joonmyun asks, and this time, Jongin's sure he hasn't imagined the laughter in Joonmyun's eyes. But as soon as he blinks, it's gone, and Jongin curls his hands into fists and tries to brave his way through this.
"Never can practise too much," Jongin says, picking up his tray and standing awkwardly at the end of the table.
"Fair enough," Joonmyun replies. "Do you mind coming to my room tomorrow to study? I've got a busy day."
"Tomorrow?" Jongin says faintly, before he remembers that, oh yeah, Sunday, and Joonmyun is his Finance tutor and not a temptation put on this earth to make him suffer. "Right, tomorrow. Sure."
"I'll email you, then," Joonmyun says serenely, dropping tired eyes back to his tray, and Jongin's heart twinges at the exhaustion in his shoulders.
He hesitates. "Get some sleep, hyung," he says. "If you need to cancel tomorrow I'm sure I'll scrape by."
Joonmyun seems surprised, but then he smiles, the brightest Jongin's ever seen him smile. "You don't have to worry about me, Jongin," he says, but Jongin can tell he's pleased. "I'm the serial worrier, remember? I'll mail you tonight."
"Okay," Jongin says. "Until later, then."
Joonmyun's awful hair falls into his eyes and Jongin feels like he's drowning in attraction as he dumps his tray and exits the cafeteria. He's still hungry.
❀ ❀ ❀
"You look so miserable," Sehun says delightedly, and Sehun had definitely been Jongin's worst roommate.
"Ran into Joonmyun-hyung at lunch," says Jongin. "So. I may like his personality."
"Of course you do," Sehun says. "I knew you did as soon as you said his personality wasn't anything like Suho's all defensively over dinner on Thursday when Baekhyun asked, like you were making sure we knew it wasn't an insult." Sehun shakes his bleached hair out of his eyes. "Good to see you finally catching up, though, stallion."
"If I buried you alive and you were eaten by worms for months before they found you, do you think they'd be able to identify the body?"
"I'm pretty sure they would," Sehun says. "If not by DNA, then at least by my custom-order lace underwear." He grins. "They've got my name embroidered in them, you see."
"Your girlfriend has got you so whipped," Jongin says, and Sehun lifts both his eyebrows.
"What are you talking about?" Sehun asks. "The underwear is my kink." He shrugs. "She's more into—"
"No thanks," Jongin says. "Just… no thanks."
"Go back to planning romantic porn star dates in your head, then," Sehun says. "Or better yet, romantic Finance tutor dates~" He wriggles his fingers at Jongin, and Jongin pouts.
"No one can replace Suho in my affections," Jongin says, kind of teasing but mostly dead serious. He's still trying to convince himself that this whole thing with Joonmyun is a simple matter of projection. Willpower will get him through this difficult time.
"You are so weird," Sehun says. "Go warm up before Yixing gets here." Yixing is like kryptonite for both Jongin and Sehun's focus, because he's all jokes and distractions, and then somehow is the only one who doesn't mess up the choreography.
"Yeah, yeah," Jongin says. "I'm going."
❀ ❀ ❀
Jongin resolutely wraps his hand around his cock and watches 'Pulp Friction' after Chanyeol goes out to meet Baekhyun and Yifan for a video game marathon. When he comes, all over his hand and the bottom of his shirt, he's thinking about Suho, and all is right with the world.
For about five minutes, until the little mailbox icon starts to blink in the bottom right corner of his laptop, and Jongin's chest gets tight at the mere sight of Joonmyun's name. Attached is my address! Joonmyun has written. See you at three, Jongin! :-)
Stupid smiley faces. Jongin hates pretty much everything right now.
❀ ❀ ❀
"You look nice," says Chanyeol. "Where are you going?"
"To study," says Jongin. "And what do you mean I look nice?"
"You combed your hair," Chanyeol says. "And you're not wearing those terrible droopy crotch sweatpants." He sniffs.
"They're dirty," Jongin says.
"They're always dirty. That's never stopped you before." Chanyeol's baseball cap has slid sideways. He looks really dumb. "Are you studying off campus, or something? You usually only bother to put on real clothes when you think strangers are going to judge you."
"No, just his room." Jongin frowns and presses tugs down on his shirt.
"His room?" Chanyeol is suddenly much more invested in the conversation, spinning around in his swivel chair. "Why his room?"
"He said he was busy today, and if I wouldn't mind just coming to his room to study."
"Because you going to his room will make him less busy?" Chanyeol narrows his round eyes gleefully. He looks like a dinosaur. "Dude, he just wants you to go over to his room."
"No he doesn't," Jongin says. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Okay," Chanyeol says. "Well, you'd better bunny-hop on over there because it's almost three o'clock." He makes a bunny motion with his fingers and Jongin does not understand how Chanyeol manages to be both a million centimeters tall and yet five years old at the same time.
"Shit," Jongin says, and he grabs his problem set and his book and dashes out the door.
❀ ❀ ❀
Joonmyun lives clear on the other side of campus. He opens the door in a thin sleeveless shirt and his pajama pants, and this, Jongin thinks, is going to be a particularly awful afternoon.
"You made it," says Joonmyun cheerfully. He looks a lot better than he had yesterday. His hair is still wet from the shower, and drops of water keep running down the smooth column of his neck.
It reminds Jongin of a scene in 'Free My Willy' where Suho had emerged from the whale tank to have sex with the dolphin trainer on the deck. Jongin had been just as riveted by the play of water, then. He wishes he could trace the drops all the way down Joonmyun's back, too, to the curve of his ass at the bottom of his spine.
"I did," Jongin says. He's short of breath, but that's because he’d had to run to get here on time. Not because he wants to lick between Joonmyun's shoulder blades.
"Come inside, then. I promise the room won't bite." He winks, and Jongin is actually not going to survive.
"Do you live alone?"
"I have since the second half of third year," says Joonmyun. "I had the worst roommate ever last year."
"I know how that goes," Jongin says fervently, and Joonmyun laughs, light and soothing, and Jongin really, really likes the way it sounds.
Joonmyun, unlike Jongin, has a cleared off table for studying, and Jongin gulps when Joonmyun moves his chair so he can sit so close to Jongin that their knees bump every time Jongin leans forward to work on a problem.
"Like this?" Jongin asks, trying desperately to concentrate. Joonmyun is almost curled into his side, and one of his arms is casually around the back of Jongin's chair, brushing him every time he shifts.
"No, no, like this," Joonmyun says, and his lips brush Jongin's cheek for a millisecond. Jongin is going to pass out.
Joonmyun teaches Jongin the correct way to solve the question, and Jongin nods thankfully as Joonmyun goes back to his own work, something to do with marking up music sheets, as Jongin tries to work through another problem.
Joonmyun is really, really good-looking, Jongin thinks. His shirt is falling off his shoulders, revealing glimpses of smooth, clear skin, and he presses his lips into a thin line of concentration. He still looks like Suho, but Jongin is becoming more and more sure that it is because Joonmyun is Joonmyun that his palms get sweaty and his heart beats faster.
It's not a good thing, because either way, Jongin can't do anything about it. In some ways, having a crush on Joonmyun is worse than having a crush on Suho because at least Suho can't constantly touch Jongin or blow his warm breath on Jongin's shoulder.
Joonmyun rests his hand on Jongin's thigh, and Jongin snaps out of his reverie as he chokes on his own spit.
"Jongin," Joonmyun says, "how's that problem coming along?"
Right. Jongin is supposed to be doing his homework. That's why Jongin is here at all, in Joonmyun's room, with Joonmyun's thin pretty hands and his bare collarbones and his dorky smile. "Um." Jongin says, and Joonmyun grins patiently and volunteers to show him again, hand sliding a little higher up Jongin's thigh.
Jongin thinks he has maybe had enough homework for the day, because he really needs to go to the bathroom and jerk off.
"I think I got it?" He shows Joonmyun, and Joonmyun grins excitedly.
"Good job, Jongin!" Pleasure like a geyser in his chest. "Let's try the next one." His hair tickles at Jongin's neck as he leans closer to evaluate the next question. "You do that one the same way."
"Yeah," Jongin says. Raspberries. "I'll… keep at it."
Joonmyun's thumb flicks at the seam of Jongin's jeans. "Mmm," he says, and Jongin is pretty much over today.
❀ ❀ ❀
Jongin yelps as his back cracks. Zitao clicks his teeth. "Jongin, don't be a baby."
"Yoga is hard," Jongin says, as Zitao easily slips into the same position.
"You're more tense than usual," Zitao says. "What has your back all knotted up?"
"My Finance tutor," Jongin says. "He's driving me up the wall."
"Is he too harsh on you?" Zitao asks. "Lift up your chest, Jongin, geez, this is not your first yoga session." Jongin huffs and tries to raise his carriage as Zitao verbally prods him into a better cobra.
"No," Jongin says, when they relax back into child's pose. "He's wonderful. Absolutely wonderful."
"I don't get it," Zitao says. "Is that sarcasm? My Korean isn't at sarcasm levels."
"You know how I'm kind of… into… that porn star… Suho?" Jongin starts, and Zitao laughs down at his yoga mat.
"Oh, your Finance tutor is Joonmyun-hyung," Zitao says, right as Jongin rises into cat-pose. "I see."
"What? You know him?" Jongin is flabbergasted. "All this time, and you never warned me that there was a Suho lookalike just wandering around campus, waiting for me to run into him and—"
"Lookalike?" Zitao asks curiously, before his eyes widen. "Oh, yeah, lookalike. Right. I'm sorry."
"What's that face?"
"I forgot that word," Zitao says. "But I remember now."
"Anyway, their personalities are completely different, but Joonmyun-hyung is so…"
"So… what?" Zitao asks, giving up on yoga and sitting cross-legged as Jongin collapses onto his tummy like a rag doll.
"So… perfect," Jongin says. "Well, not really. He's awkward and silly and he tells really bad jokes and his haircut is awful, and I do mean awful, but he's also very sweet, and hot, and patient, and his hands are very warm, and did I—"
"So you like him?" asks Zitao. "Ask him out."
"I can't," Jongin says, mashing his face into his yoga mat. It smells like sweat. "I don't know if he swings my way and you can't just tell a guy that although you initially only found them attractive because of a startling resemblance to your favorite porn star, you now are starting to find the fact that they trip over their own feet and wear ugly clothes so endearing it is slowly eating you up inside!"
"I caught about half of that," Zitao says. "But mostly it sounds like you could just say 'I find you hot and also I like your personality. Would you go on a date with me?'"
Jongin turns his head so he can stare at Zitao. "Can you actually imagine me saying that?" Jongin can't, because 1. he is incredibly shy when he's not performing, and 2. it sounds way too easy so there has to be a catch.
Zitao leans over and pats his butt. "No, not really," Zitao says, and Jongin makes a strangled noise into the crook of his elbow. "But that's why you never get dates."
"I can only be me!" Jongin says. "I can't suddenly be someone else!"
"You're fine on stage," Zitao says, and Jongin sighs.
"Well, yeah," Jongin says. "That's dancing. That's pretend. I can't play pretend for like, long enough to get through a date! Or an entire relationship, for that matter."
"Do you want me to-"
"No," Jongin says. "I don't want you to do anything. I want to suffer, alone." Zitao is still laughing. "I'm serious, Zitao, if you say anything—"
"I won't, I won't," says Zitao. "Now get your ass up and back into cat pose."
❀ ❀ ❀
Jongin has fifteen minutes before he's supposed to go meet Joonmyun. That's probably long enough to get through the first scene of 'Booty and the Beast', and Jongin is kind of praying that makes it easier to survive another one-on-one tutoring session with the-man-Jongin-is-totally-not-falling-in-like-with.
Think about Suho, Jongin says, to himself. Suho, Suho, Suho. Not Joonmyun. Suho is safe.
He's barely halfway past the opening conversation, though, when there's a knock on his door. It's probably Sehun, Jongin thinks, as he grumpily pauses and gets up from his desk chair to answer it. Jongin hates Sehun. Worst ex-roommate ever. He always comes over without calling first to borrow something weird, usually wearing stilettos or somesuch. Last time it had been a rubber band ball, and he hadn't given it back.
But when Jongin pulls open the door, wearing nothing but his undies and a pissy frown, it is not Sehun standing there. It is Joonmyun. Jongin is not quite sure he's ever felt this humiliated in his life.
✫ ✫ to be fair, though, there was this one time when jongin was in his second year of middle school. his childhood friend, taemin, had dared him to shave his pubes and his mother had walked in on him in the middle of sliding a razor to the left of his surprisingly hard dick. the only reason this is worse is because his mother had to love him anyway, whereas joonmyun is under no such obligation.
"Hello there," Joonmyun says, eyes curving into those cute crescents as Jongin tries to wish himself away.
"Hi," Jongin replies. Goldfish are more eloquent. Glub glub.
Also, additionally, furthermore, it isn't fair that Jongin thinks Joonmyun is sexy in an oversized denim shirt and Joonmyun is completely unruffled by Jongin half-hard in nothing but his underwear.
"Did you forget I was coming over?" Joonmyun asks pleasantly, and Jongin gapes. "I told you I might get off early."
"Would you like me to wait outside?"
"No, it's fine," Jongin says. "I was just--" About to watch a porn film with a guy that looks just like you in it. No big deal. Glub glub. "I thought we were meeting in the café." Jongin stumbles back from the door and remembers his laptop is still paused on that video. He rushes to his desk and slams it closed, searching around with his eyes for a pair of sweatpants. The loosest ones he owns. "Just let me—"
"I'm sorry," Joonmyun says, still smiling. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or rush you."
"No, you didn't, I just—"
"Were you in the middle of something?" His voice sounds weird. Jongin looks up to see that glint in Joonmyun's eyes. The strange one that he can't quite pinpoint.
Jongin thankfully pulls on his sweatpants and sighs. "Two seconds." He takes a breath. Okay. He can do this. Find a shirt, Jongin. Don't acknowledge your boner.
"We could just study here, if you'd like." Joonmyun edges a little further into the room. "I've been meaning to…" he stops. Jongin looks at him. His eyes are sliding down Jongin's chest, across his stomach, and—
Jongin's cock twitches. Oh no. So much for not acknowledging it.
"I've changed my mind," Jongin says. "Could you wait outside after all? Better yet, can we meet downstairs in ten minutes?" Jongin's hurried words seem to startle Joonmyun out whatever weird trance he's in. Jongin expects Joonmyun to smile at him pleasantly, and maybe apologize again. Something like that.
Instead, Joonmyun takes another step into the room. Jongin gulps. "Jongin-ah."
"Hyung?" The affectionate suffix throws him. Panic time?
"I don't know that you'll be able to concentrate like this." Jongin's ass hits his desk. Digs into it. "You have trouble concentrating on the best of days. And you have a test on Monday."
"We could go for a walk?" Jongin asks. He's not sure what's happening. Only that the look in Joonmyun's eyes is sinking straight down deep in him, and he wants… well, it's obvious what he wants, but it is not obvious what Joonmyun wants.
"I have another method I'd like to try," Joonmyun says. "If that's all right with you?" And there's that soft smile again. The one Jongin likes enough that he wants to put it in his pocket and keep it. A snatch of sunshine for a rainy day.
