For reasons unknown to the rest of the universe, Sontarans decided to invade San Francisco in the year 2017. The denizens of San Francisco couldn't defend themselves until a TARDIS appeared in Russian Hill. The owners of this TARDIS knew one of the Sontarans' weaknesses was a lack of electrical energy. The owners of the TARDIS caused a temporary blackout in the city to force the Sontarans onto their spaceships and back into space. It was yet another detour for Clara and Me while going “the long way 'round” to Gallifrey.
Clara and Me retired to their TARDIS when the power came back so Me could catch her breath. As soon as they sat down, they heard a knock on their TARDIS' door. A skinny man with stringy blond hair stood at their door. He was average height for a human male. The piercings he possessed rivaled Me's visible piercings. “Are you open?” the man said.
Clara walked to the door. “Of course.” Clara opened the door as Me went to the diner's register.
Me took the man's money as Clara made a vanilla milkshake for the man. The man looked down at the counter. His sucking on the milkshake could be heard throughout the TARDIS' dining room.
“What's wrong?” Clara asked the man.
“I'm supposed to be shooting a movie tomorrow. I've just found out I've lost both of my lead actresses to Sontarans.”
Clara stopped cleaning the TARDIS' milkshake machine. “I'm sorry.”
Me paused as she locked up the TARDIS' register. “I'm sorry as well.”
“I don't know what to do. I can't cancel the shoot. I funded this shoot on Patreon. I have people who are expecting to see this movie in a couple of months or so. I've already received the payout. I can't send the money back to my patrons now.”
“We can star in your movie,” Clara said. Me nodded in agreement.
“Are you sure? I mean, this isn't going to be like one of those Fine Brothers videos where people react to things or the Yogscast or something.”
“The two of us are very talented.” Me walked over to where Clara was at the counter. “I assure you whatever you propose to us won't shock us in the least.”
“I'm Liam Landis. I make pornography movies.”
Clara nodded. “Like Harmony Films.”
Liam looked blankly at Clara. “Is Harmony Films like Playboy or Vivid or something?”
Clara nodded again. “I'm sure Harmony Films is like Playboy.”
“I don't make those types of movies. My movies are more like art house movies. But with pornography. Have you two done pornography before?”
Clara said “yes” at the same time Me said “no.”
“We've done pornographic media before,” Clara said.
“Just not together. But we've had plenty of practice making love, if that influences your decision at all.” Me raised her eyebrows.
Liam nodded. “I think you two would be perfect for my movie. The movie I came up with with my former lead actresses is called The Pill.” Liam pointed at Clara. “I think you'd be perfect for the role of Woman Number One. Woman Number One is kidnapped and drugged by mysterious forces. We don't know the mysterious forces that have kidnapped Woman Number One and we won't know them until the end of the movie. While she is under, she dreams of being a call girl in Paris.” Liam pointed at Me. “That's where you come in. Woman Number Two. She brings Woman Number One a mysterious black box. She's Woman Number One's favorite client.”
“That sounds a bit much,” Me said. “Doesn't sound romantic. Sounds a bit Belle du Jour.”
“That's where the idea for the movie comes from, Belle du Jour. The movie, I should add.”
“I don't think people will pick up on the reference. Belle du Jour'snot as well known as something like Citizen Kane or The Birds. Pardon the pun, but I think the concept will fly over peoples' heads.”
Clara nodded. “I agree. You should scrap most of the plot for The Pill. I like the box. I'd like to keep that idea. Me, do you want to keep the box?”
“Me?” Liam said.
Me nodded. “I am Me. I've had several names. Now I can't remember most of them. So I called myself Me. It's easier to remember Me as a name than to keep inventing names all the time.”
“How did you lose your name?”
“I was born and raised a Viking. My journals tell me I was known as Ashildr then.”
Liam blinked. “You were born a Viking.”
Me nodded as she walked to Liam. “And I keep journals because I have a human's memory. I can't recall everything I've done. I wish I could. Or then again, maybe not. I know I can't handle painful memories.”
