Chapter 1: It Was A Dark And UNclean Night: The Sinners will be Purged in Holy Fire By The Wrath of God Almighty: Jesus Does Not Forgive - All Shall Bleed
Sir Mr. Clean, Knight of the British Empire (where Sherlock was from), began the long walk home after a long day of work of software design at NASA (National Anal Slam Acadamey). It was a long day of astounding pounding and his rectum was sore, but in a pleasant manner, like after a long workout. Along the way home, he spotted a couple young punks beating up a police box which reminded him of that old show Doctor Who. He spit his mouth-cleaning acid at them, burning their flesh and causing them to dissolve in a nightmarish pile of burnt flesh as he flexed his impossibly clean muscles. None would be allowed to defile the cleanliness of Clean Town. He had built this city from NOTHING, and he would not allow anyone to vandalize any of his property. He was the king. The King of Clean Town. The Clean King. The Cleaning King. The Gun.
He did that casual walk that spiderman did in spiderman 3 - like, he's doing finger guns at everyone down the road and shit, flipping his hair which doesnt exist (but if you point out that he is bald, he will shoot laser eyes and kill you. Already 15,732 were dead from his reign of terror, just today). He spotted a ridiculously buff man coming out of the vape store down the street, and heard "Yare yare" uttered as he passed. He considered destroying the entire neighborhood, because he hates weebs, but decided against it.
As he was passing the corner to the end of the street where his palace, the Clean Shacc stood, a strange looking american car pulled up and two scruffy lookin' dudes stepped out. "Hi we're sam and dean, we heard about some spooky shit going down in this town". Mr Clean just gave him the ol' New York City smile and said, "AYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, fuggedaboudit, bada bing bada boom!" He shot them with his finger guns and they died instantly of massive bullet wounds. "Sorry bozos, but IM WALKIN' 'ERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mr. Clean said as he drove off on his invisible motorcycle with black flames painted on it.
Along the way he passed a trash can, which had a single item in it - a game called Undertale. Trash was illegal in Clean Town, so Mr Clean spit on it with his Atomic Fluid, causing it to explode in a nuclear mushroom. Rest in piss.
After 543,895,666 miles of walking through hell, he finally arrived at the Clean Shacc. Thousands of slaves had died to build this elaborate palace made of Dove Soap and Febreeze cans, along with thousands - nay, MILLIONS - of assorted Mr. Clean products, fluids, and high-tech weaponry. He had used the Clean Shacc to destroy Earth in an alternate timeline, and he prayed he would never have to do it again.
As he entered his luxurious palace, he noticed a strange car in the driveway. One he recognized. One that was all too familiar. In an instant, Mr. Clean was having flashbacks, flashbacks to the jungle hell that was Vietnam.
GET DOWN SARGEEANT!!! Captain Crunch yelled to his squad as gunfire rang all around them. Tony the tiger ripped the heads off innocent soldiers left and right. Popeye put his gun against his head, his finger wavering on the trigger.
In his bunker, Mr Clean smoked a cigarrette along with two of his comrades that he had recently fucked the brains out of. They were busy playing cards, and one of them muttered to the other.
"Y'know, Your Holiness, Pope Francis, if we ever get out of this hell, there's something I want you to have. A lil' game that meant a lot to me back in the day, back in 'Nam. A lil game called...."Undertale".
"This sounds like shit, asshole." The holy man replied.
Mr. Clean snapped back to reality and felt some yellow cleaning fluid trailing down his pants. That man was inside. That demon from his past. Inside, he had a score to settle. A score that he hadnt settled ever since he killed all the Avengers.
He entered his lavish bedroom, and inside was exactly the figure he'd expect. The smug american, dressed in extravagent flannels and draping paper towels all over, his bulging, swaying crotch covered only in a single paper towel.
Mr. Clean pulled out his Katanas and prepared for a battle, remembering the words Naruto and Goku told him.
"Brawny.......your time has come."
"Clean-sama... I haven't seen your face in years. Put away the katanas, tomodachi..."
"Bawny, teme! shine, you manko!!"
"What? I don't speak Korean... not since.. the war..."
"Shut up, Brawny!! Just tell me why you are here!!"
Brawny gets a devilish look in his paper towel eyes. "Ah, old friend, you thought you would never see me again. But, I have showed up here today to finish what we started years ago, during the war..."
Mr. Clean tenses, his knuckles turning white where they were gripping his katanas. "N-Nandato...?"
"I am here..." Brawny begins, ripping the paper towel off of his dong, "to fuck your ass."
Mr. Clean takes out his katana at last and swipes in Brawny's direction, narrowly missing his perfect paper towel face. "Ehhhhhhh?! Yameru, teme!!!!"