"Ah, what is it?" Jongin's knees feel weak. He sits down on his bed, which proves to be a mistake, because now, when Joonmyun comes to stand in front of him, Jongin has to look up. When he does, the way Joonmyun is looking down at him, caught between sweet and hungry, makes Jongin feel like he's been missing some serious hints.
"You did so well when I quizzed you as we walked," Joonmyun says. "I think you're definitely a physical learner."
Whatever Jongin is expecting, between the victory shouts of 'he wants me too!' that his brain keeps insisting on blaring through his head, and the attacks of nausea because what if he screws this up, it is not Joonmyun dropping to his knees between Jongin's thighs.
"You weren't exactly subtle," Joonmyun says, blushing a bit even as he rests his hands assuredly on Jongin's thighs and leans closer. "I could tell you were attracted to me from our first meeting."
"Really?" squeaks Jongin, breath running short as Joonmyun's hands come up to tug at the waistband of his sweatpants.
"Yes," Joonmyun says. "That's okay, I'm attracted to you, too."
"Oh," Jongin says.
"Now lift your hips," Joonmyun says, and Jongin can feel the red of embarrassment encroaching on him as what's happening finally starts to sink in. This is actually the plot of a porn movie. Jongin has seen enough porn movies to know a porn movie plot when he's living one.
"Shouldn't we… I don't know, go on a date or something?" Joonmyun looks up at him with that same patient smile. It's like he's saying you can figure this one out, Jongin, only Jongin actually, in fact, verily, cannot figure out what to do.
"But your test," Joonmyun says. "Haven't I proved an effective tutor in the past?"
"Y-yeah," Jongin says, and he lifts his hips.
"Tutor knows best," Joonmyun says, dragging Jongin's underwear and sweats down his thighs.
This is not actually happening. Jongin is going to wake up any second now with his hand down his pants and Chanyeol chortling on the other side of the room, and everything will be terrible. "Am I dreaming?"
"No," Joonmyun says, light and bubbly laugh convincing Jongin that this must be real, because he could never have imagined that sound. "Now we're going to review, Jongin."
His breath is hot on Jongin's fully erect cock as his hands pull Jongin's sweats down to his ankles, and then off so he can scoot closer.
"Hyung, I don't—" A single fingernail scratches lightly down Jongin's hipbone, and he shudders. "Review?" Glub glub. Goldfish.
"It's a simple reward system," Joonmyun says. "You get the right answer, and I reward you."
"What if I get the wrong answer?" Jongin's stomach is puffing in and out with his hurried gulps for air. Joonmyun is looking up at Jongin's face. Jongin's cock is centimeters from his lips.
"You're not going to get the wrong answer," says Joonmyun. "I have faith in you, Jonginnie." Joonmyun wets his lips. "Is it okay if I call you Jonginnie?"
"You can call me anything you want," Jongin whimpers, and Joonmyun nuzzles, ✫ ✫nuzzles!!!!!✫ ✫ his dick.
Joonmyun digs into his pocket, pulling out a condom. He tears the aluminum packet open carefully and rolls the condom with practiced ease down onto Jongin's shaft, and then squeezes a few times near the base after spitting on his hand. Jongin moans and hopes the guys next door aren't around.
"First question," Joonmyun says. The look in his eyes is so Suho, but there's a slight tremble in his hands. That, Jongin decides, is Joonmyun. He also feels less trepidation now that he's found a crack in Joonmyun's façade. "Are you ready for it?"
"What?" If Joonmyun was distracting before, with his arm around Jongin's back and his lips brushing Jongin's cheek, he is even more distracting now, with his wet mouth parted and his fingers on Jongin's penis.
"Explain 'debt signaling' to me, Jonginnie." Joonmyun's thumb rubs lightly up on the underside of the tip, and Jongin's brain spirals.
Debt signaling. Joonmyun had explained it to him, more than once. Chapter three of his textbook. There was a picture on the page. Stocks? He knows this one, even if trying to remember it takes on a whole new element of challenge when Joonmyun is watching him like this. When Joonmyun is legit straight out of every porn fantasy that Jongin's ever had.
"When a company agrees to take on more debt," Jongin says, fighting the urge to buck his hips into Joonmyun's hand, "that's considered good news."
"Well done," Joonmyun says, smiling up at Jongin. He rests his cheek on Jongin's thigh. His cheek is smooth. "Tell me more about why."
"If a company—oh my god—" Joonmyun's massaging there, now, at the sensitive slit, "if a company… more debt means…"
"Mmmhmm," Joonmyun says, stilling his hand and waiting. Jongin’s toes curl. "Come on, Jongin. You've got this."
"Being willing to take on more debt means a company is in stable financial position. If they announce a reduction, it means they don't think they'll be able to pay the interest on loans, which scares investors, so the stock value," Joonmyun's hand slides up, "is going to decrease." Back down again. Jongin can feel the sweat rising to the surface of his skin.
"I'm impressed, Jonginnie," Joonmyun says. "Now for your reward."
Jongin is about to ask what could possibly be a bigger reward than you touching me like this, but his question is answered in the form of Joonmyun sliding his mouth down onto Jongin's erection. "Oh," Jongin pants, and he doesn't know what to do with his hands. He settles for clutching at his bed sheets as Joonmyun's tongue licks a stripe up the underside of him, along the vein. "Oh my-" All the way in. Jongin tries to stifle a whine.
Joonmyun hums with amusement, which might just be the end of Jongin altogether because Joonmyun's throat constricts around him. Jongin's hips roll forward at the pleasure, and Joonmyun gags a moment before Jongin regains control of himself. "Sorry!" he says. Joonmyun chuckles, scratching lines into Jongin's thigh in retaliation, and sucks on the head. His lips have turned dark pink and swollen. Fucking hell.
His fingertips still run up and down up Jongin's thighs, same as the female actress had done to Suho in 'Bone of Arc', which had been surprisingly accurate to 15th century French history from what Jongin could tell—
Joonmyun releases him with a pop as his lips separate from the latex. His nose bumps into the head as his right hand abandons the knee to tease at Jongin's balls.
"Second question." His voice is scratchy. Because of Jongin. Because he'd taken Jongin's cock down into his throat. Okay. Sure. Second question, then. "Allocational efficiency."
Jongin summons up, "It occurs when organizations in the public and the private sector can—" as Joonmyun's tongue circles him, and even through the condom he can feel the slickness and heat of Joonmyun's mouth.
"Go on," Joonmyun says, hot breath and hotter eyes, and Jongin drags the knowledge out of the recesses of his brain as his lessons with the man between his thighs flutter through his memory. "Obtain funding," he says, finally. "For projects that will be the most profitable. And promote…"
"Promote what?" One finger behind his balls, a tentative touch, and Jongin clenching his thighs.
"Economic growth!" Jongin says, focusing his eyes on Joonmyun just as Joonmyun takes him back in, all the way down to the base. "Please—"
Please what? Joonmyun's eyes ask, and Jongin knows Joonmyun isn't Suho but he sees Suho in the confident tilt of Joonmyun's jaw and the molten knowing in his eyes. He sees Suho in the way Joonmyun's throat works around him, too, because even if Jongin's never seen Suho blow a boy, he knows it would look exactly like this.
Joonmyun drags it out. He asks about continuous compounding, the fixed capital rule, phantom gain, and speculative risk, and somewhere between the principle of 80-20 and subjective probability, Jongin loses control of his hips, Joonmyun's small, pale hands coming up to press down on his pelvis and small pink mouth swallowing around him until he's spilling into the condom, shaking from head to toe.
"I—" Glub glub.
Joonmyun slides back, Jongin's softening cock sliding from between his lips. There's spit around his mouth and on his chin. "We almost got through all the vocabulary," Joonmyun says, as though he hadn't just sucked Jongin off.
Jongin stares at him as he stands, stiffly. Jongin's floor is hard. Probably not comfortable. Jongin isn't sure if Joonmyun is hard, too. "Can I…" He reaches out, peeling his hands free of his blankets. His knuckles are numb. He’s had them clenched tightly for too long.
"We should go over problem sets, now," Joonmyun says, wiping at his lips and stepping back, out of range. "Are they in your backpack?"
Joonmyun looks so small. Jongin wants to hold him. He is not sure if that's because of the orgasm or because Joonmyun looks so hold-able, even when he's acting strange and aloof.
"Are we going to talk about this?" Jongin is still buck-naked on his bed wearing a used condom. Joonmyun is talking to him like they've just successfully gone through a set of index cards.
Jongin fumbles with the condom, knotting the end of it and tossing it into the trash. He pulls on his boxers. They feel gross. Joonmyun watches him, smiling still, and this is definitely, definitely, the plot of a porn movie. Joonmyun is Suho, proudly surveying his handy-work. Jongin is still shaking, kind of.
"I've got work tomorrow," Joonmyun says. "So we should study hard today."
And Joonmyun just sits down next to him on the bed, with Jongin's backpack on his lap. "Are your knees okay?"
"I'm supposed to be the worrier," Joonmyun says. He leans into Jongin, and oh, maybe all those other times had been purposeful, and Jongin is an actual idiot. "They're fine."
"Are you sure I can't—"
"Explain to me how to find the answer to problem one," Joonmyun interrupts, shoving Jongin's first problem set of the semester into his hands. "Exam, Jonginnie."
A shiver down his spine.
"Okay, then," says Jongin, "problem one."
❀ ❀ ❀
They get dinner at an all night chicken and beer place. It's not really dinner, not when it is after eleven at night, but Jongin will call it dinner anyway.
They order two whole chickens smothered in sauce, and potato fries, and a 200cc pitcher of beer.
"You're frowning," Jongin says. "Are you frowning because—" He doesn't even know. He has never been more confused. He really doesn't know what's happening and his head is full of Finance concepts and images of Joonmyun's lips wet with spit. And Joonmyun keeps, somehow, managing to avoid it even coming up.
"I'm frowning because they only have Hite brand beer here, but I prefer Cass."
"I guess you couldn't actually be perfect," Jongin says, before he can stop himself. Joonmyun gawks at him for a minute before he laughs, face crinkling up. It is so cute. Joonmyun is cute. Except when he is sexy. Jongin does not, for clarification, think Joonmyun is cute with Jongin's cock in his mouth. "Cass is disgusting."
"How long have you been legally able to drink beer?" Joonmyun asks. Jongin bites his lip. "Sophisticated tastes already?"
"Since January," Jongin says. "My roommate likes Cass, too."
"The big one who looks like a puppy, right?" Joonmyun smiles.
✫ ✫ jongin's knee is only centimeters away from joonmyun's. if he sat forward more, they would brush. he is not sure why this is so complicated. joonmyun had said he was attracted to jongin, too, right?
"He has a crush on the spokesmodel." Chanyeol, for all his teasing of Jongin about Suho, is Sandara's biggest fan.
"How can you have a crush on someone you've never met?" Joonmyun asks.
"It's easier than you would think," Jongin says, resolutely putting aside the way it had been Jongin's heart, not his cock, that had throbbed during the climatic scene in 'Intercourse with a Vampire' when Suho's character had finally died. "You have the illusion of knowing idols. You feel like you know them."
"But you don't," Joonmyun says. He sounds anxious. Jongin contemplates taking his hand, but doesn't. "You don't know them. They don't want you to know them. It's a job for them."
"Right," Jongin says, as the waiter sets two baskets of chicken down in front of them. He knows that. Suho is just a persona, not a person. Who knows what Suho is actually like. "You're right."
Joonmyun gets yangnyeom sauce all over his fingers and lips and Jongin trains his eyes on the table. He takes a sip from his mug of Hite every once in a while as Joonmyun talks about the news broadcast playing from the television mounted on the wall.
He would look up, but then he might remember what it looked like when it was spit around Joonmyun's mouth and on Joonmyun's fingers, and he's still not sure what's going on. With that. Because 1. maybe this hadn't meant anything to Joonmyun, who had sucked Jongin's dick in the name of education, and because 2. Jongin is a coward who is too afraid to ask if he might ever be allowed to return the favor in the future.
"You should go home and get some sleep," Joonmyun says. Jongin darts his eyes up. "You need to set a good sleep schedule so you're well rested for your test on Monday."
Joonmyun grins at him. He looks like an angel. Jongin had thought the attraction might dim, but it has only gotten brighter. "Okay," Jongin says.
"Good luck on your test, Jonginnie," says Joonmyun, when they part outside the shop. Joonmyun's home is in the other direction.
"Thanks, hyung," Jongin says. Maybe he should hug him. Or kiss him. Or say 'thanks for the studying and also for the blowjob'.
He doesn't manage to do any of those things before Joonmyun walks away.
This is dumb. Jongin is dumb.
❀ ❀ ❀
"Oh, you came home," says Chanyeol. "Wasn't sure if you were going to be out all night with your 'tutor'." He makes air quotes. Jongin hates him.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I opened the door about an hour ago and the whole room smelled like sex." Mortification is a slow honey-drip down Jongin's spine. "It was quite the quandary for me: Do I open the window to freshen the smell, or do I live with the smell because I don't want to let the air conditioning out?"
"If you were wondering what I chose," Chanyeol continues, "it was option c, copious amounts of Febreeze."
Jongin sits down heavily on his bed. "I think. I think we just studied."
Chanyeol narrows his eyes. The left one more so than the right one, but Jongin knows Chanyeol well enough that he knows that's not intentional. "You think? Jongin, it smells like a honeymoon suite at midnight in here."
"That's because you used so much Febreeze!"
"Come here," Chanyeol says, patting the space next to him. "Tell your favorite roommate what happened."
Jongin slinks over and gingerly sits next to Chanyeol on the bed. He flinches when Chanyeol throws an arm around him. Then, as usual, he adjusts.
"Well," Jongin says. "We studied vocabulary."
"How does that equal an empty condom wrapper on the floor?" Chanyeol asks, and Jongin shakes his head to try and clear out the cobwebs. "A plus what equals C, here?"
"B is that every time I got a definition correct, he deep-throated me."
"Damn," says Chanyeol. "So I guess he does like boys? Why do you look so mopey? It's everything you ever wanted."
"Because I don't know what it means," Jongin says, standing up again. He paces the space between his and Chanyeol's beds. "He wouldn't talk about it. Afterwards."
"How do you not… talk about it?" Chanyeol shakes his head. His hair is frizzy, like it's had fingers in it. Chanyeol never touches his own hair. "That's kind of a big thing?"
"I tried but—" Glub glub. "We drank a lot of beer. We still didn't talk about it."
"I'm sure it will work out."
"You always think everything will work out," Jongin says. "I don't trust anything you say."
"You are so wound up. Go watch one of your Suho movies or something. I'm going to Baekhyun's room to watch movies with him and Yifan." Chanyeol is still wearing his jeans. Jongin hadn't noticed. "I'll probably stay over, so maybe you can have a creepy little marathon."
Chanyeol's not so bad as a roommate, sometimes. Jongin likes him best when he leaves. "I hope Yifan falls asleep on you and you asphyxiate on his lady-perfume," Jongin says.