“You weren't born on a ship known as a Viking, or you weren't born at some sporting event...”
Me shook her head. “No. I was born a Viking centuries ago. I lived to the end of the world. I escaped just in time by stepping into this diner. It's our spaceship. We call it a TARDIS.”
“It's an acronym,” Clara said. “Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. But it's easier to call it a 'time machine.”
“And it's easier to not explain how this TARDIS ended up as an American diner,” Me continued. “Anyway, an old friend of mine put something like a computer chip inside of me billions of years ago. It keeps repairing me. I'm functionally immortal. Not indestructible. I don't want to find out if I'll die if I lose my head. It's a long story. I don't want to bore you this afternoon. ”
“We should've told you about us before you started throwing your pitch,” Clara said. “We're both functionally immortal. I was taken out of my time stream before my death by a friend, the same friend that gave Me her computer chip. I have no pulse, and aside from talking, I don't breathe.”
“So the two of you are old.”
Clara and Me nodded.
“Best way to put it, really.” Clara joined Me at the counter after the milkshake machine was cleaned. “I'm not even sure how old I was when I died. I'm guessing 'younger than forty.' Me and I were going to leave San Francisco for somewhere else, but we have no idea where we're going to end up next.”
“Literally,” Me added. “We're trying to steer our TARDIS to where we want to go, but she takes us where we're needed. And right now we're needed.”
“Even if it means salvaging someone's pornographic film.”
Liam blinked his eyes. “Wow. Okay. I think I'm going to toss out the script for The Pill. Clearly you two might've experienced aliens trying to drug you before.”
Clara and Me nodded. “Not the most pleasant thing in the universe,” Me added.
“But you said you wanted to keep the box?”
“You can make your whole movie about the two of us going through a box,” Me said. “With things we both find sexy, of course.”
“Do you need props?” Liam asked the two.
The two shook their heads. “We have things from our travels,” Clara said.
“We'll stick to things you can find on Earth,” Me added. “I can handle some unearthly things, but the goal here is to titillate, not to freak out.”
Liam nodded. “Got it. You bring your box and I'll bring my camera.”
“You should call your movie The Box now,” Clara said.
Liam continued nodding. “Yeah. The Box.”
Liam lead Clara and Me, wearing an empty holster—the same holster she wore when she was the Knightmare in seventeenth-century London—and carrying a black box with a lid on top, to an apartment complex. “My friend's out for the afternoon watching the Giants play the Texas Rangers at AT&T Park. He's totally cool with people having sex in his bed, as long as the sheets are washed after every scene we shoot.”
“How long does it take for you to shoot one of your movies?” Clara asked Liam.
“As long as the people in my movies want to get it on. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes it takes hours. I edit my stuff down so it's like ten, twenty minutes or so. No more than thirty at the most. I make several movies throughout the year to support my production company. I make enough from video on demand streaming and some physical copies to fund some of my movies. The rest I have to fund via my Patreon. If I was able to completely support my company and myself, I wouldn't be making this movie right now.” Liam looked at Me's waist. “What's the holster for?”
“You'll see. I haven't put anything in it yet because I thought people might get the wrong idea.”
“You don't have a gun in there, do you? I don't think my friend will take kindly to his signed World Series baseball getting shot up.”
“I told you. You'll see. And nothing's going to get shot up. But I'm willing to bet there will be at least some whimpering.”
Liam, Clara, and Me took a few minutes to block the short film. Me positioned herself to the left side of the apartment's bedroom door as well as the box she carried up to the apartment. She put a revolver-shaped silicone dildo in her holster. The dildo's handle was shaped like a revolver's grip. The grip was painted with a swirled brown and white pattern. The rest of the dildo had a black trigger, hammer, and cylinder like a revolver. The barrel, however, was in the shape of a phallus.
Clara saw Me put the dildo revolver in her holster. Clara winked at Me as she closed the door, waiting for Liam's cue.
Liam's handheld camera focused on Clara. His feet were bare. “I'm filming right now. The two of you can take as long as you like. Just pretend like I'm not there.”
