Jack O'Neill sat, wrists shackled to the bench under him, and grumbled about his situation. It wasn't bad, all things considered; there were no goa'uld around, he doubted he was in any immediate danger, and his team would rescue him by the time that changed.
Someone kicked him from behind, and Jack twisted as much as he could to see who it was and glare at them.
"Stop talking and smile, or you'll get worse," rumbled the guard. He was as big as Teal'c, and almost as strong, as Jack had learned to his cost.
Jack didn't smile. But he did stop grumbling out loud.
That was the problem. Team rescuing him: good! Team seeing his predicament: bad. He looked down at himself with a sigh. Skintight leather shorts and body-paint. And--he wrinkled his face, annoyed by the feel of stuff caked on his face--makeup. Eyeliner, the whole works.
The lights flickered, and Jack brightened. At least he wouldn't be here for too much longer.
"Better," the guard said, moving on.
Not long after, an alarm sounded, and the guards rushed out. And not too long after that ...
The main door swung open, and Sam Carter looked up from the panel where she'd jimmied the lock.
"About time, Carter!" Jack said. "My arms are killing me!"
Carter looked at him and her eyes went wide. She managed to keep from grinning only by biting her lip. There were times Jack was glad Carter couldn't lie for shit. Now was not one of them.
"Hey!" he said. "Don't even start!"
Carter let out a sound that could have been a laugh or a cough. Jack chose to believe it was a cough. "You gave me enough grief over that getup on Simarka," she pointed out as she picked the locks on his shackles.
"That was different!"
"How?" One of the cuffs clicked open, and Jack shook that arm as Carter handed him a gun and moved on to the other cuff. He pointed the gun at the doors to the hall, in case any of the guards came back.
"You were hidden away, not on display to be ... ogled over," Jack said.
"And I got kidnapped to be sold as a sex slave," Carter said. "All you've had to deal with is being the art at a banquet. You don't even have to fight a local chieftain!"
"I'd rather fight a chieftain," Jack said. "Hey, where's Daniel and Teal'c?"
"Leading the guards on a chase," she said. "They'll meet us by the Stargate."
"Ah." The other cuff clicked open and he shook that arm too. Thankfully, there had been enough flex in the chains that his arms hadn't gone too stiff. "Got any of those wet-wipes for cleaning off makeup?" he asked hopefully. He knew she always had one or two in a ziplock baggie in her pack, when they went on overnight trips like this had been supposed to be.
"Sorry sir," Carter said as they headed out through the palace. He could tell she was laughing at him, even though she was behind him. "Our packs had to be abandoned, and if we go back for them we'll be caught. You're just going to have to go back to the SGC like that."
"Wonderful," Jack said.