"Be careful, or I'll tell Baekhyun you got blown by your Finance tutor." Chanyeol is cheerful. Jongin is still confused.
Maybe he'll take Chanyeol's advice, after all.
Twenty minutes later, after Chanyeol and his loud, obnoxious laugh have left the room, Jongin falls fitfully to sleep, not even a rewatch of 'The Fast and the Bi-Curious' enough to curb the anxiousness in his tummy.
✫ ✫ more specifically, jongin can't sleep because he keeps imagining what it would be like to kiss joonmyun. it was much simpler to have a thing for a porn star than a real person. he had never imagined kissing suho, really, because that's not something suho does often in his films. (he's also mildly concerned about his Finance exam, and he'd forgotten to wash his face before crawling under the covers but now he is too comfortable to get up.) it's mostly the joonmyun, thing, though, and jongin thinks the image of joonmyun on his knees is going to haunt him the rest of the weekend. maybe the rest of his life.
❀ ❀ ❀
Good luck :-) reads Joonmyun's email on Sunday night. Jongin sends back a series of 'ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ' and definitely, totally does not go to sleep remembering Joonmyun's fingers tickling his thighs and quizzing him on the Stutzer index.
❀ ❀ ❀
The exam goes… better than expected. Jongin finishes ten minutes before time runs out and leaves the test in the box at the front of the classroom with a sigh.
During dance class, he forces himself not to think about it. "You look ill," Sehun says. "Relax. It's only halfway through the semester. If you bombed, you bombed."
The correct thing to say here isn't 'but if I failed Joonmyun-hyung will be disappointed in me'. If he says that, Sehun will smell blood in the water. Unfortunately, that leaves Jongin with not much to say.
"I didn't put in all those extra hours for nothing," he says, eventually, like five minutes after it has ceased to be relevant. Sehun looks at him like he's a particularly dimwitted pet that he has no choice but to love despite obvious flaws.
"Did you just spend all that time trying to figure out how to respond to me without mentioning your porn star lookalike tutor's name?" Sehun asks, after a moment of deliberation. Jongin blushes.
"No," he says. "Don't be stupid." This is an obvious lie. Jongin may have to downgrade himself from goldfish. Amoeba, maybe. Only he doesn't know what sound an amoeba makes. Do amoebas make sounds?
"Wow, okay," Sehun says. "This is all worse than I thought. You want him to be proud of you." Sehun's pointy snake-tongue comes out of his mouth to wet his lips.
"I'll bury you without your panties," Jongin says. "They'll never catch me."
"Sorry, Jonginnie, you're not my type," replies Sehun, long thin fingers pressed to his cheeks and eyelashes fluttering. "I'm not into men taking off my panties, you see."
"I'm so done with you," Jongin says, as Sehun laughs nasally. "I've been done with you since you showed up in my life."
"And yet you keep coming back for more," jibes Sehun. "Masochist was right on the money." He tosses his hair. "Go back to glowering about not-Suho, and I'll go back to stretching."
✫ ✫ sehun looks like an angry mushroom today. he is not wearing a bra, otherwise jongin would have taken this opportunity to snap the band. he's never been good at verbal comebacks.
"I'm not glowering," Jongin says, probably glowering. "Go away."
Sehun's laugh matches the beat of the dubstep they're practising to.
❀ ❀ ❀
They're walking to the convenience store after class when there's a shout behind him.
"Kim Jongin!" It's his Finance professor. He's waddling over to Jongin with a stack of papers in his hand.
"Oh, hello, Professor Lee," Jongin says, and both he and Sehun bow, although Sehun is a rude little shit and half-asses it. "Is something wrong?"
"No!" he says, beaming. "Something's right! I don't know what changed, but your grades have really improved."
"I got a tutor," Jongin says, blushing. "He's been working with me really hard." Sehun's gleeful giggle is barely muffled by his palm.
"Well, you should go thank him for your A on the Finance mid-semester exam," Professor Lee says. "You're my most improved student, and I just wanted to tell you the good news since I saw you across the street."
"Thank you so much, Seonsaengnim." Jongin bows again.
"He's been working with me really hard," Sehun mimics, when they're alone again. Jongin's samgak kimbap is getting warm in his hand. "More like 'he's been working with me while I get really hard', am I right?"
"You know what?" Jongin says. "I suddenly have somewhere to be."
"I'll bet you do," says Sehun. "Don't have too much fun celebrating."
"I'm going to dig that grave really deep!" Jongin shouts at Sehun as he walks away, ignoring the alarmed stares of passersby.
❀ ❀ ❀
It takes seven minutes to walk to Joonmyun's dorm.
✫ ✫ maybe he should call. then again, maybe he shouldn't. jongin has joonmyun's phone number, but he has never used it, opting instead for emails, despite the fact that joonmyun insists on smileys. they are the worst. it is like jongin is emailing a thirteen year old girl.
He knocks on Joonmyun's door. It is four in the afternoon. Maybe Joonmyun is not home. Maybe he's attending to one of the hundreds of black scribbled appointments in his thick, immaculately organized planner.
Jongin is so dumb. He should go home. There's always email.
"Jongin-ah?" Joonmyun looks sleepy when he opens the door, and there are wrinkles from his covers imprinted in his cheek. His hair is flat on one side and there's sleep in his eyes. "Jongin, what…"
"I got an A on my Finance exam," Jongin says, and Joonmyun's eyes light up. He opens his mouth to speak but Jongin kisses him instead.
Joonmyun makes a muffled sound as Jongin pushes into the room, shutting the door behind them. Carefully, Jongin nips at Joonmyun's lower lip, coaxing him into it, and Joonmyun's hands find Jongin's waist.
Joonmyun's tongue curls around his own and it is perfect. There's a bit of sleep-staleness to his breath, but nonetheless it is intoxicating. Jongin doesn't remember a kiss ever being this satisfying before. Joonmyun's mouth fits perfectly against his own.
The tilt of Joonmyun's head is awkward, and so is the swipe of his tongue across the roof of Jongin's mouth, in a way Joonmyun had not been awkward when he was sucking Jongin off. It is like Joonmyun has had less practice at this part.
Toeing out of his shoes, Jongin leads Joonmyun further back into his own room with a bit of forward pressure. Joonmyun lets him, fingers tightening. "Wanted to kiss you before," Jongin says. Gasps maybe, against Joonmyun's wanting mouth. "You confuse me."
"I think you're easily confused," says Joonmyun. Jongin agrees with the assessment. That probably makes them a bad match, but Jongin couldn’t care less because Joonmyun is patient and sweet and he'll help Jongin bumble through.
Hands creep up under his shirt and are cold against warm skin. Jongin moans and sinks his fingers into Joonmyun's hair. They are stumbling backwards. Jongin bumps his foot into the table leg. Joonmyun laughs at him, same as Jongin had laughed at Joonmyun tripping over cracks in the sidewalk.
"Ow," Jongin grunts and Joonmyun sucks Jongin's upper lip into his mouth, scraping it with his teeth. "Fuck."
"Don't hurt yourself," Joonmyun says. There's teasing there, and worry. Joonmyun is a study in contradictions. Jongin likes it. Or he hates it. Possibly, probably, he just hates that he likes it.
"Now," says Jongin, "now now now can I—"
"Ground rules," Joonmyun says, and Jongin would agree to pretty much anything as long as Joonmyun's hands keep playing at his ribs like they're piano keys. His thumbs find Jongin's nipples and Jongin makes this humiliating high-pitched noise in the back of his throat. Joonmyun's eyes gleam. "No marks."
Jongin licks along the line of Joonmyun's jaw. "What?"
"No marks. No hickies, no love bites, no scratches." Joonmyun slips his hands free of Jongin's shirt and pushes at Jongin's shoulders. "Are you listening?"
"No marks," Jongin says, fervently nodding. "I got it, hyung."
"So now you're paying attention to me, hmm?" He laughs, so good-natured and sweet, but the fire in his eyes is finally, finally, something Jongin understands. It means Jongin can peel Joonmyun's sleep shirt up and off. It means he can leave careful, barely there butterfly kisses along the center of Joonmyun's chest. It means he can push Joonmyun down onto his tousled bed and climb on top of him.
"I've always been paying attention to you," Jongin says. "Just not always the things you are saying."
"You're so obvious," says Joonmyun. The skin of Joonmyun's stomach is so soft under Jongin's lips. He resists the urge to bite it. No marks.
"You're so hot," says Jongin with frustration. He licks angrily at the dip at the edge of Joonmyun's lowest ridge. "I don't understand. Your hair is so awful."
Joonmyun's body quivers, maybe with laughter or maybe with Jongin's breath across wet skin. Jongin is not good with words. Joonmyun might not want to sleep with a guy who insults his hair.
"Is it really?" Joonmyun sounds thoughtful. Jongin doesn't like that he can think, but he likes this Joonmyun better than the one that had given him head on Saturday, because this feels less like a stranger and more like the guy who has been tutoring him in Finance.
✫ ✫ a small part of jongin is pleasantly surprised by this turn of events because wanting joonmyun to be less like suho and more like joonmyun makes him feel a lot better about this whole lookalike thing, for real though.
"It makes you look like a huge dork," Jongin informs him, as his lips finally reach the waist of Joonmyun's sleep pants. The soft cotton feels nice under his chin. He bets skin would feel better.
"I am a huge dork," Joonmyun says. It is his turn to lift his hips, and he knows it. Jongin wriggles Joonmyun's pants down. His thighs are long and thin. Jongin wants to kiss them. Jongin spares a brief moment for the thought that even their cocks look the same before Joonmyun is yanking at his hair. "Condom."
"Right," Jongin says, stopping before his mouth touches. Joonmyun's erection, slit already leaking a bit of precum, rests heavy against his belly. It twitches as Jongin breathes out. "Do you—"
"Yes, yes," Joonmyun says, already stretching his arm down. Jongin follows him with his eyes, his thumbs drawing small circles on Joonmyun's hips. Joonmyun is shaking at every touch. Jongin's chest is tight. Joonmyun is really beautiful stretched out beneath him like this. His stomach is taut, quivering as Jongin drags his hand up to caress smooth, unblemished skin.
It would look lovely with dark red marks from Jongin's teeth. But ground rules. No marks.
Jongin yanks his shirt over his head to buy himself time to cool down.
Joonmyun finally pulls his hand up from under the bed with a basket. Inside the basket are all kinds of condoms and lubes.
"I get them free," Joonmyun mumbles, the skin of his cheeks turning delightfully pink. Jongin's own face feels like it's on fire. Jongin studies the bottles and boxes and notes that none of them are open. "I hear the watermelon condoms are gross."
Jongin meets Joonmyun's eyes. "I'm not sure dicks are supposed to taste like watermelon."
Laughing, Joonmyun sinks his fingers into Jongin's hair. "You're not sure?"
Jongin can feel a goldfish impersonation coming on, so he busies himself with tracing the blue veins up the insides of Joonmyun's arms with the pads of his fingers. "I wouldn't… well, I wouldn't know," he says, and Joonmyun's lips separate with surprise. Jongin snatches a condom from the basket that has no flavor at all.
"Is that so?" Joonmyun asks, pulling at Jongin's hair. Jongin’s own cock is pressing against the fly of his jeans. Joonmyun's looks almost angry as Jongin drags a single finger up the underside, catching a bit of fluid from the tip. "Let me tell you in advance, then, that it won't taste like watermelon." So casual. 'My dick doesn't taste like watermelon, and also it's sunny outside, nice weather we're having today isn't it?' Jongin would laugh if he had any motor control to spare.
Jongin jerks his hand back and tears open the foil packet. It almost slips between his shaking fingers, but he manages. The time it takes to roll the condom on is long enough for nervousness to wrangle itself some space in Jongin's gut. "I'm going to—"
"Please," says Joonmyun. There's a tremor in his voice that belies the patience. Joonmyun never sounds like this when he's working through one of Jongin's Finance problem sets.
Joonmyun's erection is firm and warm against Jongin's tongue. Jongin had not been sure if he would like this, but at the first throb of Joonmyun in his mouth, Jongin takes him deeper. He grips the base, where his mouth doesn't quite reach, and moves his index finger and thumb up and down opposite his mouth. When the ring of his fingers meets his lips, it makes an obscene wet noise that has Joonmyun moaning low.
It's sweet and melodic, and Jongin forgets Joonmyun is a singer sometimes, but he doesn't think that will happen again with the memory of that sound clinging to him. "Am I—"
"Well done," Joonmyun says, brittle and tight, his thighs tense beneath Jongin's spread hands.
✫ ✫ dick doesn't taste like watermelon. joonmyun is right about that. it does taste like plastic, but jongin doesn't hate the flavor, especially not when joonmyun is doing his best not to fuck jongin's mouth even though jongin is sure this is not the best blowjob joonmyun has ever received, on the merits that jongin doesn't know what the hell he's doing.
Joonmyun is close. He can tell by the way his fingers threaten to pull Jongin's hair right out of his scalp, and the way he's biting down on his bottom lip. A flash, in Jongin's mind, of Suho in 'Four Weddings and an Orgy', but as soon as it appears it's gone, because Joonmyun is saying Jongin's name.
"Jonginnie," he sighs, and Jongin holds his breath and sees what it feels like to let Joonmyun's cock slide to the back of his throat. His eyes sting, and his gag reflex complains. Joonmyun, though, makes his loudest sound yet, orgasming and shuddering beneath Jongin. It's awesome. Jongin is on top of the world as Joonmyun's flushed chest shakes. He runs his palms up the smooth skin again as he releases a softening Joonmyun from his mouth.
No marks. No marks, no marks, Jongin reminds himself as his nails ever-so-lightly scratch across nipples.
"Come here," says Joonmyun, jerking Jongin's hair, and Jongin obeys, whining as his neglected cock, still pushing against his jeans, pushes into Joonmyun's hip.
Joonmyun brings their mouths together again, whispering something about Jongin definitely being a physical learner in between sloppy, messy kisses. Jongin returns them eagerly, every breath he takes scented raspberry from Joonmyun's shampoo.
Jongin groans low when Joonmyun's hand undoes the button of his jeans, unzipping them. He pushes his hand beneath the waistband of Jongin's underwear and jerks him off, gentle at first but rougher once Jongin starts moving into his hand. "Are you close?" he murmurs into Jongin's cheek, and Jongin grunts incoherently, barely seconds later coming inside his boxers and on Joonmyun's hand.
"Hmmm," Joonmyun says as Jongin struggles to supply air to his lungs. "You interrupted my naptime."
"Do you have that scheduled, too?" Jongin teases, and Joonmyun smiles at him, his hair now an even bigger mess. Joonmyun seems comfortable naked, and Jongin admits it is an improvement over his usual clothes.
"Of course I do," Joonmyun says, wiping his hand on a tissue after he has tied his condom in a knot. He drops both into the garbage. "Sleep is important." Jongin is totally going to move. He just has to get the feeling back into his legs first. "Off with your jeans."
"What?" Jongin wets his dry lips. The corners are a little sore.
"I don't like to sleep with jeans, even if someone else is the one wearing them." It all sounds perfectly reasonable. Only Jongin had kind of thought they were finally going to talk about…this. Whatever this is. "So take them off."