After a brief pause, Clara opened the door. Liam walked up to Clara as quietly as he could. He followed Clara's body as she picked up the box. Me took her dildo revolver out of the holster and pointed it in front of Clara's face.
“You're going to stand there while I deliver?” Clara said.
“What else, Clara?”
“If you'll let me take this box to the bed, I'll surrender to you.”
Me smirked. “I'm a patient girl.”
Clara backed up from the door, box in hand. She placed the box at the foot of the head of the bed. Clara fell on her knees, guiding the revolver dildo to her mouth, placing it in front of Me's crotch. Clara took the revolver dildo in her mouth and sucked it. Me ran her hair through Clara's hair as Clara polished the dildo with her mouth. Clara looked into Me's eyes as she moaned.
After a few minutes, Me slid the dildo out of Clara's mouth. “That was good, but we should open up that box. We have some holes to plug up.”
Clara nodded. “We need to get to the root of the problem.”
Clara kissed Me. They took off one piece of clothing off of each other until they were both naked. Clara helped Me back into her holster with the revolver dildo tucked inside of it.
Me walked to the box and took off the lid. She pulled out a set of latex gloves, a silicone anal plug and water-based lube. The anal plug resembled a purple comma, in a way. The tip was the biggest part of the plug. The tip tapered off, getting thinner until the plug met its base, a flat ring, all molded together into one piece.
Clara bent over the bed. Me put the anal plug in front of Clara's face. “I'm going to put that inside of you. But not yet. I want you to crave it.”
Me put on the latex gloves, snapping them as she spread the gloves over her fingers. She put a bit of lube on her right index finger. The lube was water-based, but it was also thick. Me took the lubed up finger and circled it around Clara's arsehole before pressing the tip of her finger inside of it. She slid the finger inside of Clara's arse, feeling Clara relaxing to accept the finger.
Me laughed. “You're not ready yet. You're too tight.”
“No I'm not,” Clara teased.
“Yes, you are.” Me's voice was equal parts playful and stern, as if she was teaching Clara a lesson. “I need to put two fingers inside of you to stretch you out. Then you're going to beg for it.”
Me slid her middle finger into Clara's arse, turning the fingers from left to right. She slowly stretched her fingers out inside Clara. Me could see Clara gripping on to the bedsheets. Clara hummed as Me worked her.
“You're ready now,” Me said. “Let me get another pair of gloves.”
“We have everything we need,” Clara said. “That box is bigger on the inside.”
“Like another box we know.”
They both laughed.
Me went back to the box and put on a fresh pair of latex gloves. She grabbed the lube again. She squeezed out some of the lube down Clara's arse. With her right hand, Me spread Clara's arse apart. With her left, she rubbed the lube up and down her arsehole, grinning as she saw Clara squirm and shiver.
“Cold?” Me asked?
“Yeah. And thick.”
“It's the only way it's going to get inside you.”
Me leaned down to Clara's right ear as she took the anal plug away from Clara's sight. “You're taking all of this inside of your arse.” Liam zoomed in to pick up what Me was saying. “And it's going to stay in your arse until I'm done with you.” Me rubbed Clara's arse.
Me slid the tip of the the anal plug inside Clara's arse swith her left hand. She watched as the tip began to disappear inside Clara's arse. Me kept rubbing Clara's arse with her free hand. “Relax for me, Clara. Take it all in.”
Indeed, after a few minutes, Clara took all of the anal plug inside her arse, leaving the plug's ring sticking out of her.
“You took it all.” Me rubbed Clara's arse a final time, grinning at her handiwork. Clara wiggled her arse, knowing Me couldn't hear her attempts at appreciative panting.
“But I need to plug up those other holes.” Me took off her gloves and threw them to the ground. “And I've got to make sure you don't resist me filling up those holes.”
