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221B And All That

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PART THE FIRST

In the beginning in the centre of England everybody was very poor and lived in shabby houses called crofts because only people who were good at hand-crofts could keep them together. The oldest son always inherited the family house and so was named My-croft.

Mycroft was also very big because of trouble with his diets and so his brother had to move out and share a croft with somebody else, so he was called Share-croft. Sharing a house meant his stuff got stolen a lot, so he invented locks no one else could open and changed his name to Sharelock. Later he was even poorer and had to give up one of the letters in his name, and changed it to Sherlock, and so the two brothers were known as Mycroft and Sherlock after their homes, thus Mycroft Homes and Sherlock Homes.

Sherlock shared his croft with a man who was not his brother, but hung around them always trying to work out wat was going on, and so was named 'Watson'.

Later the three men were evicted from their tiny houses and due to gravity went south until they wound up in London. Sherlock Homes and Watson were so used to sharing by now that they kept sharing, living with a baker called Mrs. Hudson. Mycroft was very big, and didn't like moving around very much, and so took a job as a seat in the Government. He was so big that in times of crisis, the entire government could sit on him all at the same time. And this was a GOOD THING.

Sherlock and Watson starting taking cases, in fact they were better at it than anybody else and so took better and better cases. With the amazing stuff they found in the cases they were soon much better off financially, and Watson was finally able to buy a first name, and after some discussion picked the name Doctor, and after that was always known as Doctor Watson. He was so pleased with his new first name that the Homes brothers wanted to buy more names too, but since they had first names already they settled for buying an extra letter each in their surname, and so became known as Mycroft and Sherlock Holmes.

PART THE SECOND

All was going well for Sherlock, Mycroft and Doctor Watson. But an enemy of Mycroft in the government, (who wanted his job as a seat) found out that they had come directly south (due to gravity) and so had invaded London without landing on the Isle of Thanet first. This was a BAD THING.

Sherlock and Doctor Watson were keen to go to Thanet and get their credentials in order, however Mycroft was suffering from a surfeit of oysters and refused to move from his seat. Sherlock decided to take on a disguise as himself and his brother at the same time, and so took the name Myc-ock.

Doctor Watson rather liked being on the Isle of Thanet with Mycock Holmes, especially since cocks rise up 'to greet the dawn'. Watson had to get Dawn out of the room every time she came in to tidy up, but after that he and Mycock could get on with pretending to be three people.

Eventually Watson and Holmes had stayed long enough to qualify for an invasion of England and were able to go home, so they cheerfully left the Isle of Thanet (and Dawn) behind them.

When they got back to London, Mycroft Holmes, who had been going by Roft Holmes while Sherlock borrowed the first part of his name, was quite keen to indulge in being three people with Sherlock and Doctor Watson. This led to a surfeit of orgasms in Mrs. Hudson's bakery and she threw them out, especially as they refused to be four people with her (thus the phrase 'she was not fourth coming').

TEST PAPER

1.) An Isle of Thanet is played with: -
a) A gentlemen’s club
b) A small musical instrument
c) Whoever is standing nearby at the time.
Do not select more than four correct options.

2.) Define a lestrade.

3.) Would you be four people with Mrs. Hudson, in order to keep lodgings in a bakery? How would you treat a surfeit of orgasms? Reply in any non-European language.

4.) If you bought an extra letter for your name, what would it be? Use diagrams where appropriate.