"I…" Glub glub. Jongin, one day, is going to learn to finish his sentences. "Yeah, okay."
He kicks them off onto the floor, leaving himself in just his gross underwear, and Joonmyun makes that satisfied I knew you'd remember that answer noise. Jongin must have a heron in his stomach, or some other large, swooping bird of prey, because it sure as hell isn't butterflies. "Better," Joonmyun says, turning his back to Jongin and scooting until his spine presses along Jongin's chest. They fit better in the bed like this.
Joonmyun's bare ass is pressing against Jongin's cock through Jongin's boxers. Jongin cannot believe Joonmyun is going to sleep without talking to him. "But, hyung—"
"Relax," Joonmyun says. "Sleep."
Jongin tentatively drops an arm over Joonmyun's waist, his palm pressing into Joonmyun's flat tummy, and Joonmyun stiffens for a moment before he melts back into Jongin's embrace. Jongin had been right. It does feel nice to hold him.
Jongin doesn't think he'll be able to fall asleep, but he does, somehow, inhaling the smell of raspberries.
He wakes up alone in Joonmyun's bed, with a sticky-note stuck to his forehead. He rips it off and reads it quickly.
I had to go to work! :-) it says. I will see you on Wednesday in the café for tutoring. Have a nice night. Close the door behind you! It automatically locks.
"So I guess we're not talking," Jongin says to the empty room. His boxers feel disgusting.
❀ ❀ ❀
They meet at their usual time. Jongin steels himself for something. He has no idea what he's steeling himself for, but it certainly isn't the riveting hour of Finance theory that Joonmyun subjects him to, cutting off every attempt at segueing to Monday afternoon's sexy-times with a charming smile and fingers tightening on Jongin's thigh. "Focus, Jongin," he says, his hair falling into his eyes. His shirt is lime green and washes him out. It would look better on Jongin. It would look better on the floor of Joonmyun's bedroom.
Jongin remains unsure as to how he is supposed to focus when there are all of these things he needs to ask Joonmyun. When there is this unspoken thing between them that has made even Jongin's favorite 'James Boned' porn spectacularly unsatisfying.
Joonmyun, in his mousey clothes with his awkwardly waving hands and his puffy hair. Joonmyun, with a face like Suho and a personality that should drive Jongin nuts. Does drive Jongin nuts. Jongin is already nuts.
Glub glub. "I'm trying," says Jongin, picking up his pencil and tackling the problem again as Joonmyun's breath blows hot on his neck.
❀ ❀ ❀
"So then we slept. When I woke up he was gone."
"The batteries in your brain are dead," Sehun says. "Maybe they were faulty to start with."
"He doesn't want to talk to me!" Jongin wails. "He acts like nothing has changed in our emails and yesterday we met up for tutoring and he made me do problem sets!"
Zitao smirks. "Didn't you have a problem set due today?" He looks entirely too comfy on Jongin's bed. He's nuzzling into the pillow like he belongs there.
"Joonmyun-hyung takes his tutoring gigs very seriously," Zitao says. "You know he was my Korean tutor last year, right?"
"No!" Jongin says, and then a horrible, soul-splitting thought enters his head and he says it before he can silence it. "Did you—"
"No," Zitao says. "He didn't find it necessary to blow me to get me through my classes." Sehun, who is sitting on Chanyeol's bed, laughs so hard he has to lean forward to catch his weight. He's wearing the pink floral panties. This just isn't Jongin's day.
"I really like him," Jongin says. "You can laugh at me or whatever," Jongin hopes they don't, though, even if he deserves it, "but I really like him. Like in a boyfriend way."
"As opposed to a casual blowjobs to encourage and reward good study habits way?" asks Sehun. He's toying with his phone now, and Jongin wonders if he's talking to Baekhyun.
"Does he know about your porn star thing?" Zitao is looking over Jongin's shoulder, at Chanyeol's poster of Dara.
"Does he need to?" Jongin cannot imagine how that conversation would go. 'Oh hyung, did you know you have an amazing resemblance to my favorite porn star? Yeah, I've followed his career for four years now, and while I was blowing you on Monday I compared your cocks and--
"Earth to Jongin? This is Seoul calling, can you rejoin the conversation?"
Jongin starts throwing pens from his desk at Sehun, a steady stream of them until Sehun is swearing at him.
"Calm down, Jonginnie," says Zitao, looking torn between his comfortable position and saving Sehun from Jongin's attack. "It's a serious question, though."
"I haven't told him about it, no," Jongin says. "But I have lots of reasons for that—" Lots of them.
✫ ✫ the biggest one is that jongin does not want joonmyun to think jongin only likes him because of his startling resemblance to suho, which jongin can admit was one of the reasons he first felt attraction but is definitely not even one of the main reasons anymore.
"He might have reasons for not wanting to have a 'Define the Relationship' talk with you," Sehun says.
"Like what?" Jongin crosses his arms and looks down at his unfinished Chinese homework. Homework just seems so low priority when there are socially unacceptable upperclassman seducing you or not seducing you or whatever it is that Joonmyun is doing to Jongin.
"Like the fact that how pretty you are can't make up for how empty your head is."
Jongin's first instinct is to say 'You think I'm pretty?' but he bites that one back just in time, which leaves him floundering for something else. When in doubt: "Shut up, Sehun."
"It's all going to work out," says Zitao. He does not sound very certain. "I mean, you don't always have to know where something is going. Keep assuming it'll work out and go from there."
Zitao's hands are clutching the pillow. He looks like he's bursting from all the things he doesn't want to say. Zitao knows Joonmyun. Jongin bets Joonmyun has already told Zitao all sorts of things about how much fun it is to make Jongin feel like he's losing his mind.
Except probably not, because Joonmyun isn't Sehun or Baekhyun, and therefore the purest form of evil that can be contained in a human body. Joonmyun is the opposite of that. Like an angel, or the spirit of goodness, or something. Maybe all that kindness makes your hair bigger.
"Everyone keeps saying that," Jongin says. "That it will work out. But no one tells me what to do to help make that happen."
"It's the power of positive thinking," Zitao says. "Maybe everything will work itself out."
"Maybe?" Jongin says. But probably not. Jongin looks down at his Chinese homework again. It is possible that he needs a planner too. At least so he can jot down how much time he can allot to wallowing and still finish his homework before the deadline.
❀ ❀ ❀
To be honest, fuck 'positive thinking' as a method of solving not-relationship problems. No one will tell Jongin what to do, and Joonmyun won't talk to Jongin about anything remotely related to what happens between them behind closed doors, so Jongin is going to take matters into his own hands.
✫ ✫ joonmyun does talk to jongin about numerous other things. like his upcoming musical concert, and how much he'd like to be an elementary school music teacher. he also talks, enthusiastically, about student council volunteer projects and books he's reading and millions of other subjects, most of which go over jongin's head but all of them fascinating because joonmyun is really beautiful when he's excited. sometimes he notices that jongin is staring at him and he goes red, and then makes them both go back to work.
They are studying in Joonmyun's room today. Joonmyun has a gentle orchestral track playing, and he's annotating a music sheet. He hums under his breath along with the music. It sounds nice. Jongin's palms are sweaty. Joonmyun's hands are spinning his pen. It's not a smooth motion. He keeps dropping it. He's bobbing his head, too. His hair flops around. Jongin does not understand his own taste.
But then Joonmyun looks up at him again, eyes bright and helpful, and Jongin remembers that Joonmyun is 1. incredibly patient and indulgent of Jongin's complete inability to concentrate, and 2. really, excruciatingly handsome in a way that makes Jongin want to put a giant sign on his forehead that says 'mine' to distract from just how handsome he is. Despite the hair. Yeah.
Today is the day Jongin gets his answers. He is filled with purpose. He can hear Sehun whispering 'if you were this enthusiastic about your Finance homework maybe you would never even have needed a tutor' as he turns the page of his textbook. He gives the Sehun in his head an intense lacy wedgie as Joonmyun shifts his chair closer to Jongin's.
"Let me check what you've done so far," Joonmyun says. The orchestral music is still playing, light and airy. Jongin likes it. It reminds him of his ballet days. There are violins. Jongin likes violins. He likes Joonmyun's humming along to them more. "The first two are right," Joonmyun says. "Good job." He leans in a bit closer, to see number three, and that's when Jongin enacts his plan.
Every time Joonmyun leans into him, Jongin leans back. Every time Joonmyun breathes on Jongin's bare neck, Jongin accidentally brushes his fingers along Joonmyun's forearm. He is rewarded with hitches in Joonmyun's breathing. Once, when Jongin licks his own lips right when Joonmyun turns to look at him, Joonmyun's eyes widen slightly, and he forgets his sentence halfway through.
Triumph would be more tangible if Jongin were not just as flustered as Joonmyun looks, arousal pooling in his belly and making him feel as ungainly as he has ever felt since he had started to dance.
"You flirt like a high schooler," says Joonmyun, and Jongin freezes. "Why is it so effective?" He sounds frustrated and confused. Jongin is vindictively pleased that he has managed to confuse Joonmyun. Especially since it is Joonmyun's life goal, apparently, to confuse the shit out of Jongin.
Still, Jongin doesn't know what to say. He just looks at Joonmyun beseechingly. He hopes Joonmyun figures out what he wants without him trying to scramble together the words.
"It has never been this hard to ignore, before," says Joonmyun. Jongin almost doesn't hear him, even though they are sitting impossibly close together, Joonmyun's arm around Jongin's back and Jongin's hand on Joonmyun's knee.
"What do you mean?" Jongin asks, and Joonmyun cuts his gaze at Jongin. Jongin's heartbeat stutters, because it's a Suho look, and Jongin has read that everyone in the world has a doppelganger but this is ridiculous. If Suho and Joonmyun were remotely similar in personality, the resemblance would be scary.
It is hard to think about that when Joonmyun starts kissing his jaw. So Jongin stops thinking.
"If I fuck you now," Joonmyun whispers in Jongin's ear, "afterwards, will you focus on your Finance homework?" Joonmyun's voice is cracking. His other hand is now sliding higher on Jongin's thigh with intent. He wants Jongin really badly. The tension in Jongin's belly unfurls at the flush of desire that stains Joonmyun's neck.
It is good to know Joonmyun wants him, too. It gives Jongin the confidence to move from his chair onto Joonmyun's lap. He keeps some of the weight on his own feet, because Joonmyun is slight and small, but what he does let rest on Joonmyun, Joonmyun doesn't seem to mind. Joonmyun groans. The eyes he turns up toward Jongin are like lava.
"I promise," says Jongin. Joonmyun's hands cup his ass and pull him in closer. "I promise, I promise, I promise."
"Or maybe you'd rather fuck me?" The way he says it. It's like. It's like there are two types of cakes and he's asking which one Jongin would prefer. Only the first cake is Jongin sinking his cock into Joonmyun's ass with Joonmyun on his hands and knees beneath him, and the second cake is Joonmyun maybe curling Jongin's legs up and making Jongin hold them as he pushes into Jongin over and over and over again.
Both of those cakes sound great to Jongin. "I don't—" Jongin's arch nemesis, the sentence, strikes again.
One of Joonmyun's hands comes up and clenches in his shirt, pulling him down. Jongin wants to do exactly that, so there's no point to resistance.
They still haven't talked about whatever this is. Jongin doesn't know what Joonmyun ultimately wants from this. Right now he does know that Joonmyun wants inside Jongin's mouth, though, and that makes far more sense than the problem set he's been struggling over all afternoon.
Kissing Joonmyun is something Jongin feels like he could spend a healthy amount of time perfecting. Maybe as much time as he spends in the dance studio perfecting routines. Maybe more time, because this feels so good. Joonmyun is more sure, this time, than he'd been last time. Jongin is too. He licks at Joonmyun's lips and at his cheeks. Their teeth bump, and Joonmyun laughs lightly. Jongin tilts his head to get closer.
Jongin can't pinpoint what it is about Joonmyun that sends him so… off-kilter. All he knows is that Joonmyun is simultaneously sweet as sugar and as exciting as spice. And wants Jongin. Wants him enough that Jongin can push him off-kilter, too.
The progression from studying to naked and rubbing against each other skin to skin is shorter than the time it takes for the current movement of the orchestral piece to reach crescendo. Joonmyun's mouth is everywhere, and porn really sells this whole completely-naked-together experience short.
Joonmyun's hands are careful, and Jongin wants to play rough but he matches Joonmyun's gentle strokes along his spine with tentative presses up Joonmyun's arms. He can't move away from Joonmyun's mouth, either, returning to it like there are magnets (sexy magnets) on the backs of Joonmyun's teeth and on the backs of his own, and they have opposite polarizations. Something like that. Science. Sexy science.
Regardless, Jongin keeps kissing Joonmyun because he can't stop, and he's so tangled up in it that he misses all the steps in between the kissing and the click of a bottle cap. "Do you know anything about this?" Joonmyun asks, and Jongin shakes his head slowly. He tries to school his face into something confident, but Joonmyun laughs at him and kisses him on the nose. He moves so he's lying next to Jongin on the bed, legs spread wide. "Then watch."
Duh. As if Jongin would look at anything else. The world could be being decimated by aliens with lasers outside and he still would not be able to tear his eyes away from Joonmyun. Joonmyun. Joonmyun. Joonmyun.
His head is thrown back as his finger circles his own entrance, smoothing lube around the rim and slowly, teasingly, dips his finger inside as Jongin watches him with wide, terrified eyes. "Don't you watch porn?" Joonmyun teases, and Jongin gulps.
"Only straight porn," he says, and Joonmyun looks surprised and anxious for a moment before he moans, his index finger finally sliding in. "I've seen a gay porno once or twice but they always edit out this part."
"Not very sexy," Joonmyun says. His eyes curve and Jongin scrabbles closer so he can kiss the smooth skin underneath them. He kisses Joonmyun's cheek and shoulder and neck.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jongin lets his tongue linger in the dip of Joonmyun's collarbone. "This is literally the sexiest thing I have ever seen." He moves back to take in the whole view. Thin legs and heaving chest and swollen mouth.
Joonmyun can't laugh at him around the addition of a second finger, but Jongin can see that amused glint again. "Then keep watching." It's his teaching voice, like he wants Jongin to learn how to do an equation or he wants Jongin to explain why the social choice theory works, only he's curling two fingers up into his prostate.
Joonmyun is the best tutor that Jongin has ever had.
Craving contact, Jongin kisses at Joonmyun's leg, licking at the inside of his knee. "No marks," Joonmyun reminds him. "Don't forget the rules." Regretfully, Jongin pulls his mouth away.
Four fingers has Joonmyun's face twisted up, and Jongin's gut twisted up, too. "Condom," Joonmyun says, and Jongin's hands almost shake too badly to put it on. "Hey," Joonmyun says. "Relax. Tutor knows best."
And then Joonmyun is pushing Jongin flat on his back, into the sheets. A hot hand wiping the extra lube onto the condom. Jongin is not sure how these things keep happening, Joonmyun moving Jongin around, when Joonmyun is so small and Jongin is so much larger than him. He doesn't mind.
