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Dating in the Sith style

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           The Executor’s resident Sith lord was not pleased by the outcome admiral Ozzel’s performance. That fool made rebels alerted about their presence too soon and that meant wasting resources, which could be used somewhere else.  He sighed and opened channel. He would be a bit show off with Ozzel’s punishment, which would trigger the unavoidable promotion of captain Piett.  He would make an impression in order to show, that he really cared a great deal about very competent tiny captain.

           Lord Vader was painfully aware, that his Jedi training and additional Sith course did not cover the romantic relationships. The emperor was too obsessed with the ultimate power and grand moff Tarkin to give him proper darksider’s view on that matter.  The first obsession was simply understandable; the second one was so creepy. It fueled  his vivid imagination helped him to gain new level of darkness.

Darth Vader was everything, but not some stalking creep, or well it did not count, that he used the Force to spy on that little mouse or scarring poor Piett shitless, when he caught him as Piett slipped on the wet floor. He groped poor man in the process; the opportunity gave him the right to do so.  The force groping was part of the process and his master would probably not approve the slightly more amorous invisible hands under uniform, which made his desired man to squirm adorably.

The next step was flowers. It worked with Padme. Why should it not work with Piett? It did not work, or rather the unfortunate pick of the flowers triggered allergic reaction, which made lurking Vader to be able to carry poor man in bridal style to the medbay. The groping was obligatory, but Piett was too busy  to breath to notice thing.  

When flowers failed and nearly killed his romantic interest, he decided to change tactic. Piett was faster and for such smart man he misunderstood Vader’s romantic intention for homicidal one.  The captain marched in his chamber and simply stated to be choked to death already for some mistake, he was not aware of.  When Vader looked back, it was probably the most embarrassing declaration of romantic interest in history, which sounded like sleazy com call with his respirator.  Piett was standing there without movement obviously stunned by sheer happiness of being pursued by the powerful Sith lord in all delicacy and gentlemanly manner. The better description would be stalking and harassment. Piett later explained that he was too shocked to do anything  and the force pull and groping by very enthusiastic Vader made the trick to kick him into the action, which boldly opened their  romantic relationship.

          “ If it works between us, my lord. There should be rules …no force fingering or handjobs on the bridge or during working hours  and no Nabooian flowers or choking unless there is mentioned fingering, when going out I want to go  out happy.”