The sun rose on CetiAlphaV, bathing the house in the purple light of dawn. T'Pol stood in the small yard, breathing the fresh air and staring up at the sky. Every morning at this time, she watched for a small spec of light to appear in the sky. She waited patiently until it appeared and she watched until it disappeared.
She knew that to be Enterprise, still in orbit, protecting the small colony. She thought of her friends, still aboard; still pretending to be nomads even though they never traveled anywhere beyond this system anymore. She longed for their company, longed for the sense of purpose and mission that characterized those bygone days before Earth's destruction.
She had awakened, as was her habit, before sunrise. While preparing the morning meal, it was her habit to plan for each day â€“ gauge Jonathan's mood. Some days, she would tell the whole horror of what had happened. Other days, she chose to lie. She would tell him that a cure was on its way or that it had only been a few months since his accident. She wouldn't tell him that they had all failed â€“ that Earth was gone. While she and the rest of the colony had long since come to terms with that event, for Jonathan â€“ every day the horror remained fresh. Telling his each day was a cruelty she couldn't bear to inflict.
She heard him stir in his room and took a deep breath, preparing herself.
But this morning was different. She felt a level of anxiety welling up into her. It wasn't yet overwhelming, but that fact that she couldn't suppress it alarmed her. She went to the mirror and gazed at her reflection, noticing that her eyes had dilated slightly. That combined with her heightened emotional state meant one thing, and she had only hours to prepare for a total loss of control.
She had dreaded this day and had naively hoped it would never come. But it was a natural part of her Vulcan physiology and she would have to deal with it. Options rolled through her head â€“ she thought of that spec of light in the sky, the life that she suspected she might have been had things been different. She briefly thought of contacting the ship, but she knew that wasn't right or fair.
Not that the course that she decided upon was right or fair either. She was going to have to use her best friend, take advantage of his condition and his trust in her, in order to survive.
Jonathan had appeared in the doorway with Porthos at his feet.
"Good morning, Captain," she said.
"What's going on?"
"I've made breakfast," she said, "And I'll explain everything. You've had a head injury that has affected your memory, and you're likely to be confused. That's why I'm here."
"Where are we? Where's the ship?"
Jonathan approached the breakfast table and sat down tentatively. She had made coffee for him, mint tea for herself. She sat down.
"The ship is safe. Trip is captaining her while you are ill. They are in orbit above this system. This is a human colony on a system called CetiAlpahV," said T'Pol, doing her best to keep her voice steady and unemotional but failing.
"The mission? How long. . " His voice trailed off.
"A while," she said.
He clearly heard the sadness in her voice, and his eyes closed. She knew today would be a day where he would learn the truth and suffer for it. He pushed his food away.
"What happened to me?"
T'Pol approached him and knelt down next to him, placing a hand on his arm. She felt him shaking. She looked in his eyes and felt a surge of enormous pity and empathy; she didn't think she could stand it. She knew an emotional expression on her part would only upset him so she fought for control. As the moments ticked by, she knew it was a losing battle.
"The ship was hit with a spatial anomaly, and you were knocked unconscious. Strange parasites appeared in your brain and destroyed your ability to make new long term memories. Phlox believes they originate outside this dimension. He hasn't yet found a treatment, but he is working on it."
"Can I talk to him? Can we contact Enterprise?"
"He's on Denobula, researching a cure."
Jonathan shut his eyes.
"How long has it been?"
"Three years," she replied simply. He thought for awhile.
"Earth. It's destroyed."
He opened his eyes and saw tears in hers. He was a smart man. Some days he didn't need to be told.
"Go get dressed. I'll tell you everything, I promise."
T'Pol knew that often Jon needed to be alone at this time â€“ so he could absorb the enormity of what had happened. She cleaned up the breakfast dishes and gave Porthos his morning meal. She heard the shower in Jonathan's room, grateful that she would have a few moments to collect herself and plan. She felt the hormone levels in her body continuing to become chaotic. She knew the quicker she took action, she would be able to get herself under control. She went to a cabinet in the living room and found a bottle of bourbon she had been saving for a day when Jonathan was very agitated, now she had another purpose in mind. She took two glasses and set them next to the bottle and waited.
A few hours later, Jon stared out the window with Porthos in his lap. He gently petted the dog, but he was quiet. T'Pol, who was sitting across from him, had told him everything, sparing no details. He appeared wrecked, as usual. She hated to do this to him, hated herself.
She reached out and opened the bottle of bourbon.
"Should a brain injured man drink?" asked Jon flatly.
"It won't matter," said T'Pol, "Not with your injury."
Jon smirked but said nothing as T'Pol poured two generous glasses. She took a big gulp of hers. He took his and downed his completely. She poured another one. He did the same.
"Do you do this every day?"
"No," she said softly, "Just today. I'm in a strange mood," she said, mildly amused at her own understatement.
"Thanks for doing it today. Thanks for everything. . .do I thank you enough?"
She held back the urge to smile. Control was slipping away, minute by minute.
"Every day," she said softly.