How can he mind???? when Joonmyun is sliding down on him, tight and slick and oh my god, Jongin is never going to watch porn again. He's just going to close his eyes and imagine Joonmyun's open, gasping mouth, and Joonmyun's hands gripping his shoulders and Joonmyun's thighs trembling on either side of his hips.
"Hyung," Jongin says, with all the sexiness of a beached whale, and Joonmyun laughs and leans forward to kiss him. The shift of muscles is, well, absofuckinglutely fantastic. Jongin is going to die right here. If one has got to go, this is the way to do it. He hopes his mother won't be too embarrassed to go to his funeral.
"Move," Joonmyun says. "You can, ugh, move."
Jongin does. It's nothing but heat and friction and Joonmyun's tiny, high-pitched, musical gasps, and Jongin had sex with a girl once, in high school, but he hadn't liked her as much he likes Joonmyun, so this is infinitely better.
The music in the background is kind of distracting. Jongin still likes the violins.
"Jonginnie," says Joonmyun. "Touch me, please." Pass the salt, please. Could you make a bit more room for me on the couch, please? Joonmyun is going to drive Jongin nuts.
He strokes Joonmyun's cock out of time with Joonmyun lifting himself up and down on Jongin, and Jongin thrusts his hips up to meet that rhythm, at least. This is unfamiliar choreography, but when he lifts his hips hard, Joonmyun cries out, so Jongin does it again. And again.
Wet slapping sounds and Joonmyun's noises and Jongin's noises and the stupid violins. Everything stops as Joonmyun spills over Jongin's hand and onto Jongin's stomach. He constricts around him, and Jongin keeps thrusting into the tightness. One time. Two times.
He's coming, then, with a choked sound as Joonmyun collapses on top of him, chest heaving and lips wet on Jongin's neck. Jongin's ears are ringing.
They are both still, for a couple of moments, breathing out of sync and letting sweat paste them together. Jongin could stay like this forever. Joonmyun has too many things in his planner to do that.
He's spent, and dizzy. Joonmyun is already cleaning up, rolling the condom off Jongin's cock as Jongin tries to focus.
"Are you okay?"
"I-" Jongin blinks, and shakes his head fuzzily. Joonmyun chuckles and clumsily pushes the hair out of Jongin's eyes. He's so handsome. Jongin can't seem to catch his breath. He doesn't want Joonmyun to stop touching him.
Joonmyun lies down next to him, leaving no space between their thighs. Everything is sticky and wonderful and Jongin feels like he has danced for hours.
"Can I say something?" Jongin's voice sounds too loud in the quiet. The music is in a lull.
"I don't know," Joonmyun says. He's up on one elbow, drawing patterns on Jongin's hipbone. It is distracting. "Can you? You seem to struggle with it."
"I want you to be my boyfriend!" Jongin says, his voice rising embarrassingly. This is more of a MBC drama confession than a porn film confession. The latter are usually more suave. Jongin is too naked for MBC. But he's blushing too much for porn. "Like. The person that I date. I mean. You. To be only mine." It's not coming out perfectly, but at least he's said it now. Put it on the table. Or something.
✫ ✫ in an ideal world, jongin would also like to leave bites on joonmyun's neck, so that the whole world would know joonmyun was claimed, but he is completely and totally aware that that is not something he can put on the table. because ground rules.
Silent. Achingly silent. Anxiously silent? Jongin is going to burn alive in his own humiliation mixing with anticipation.
"I can't make a commitment like that," Joonmyun says softly. His hand has stopped using Jongin's hip as the canvas for his finger drawings. "I'm sorry, Jonginnie. But no."
"Is it because my pretty face can't make up for how empty my head is?" Jongin asks miserably, and Joonmyun's face clears as he laughs lightly.
"No," Joonmyun says, waving his free hand. He places it at the center of Jongin's stomach and rubs in slow, soothing circles. "No, of course not." He sets his chin on Jongin's shoulder. Their thighs press together. "I really like you."
"I don't understand."
"I've got a lot of things on my plate," Joonmyun says. "A lot of responsibilities and also…" he drawls off. "I can't be someone's boyfriend right now. That's not something I can do."
"Oh," says Jongin. He feels like he's going to vomit all over everything. Joonmyun's hand has slid up his chest, and it is warm against cooling bare skin. It feels nice. Not as nice as it would feel if Joonmyun was his boyfriend, though.
"I really do like you," Joonmyun says. He sounds wistful. That makes Jongin feel a little better. Calms his stomach. Maybe he won't throw up on Joonmyun's floor and seal this whole rejection deal. "But I'm not really boyfriend material at the moment."
"No, that's—" Glub glub. "I'm… It's fine. Really. It's fine."
"Are you sure? We can stop this now. If you can't handle me not being yours, and you want someone who can—"
"It's fine," Jongin says again. If he says it enough times, he'll believe it.
Joonmyun sighs, and grabs Jongin's face, palms pressing to Jongin's cheeks. Jongin turns his head to accommodate him. Joonmyun is looking down at him funny. Kind of like he really does like Jongin. Kind of like he doesn't want to reject him.
So Jongin lifts up on his elbows and kisses him. Joonmyun's mouth opens beneath his in relief or something like it, his hands falling to Jongin's neck to play with the hair there. He throws a leg over Jongin, straddling him. "You want to try it the other way around?" Joonmyun asks into Jongin's mouth, his half-hard cock already pressing against Jongin's.
"Yeah," Jongin says, because if this is what he can have he's not going to say no. "What about my homework?"
"We're just doing our all-nighter backwards," says Joonmyun. He kisses at Jongin's cheek and nose. "I'll make you finish it, don't worry. Worrying is my job."
"I'm not worried," Jongin says. He palms Joonmyun's ass. It fits completely in his hands. There's still lube on the skin. His palms slide. Jongin thinks he might be sad, but he's happy at the same time. It's confusing. Joonmyun is confusing.
Everything is confusing.
Maybe Jongin will convince himself, by the time he leaves, that 'no' might mean 'maybe later, when things have settled down'. Hopefully.
Positive thinking. Or something.
Then Joonmyun is circling a lubed finger around Jongin's entrance, and Jongin focuses on the heat of Joonmyun's stare instead of the unsteady and complicated beat of his heart.
❀ ❀ ❀
Yifan is sprawled across Chanyeol's bed in basketball shorts and a T-shirt when Jongin gets back to the room. He gives a low whistle that has Chanyeol spinning around from his desk.
"You look like you have just emerged from a productive evening of study," says Chanyeol, eying Jongin up and down. Jongin knows he looks a mess.
"I finished my homework," Jongin says. He had checked in the mirror before he left and he's pretty sure there isn't cum in his hair or anything.
"That's not all you did," Yifan says. "I hope you were safe." Chanyeol rolls his eyes and flops on top of Yifan, who makes an 'oof' as Chanyeol knocks the wind out of him.
"I don't know what you could possibly be talking about," Jongin deadpans. Deadpan might be the wrong word. What Jongin actually does is mumble embarrassingly at the floor.
"Okay," Chanyeol says. "The shower is all yours, bro." Chanyeol twists and turns until he and Yifan both fit onto the bed. Yifan looks torn between put out and pleased. Jongin doesn't get them at all. The only things they have in common are an unfortunate love of Drake's newest EP, exceptional height, and Baekhyun. "So I'm guessing the boyfriend talk went well?"
"It went the opposite of well," Jongin says. "He says he doesn't want to be anyone's boyfriend right now."
"Who is this, again?" Yifan's hair is pushed back from his face in a pompadour. Anyone with an actual pompadour can't make fun of anything Jongin does, so there is no harm in telling him.
"Kim Joonmyun," says Jongin. "He's—"
"A fourth year in the music department," Yifan finishes. "I know him. He was Zitao's Korean tutor."
"Yeah," Jongin says. "That's him."
"Does his not wanting to date anyone have to do with his job?" Yifan asks, and Chanyeol and Jongin both turn to look at him.
"His… job?" Jongin asks. "I don't know why his job would interfere. He seems to spend a lot of hours doing whatever it is, but he still has time for class and tutoring and stuff."
"Oh," Yifan says, after a long pause that feels laden with secrets, kind of like Jongin's family home during the holidays. Everyone on their toes. Jongin not talking about how he’s coming to the realization that he might prefer dick and that's why he doesn't have a girlfriend. "Right. Yeah. Don't mind me."
The look on Yifan's face is uncomfortable. Chanyeol curiously rests his chin on Yifan's shoulder. Jongin thinks now is a good time for a shower. "I'm going to go rinse off the rejection," Jongin says.
"The rejection smells like latex condoms and sweat!" Chanyeol yells after him, and Jongin ignores him as the room door closes behind him.
❀ ❀ ❀
There's a scene, in 'My Big Fat Cheek Spreading', where Suho confidently tells the woman that he'll treat her right before he pins her to the door and takes her standing up.
Jongin wishes he could find that kind of confidence. Instead, he finds himself acquiescing to the terms of this… whatever between himself and Joonmyun.
They still meet twice a week for tutoring. They always meet in Joonmyun's room now. Studying is only half of what they do. The other half is Jongin with his long legs carefully draped over Joonmyun's thin shoulders, nails digging into Joonmyun's cotton sheets to keep from slicing lines into his pale smooth back, as Joonmyun precisely and intently slams his cock right into Jongin's prostate.
So there's that.
Joonmyun also continues to be affectionate in other ways. Casual hands on Jongin's arm, and leaning in if Jongin dares to throw his arm around his shoulder.
Beneath all that is the lurking knowledge that Joonmyun is not Jongin's boyfriend. It is mostly okay, because it's getting late into the autumn now, and Jongin's getting ready for the Fall Showcase with the dance department. That is distracting, and Jongin relishes the mental and physical exhaustion.
He runs into Joonmyun and a friend on a Saturday morning when he's running late for extra rehearsals. He has just stopped by the convenience store to pick up fruit or something quick. He is surprised to see Joonmyun standing with a taller man. He has one arm around Joonmyun's shoulders, the same way Jongin does it, and he's speaking into Joonmyun's ear.
Back off, Jongin thinks. Doesn't think. Is not allowed to think. Not boyfriends.
"Jongin!" Joonmyun says. He smiles, his eyes doing that stupid thing Jongin loves despite himself, and he waves. He looks like a poodle. Jongin has two poodles at his parents' house. He loves poodles. He has a problem.
"Joonmyun-hyung." He sizes up the guy. He's good-looking. He's wearing a sweatshirt that says 'Music Department'. No guesses as to how they know each other, then.
"Collecting pretty underclassmen again, Joonmyun?" the man says, and Jongin bristles at the word collecting.
Joonmyun covers his mouth as he laughs, this time, like an ajumma. He's such a dork. "Kyuhyun, this is Jongin, my tutee. He was assigned to me by the student council."
Tutee. Jongin supposes that is better than fuck-buddy. "Right," Jongin says, because this is no time to be a goldfish. "I'm just a second year he tutors."
Jongin shuffles past to grab a banana from the cool-shelf. He bows quickly, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees a concerned furrow in Joonmyun's brow and an amused twist to Kyuhyun's lips.
Jongin is definitely not pouting. He's a grown-ass man, and grown-ass men pout even less than they sign emails with smiley-faces.
He pays at the register and waves goodbye without turning around. He hears Joonmyun calling his name as the glass door closes, but Jongin is five seconds from a tantrum and grown-ass men don't do that, either.
Well, Jongin decides, as he eats his banana, viciously biting down on it and cramming the entirety of it into his mouth because he is seriously late for rehearsal, he had wanted to define the relationship. He had never been assured that he would like the resulting definition.
"Someone's pissy," Yixing says, when he gets to rehearsal, and Jongin doesn't have to think of a comeback because his cheeks are full of fruit.
❀ ❀ ❀
Just dropping you an email to make sure you're taking care of yourself! :-) Jongin angrily loads a porn video on his computer and scowls at Suho when he pops up on the screen. Then he feels guilty because Suho's never done anything to him. I know we aren't meeting for tutoring for the next couple weeks, but you seemed stressed when we ran into each other at the convenience store. Listen to your hyung and get plenty of sleep! :-)
thnx hyung, Jongin types back, and then he hunches his shoulders.
"You're just watching that porn movie like it's a regular show," Chanyeol says incredulously, and Jongin turns around to look at him.
"When did you get home?" asks Jongin, still staring at the flagged sent message.
"You're not even jacking off to it. You're just watching it."
"Maybe Joonmyun doesn't want to date you because your heart already belongs to a porn star. Maybe he knows."
"You don't know anything," Jongin says. Chanyeol's words aren't helping. "My heart doesn't belong to Suho." Jongin used to think it did. Now, when he falls asleep, he just thinks about gross lame things like holding Joonmyun's hand. The worst part is, Joonmyun would totally hold Jongin's hand back but it wouldn't mean anything.
"You look like a slighted drama heroine right now," Chanyeol says. He's unpacking his bag, meticulously organizing his books and papers into piles on his desk. Great. Not only is Chanyeol going to remind Jongin that he's falling for Joonmyun, he's also going to responsibly do all his homework. "Baekhyun's coming over in an hour," Chanyeol says. "If you're still watching that movie, he's going to laugh at you."
Chanyeol is the worst roommate ever.
❀ ❀ ❀
He hasn't seen Joonmyun in eleven days. He realizes this when he finds himself painfully erect in the shower as he rinses out his conditioner, thinking about Joonmyun's shampoo and ugly hair.
✫ ✫ because he definitely would not have noticed otherwise, because that would mean he was counting the days as they ticked by and anticipating joonmyun's cute emails with their correct grammar and capital letters. which he is not doing. because he hasn't noticed that it has been eleven days and six hours since joonmyun has smiled at him and gingerly patted his shoulder and told him good job. he is not that pathetic.
"You need to go back to doing yoga," Sehun announces later the same day, when Jongin shows up to their second to last rehearsal. "You seem tense."
Jongin is not tense. Jongin is just, as usual, confused. "I miss Joonmyun-hyung."
"Why don't you watch one of your two hundred videos of Suho so you can remember what his face looks like."
"I only have sixty-four, don't exaggerate," says Jongin. "And it's not the same. Suho doesn't do it for me anymore."
"It feels like I have wandered into an alternate dimension," Sehun says, pulling up his bra strap. "Who are you, and what have you done with my old roommate?"
"You're not funny," Jongin says, crossing his arms.
"It is really too bad this guy has enough sense not to date you," says Sehun. "Your devotion is bordering on traumatic."
"Is coming to my dance show a boyfriend thing?" Jongin asks Sehun. "Or can that be a friend thing?" There should be guidelines for this. Maybe on audiobook or something, because Jongin is not a huge fan of reading.
Sehun rolls his eyes. Sometimes Jongin thinks they're going to get stuck in the back of his head. Sometimes he just hopes they will, but life is never that kind. "I'm coming to your dance show."
"You're in my dance show," Jongin says. "That doesn't count."
"Then I don't know what to tell you," Sehun says. "I don't have friends. I have people I tolerate." He shrugs. "The worst he can do is say no?"
