"What's with Lady Gay?" Santana demanded of Finn, sitting herself down on the chair across from him, blatantly ignoring the fact that he was reading the paper.
And in the middle of eating breakfast.
Actually, Santana had noticed the breakfast part, though more in the context of the fact that Kurt had cooked everyone in the loft a meal -- including himself -- and yet Finn was eating Kurt's portion.
"You are going to gain a zillion pounds if you keep eating his meals for him," she informed Finn, staring at him. Well, at the headline on the front page of the New York Post.
Finn slowly lowered the paper, treating her to an action shot of Finn: Chewing Slowly. If she hadn't already been a lesbian, living with the epitome of heterosexual average male would have turned her.
"Huh?" He asked -- really, it was more of a grunt -- before swallowing. "What do you mean? My mom probably asked him to fatten me up, I was losing weight at the VA."
She held back her natural choice of a snarky comment, simply sighing. "Your mother may have said that," she agreed. "However, have you seen Fabulous lately? I mean, really looked at him? Because you may have lost weight during your hospitalization, but I'm not sure how much he has left to lose."
"You mean this isn't my Second Breakfast?" Finn asked, peering down at the plate, setting the paper aside. "I mean, it is sort of early for Second Breakfast, but you know how Kurt feels about my cooking skills."
"I was observing today," she informed him, shaking her head.
There was no use in being too cruel and breaking Frankenteen, it would break Brittany's heart if her Finny Bear ended up back in the nuthouse, not to mention she was entirely certain that Kurt would use Finn's trip there as an excuse to eat even less.
"Britts ate her meal and went off to dance, you and Fanny Brice were nauseatingly adorable as you fed each other, and Kurt purchased you those papers and told you to introduce your spawn to the comics. You didn't find that a bit odd, Finn?"
Finn screwed up his face in concentration, and she bit back a sigh. "I did think it was weird that Kurt would encourage me reading Bumble the comics," he admitted, and she had to admit that she was moderately impressed by his display of logic. "And he got really mad the time I told him the Times was boring because it didn't contain Garfield."
"He told Britts that he needed to lose his pear shaped hips," Santana informed him.
"Kurt doesn't --" She cut him off.
"I know, Jolly Green," she assured him. "I get that. When Kurt is stressed he doesn't eat," she informed Finn, reminding herself that she was speaking to someone who had a history of copying answers of her beloved girlfriend. "He has been bottling up his emotions for two weeks, probably longer."
She stole a piece of Finn's bacon. "Sue gave him body issues up his perky flamboyant ass," she purred.
"Anyways, Britts is worried," she sighed. "She says that he's drinking the Master Cleanse again."
"Isn't there sand in that?" Finn asked, blinking. "But, I don't get it. Why doesn't he see what he's doing to himself?"
Santana eyed him, hedging slightly before answering. "None of us do," she said. "Sometimes seeing what is the truth is very difficult."
"What do you think I should do?" He asked.
"I donts knows," she told him, sighing loudly. "I wish I did. Maybe he needsa gets laid."
Oops. Finn had been drinking some juice, she realized belatedly, as the poor thing started coughing it up. "Santana!" Finn wheezed, when he had caught his breath. "Stop it! He's my brother! Plus he's real thin, what if the guy breaks him?"
"It was only a thought," she assured him, in an almost friendly tone. "I wills thinks of something."
"My mom's coming up," he informed her. "She's a nurse, he's fixable."
Santana hoped Finn was right. She really did like Hummel. She hated seeing him waste himself away.