Slowly, she got up from her chair and lay down on the couch near him. She gently put her head in his lap. She smelled the bourbon on his breath from there. He reached down and stroked her long hair.
"You look pretty with long hair," he said, "Have I told you that?"
"Once or twice," she said.
He closed his eyes. She thought of reaching up and kissing him, but she waited. The hormones were racing still; her serotonin levels danced. She didn't want to turn into an animal, but she felt that coming. She stroked his knee with her hand.
After what seemed like forever, he leaned down. As he did so, he gently lifted her head up to meet his. He first brushed her lips gently, when she didn't pull away, he deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside her mouth.
It was such an odd, human sensation, kissing him this way, but it was exactly what her out-of-control body wanted and needed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and almost desperately returned the kiss.
"T'Pol," he whispered her name like it was a question.
"Shhhhh," she said.
He didn't need any more permission than that. He gathered her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. He put her gently down on his bed and kissed her again. First closed mouth, then he opened his mouth again. She slipped her tongue inside his, mimicking the motions he had earlier employed on her. As she did so, he ran his hand over her body and found the buttons on her shirt, which he undid as the kiss continued. The shirt came off, then her bra. His hands caressed her breasts, teasing at the nipples.
Now, she thought, I can just let go - and she let the sensations of her body engulf her. No more holding back. She grabbed the bottom edge of his t-shirt and pulled it up. They broke the kiss for a moment while he removed over his head. Their eyes met. She could tell he was going to say something.
Gently, she put her fingers against his mouth and shook her head. He stayed silent and instead kissed the tips of her fingers. Then sucking on them gently, making her swoon a bit. He then kissed her neck and gently worked his way down to her nipples. She ran her fingers across his bare back, moaning slightly. She whispered in Vulcan that he didn't understand, but he knew they meant continue. He sucked harder, his hands reaching down and rubbing at the leggings which still clothed her thighs.
He pulled them off, along with her panties and she was naked beside him. He took a long slow look before his mouth found hers again. She pressed against him, almost violently. She felt how hard he was against her stomach and gasped. She reached down to the enclosure of his pants and pulled them down. She grabbed him, mindful of her own strength. Through the fog, she had to remind herself how strong she was.
He gasped with pleasure, not pain and she continued to stroke him while their kisses continued. He kissed her cheek and then blew gently into her ear. She shivered. He then outlined the point of her ear with his tongue.
She attempted to move beneath him so he could put himself inside her, but he wouldn't let her. Instead, he pushed her back on the bed and dotted kisses along the length of her body. She had read enough about human mating practices to know what he was about to do and she shivered again, this time in anticipation.
He smiled up at her, knowing how un-Vulcan his actions were.
He wet his fingers in his mouth and gently explored between her legs. She again moaned words he couldn't understand. Then, he leaned down and began gently working with his tongue. She grabbed the quilt with one hand and ran her fingers into his hair. He slipped his fingers inside her, exploring how warm and wet she was. After just few moments, her body contracted into orgasm and she cried out.
She collapsed, and he crawled up and took her into his arms.
She was limp, and both exhausted and exhilarated. He played with her hair a moment, until her eyes fluttered open. He smiled at her.
To his shock, she smiled back and pushed him back against the bed.
Mimicking the kisses he had early given her, she moved down his body. She grabbed him and stroked him again. She looked up and watched him close his eyes before she began using her mouth and tongue on him. It was an unusual sensation for her but not at all unpleasant. She took the length of him inside her mouth, moving back and forth. He ran his hands down her back.
"T'Pol," he whispered, tugging at her, "I can't take much more, and I don't want this to be over yet."
Reluctantly, she obeyed him and raised her head. He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly for a moment. Their lips met again, and he positioned her beneath him.
This time, she closed her eyes. How strange that her life depended on this, she thought, before everything became a blur. She grabbed hold of him, helping him inside her.
He took a deep breath.
"Open your eyes," he whispered.
She did so, and he gazed down at her. She felt his weight on top of her and the strength of him inside her. He was strong for a human, she thought. He started moving inside of her, gently at first, then faster and faster.
She let go completely, like this was all a dream. So, she orgasmed again - harder and deeper than before. She cried out and bit his shoulder. A few minutes later, he cried out as well, nearly fainting in her arms.
Awhile after that, he rolled off her and held her again. The sensation was odd to her, making her feel childlike. Slowly, she could feel her body sinking back to normal. She didn't know how long it would take for control to fully return, but she knew she was safe.
"Do we do this often?" he asked.
"No," she said, "This is the first time."
He sat up. Her eyes glistened. There were tears coming down her cheeks.
"Thank you," he said, "For a time I forgot what you told me earlier."
"But I don't want to forget this," he said. "If I sleep, I'll forget."
"Then I won't sleep for at least a little while longer," he said.
But soon he was asleep. T'Pol continued to lay in his arms, enjoying the peculiar sensation of physical contact. She knew that he would never know or understand how he had saved her life. It was probably for the best, but it hurt. It hurt for reasons she could barely articulate to herself.