❀ ❀ ❀
It is the night before the show. Jongin still has not asked Joonmyun to come. "You're being a baby," Baekhyun says, chewing his gum extra loudly and obnoxiously. Yifan keeps fussing with Baekhyun’s collar as Chanyeol pushes his toes into Baekhyun's thigh. Jongin doesn't know why he's here if he's just going to be the fourth wheel and Baekhyun is going to make fun of him. "Email him right now."
"It's too late, now," Jongin says. "Besides, it's not like I want him to come. Because I don't."
"Okay, sure," Baekhyun says. "Then why did you ask Sehun if it was acceptable to fire off an invite."
"That traitor," Jongin mumbles. He bounces on Kyungsoo’s bed. The three men across from him on Baekhyun’s bed are all looking at him in various states of amusement. Jongin hates them all. And Sehun. Zitao is his only friend in this world.
"I think he's secretly worried about you," says Chanyeol. "He didn't even make Baekhyun barter for the information. I think he just didn't want to deal with it."
Sehun is the worst. Period.
Yifan starts petting Chanyeol's hair. Jongin is done here. Luckily, his phone rings.
"Yo," he says, without even looking to see who it is. Only about eight people have his phone number, anyway, and it's too late for his parents to call.
"Jonginnie~~" It's Lu Han. "Are you busy tonight?"
"The show is tomorrow, so I'm not going night-hiking on dangerous unlit trails, breaking into the computer science building , or helping you steal any of Minseok's clothes."
"I would never ask that of you," Lu Han says. Like he hadn't asked Jongin to do all of those things at one point in time. Jongin sighs. He had asked about the clothes thing just last weekend. Lu Han functions a lot on a selective memory. "Yixing and I are going clubbing."
"No," says Jongin. "That's the last thing I need." He looks back up at his friends across the room. Baekhyun has somehow curled into Yifan's lap. Chanyeol looks like he's contemplating how he's going to fit there too. "On second thoughts, I could use a drink."
"I won't let you or Yixing overindulge," Lu Han says cheerfully. "I'm so excited for the show tomorrow and I'd hate the stars to be hungover."
He hangs up and Jongin immediately stands. "Well, this has been fun," Jongin says, "but I'm going out with Lu Han and Yixing."
"It might be just Lu Han," Baekhyun says. "Yixing will probably forget where the door of his room is." Yifan frowns disapprovingly. Baekhyun is unrepentant.
Jongin goes quickly back to his room to change. He is certainly not trying to impress anyone, but he takes care anyway, combing the part out of his hair and wriggling into a pair of jeans that he knows make his ass look good.
Lu Han knocks on the door just as he's debating between two shirts. He doesn't wait for Jongin to answer before walking in. "The one in your right hand looks a little less DBSK circa 2009 and a little more 'I have self-esteem'."
"Thanks," Jongin mumbles, shrugging on Lu Han's choice as Yixing comes into the room behind him.
"Does your not-boyfriend mind that we're going out?" Yixing asks, and Jongin looks at his socks.
"He's my not-boyfriend," Jongin says. "So it doesn't matter."
Lu Han laughs in his face and Yixing looks pretty yet vapid while he texts this girl named Song Qian who is totally out of his league.
The club, when they arrive, is devastatingly loud. "We can't stay out too late," Jongin says.
"Blah blah, have a drink," Lu Han says, already dragging them both over toward the bar. Jongin is preparing to follow, when he catches sight of a familiar face in the crowd.
"That's—" Jongin says, but the sound is swallowed up by the crowds. He stops moving forward though, and Lu Han looks back to find the source of the noise.
"Oh," he yells into Jongin's ear, "is that the not-boyfriend?"
"Y-yeah," Jongin says. It's Joonmyun all right. Joonmyun, in tight white pants and eyeliner on his eyes and a shirt that looks like a disco ball. He looks so bright in the dark club. His hair is a mess and he can't dance at all.
That doesn't seem to stop the equally tiny man he's dancing with, equally hapless on the dance floor. The other man has nice calves. Maybe nicer than Jongin's but that doesn't mean it's okay for Joonmyun to be dancing with him.
Not that Jongin can say anything. Not that Jongin has the right to be upset.
"Jonginnie, please," Lu Han says. "I don't even know which one of them it is but the sheer amount of uncoordinated movement is tragic."
✫ ✫ at this point jongin is wondering what sound a dying goldfish makes because there aren't even words for how much he hates the image in front of him, burning itself into his retinas. even more than that, he hates that there's nothing he should do about it. this isn't breaking any rules. jongin can want to tattoo his name in red bites across joonmyun's flat stomach but he hasn’t the right.
Jongin turns away and follows Lu Han to the bar. He orders tequila shots. Three of them. "You didn't have to buy us drinks," Yixing says.
"I didn't," Jongin says, licking the salt off the crook of his hand and taking the first shot.
It is a calming heat that burns down his throat, and as Lu Han rests his weight on Yixing, laughing mockingly at Jongin, it is easier to forget that Joonmyun is here tonight too.
"You have a show tomorrow, don't you?" A pleasant, slightly chiding from a new direction. Like someone who worried about Jongin. Jongin knows that voice. He turns his head over his shoulder to see that Joonmyun has sidled up behind him. Jongin hadn't expected to be noticed. Joonmyun had looked absorbed in the music.
But here he is. So much for ignoring.
"What's it to you, hyung? It's not a Finance test." Joonmyun squeezes in between Jongin and Lu Han at the bar. He's so small. Jongin could put his arm around Joonmyun's shoulders. He does not.
Joonmyun pushes the other two shots to Yixing and Lu Han, and Jongin scowls down at the bar. Joonmyun is quiet for a moment, and Jongin can feel Joonmyun's hand settling at the small of Jongin's back. "Do you want to dance, Jonginnie?"
"Where's your friend?" Jongin asks, still not looking up, even as Joonmyun's hand drags up his back.
"He had to take a phone call," Joonmyun says. "What does that have to do with us dancing?"
"Neither of you can dance," Jongin says, because he's still, still an idiot. Joonmyun just chuckles. It's so loud in the club that Jongin can't hear it. He knows the sound from memory though.
"But you supposedly dance very well," Joonmyun says, into Jongin's ear. "Maybe it's your turn to teach me?"
Jongin isn't drunk enough for this.
He looks away from Joonmyun, back to where Lu Han and Yixing had been moments ago, but they've abandoned him. He can see the shock of Lu Han's blonde hair as they worm their way through the crowd.
It is just him and Joonmyun. Jongin likes that. He hates that. He… yeah. Joonmyun reaches out to take his hand, and Jongin lets him.
"Come with me," Joonmyun mouths, pulling.
Jongin finds himself on the edge of the dance floor, where the light doesn't quite reach. Joonmyun is standing close enough that Jongin could whisper to him. He fucking smells like raspberries. Jongin takes a deep breath and the scent is stronger than the odor of spilled beer.
"Is everything okay?" asks Joonmyun, as he throws his arms about Jongin's neck. It's dark, and this club caters to the more open-minded. No one is going to pay attention to them. Jongin's hands reflexively come up to grip Joonmyun's slight hips.
"I missed you," Jongin admits. It's stupid. He wishes he didn't like Joonmyun so much. "And then I saw you. With that guy."
Joonmyun tenses in his arms. "Jongin," he says. "You know—"
"Yes," Jongin says, against Joonmyun's cheek. "I know." He fumbles in the dark, looking for Joonmyun's mouth. When he finds it, he claims it, licking at Joonmyun's closed lips until they open. Joonmyun's hands immediately fist in Jongin's hair, tugging him down, and Jongin moans into it. Kissing is a simpler matter than speaking. "Having to share…" Jongin sucks on Joonmyun's lower lip, biting it lightly and then soothing the soft skin inside, "is different from wanting to share."
"If you can't handle it," Joonmyun says, pulling back just enough to lick along the curve of Jongin's jaw until he gets to his ear lobe. Jongin's cock is pushing against the tight fabric of his jeans. He can feel Joonmyun's erection too, against his thigh. "Then this has to stop."
Jongin groans and pushes Joonmyun back, back, back, until Joonmyun hits the wall with a surprised exhale. He doesn't know how to explain. This is actually the worst possible time for Jongin to be completely unable to find words, but as usual, his mouth is empty of the right thing to say. He leans down again and kisses Joonmyun, guiding Joonmyun's tongue into his mouth to fill the space left by Jongin's verbal inadequacy, and Joonmyun might not be able to dance but he knows how to gyrate his hips up into Jongin's. He knows how to move them together until Jongin starts to feel strung out.
"What would you do," whispers Jongin into Joonmyun's neck, "if I got down on my knees right now and sucked you off in front of everyone?" Joonmyun takes a shivering breath. "So that everyone knew you were mine?"
"Who said I'm yours?" replies Joonmyun, as Jongin grinds against him harder, their erections pressing together. Jongin's jeans are too tight. The dance floor is too hot. Joonmyun is hotter. The wall beneath his palms is cool, though. Joonmyun is studying him carefully, cheeks flushed with arousal even as his mouth curls down into a frown. "I'm not." A steady rhythm. It matches the blaring beat from the speakers. There's tension liquid lava running up Jongin's thighs.
"I know," Jongin says. I wish you were, is unacceptable, so Jongin says nothing. He grinds his hips forward. In the noise of the crowd, Joonmyun's moan is swallowed up, but Jongin can see it in his parted lips. He grinds forward again, and Joonmyun pushes back. "What if I fucked you here?" asks Jongin. The slight scorch of the alcohol has long since worn away, and all that remains is adrenaline. "Would you still dance like that with someone else?"
Joonmyun laughs chokes sobs whimpers and pulls Jongin closer, slipping his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. "What if I fucked you, instead?" Joonmyun says. Jongin drops his head to Joonmyun's shoulder as he feels his climax approaching. Joonmyun's breath is sticky on his neck. Joonmyun's hands are warm in his back pockets.
"As long as it was me," Jongin says, "and not anyone else."
Joonmyun looks at him, eyes as wide and puzzled as Jongin's ever seen them, and opens his mouth to speak, but then he throws his head back instead, coming against Jongin's thigh. Jongin follows shortly after, the friction burning as much as it feels good, and he collapses against Joonmyun, crushing him to the wall.
"Is that how you teach dancing?" Joonmyun asks. Jongin kisses him again lazily, letting his tongue twist around Joonmyun's slower than the music. Joonmyun's hands clutch at his shoulders for dear life. Jongin feels like a melting popsicle. You'd never believe it was nearing the end of autumn outside.
If Jongin weren't still trembling, he'd respond with something snappy, like maybe "tutor knows best," or "I learned from the best," but Jongin is still trembling, and he’s never been very snappy. Glub glub.
So instead, he just keeps kissing Joonmyun, and maybe Joonmyun can tell that Jongin is trying to say hey, I really like you, in a boyfriend way and not a thanks for the blowjobs and the studying kind of way with every pass of his tongue along the palette of Joonmyun's mouth, because he shivers and pulls away with a wet sound that would be gross if it wasn't them making it.
"Shouldn't you go home and get some sleep?" asks Joonmyun, and Jongin definitely, totally cannot say 'only if you come with me' no matter how much he wants to.
"Yeah," Jongin says. He tightens his hands on Joonmyun's hips. "Can you…"
Joonmyun tilts his head inquisitively, and Jongin swallows. "Can I what?"
"Will you… Do you have time to…"
Joonmyun slides his hands down Jongin's arms. Jongin licks his lips. Joonmyun's eyeliner is smudged. He's handsome. So handsome. He's also trying not to laugh. "I'll come to your show, Jongin."
Jongin fights back his grin and does not quite succeed. "Only if you, you know, can find a little block of time in your planner. To. I don't know. Come. For—"
"I marked it off a month ago," Joonmyun says nonchalantly, but there's red in his cheeks! Like he's unsure too. Maybe. So confusing. "I was starting to think you wouldn't ask." Jongin kisses Joonmyun's forehead, which finally gets the laugh that's been lurking in his eyes. There is cum cooling in Jongin's underwear. It feels terrible, but his chest is loosening anyway. "And Jongin?"
"Yeah?" Jongin asks. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Lu Han scanning the crowd for him. He should go put him out of his misery.
"That guy I was dancing with was Jongdae. My best friend. He has a girlfriend. She's here tonight, too." Jongin's eyes search Joonmyun's. They're unreadable, but Joonmyun is biting his lip. "Not that I owe you an explanation."
"Right," Jongin says. It's a dragon in his stomach. "I'll… see you tomorrow." He reluctantly lets Joonmyun go as Lu Han and Yixing spot him.
"Tomorrow then," Joonmyun says, and Jongin turns away before he does something dumb like pick Joonmyun up and spin him around.
"You look pleased," Lu Han says, as Yixing tries to call a taxi.
"Shut up," Jongin says, even though he is pleased. Happy even.
❀ ❀ ❀
So maybe they aren't dating. But Jongin would like to think they kind of, sort of, have an understanding.
This understanding is better than their old understanding, which was Jongin not understanding at all. This new understanding is more like Jongin knowing that Joonmyun likes Jongin maybe as much as Jongin likes Joonmyun. Joonmyun has mysterious ~reasons~ for not wanting to put labels on it, and Jongin's not sure if it's a fear of commitment, or what, but whatever it is, it has Jongin happily letting Joonmyun roll a chocolate flavored condom down on him and blow him to Jongin's refrain of every key word from chapter thirteen of his Finance text.
✫ ✫ even chanyeol is vaguely impressed with jongin's motivation to study when he catches jongin reviewing the material at midnight on a saturday. "study session tomorrow," jongin tells him, and chanyeol shakes his head in wonder as he pulls his huge furry hat down over his ears and disappears into the ether.
"I probably," says Jongin, as Joonmyun's tongue flattens against the underside of his cock, "could not have—" Joonmyun swallows around him, and Jongin forgets, for a moment, where he even is as he tightens his grip on the sides of the chair.
"Could not have what, Jonginnie?" Joonmyun looks up at him, lips so red and puffy, from between Jongin's knees. Jongin sometimes thinks he could come from looking at him. He peels one hand free and combs it through Joonmyun's hair. It is still awful. Jongin hopes he never changes it. "Use your words for hyung."
"Passed Finance," hisses Jongin through a clenched jaw. "Without you."
Joonmyun teasingly circles his tongue around the tip of Jongin's cock. Jongin's hips lift, but Joonmyun knows him now, and pushes them back down. "You haven't passed yet," Joonmyun says, breathing the words out heavy on purpose. "Tell me about the Treynor-Black model."
Jongin closes his eyes and searches for more words than 'investment portfolio' and 'unsystematic risk' as Joonmyun sucks him back into his perfect mouth.
❀ ❀ ❀
"But you're not dating him," Boa says, as she pets Sehun's hair. "I don't get it."
"So it's kind of strange," Jongin says. "So what?"
"It is very strange," Sehun says. He looks really dumb when he laughs, but his girlfriend looks down at him like he's endearing. To each their own.
You're the last person to comment on my unconventional relationship, runs through Jongin's mind as Boa fixes Sehun's bra strap so the two are even on his broad shoulders. She is pleased by the glimpse of white lace. Jongin doesn't get that. He also doesn't get whatever goes on with Chanyeol and Baekhyun and Yifan. He doesn't get it at all. But he doesn't need to get it, because it's not his relationship.