Me pulled out two bundles of refined jute rope out of the box. Meanwhile, Clara climbed onto the bed, the anal plug still inside her. Me untied one of the bundles of jute rope and folded the rope in two. She held the folded bit with her left index finger as she wrapped the rope around Clara's right ankle. Me bound Clara's leg together initially with a cow hitch knot. Me wrapped the rest of the rope around Clara's upper and lower thighs twice before holding the tie together with a square knot. Me did the same with Clara's left leg, placing both her legs in a frog tie.
“Are you okay, Clara?”
“I'm comfortable. Your bonds aren't too tight.”
Me pulled out another jute rope. She made a bow with the rope. “Hands together, elbows bent, Clara.”
Clara nodded. “Yes, ma'am.”
Me threaded Clara's hands with the rope. She tightened the cuffs and held them steady with a surgeon's knot. “On your knees.”
Clara rolled onto her knees. Me secured the rope cuffs around Clara's waist. When Clara's hands were secured, Me laid her back onto the bed.
Me grabbed the lube again. “You're starting to get wet for me.”
“I can't help it.” Clara grinned.
“I'm still going to pour this lube down your cunt so you don't get dry on me.”
Me poured some of the lube down the outside of Clara's cunt. She spread the lube all over the outside and inside of the outer lips of Clara's cunt, saving the clitoris for last.
When Clara was all lubed up, Me grabbed a clitoral massager from the box. This clitoral massager was a light blue and looked like a thick guitar pick with two legs sprouting behind it. She put it beside Clara's right arsecheek. Me took out the revolver dildo from her holster. She poured a few drops of lube on the dildo. Me put her left hand around the dildo to spread out the lube. “You're not going to be able to resist this when I start sliding this inside of you.”
Clara grinned. “Guess it's tool time.”
Me nodded. “Tool time.”
Me held her dildo as if she were preparing to fight in a gun duel. She rubbed the dildo vertically over Clara's cunt, teasing her entrance and her clit with every pass. Me grinned as Clara fidgeted on the bed, holding in the anal plug as much as she could, enjoying the sensation the anal plug was giving to her.
Me then held the dildo as if she was going to shoot Clara. She put the tip of the dildo inside Clara, watching Clara attempt to gasp. She worked the dildo in and out of Clara, sticking in a little bit of the dildo inside of her at a time. In her breathless state, Clara could still hum; Me was delighted to hear Clara humming as the dildo was making its way inside of her. Me stopped when most of the dildo was inside Clara. Clara started to squirm more as she held on to the anal plug and the dildo as much as she could.
Me slid the clitoral massager inside Clara's cunt and turned it on. Clara's eyes widened, her face in shock at the intensity she felt from the clitoral massager. Me rubbed Clara's stomach with her left hand. With her right hand she made sure the anal plug and the dildo were still inside Clara. “Hold on, Clara,” Me said. “You're doing great.”
Watching Clara come to orgasm delighted Me. Clara couldn't do anything to stop herself from coming, as long as the toys inside of her were still on or in her. And Clara couldn't do anything to stop herself from moving about. Me steadied her sometimes, to make sure she wasn't going to fall and ruin the shot by accident. But Me let Clara move about here and there. Seeing Clara moan and squirm from the pressure and intense feelings from the toys turned Me on.
Clara's moaning grew louder and louder. It was the only way Me could tell that Clara was approaching orgasm. Me held Clara down as Clara let out a loud moan, a moan that was close to becoming a scream. Me felt Clara's body shaking in her hands. “Wonderful,” Me said, patting Clara's stomach. She took the clitorial simulator out of Clara's lips, then gave Clara a peck on the lips.
The final thing Me pulled out of the box was a serrated hawkbill knife. She opened the knife and placed the knife, smooth side down, under Clara's neck. The two of them laughed, knowing it was impossible for Clara to be harmed by the knife.
Me slowly traced the knife down Clara's neck, bypassing her breasts to get to the upper part of Clara's legs. Skipping the rope tied around Clara's right thigh, Me used the serrated part of the knife to cut through the rope tied around Clara's right ankle. Clara stretched out her leg when it was freed. Me cut the rope around her right thigh. Me did the same with Clara's left thigh.
