The note in Phil's parking space just said I am very, very sorry.
The person who left it was going to be very, very sorry about the fact that Phil knew his handwriting.
Jarvis barely put up a fuss as he let Phil into the Tower, sending him straight up to the R&D department. As he stepped off the elevator, an extremely attractive woman stood with her back turned to him; she wore a white dress and black heels, her shining, cherry-red hair cut into a flattering bob.
Tony spotted him over her shoulder, and Phil was very pleased when he cowered.
Seeing Tony's reaction, the woman turned around, and her eyes lit up. "Phil," she said, in a smooth, low voice, and even in that one word she made it sound like she knew everything about him, everything that there was to know. Before Phil could say anything, she walked behind him and simply molded herself against him, pressing herself against him tightly.
"Excuse me," he said, as she wrapped her arms around him, one across his chest and the other around his waist. There was something familiar about her touch, like he'd felt her against him before, but he wasn't precisely in the habit of being held this close by women and then forgetting their names. "Do I know you?"
"Um," Tony said. "So, this is Lola."
Phil drew a deep breath and counted to ten. Then he counted to twenty. And thirty. "What?" he said, not sure he could get out another word without screaming.
"This isn't any weirder than anything else that we go through," Tony pleaded. "I promise I brought it- her- the car up here because it didn't sound right when you drove it in and I was going to fix one thing and it got sort of in the way of something else- I mean, this is the least of our worries right now, there's a Quinjet sitting in the next room who calls himself Rick for no reason that I can determine-"
"Stark," he snapped. "What did you do to my car?"
"Well," Tony said, looking at the two of them. Phil had put his hands over hers in an attempt to remove them from his person, but somehow their fingers had become entwined. "From here it looks like I might have made her into your new girlfriend."
Phil scowled, gently but firmly lifting her hands away from him and stepping away. She made a disappointed sound, but stayed put. "You can't turn inanimate objects into people," he said. Somehow, it seemed both fucking ridiculous and completely plausible that they would have to have this conversation. "It creates too many complications."
"I only did it twice," he protested. "And I had Pepper hide the- okay for as much as you know about this stuff it could be the flux capacitor- so that I couldn't put it back together."
"You can't just make it go in reverse?" Phil asked.
Tony frowned. "That seems rude."
Phil rubbed his forehead. "I have no idea what the paperwork on this is going to look like," he muttered.
"On the bright side, pretty sure you don't have to pay collision on her anymore," Tony said. "And SHIELD probably has benefits for-" He looked at Lola. "I feel like 'domestic partners' is the only phrase that really suits here."
"In your capacity as a SHIELD consultant, you'll be completing a full report on what's happened here," Phil said stiffly. "I'll be taking my- I'll be taking Lola back to headquarters."
"You're sure?" Tony said. "I mean, I have a perfectly good garage here."
Phil narrowed his eyes.
"I know, I know, don't touch Lola, you might as well wear a sign," Tony grumbled. "You kids have fun."
"Come with me," Phil said, putting his hand on Lola's shoulder and leading her towards the elevator.
"Are we going for a drive?" Lola said excitedly. "Do you have your keys?" She frowned. "I just don't know where my ignition is anymore. Can you check?"
"Not a goddamn word, Stark," Phil warned.
"Wouldn't dream of it," Tony said, barely holding back what would surely be a riot of laughter.
Phil took her into the elevator, ordering Jarvis to take them down.
He was going to have to resist the urge to check her very, very thoroughly.