His relationship, or not-relationship, is with Joonmyun. He doesn't get that either, but he almost does. It is more than he can say for most things in his life that are not dance.
"I'm happy," Jongin says, and Sehun nods approvingly.
"I like it when you're happy," Sehun says, as Boa wraps her arms around his waist. "You're much easier to tolerate when your life isn't fire and brimstone." He sighs. "This is also better than the porn-star thing, seriously."
"Yeah," Jongin says. There is that.
❀ ❀ ❀
Jongin doesn't tell Joonmyun he's going to his senior recital. He sits in the back, and doesn't bring flowers or anything embarrassing like that.
He loiters after the show, and Joonmyun spots him pressed against the wall. "You came," he says, and Jongin casually shrugs his shoulders. Or maybe flinches. Either way, he is not lame and sappy and in love. Joonmyun is shining all over him. Jongin would be lying if he said he didn't like it.
Joonmyun looks nice in his suit. His bow-tie is white. It is crooked, too. What a dork. Jongin itches to fix it.
"I wrote it in my planner months ago," Jongin mumbles, keeping his hands to himself.
"You don't have a planner," says Joonmyun, but he brushes his fingers across Jongin's knuckles and it is as good as Joonmyun saying 'Good job'.
"Your tutee came," Kyuhyun says, interrupting them. His eyes are dancing. The way he says tutee is filthy. Joonmyun frowns up at him with slight disapproval. So cute.
"Well," Joonmyun says, winking at Jongin, "he's a little more than that."
Someone has poured lighter fluid all over Jongin's insides and set him on fire, that's how hot and flushed he is. He should say something.
"Interesting," Kyuhyun says. "Very interesting." His eye flicker back and forth between Jongin and Joonmyun for a moment, and Joonmyun's smile inexplicably gets larger.
"You want to go get chicken and beer?" Jongin asks, and Joonmyun grins.
"Sounds good to me."
❀ ❀ ❀
"Your final exam is tomorrow." Joonmyun says. His fingers are walking up and down Jongin's spine. Without looking, Jongin knows Joonmyun is studying him with the same concentration he gives to everything. A firm determination. "Are you ready for it?" Jongin's heart is beating so so fast. Joonmyun's sheets are sticking to his elbows and knees.
The fingers, slick, slide lower, between Jongin's asscheeks. Too slow. Jongin is not as patient as Joonmyun is. Joonmyun is infinitely patient, even about stuff like this. Jongin squirms back toward the touch. Joonmyun pulls away. "You tell me," Jongin says. "Tutor knows best, right?"
"So tell me," Joonmyun says. He rests his lube-slick thumb on Jongin's hole. Jongin tenses on reflex. Joonmyun laughs and taps it. Jongin pushes into it, and Joonmyun pulls back again. "What you know about Finance, then."
It prompts a whiny noise that Jongin would hate if anyone but Joonmyun were listening. He's sort of figured out that Joonmyun likes those whiny noises. He has never said he does but Jongin is better at reading body language than he is at composing complete thoughts.
"That is…" Jongin huffs as Joonmyun slides in the tip of his finger, just up to the first knuckle. It is not enough. Jongin has been hard and on his hands and knees for over twenty minutes now, Joonmyun slowly wrecking him with barely any touch at all. "A very…"
"A very what?" He is so so so patient. Jongin is not.
"General question," Jongin pants, and the finger slides all the way in, curling and flexing against Jongin's walls. "More lube."
"Mmm," Joonmyun says, withdrawing his finger. When he returns, his fingers are cool and slicker. This time, two fingers breach Jongin's entrance, and Jongin hisses at the stretch. "So tight, Jonginnie."
Crooking his fingers down, he searches. Jongin's cock is so fucking hard. Every time he takes a deep breath he can feel the weight of his erection and the trembling in his thighs. Joonmyun is so methodical. "Hyung, please."
He would like more fingers. He would like Joonmyun's pretty pale hand around his dick. He would like Joonmyun to replace his fingers with his penis.
"Please, what?" Three fingers now. It burns. Joonmyun is stretching him carefully, every once in a while leaving a kiss on Jongin's back, right where it meets the curve of his ass. Every time he does, Jongin clenches on reflex around his fingers. "Tell me."
Jongin groans frustratedly.
"Or we could talk about the profit/loss ratio," Joonmyun says. "Your choice, Jonginnie."
"Fuck," Jongin says, letting his head drop. His hair falls into his eyes. The torturous push and pull of Joonmyun's hand. Joonmyun's pinky is teasing at the rim now. Jongin's whole body is hyperaware.
✫ ✫ joonmyun's only ever gotten four fingers deep inside him once before, and jongin had come so hard he could feel the pinpricks of tears at the corners of his eyes. he had liked that, but he likes it more when he can feel the throb of joonmyun inside him, and the weight of joonmyun's chest against his back. joonmyun has a habit of pressing wet kisses to his neck too, and he likes that best of all.
"What was that?" He's pressing into Jongin's walls now, steady pressure on his prostate the way he knows will make Jongin shake. Jongin guesses they both like that.
"Fuck me," says Jongin. The tear of a condom packet, and a quiet moan. Maybe Joonmyun is stroking himself, to make slick the latex. Jongin doesn't know. He does know that he feels empty. "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me."
"It's the next thing on my schedule," Joonmyun says, pushing in with quick breaths, his hands tight on Jongin's hips but not tight enough to bruise.
Ground rules. No marks. Not even on Jongin, who would not mind a mark or two.
A still slippery hand around his erection distracts Jongin. He's caught between the motion inside of him and below him. Joonmyun is leaving soft kisses on the blades of his shoulders. "Jongin," Joonmyun murmurs against the wet skin beneath his lips.
Jongin really likes Joonmyun. He really really really really likes Joonmyun. And really, who needs a porn star when you have Joonmyun hard inside of you and patiently stroking you and telling you in soft almost indistinguishable murmurs how 'nice you look spread open like this'?
Jongin comes across the sheets, and struggles to hold himself up despite the jellylike state of his legs and arms. Joonmyun quickens his pace until he's spilling into the condom.
Pulling out, he guides Jongin down. Jongin collapses with relief, tugging the smaller man into his chest and wrapping him in a bear hug even as he accidentally shifts into the wet spot.
"Jongin, let me—"
"No," Jongin says, into Joonmyun's raspberry hair, and the strands stick to his lips. "Gonna hug you."
"All right," Joonmyun says. He doesn't put up a fight. Like he. Like he might enjoy this part too. This side clause of being Jongin's not-boyfriend. Maybe this is one of Jongin's ground rules. Hugging is mandatory. "But we still have three chapters to review."
"I know that," Jongin says. "I didn't survive this semester to fail the final."
Joonmyun doesn't respond. He lightly scratches his nails down Jongin's stomach. It tickles. Jongin has to hold in a giggle. Grown-ass men don't giggle.
It is a comfy silence. Jongin is very good at silences, if he's not supposed to be saying anything. He doesn't think he's supposed to be saying anything right now.
He knows Joonmyun is going to speak because he stops moving. Joonmyun always thinks carefully before he speaks. Jongin can usually see the perfect response forming itself in Joonmyun's eyes.
"Would you want to be with me? Exclusively?" Joonmyun asks Jongin. "Later. After I graduate, I mean."
Hold on, though. They never talk about this. Not since Joonmyun had told Jongin no. Not since Jongin had kept himself from bringing it up again after the… incident at the club.
"Yeah," Jongin says. He cautiously tightens his arms around Joonmyun. Joonmyun is so small. Jongin doesn't want to crush him. "I'd want to be with you exclusively now, if you'd let me."
Joonmyun shakes his head. "Not yet," he says. "I have things… I have to tell you. About me."
"You're not going to change my mind."
"You should wait until you see what I have to tell you," Joonmyun says, linking their fingers together. Jongin is like ninety-nine percent sure nothing can change how much pulling Joonmyun into his arms and snuggling him close makes him feel.
❀ ❀ ❀
Jongin gets an A in Finance.
Joonmyun is very, very proud of him. (Demonstratively so.)
Jongin can admit that is what he has wanted most.
❀ ❀ ❀
"It is too fucking cold," Sehun says. Zitao throws an arm over his shoulder. "Thank goodness I have a human thermal pack."
"Is that all I am to you?" Zitao says, and Sehun licks his lips and then regrets it. "See if I hang around anymore."
"I would marginally miss you," Sehun asks. "More than I would miss Jongin, to be honest."
"Hey!" Sehun isn't just the worst roommate ever, he's the worst friend ever. "After graduation, we have four whole weeks where you don't have to see me. But 10,000 won says you call me in the first five days."
"Vacation is mind-numbing," says Sehun. "Being the best possible option doesn't make you a good option." He slants his eyes. He looks like a smug, lazy housecat. "You might not have time for me, though. I see the Joonmyun-shaped hearts in your eyes even now."
"You're still seeing him?" Zitao's face is openly pleased. "Wow."
"Why 'wow'?" Jongin asks. "I am very likeable. People can like me."
Sehun coughs. It sounds remarkably like he's saying the word pretty. Jongin ignores him.
Zitao adamantly shakes his head. "No, no, I mean… Joonmyun-hyung doesn't date. He doesn't usually keep people around? He must really be into you."
"There's no accounting for taste," Sehun says, but he burrows a little deeper under Zitao's arm.
"Jongin and Joonmyun-hyung are both great people," Zitao says. It makes Jongin feel nice, even if Zitao loves everyone.
"See? Everything will work out."
❀ ❀ ❀
Graduation creeps up on them both. Jongin is in Joonmyun's room, getting in the way more than helping as Joonmyun tries to pack to move out.
It's been a few hours since Jongin has come over. He has nothing to do now that classes are done but to distract Joonmyun.
Distractions had come in the form of bending Joonmyun over the table in the middle of his room and slicking the insides of his thighs with lube so that he could slide his cock beneath and along the smooth skin of Joonmyun's balls as Joonmyun jerked himself off, mumbling a packing list under his breath.
Instinct had made Jongin want to suck hickies into the clear, sweet skin of Joonmyun's neck. He hadn't. He does not know why he's so fixated. He figures it’s because 1. he was the type of kid to color with the blue crayon on white walls, and 2. because something about the way Joonmyun is so fastidious makes him want to muss him up. There is also the possibility of 3., which is that Jongin wants a reminder to himself and everyone else that the tiny man belongs to him, but Jongin is certainly not going to dwell on that.
Now they're back to work, even if Jongin's back is sticky with sweat and Joonmyun's hair is the product of nightmares.
"Can you get my last suitcase?"
"Sure," Jongin says.
Joonmyun smacks his butt as Jongin stretches across the bed to grab the extra bag from under the bed.
"What if I take you from behind, this time?" Joonmyun teases, and that's… that's a line straight from 'NYPD Blew'. Jongin remembers because he replayed it over and over and over the night before his high school graduation. Suho had delivered it just like that.
He looks over his shoulder and Joonmyun is grinning at him. His hair is pushed back and matted. Sweat clings to his neck and shoulders. He looks like… "Suho," Jongin says, and Joonmyun's grin falls. "You look like Suho."
"You know who Suho is?" Joonmyun asks. His voice is tight. He is not touching Jongin. That scares Jongin, because there's a weird look in Joonmyun's eyes.
"Yeah," Jongin says. He doesn't just know who Suho is. He has memorized Suho from his desk chair, and he has gotten off to Suho's voice, and he had imagined, even as late as a half a year ago, what it would be like to run into Suho and ask him on a date.
Since he's met Joonmyun, though, he hasn't thought much about Suho. Maybe briefly, in the ways they are similar, but mostly he has thought about the ways in which Joonmyun is infinitely more real to him than Suho will ever be.
Joonmyun had said it best, the night of that first blowjob, as they talked over a pitcher of beer. Suho is a persona. Joonmyun is a real, living, breathing person with awful shirts and even more awful hair. Jongin is kind of in love with him.
And so he should not be staring at Joonmyun with his goldfish face. "Yeah, I know Suho. I had a thing for him in high school." Downplay it. 'Don't, under any circumstances, mention the collection of sixty-four films on your harddrive or the creepy hidden stash of DVDs you made Minho buy you during high school. Just don't.' "You look like him."
Joonmyun laughs. Chokes. Sobs. "Jongin, I am him."
The words don't compute. Jongin tries to process them, but they don't make sense. Well. They do make sense. Perfect sense.
Jongin is dumb. "You're…?"
"Do you get it now?" Joonmyun asks. "Why I couldn't just date you?" He's not looking at Jongin's face anymore. He's staring at a stack of taped boxes. His small hands are gripping his small thighs and oh my god, Jongin has seen Joonmyun fuck so many women. "Jongin?"
Okay, so Joonmyun is Suho. On the one hand, Jongin's not sure how much he likes that Joonmyun hadn't just been upfront with him in the first place. That hadn't been fair. But Joonmyun had also told him there were things about him that Jongin didn't know. Jongin had expected a smaller secret. Like maybe that Joonmyun was an international spy, or something. Not something huge like this.
But looking at Joonmyun now, lips in a thin line, Jongin thinks maybe, just maybe, Joonmyun was kind of afraid he would be rejected. By Jongin. Who he likes. Jongin likes Joonmyun, too. Even if his job is sort of. Unconventional. Jongin really likes Joonmyun. "Hyung, I…"
The issue, as usual, is that Jongin has a million words he needs to say, and zero of them on hand for immediate use. He can see the expression on Joonmyun's face getting sadder as moments pass. Jongin searches for his voice. Glub glub. Nothing.
"Are you going to say anything?" Joonmyun asks. Crackling voice.
Inside Jongin's head, he's screaming. Outside his head, he's silent. "…"
"I think…" Joonmyun says, staring at the floor now, "that I can finish this up alone." He gulps. "I get it. I do. It was selfish of me not to tell you but I knew if I did, that you would…"
"No," finally forces itself out, and Jongin feels like punching himself in the face. "I—"
✫ ✫ jongin is in the danger zone. there are red lights flashing everywhere. this is that part in goldeneye for the N64 where the blood washes down your screen because your character has been shot waaaaaay too many times.
"Can you leave?" Joonmyun asks. "I think we can both agree, at least, that tutoring is over."
He's not sure how he ends up outside of Joonmyun's room. He is also not sure how he ends up in his own bed, beneath the covers, still fully clothed.
"What happened?" Chanyeol asks.
"Joonmyun-hyung is Suho."
"That took you long enough." Jongin peeks his head out from under the covers.
"You—" Jongin is tired of using his brain for the day. "Yifan, right?"
Yifan had known all along. Zitao, too, probably. "Yup," Chanyeol says, flicking Jongin's arm accurately despite the thick quilt. Chanyeol's always been an expert in annoying. "So how did you mess up?"
"Are we even friends?"
"You keep insisting we aren't but I'd like to think I'm special to you, Jongin." Chanyeol tugs back the covers. Jongin, still lying on his stomach, hugs his pillow to hide his face. "Did you get mad?"