Clara pushed the dildo out of her as Me freed her legs, knowing she was about to be turned over to be freed of her wrist restraints. Me cut Clara's rope handcuffs, freeing her arms.
“The gun's smoking, Clara.”
“There's one thing I'm missing.”
“I need my plug back.”
“How are you going to get it back?”
“You're going to shit it back out for me.”
Clara bent over the bed. Liam stepped forward to film the anal plug coming out of Clara.
Clara bore down on the plug. A little of the plug would slide out of her every time she pushed. It took a few minutes, but the plug slid out of Clara's arse, followed by some of the lube dribbling out of her arsehole.
Me rubbed Clara's arse. “Good girl.”
Clara collapsed on the bed. Me hopped into the bed and curled beside her. The two kissed.
“I guess it's safe to say you're both done, right?”
Clara and Me nodded and resumed kissing.
After the movie was filmed, Clara and Me were well rested, and the apartment was cleaned up, Clara and Me returned to their TARDIS. They arrived in San Francisco weeks later. This time the two met Liam at his apartment. All three sat by Liam's three flat-screen computer monitors in his living room.
“Glad you're back,” Liam said after the two of them sat down. “I wanted to run everything I wanted to do to promote this by you two before I publish it. I want to make sure you're comfortable with what I've edited.”
Clara nodded. “Okay.”
Liam handed Clara and me a piece of paper. “This is the blurb I'm going to attach to your film. I've still called it The Box. Let me know if it creeps you out.”
Me cleared her throat. “For their first time in front of a camera, Madame Me...You know, calling me 'Me's' going to look awkward on a website.”
“What would you like to be called?” Liam asked Me.
“How about...Madame Me? Doesn't that kind of sound like a porn star name?”
Liam took the blurb and wrote “Madame” and a caret above Me's name in the blurb. Me read the blurb again. “For their first time in front of a camera, Madame Me and her girlfriend, Clara...”
“I think I need a porn star name, too,” Clara said. “I mean, aren't there already some Claras doing porn out there?” Clara took the keyboard and searched the internet to find porn stars named Clara. “Clara Dames, Clara Six...and at least ten other porn stars just named 'Clara.'” Clara nodded. “I need a name.” She looked up at the ceiling for a moment. “I have it. Clara Fred.”
Liam looked at Clara. “Clara Fred?”
“Clara has, um...” Me searched for words that could equate to “my girlfriend once jumped into a time stream to save the Doctor's life and, as a result, her life was splintered into several other lives throughout time and space” to Liam. Me cleared her throat. “Have you seen Orphan Black?”
“That's an anime, right? It's set in Tokyo?”
Me shook her head. “No, Orphan Black is a Canadian show about a woman who discovers she's part of a cloning project. There are several copies of this woman's clones on Earth. Some of them all end up in Toronto for some reason.”
Liam shook his head. “Haven't heard of it.”
“Clara has clones. But they're not really clones. Space and time and all that. It's a long story.”
“One of these 'clones'--” Clara used air quotes for “clones”-- “was named Winifred Clarence. So I decided to use her name for my porn name. In a way. She'll never know, unless she stumbles on twenty-first century porn.”
Me cleared her throat again. “For their first time in front of a camera, Madame Me pulls things out of a never-ending box to please her girlfriend Clara Fred. But what's in the box? You'll have to watch to find out.”
“That's great!” Liam said.
“You can take all the credit. I've done the Cyrano De Bergerac thing before. Well, it was to help a guy woo a girl, but still, I've done it before.”
“Oh, no. I'm not taking all of the credit. There are people out there that appreciate that women have a hand on these types of porn films. You two came up with the concept and the blurb. I only filmed it. I wish I was more open to collaborators when I first started making these shorrs. I would've never come up with something this fun by myself.”
“Imagine what would've happened if we didn't come along,” Clara said. “You would've made some sort of porn parody of one of the Common Men's movies or something like that.”
“I really was considering doing a porn parody of their movie Ayudame!”
Me shook her head. “Don't do it. That movie sounds strange already.”
