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Another Uneeded Groupchat Fic

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Hamilton is #Ham4Pan ; Laurens is Turtles ; Hercules is ZeroToHero ; Lafayette is Baguette ; Eliza is PureBagel ; Angelica is CngrtsAss ; Burr is Burr ; Washington is GeorgeW.


#Ham4Pan: (Added Turtles, ZeroToHero, and Baguette to the conversation)

#Ham4Pan: Sup my homeslices?

Baguette: I am not, how you say, bread

ZeroToHero: youre literally a baguette

Turtles: You also speak perfect, how you say, English.

Baguette: #DragMe

ZeroToHero: (Added CngrtsAss to the conversation)

#Ham4Pan: What have I started?

CngrtsAss: i heard we were roasting our french fry herc invited me to the party

Turtles: Guise b nice…

Baguette: Angie has joined to burn this baguette!!!!!! We need more ppl to RoAsT mE

CngrtsAss: (Added GeorgeW. to the conversation)

Baguette: GWash can roast this ass

Baguette: I MEAN DAMN

GeorgeW.: Angelica, why have you aded me here??

Baguette: FUCK

ZeroToHero: oooooh shit….

Turtles: Tag urself I'm “why”

Baguette: I MEAN, SORRY SIR

GeorgeW.: Gilbert, plese do not “sir” me..

ZeroToHero: WHY IS THAT GWASH.??

GeorgeW.: No reason.

Turtles: i’m sCReEAMiNG

ZeroToHero: does it make you… unCOMFORTABLE

#Ham4Pan: Leave him alone. He's the boss of most of the people in this chat. (John, please, use punctuation.)

GeorgeW.: No, it's fine. You can cook me.

Turtles: FUCKIN COOK LOLOLOL

CngrtsAss: Uh, do you mean… Roast?

GeorgeW.: Isn't it th same thing?

#Ham4Pan: “Roast” is slang for making fun of or teasing someone. “Cook” is what you do to food.

Turtles: ROFL wash, my man, you make me laugh

ZeroToHero: ARE WE JUST GONNA FORGET ABOUT THE “sir” THING

Baguette: (Private Chat to ZeroToHero) shUT uR FuCkIn MoUTH HERCulES

ZeroToHero: (Private Chat to Baguette) kinky bastard

#Ham4Pan: John, do not refer to our Commander in Chief as “my man”, it is insulting to him, and our relationship.

GeorgeW.: Turtles, you ar John Laurens? You're datig Alexander? I am not a Comander in Chief?

Turtles: i’m fukciN crYin

GeorgeW.: John, wat is wrong with your keyboard?

ZeroToHero: oh my god

CngrtsAss: this is the best thing to happen… ever… thank u hammmmm

#Ham4Pan: YOU PEOPLE ARE AN OUTRAGE TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE! USE CORRECT PUNCTUATION!

Turtles: no?

ZeroToHero: nO?

Baguette: Kill me, please. IS THAT CORRECT ALEXANDER?

#Ham4Pan: Yes, thank you.

GeorgeW.: My thums are too big for my phone.

Baguette: HOLY SHIT

Baguette: SORRY GTG

Baguette: (Left the conversation)

ZeroToHero: gotta replace him…

#Ham4Pan: Do not!

ZeroToHero: (Added Burr to the conversation)

#Ham4Pan: Hercules Mulligan!

Burr: Get me the fuck out of here I hate all of you

GeorgeW.: Hello, Aron.

Burr: Oh I didn't know you were here um…….

GeorgeW.: It is all right, Aron, I am one of the bros now, they have fried me.

Turtles: FRIIIED OMFG GWASH YOUR KILLING ME

#Ham4Pan: John Jack Laurens I will force you to sleep on the couch if you continue using that way of texting. You will also abstain for several weeks.

ZeroToHero: SHOTS FUCKIN FIRED

Turtles: bullshit, u wouldn’t last that long, baby’s too needy

Burr: Oh for fucks sake

ZeroToHero: SHOTS FUCKIN RETURNED

CngrtsAss: I leave for five fuckin mins

GeorgeW.: Oh, my…

#Ham4Pan: John, stop.

GeorgeW.: How do yu leave a cht?

Turtles: (Added Baguette to the conversation)

Turtles: HOW LONG CAN ALEX LAST WITHOUT DICK

Baguette: like 2 days

GeorgeW.: Angelia please remove me

CngrtsAss: You suffer with me

Baguette: George you are still here????

Baguette: (Private chat to CngrtsAss) REMOVE HIM I TRUSTED YOU

#Ham4Pan: Can we not talk about sex right now? Our boss is in this chat.

GeorgeW.: I dont want to be

ZeroToHero: not my fuckin boss lmao

GeorgeW.: What s “lmao”

Turtles: FUUUUUCK IM WHEEZING

#Ham4Pan: Sir, you do not want to know.

Baguette: Laugh my ass off

GeorgeW.: That's not possible

CngrtsAss: It's a hyperbole

Baguette: I can remove you George

GeorgeW.: Please Gilbert

Baguette: (Private chat to CngrtsAss) THIS IS SO UNFAIR HE SAID PLEASE GILBERT

#Ham4Pan: I can do it, sir.