"Mr. Clean... or shall I call you by your first name.... Mister...." Brawny begins, "remember back in 'Nam when we fucked like every day?? You promised to let me top and that day never came. The Viet Cong came to take you and ever since then... you have been gone. But I finally found you, living it up in this mansion. You need to answer to your past sins, Mister, you need to face the past. You need me to fuck you in the ass."
"Fuck that!!!" Mr. Clean yells. "Face the wrath of my stand, ~SPARKLING CLEAN~!"
Mr. Clean summons a very large cleaning spray bottle with an unidentifiable liquid within it. "The liquid takes form of whatever I most desire!! Pay the price, scumbag!!"
Mr. Clean sprayed the bottle, and lo an behold, the liquid that came out was daddy's cummies.
Brawny smiled. "Hunny... just let me give you cummies..."
"NO!" Mr. Clean yells.
"Okay then, binch, you asked for it..." Brawny summons his stand ~PAPER TOWELRU~!
A massive paper towel comes into being and settles on the ground. There is no use for it.
"Wow, nerd!" Mr. Clean jests. "There is no use for this!"
"Ah, but this is where you're wrong, Mr. Clean-sama!" Brawny smiles. "This paper towel is used to clean up our cummies!"
Mr. Clean now sees his mistake. He's been bamboozled!! He now has to fuck Brawny, there's no other way.
Brawny rips Mr. Clean's clothes off as if they were paper towels. He puts his hands on Mr. Clean and breathes in his scent -- mmmmm, smells like industrial chemicals.
"This reminds me of a Teen Wolf episode." Brawny says, then devours Mr. Cleans succulent clean lips with his own. Mr. Clean is so sterile, it is almost hard to grip him because his entire surface is slippery with the disinfectant that constantly seeps out of his white, clean skin. His skin is raw with signs of constant rubbing, it seems as though Clean is obsessed with being as sterile as possible.
"Dave Strider..." Clean moans against Brawny's mouth, and Brawny is hella confused. Is he thinking about a Homestuck character while they fuck?! What a fucking weeaboo. Boner kill, am I right????
But NOT FOR BRAWNY!!! His dick lust cannot be dismissed by referencing a crappy webcomic that one of the authors of this story liked when she was thirteen. And with that namedrop out of the way, they continued their search of each others bodies.
Brawny pulls one of the many paper towel rolls out of his succulent dripping asshole and puts it on his fist. "Bite your lip I'm going in without disinfectant."
Brawny shoves his fist straight up Clean's ass, through his pants and everything. Clean spits out blood from the force of it, and the blood stains his wall. But never fear! Mr. Clean brand Magic Eraser™ will help clean the stain!
Brawny's fist is soon lubed up by the disinfectant that oozes out of every pore of Mr. Clean's body, and soon he is full on fisting the bald man. He can see his reflection in the shininess of Clean's head, and he winks at his reflection.
Suddenly, in the middle of Mr. Clean's pained orgasm, the door bursts open, and a new, dangerous looking figure walks in. He looks like Mr Clean, but different...He's muddy, covered in piss, and dressed in all black. Linkin Park begins playing from every radio in the house at once.
"Dark Mr. Clean.......MR UNCLEAN!" Brawny retracts his sex organs and pulls out his american guns, charging into battle. Using his Sith powers, Mr. Unclean tosses him aside with a flick of his wrist. Without saying anything, he pulls out his fleshy lightsaber and begins approaching Mr. Clean's gaping asshole, dripping mud and sewer fluid from his wiggling noodle. He begins rapidly thrusting Mr. Clean's delicate, bleached asshole. Mr. Clean could do nothing but moan in pain and pleasure - he couldn't stop this gross violation and he didn't want to. He was getting absolutely filthy and he loved it.
Brawny,, however, is overcome with a dad-like desire to protect Mr. Clean, to prevent him from getting dirty.... He knows that if MR. Cleaaan is allooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwed to be dirty, it will destroy the entire universe as the forces of clean and filthy will destroy one another in a tremendous explosion. He pulls out his katanas and yells BANZAI!!! as he activates his sharingan and prepares his chakra to destroy Mr. Unclean, but already out of Mr. Unclean's throbbing, massive Scholngus a splorp of mud is already emerging, and heading toward Mr. Clean's bald, shining dome of beauty.
Mr. Clean is very unamused throughout this entire ordeal. Once Mr. Unclean climaxes, yelling: "Star Wars, Star Trek, One Direction, Attack on Titan!!" Wow, namedropping for the sake of views. What an asswipe.
Mr. Clean summons his stand once more and clocks Mr. Uncleans head off with his giant spraybottle. Good riddance, asshole.
Brawny smirks. "So.... now that he's gone..."
Mr. Clean kicks his head right off. SEE YA, DICKO.
Chapter 2: gun
i fucked up in front of my wife shit