Liam took the paper and made the changes Me suggested to their blurb for The Box. “Okay, now that that's settled, I want you to watch this movie and see if you approve of the cuts I made.”
Liam started the movie for them on one of the three computer monitors. The movie played out exactly how Liam, Clara, and Me blocked the scene, but seen through Liam's eyes. Liam kept his distance when Me brought the box into the room, but for the rest of the movie Liam focused on close-ups. Closeups on Me's face as she told Clara what she was going to do to her. Closeups on Clara's face as she was reacting to the toys inside of her. Closeups of Me sliding the toys into various orifices on Clara's body. There were closeups of Me tying up Clara's legs. Closeups of Clara reaching orgasm. Closeups of Clara expelling the anal plug from her arse.
Clara nudged Me and gave her a sly wink and a smile. “This is hot,” she whispered to Me.
Me nodded. “It's what you like, Clara.”
“So can you give a repeat performance of what you did in this video?”
Me gave a sly smile back to Clara.
Clara and Me approved of Liam's movie. Liam put the movie on his website to sell. Naturally, Clara and Me bought a copy for their TARDIS long after their adventures in San Francisco in 2017.
There was one more adventure the two were about to take in connection to The Box. Liam sent the two an email months after The Box was completed. The email read:
Clara looked at Me. “We should've told him about how we're still having trouble with our TARDIS.”
Good news to report for The Box. It's now my top selling movie on my site. That's not all. We're nominated for a Seattle Alternative and Indie Porn Award for Best Lesbian Short. They want the three of us to appear together to accept our award. They hand out purple dildoes at this award show, and they have dildoes for all three of us. Can you be there? Oh, what am I talking about? You have a time machine. Of course you can be there. You'll get there some day, right? Date is November 17, 2017. We're sitting together. Your seats should be at will call when you get there.
“We're going to get there someday, Clara, just like Liam said. I'm sure our TARDIS will find some time for us to accept a couple of purple dildos as awards.”
Clara and Me's TARDIS arrived in Seattle, November 17, 2017, with minutes to spare before the Seattle Alternative and Indie Porn Awards started. They quickly put on dresses and ran to get into the theater before the award show.
After waiting for various other awards to be handed out for other categories—kink shorts, straight shorts, a category for documentary-style porn—the award for Best Lesbian Short was awarded. The Box won, to Clara and Me's suprise. Clara, Me, and Liam went on stage to accept their purple dildo statues.
On stage, Clara and Me pointed at Liam to speak first into the microphone on the lectern on the stage. “I have to thank mostly my stars because they came through for me when the shoot for this movie was about to be shut down. And they mostly came up with the idea for this short because they hated my original idea for this short.”
The audience laughed.
“Seriously. They made what was almost a Belle Du Jour ripoff into an intimate portrait of two girls in love. And thank you all for giving me this dildo. Good night.”
Me spoke next on the lectern. “Obviously, I want to thank Clara first.” She looked and smiled at Clara. “I want to thank Liam for allowing me to show you all what I sometimes like to do with Clara. And if he'll have me, I'd like to do it all over again for his cameras. Thank you.”
Finally Clara spoke. “I've never won a purple dildo before. And I wasn't expecting to literally win one while having sex in front of a camera. So I'd like to thank the people who've organized the Seattle Alternative and Indie Porn Awards for that. And I'd also like to thank Liam. I don't know how I'm going to display this dildo, but I'll display it proudly somewhere in my home.”
The three were ushered backstage. They took some pictures after accepting their awards and spoke to some journalists about The Box as well as their awards. After the photo session and the interviews were over, Clara and Me kissed Liam on the cheek. “We've got to be going,” Clara said.
“But you said you wanted to make another movie with me,” Liam said.
“We'll find you,” Me said.
“Where are you going?”
“The usual,” Clara said. “Fighting Zygons, saving planets, and everything that you'd see a science-fiction movie, really.”
“Goodbye, friend.” Me waved.
And with that, Clara and Me went back to their TARDIS, ready to aid the next people that needed their help.