"No," Jongin says. "Maybe for like, three seconds. But then I mostly wanted to enfold his tiny body in my arms and—"
"If this is about to get rated," Chanyeol says. "Save it for Sehun. It's his turn." Chanyeol laughs. His laugh is so loud. "But seriously, why are you here instead of living the dream of sexing up a porn star?"
"Because…" Jongin thinks it would be awesome if he could teleport right now. Straight to the bottom of the ocean. "Because Joonmyun is Suho? I. What. Is happening."
"Wait, you don't… Do you not want to date him because he's a porn star? That would be totally valid, but I didn't really think that you, in particular, would…"
"No, I don't care," Jongin snaps. "Actually, I do care, but more in the 'why-didn't-you-just-tell-me-that' way, rather than in the 'I-no-longer-want-to-date-you' way! Because! All this time!" Jongin sighs. "Obviously, it's not my ideal career choice for a boyfriend but Suho was my dream man, even though I knew he was a porn star. Joonmyun-hyung, well, is my dream man, still. They're. They're the same person! Not many people get to fall in love with the same person twice. And it's just his job! I was his not-job. I was his not-boyfriend." Jongin is possessive but he would be willing to put up with so much more to wake up with Joonmyun in his arms.
"Well," says Chanyeol, "I thought you'd at least be able to say a fraction of that."
"I have been overestimated," Jongin says, burying his face deeper in his pillow. "Extremely over-estimated." Chanyeol laughs at him, because he's the worst roommate ever, and Jongin won't forget this, he really won't. "I said nothing. N-o-t-h-i-n-g."
"It's okay, Jongin. I'm sure everything will work out."
"Everyone always says that," Jongin wails despairingly into the plush pillow. "And it's always hideous lies."
❀ ❀ ❀
Yifan is looking at him searchingly. "No, but really. You had no idea?"
"Stop judging me," says Jongin. "I am struggling." He takes a long, lingering sip of his Coke. They're seated around a table in the back of the 'Kimbap Sarang', three rolls of tuna kimbap in front of them and one roll of beef because Yifan is a prissy bitch who won't eat fish. "But no, I did not know."
✫ ✫ now, of course, that he knows, jongin is demoting himself from biggish amoeba to single celled eukaryote, and jongin is damn sure those don't make any noise. the point is, maybe the 'no marks, shitton of free sex supplies, secret job, actual-same-face-as-Jongin's-favorite-porn-star,' thing was a total giveaway. the way Joonmyun was so unsure with kisses but commanding with sex. all of that. jongin is just the most incompetent, unobservant person on the planet. no big deal.
"You are dumb," Baekhyun says. "I still like you, though."
"Are you serious?" Yifan seems perplexed by Jongin's sheer obliviousness. Jongin can empathize with that. Jongin is perplexed too. "It's only…"
"I know," Jongin says. "Trust me, I know."
Chanyeol, who has kept mostly silent on the issue, finally weighs in. "So, this seems like it should be simple to fix?"
"It would be," says Jongin, "if Joonmyun-hyung would answer my emails. Or my calls."
"Go and see him!" Baekhyun says. "That would be romantic."
'That would be stalking," Yifan says, but he's still looking at Baekhyun like he's charmed. Ew. "Not advisable."
"Also I don't know where he lives." Jongin burrows his face deeper into his sweatshirt. He should put his coat back on. The cold from outside is seeping in with every open and close of the door. "He graduated. So he's moved. He said he was going to his parents' again for a while. I don't know where that is."
"Wow," Chanyeol says. "This story is not turning out like I thought it would." He shoves a whole piece of tuna kimbap in his mouth and Baekhyun reaches across the table, elbowing Jongin, to wipe the mayo from the corner of his mouth. "If this was a movie," Jongin can see all the half-chewed contents of his mouth, "I would ask for my money back."
"How do I fix this?" Jongin says. "I have so much to say and no idea how to say it."
"In more ways than one," Chanyeol says sagely. Jongin steps on his foot under the table and enjoys his yelp.
❀ ❀ ❀
Jongin looks mournfully down at his copy of 'Willy's Wonka and the Chocolate Factory', and misses the off-beat bobbing of Joonmyun's head to violin music in the afternoons.
stop ignoring me hyung he types into an email. i miss u :-(
❀ ❀ ❀
"We're going out, asshole," Lu Han says. Jongin shouldn't have picked up the phone. He never learns. He hears Yixing tittering in the background.
"Fine," Jongin says. It is better to give in now than drag this all out. Lu Han will win in the end.
Over an hour later, Jongin finds himself in Hongdae. It's funny. He has shimmied his way into his tightest pair of leather pants and pushed his hair back from his forehead the way he knows makes him look hot. He's done that, but this won't end the way it always used to end in his head, a year ago.
"You look sexy but miserable," says a girl at the bar. It takes Jongin a moment to realize it's Krystal. "I predict you will get many numbers tonight."
"Not really looking to pick someone up," Jongin says.
"Nursing a broken heart?" She gestures out to Lu Han and Yixing, who have once again abandoned him for the dance floor. He thinks they're trying to leave him alone so he can find a dance partner. He vaguely appreciates it. "Your friends don't seem helpful."
'They try," Jongin says. Krystal blows a giant bubble with her gum. "By the way, the tutor worked out really well. He was great."
"Never a single complaint about Kim Joonmyun," Krystal says. "It's a shame he graduated. Now I'll actually have to work harder to match people up."
"I'm sorry for your loss," Jongin says. The music swells, and he can't hear her response. She is pointing, though, over Jongin's shoulder.
Jongin turns around. And oh no. Oh yes? Oh something. Jongin can’t believe his eyes.
Joonmyun is there, with Zitao. Zitao looks up and meets his eyes with a wink. Jongin is not slow enough to miss that he's been set up by Lu Han, Yixing, and Zitao.
"What are you waiting for? Your friend is waving at you."
"Yeah," Jongin says. "Yeah." He nods a perfunctory bye at Krystal and approaches them.
Joonmyun is looking at him placidly, smile fixed on his face. His eyes aren't bright. He's not so happy to see Jongin. Jongin is not going to give up, though.
"Baekhyun said you've been having problems getting a hold of Joonmyun-hyung," Zitao mumbles into his ear. He mumbles everything, always, but it's even worse in a noisy club. "So I got a hold of him for you."
You are my favorite friend, Jongin tries to communicate with his eyes. Zitao seems to understand. Maybe.
"I should—" Joonmyun casts about for something else to do but there's nothing.
✫ ✫ There is no escape. Jongin would cackle, but he is not Chanyeol and he is not going to sink to Chanyeol's level.
Instead, he grabs Joonmyun's hand and drags him outside. He didn't think this all the way through. It is really fucking cold. His nipples could cut glass for a jewel heist.
Joonmyun is shivering. His shirt is thin. His jeans are tight. He looks gorgeous in the streetlights. "How are you?" Jongin can be cool. Jongin can be smooth. Kind of. He's still holding Joonmyun's hand. He should. Stop that.
But Joonmyun isn't pulling away. Maybe he wants to. Maybe, Jongin thinks, maybe he doesn't.
"I'm doing well," Joonmyun says. "I got a new apartment, you know? And—"
Of course now, outside a nightclub in Hongdae while two first years Jongin vaguely recognizes from his Finance class are making out behind them in a side alley… Now, now is when Jongin gets the words whose arrival he's been awaiting for weeks and weeks.
Maybe Jongin is actually a tortoise and life is the hare. He hopes he wins the race.
"I made up all kinds of stuff, in my head, that I wanted to do with Suho," Jongin says. "Picnics, dances, romantic walks." He shakes his head. "Then I met Joonmyun, and suddenly I didn't want a suave porn star." He laughs. "I just wanted awkward but self-assured Joonmyun. My smart Finance tutor with the terrible haircut and the perfect smile." He shrugs.
"Did you just call me awkward?" Joonmyun is amused. Incredulous?
Jongin flushes. "You are, though," he says. "Always tripping and doing weird things with your hands."
"Now that you know that was me in the videos," Joonmyun says, "and that I used to fuck people on camera, you still want me?" He sounds amazed, which is ridiculous because Jongin's been nothing but hopelessly into Joonmyun since he first set eyes on him.
"Well, yeah," Jongin says. He scrunches up his face. "If you would have answered my calls…"
"I thought you were going to let me down easy," Joonmyun says. "Or not easy, because you're horrible with words, so you probably would say something heartbreaking and then I'd have to deal with that on top of the stress from my job, and—" He's rambling. Jongin has not seen him ramble very often. He's waving his hands around, too. Joonmyun is so cute that Jongin wants to pull Joonmyun inside of him so he has to stay in Jongin's chest all day right next to his heart.
"I love you, hyung."
"Oh," Joonmyun says, and now who's the goldfish? He's gaping at Jongin. Glub glub. "Well, that's okay, because I love you, too." He sighs. "I have. For a while."
"Really?" Jongin scowls. "Then why won't you just be my boyfriend? You are so confusing!"
"I was harboring a secret porn career?"
"That's your job," Jongin says. "I'm not your job."
"No," Joonmyun says, "you're not." Joonmyun nervously combs down his bangs. "You'd really date me even though you know I'm a porn star? Why is this not a big deal to you?" His fingers drift to his sideburns. He's cut his hair some. It looks good. Everything about him looks good. Jongin has been stockholmed. “I’m being serious, Jongin. Is that really okay with you? You got mad watching me dance with my best friend.”
That was different. Different because Jongin didn’t have a right to be mad. Different because maybe Joonmyun’s feelings were involved with that and not just his body. Jongin would rather not share either but what he wants most is Joonmyun’s heart. If he can have that, Joonmyun’s job is something he can learn to handle.
"Yeah!" Jongin says. "Really!" He taps his chin and tries on a joke. "I might like it if you wore those tight spandex shiny shorts from 'Skindiana Jones' around your new apartment, actually—"
"I'm afraid I no longer have access to the costume closet," Joonmyun says. He sounds hesitant. He sounds happy, too. Maybe Jongin has passed his most important test yet. "Since I've paid my way through university and gotten a new, far less lucrative job as a teacher."
Jongin licks his lips. "Have you?" he asks, and Joonmyun leans forward and kisses Jongin's chin. Jongin catches him before he can pull back, and winds his hands into Joonmyun's hair to kiss him properly. Joonmyun sighs into it. Jongin happily breathes in the scent of raspberries. "So now I don’t have to share anything?" Even better.
"Hmm," Joonmyun says, with a glint in his eyes that Jongin now finds all too familiar. "Mind if I take you home with me?"
"Not at all," Jongin says. "But I've got a new semester starting tomorrow, so I can't be out all night." He doesn’t know where all these complete sentences are coming from, but he is thankful for them nonetheless.
"I'll help you study," Joonmyun says. "If you want."
"Will you be my boyfriend?" Jongin asks plaintively, and Joonmyun swallows.
"Yes," he says. "Yes, Jongin. Yes." He's shining at Jongin again. Jongin takes all that light in and bottles it up to keep.
❀ ❀ ❀
Joonmyun's new apartment is okay, maybe. It is kind of dark, and Joonmyun is tearing at Jongin's jacket as soon as the door closes, not bothering with the light. Jongin doesn't really pay attention, actually. Mostly he just pays attention to the skin revealed with every lost article of clothing. Jongin's clothes tangle with Joonmyun's on the floor. Jongin's legs tangle with Joonmyun's on the bed.
It has not been long since he has last tasted Joonmyun. The sweetness of him. Jongin remaps the contours of Joonmyun's chest, anyway. He frees the three fingers he's been sliding in and out of Joonmyun so he can grip at his side. "Hey," Jongin says. "Hey, hey."
"What?" Joonmyun squirms under Jongin's lips. Jongin circles his tongue across Joonmyun's left nipple, and then his right. Joonmyun hooks one of his ankles around the back of Jongin's thigh to pull him down, so his belly rubs against Joonmyun's cock. "Use your words."
"Boyfriend," Jongin says. Joonmyun's grin makes Jongin's gut jump pleasantly.
"Boyfriend," Joonmyun repeats. His hands grip at Jongin's upper arms, along the striation of muscle Jongin has earned from dance. His mouth is very pink. If Jongin weren't busy craving something else he would kiss it again. As it is though, all he can think about is that Joonmyun is his.
"Let me…" He sweeps his tongue along the sweaty slope of Joonmyun's sternum. Joonmyun's stomach is clenching. His cock is leaking precum and leaves a sticky trail where it drags across Jongin's abs. Jongin is too distracted to speak. Still, now is not the time to go goldfish. "Marks. Are marks okay now?" Jongin's not sure if his words are even intelligible, but Joonmyun's hands tighten on his arms.
"How long have you been wanting that?" Joonmyun says. Jongin loves his laugh. He loves everything about him. Boyfriend.. "It's okay."
Jongin immediately sucks skin into his mouth, biting down into that smooth, flawless tummy. Joonmyun shudders as Jongin scrapes his teeth along the captured flesh. When he draws back, he has left a large red mark. It looks angry and Jongin feels a welling satisfaction as Joonmyun throbs against him.
"You like it, too," Jongin says. Joonmyun shivers.
"Maybe," he says, and then Jongin is somehow flat on his back, Joonmyun on top of him and looking down at him with pleased eyes. Jongin pushes his thumb into the red spot he has made, and Joonmyun grinds down on him in retaliation.
"You do," Jongin says. "You do."
"I like how much you like it," Joonmyun says, and then he's grabbing at Jongin's hair with one hand and rolling a lubed condom down on him with the other. His movements are sloppy, and Jongin lifts himself up to latch his lips to Joonmyun's neck. He knows it hurts a little, because Joonmyun's breath whistles out from between his teeth.
Joonmyun hot and tight around him is familiar and exhilarating.
✫ ✫ joonmyun's flushed face and silly smile is more perfect to jongin than anything he could have imagined from watching suho.
"Hyung," Jongin moans, falling back into the sheets as Joonmyun sinks all the way down.
"Hold still for me a minute," Joonmyun says. "That's a good boy."
"Good boy?" Jongin looks up at Joonmyun through eyes half-lidded. He's doing his best not to move, even if it feels good so good better than good.
"Can I call you that?" Joonmyun jokes, huffing as he lifts himself and then slams back down.
"You can call me anything you want," Jongin says, reverently, and Joonmyun laughs against the skin of Jongin's throat. Boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend.
"What if I call you 'mine'?" He's rocking now, and the slip and slide hits a nice rhythm. Joonmyun can dance just fine, after all.
Jongin bites down on his lower lip and skates a trembling, disbelieving hand down the smooth line of Joonmyun's back. Then he curls his fingers and scratches hard enough to leave welts.
"That's okay with me," Jongin says, and he can feel Joonmyun's smile in his neck. 'That's perfectly okay with me."
✫ ✫ (actually, jongin would prefer it.)
❀ ❀ ❀
“So do you guys make home movies?” Sehun asks, like he’s about to ask technical questions about where they position the cameras or something, and Jongin gently, oh so gently, grabs the back of Sehun’s panties and pulls them up his butt.
~~~ the end~~~ wheeee~~~