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Deep Sorrow

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The small figure is seen sitting on the chair, facing the window. Back-hunched, lonely, without any movement, giving the feels as if he is building a barricade around his fragile body with his own misery. On his lap, there lay a hand clutching a photograph of two, smiling lovingly at the camera. Side by side, face to face.

Such a great contradiction to his surrounding.

His eyes look into the distance ahead, but nothing can be seen from its reflection. It’s empty. Just the round of blackness. Giving the feel that you will get sucked once you stares into it. It’s beautiful, but it’s empty.

No one can ever know what he is thinking at those time. No one, except one person. The person he holds dearly into his heart. The person who means everything in his life.

But he has already gone.

Gone leaving him.

Leaving this world.

Poor him, they said. I heard the cause of the accident was because the two of them were arguing when they were driving in the car. The car fell into the cliff. The police said that the car had been so in wreck until it shape can’t be recognized anymore. But the weird thing is, there was only one body on the burning car, while the other was already out of the car. Is that mean that he was saving himself? Abandoning his companion who got trapped inside the burning car? How cruel!

Nino could hear clearly those words from the nurses’ around him, gossiping him, blaming him for what happened, but he couldn’t care less. He knew what was really happen to the both of them. He knew how the said person tried to push him outside, tried to get Nino out of the car that the door was miraculously got open so wide because of the wrecked when that nightmare happened. Even with only a little strength that left on his body, even with his lower part of his body that get trapped inside the damaged car, he pushed Nino with all his might, tried to save him. Nino wants to resist, Nino wants to stay by his side even if die will come to them, but he couldn’t move at all due to the shock that running through his body. Nino could only pleading, crying while saying no, saying that he didn’t want to leave his side. Saying that he want to be with him, even if he need to die with the other. The other then stopped for a while, giving Nino the sweet smile he usually gives when Nino was afraid, when Nino was feeling troubled, then reached out to caressed Nino cheek, saying that it’ll be okay, saying that he will be okay. Saying that Kazu just needs to get out of the car first and then he will come to him. Nino was sobbing hard, he kept saying No, no, no! I want to be with you! I don’t want to leave you..! I..I’m sorry…! It’s my fault that you got to be like this! I…it’s my fault that we got into the accident! I’m sorry! Please don’t push me, Sho..please..

No, no. This isn’t Kazu’s fault. He whispered while caressing Nino’s head softly with his trembling hand. He kissed Nino’s hair lovingly. Stop saying something like that, okay? We will be fine. Now you need to get out from the car first, and then I’ll come to you. We will be together again, I promise. He breathed into Nino’s hair, kissed Nino’s forehead, Nino’s cheeks, Nino’s nose, and Nino’s lips heartily, pouring Nino with love so he could assure Nino that everything will be fine. But Nino knew that he was lying. Everything won’t be fine.

The man then pushed Nino again, the smile didn’t disappear despite the blood and dirt covered almost all of his handsome face until Nino was out of the car, his body thumping by the grass underneath him. He landed on his side, facing the wrecked car. Nino felt the horror, eyes wide seeing what can be called as a nightmare in front of him. Suddenly feeling suffocated because of the fear, he tried to find where Sho was, the half side of his body lying on the seat where Nino was before, still smiling while looking at him, but Nino could saw it clearly that he was holding his tears back. Nino’s eyesight got more blurred because of his own tears. His head, his body and his heart throbbing painfully. He put all of his strength to move his hand, trying to reached Sho who was still there, smiling at him but no longer holding back his tears. 

Sho tried to reach him too, holding out his hand as far as he could until their fingers met. Only the small part of their fingers touched, but both of them could felt and understand each other's feelings at that time as if they were being connected as one.

Sho.. Nino cried while grasping tightly at the small part of Sho’s hand that he could hold into as if he was afraid that Sho will be vanished from his touch. Sho return the grasp as if reassuring Nino that he was still here, still with Nino. Sho.. I’m scared… Nino whispered into the chill air of the night.

Everything will be okay, Kazu. Sho smiled. Everything will be okay.. He caressed Nino’s cold hand gently, tried to give the hand a little warm even though his own hand was as cold as Nino’s.

But then something caught Nino’s eyes at the other side of the car. The orange color was moving graciously, as if it was dancing to Sho and Nino’s misery. And then it got bigger and bigger until Nino could felt the heat on his face. Nino got panicked. He tried to move, grasping Sho’s hand tighter, trying to pull him into his direction, but he didn’t have the strength. Sho was still smiling, holding the pain he felt on his body. He grasped Nino’s hand tightly and then detached their laced fingers.

I love you, Kazu..

No! No, Sho! No! Don’t leave me! No! Kazu screamed, crying, trying to grasp Sho’s hand once again, but it was too far away, too hard to reach with his unmoving body. And then he felt someone touched him, carried his body further away from Sho. No! No! Please..Sho! God damn it, don’t leave him! Please! Save him!  No!

Nino struggled against the person hold, reaching his hand out to Sho, want to touch him, want to beside him, but their distance grew larger and larger. And Sho still half lying there inside the wrecked car, the burning car, smiling even though tears were running down hard on his bloody face, as if sending Nino a goodbye. The dancing flame suddenly there, enveloping Sho’s body, devouring feverishly to the dear man. But the smile never comes off from his face. Never.

The explosion sound was heard, surprising everyone in the middle of the night, even from miles away.

That was the last thing that Nino saw before he got engulfed by the darkness.


It’s been hours since the small figure has seen sitting on the chair, facing the window. Back-hunched, lonely, without any movement, giving the feels as if he is building a barricade around his fragile body with his own misery. On his lap, there lay a hand clutching a photograph of two, smiling lovingly at the camera. Side by side, face to face. Such a great contradiction to his surrounding


Suddenly the small figure can feel a breeze comes out from nowhere, caressing his face, as if trying to say that Everything will be okay.. He closed his eyes slowly, letting a single tear escape from his beautiful eyes.

Yes… Everything will be okay now…   


The small figure is still sitting on the chair, facing the window. Back-hunched, lonely, without any movement, giving the feels as if he is building a barricade around his fragile body with his own misery. But there’s nothing on his lap, no photograph of two, smiling lovingly at the camera. Side by side, face to face. The photograph has fallen onto the floor long before they found it beside his sitting body, the red liquid smearing the face of the two. They are mourning, they are grieving. Faces are red and streaked with tears.

Such a great contradiction to the soft smile that plastered the seated small figure's face on the chair.