GeorgeW.: Let Gilbert

Baguette: Goodbye Sir

Baguette: (Removed GeorgeW. from the conversation)

Turtles: IM FUCKIN DEAD LAF JUSY ASK HIM OIT

#Ham4Pan: John, stop with the incorrect texting!

GeorgeW.: (Private chat to CngrtsAss) Why must he cotinue calling me sir

CngrtsAss: (Private chat to GeorgeW.) I don't want to discuss kinks with you, Boss.

Turtles: Make me babe

#Ham4Pan: Perhaps I fucking will.

ZeroToHero: He just used “perhaps” and “fucking” in the same sentence

Baguette: I am dead

CngrtsAss: No, I'm dead. Laf stop calling wash sir

Baguette: I am I N N O C E N T

ZeroToHero: December 24, 2011…..

Baguette: DON'T U FCKN DARE

ZeroToHero: He is not innocent

Turtles: Wtf?????

#Ham4Pan: Please, tell us what happened.

CngrtsAss: Eliza told me about that lol

CngrtsAss: (Added PureBagel to the conversation)

CngrtsAss: 12/24/11

PureBagel: Here we go

Baguette: ELIZA NO

PureBagel: Twas a cold Christmas Eve

ZeroToHero: I invited Eliza over bc she has no friends in NY

PureBagel: Lies. Anyway, I brought some wine

Baguette: Pls stop

ZeroToHero: Two bottles entered the house. Two bottles entered Laf

PureBagel: Herc and I soon wished we had gotten some of that wine. Because then…

ZeroToHero: Lafayette turned to Eliza and said, entirely calm, “I'm wearing a collar under my sweater.”

PureBagel: I froze. I didn't know what to say. What to do

Baguette: I hate all of you

Turtles: IM FUCKING CHOKING

ZeroToHero: She stared at him. Laf pulls down the neck of his sweater

PureBagel: It had diamonds on it…. And a tag

#Ham4Pan: Oh my god.

CngrtsAss: You're an atheist

ZeroToHero: the tag read “My Bitch”

PureBagel: Laf laughed, ”I am a good boy” he said

ZeroToHero: I called a cab

PureBagel: Herc and I left Lafayette, and went to a bar. Nothing could get the image out of our heads.

ZeroToHero: Merry fuckin Christmas

Baguette: I am so betrayed

Turtles: u r so fckn kinky Laf

#Ham4Pan: I cannot believe this.

CngrtsAss: I'm not surprised now, wasn't surprised first time I heard it

PureBagel: I am the innocent one, you piece of shit

CngrtsAss: WATCH UR FUCKIN’ LANGUAGE SCHUYLER

Turtles: wAit hOw d o U do ItAliCs

PureBagel: Secrets, my dear turtel

#Ham4Pan: NOT YOU TOO, ELIZA!

ZeroToHero: oh my god, here we goooooooo

Burr: what the fuck is wrong with you people?

CngrtsAss: shit, forgot burr was here….

ZeroToHero: uhhh…. same

Turtles: Sameness

PureBagel: NO JAAAAWWWWWWNNN HOWWWWWW

Turtles: secrets, bagel

PureBagel: omfg

Hercules: probs google tbh

Burr: i mean like… honestly? What the actual fuck??

Turtle: shut the fuk up burr

Baguette: ur the worst burr

Burr: i should gooo

#Ham4Pan: No. These fuckers should go.

Turtles: WHAT!?????????

ZeroToHero: That’s fucking offensive, Alexander.

Baguette: I, for one, am personally offended that you would insult us like that

#Ham4Pan: Herc, you used punctuation!

Turtles: baby, i thought u loved us

ZeroToHero: Lwave me alone shithead

CngrtsAss: herc what have you done?

#Ham4Pan: You were doing so well, friend.

PureBagel: ham, for like 2 secs stop writing like an old white man

Burr: (Left the conversation)

CngrtsAss: Same, tho burr

#Ham4Pan: Wait, can we talk about how kinky Lafayette is?

Baguette: I WISH TO BE LESBIAN ALONE!!!!!

Baguette: left**** oh god

ZeroToHero: oHHHHH DAMN I THOUGHT U WERE A GUY

CngrtsAss: jesus h. Christ

Turtles: laf, u came out

Turtles: i feel like a proud dad!!!!

#Ham4Pan: I feel like after the collar he shouldn't have to come out.

Baguette: i

ZeroToHero: HAHAHAHAHAHH

Baguette: HaTe

Baguette: ALL

Turtles: ham, are we proud dads, rn

Baguette: Of U

CngrtsAss: #lesbolaf

#Ham4Pan: I speak for both of us when I say that we support our lesbian son.

Turtles: #lesbolaf

ZeroToHero: #lesbolaf

#Ham4Pan: #LesboLaf

Baguette: (Left the conversation)

PureBagel: HOW OLD R U HAM

Turtles: LESBOLAF COME BACK

ZeroToHero: (Added Baguette to the conversation)

#Ham4Pan: Look at my son.

#Ham4Pan: Pride is just the word he's looking for.

Baguette: (Left the conversation)