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When You're Playing With Desire

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If you asked him, Enjolras would say that he couldn’t really remember how it had all happened. That it just kind of did and now here they were together; their breaths catching slightly and their bodies pressed together.

 

That would be a lie, however. Enjolras remembered every aspect of how this odd and exciting situation had came to be.

 

It had started with a joke the day before. It was a brisk Spring afternoon and the weather was wavering on the cusp of pleasant and chilly. The sun was out, the flowers were in bloom, the sky was beautiful, and Enjolras was on edge.

 

Despite the calm nature of the day, Enjolras was anything but. Although he was well versed in the knowledge that it was just that time of the year, the horribly anxious and stressful time where exams and a multitude of pressures from his internship were piling up inconveniently all at once; he couldn’t help but feel incredibly overwhelmed.

 

“You need a drink.” A gratingly carefree voice said, snapping him out of his focus on the papers before him.

 

Enjolras sighed, rubbing his eyes and feeling the harsh sting of lack of sleep hit behind his eyelids. How much did he end up getting last night? Four hours? Three? Not enough, in any case.

 

“Grantaire, the last thing I need is a drink.” He replied in a flat tone and trying once more to  reread the sentence that he had been stuck on for the last hour. For some reason none of it was sinking in. It seemed the harder he tried to soak in the knowledge the more his mind fought against him. Did every part of himself have to be so stubbornly rebellious?

 

“You look stressed.”

 

An incredibly obnoxious smirk spread across Grantaire’s face as he slid down into the booth next to Enjolras and kicked his feet upon the table, causing a few loose-leaf papers to slide off onto the floor beneath them.

 

Enjolras shot him an annoyed look as he leaned down to pick them up. Shuffling them back into the correct order, unable to help the small stab of jealousy he felt at Grantaire’s air of freedom from responsibility.

 

“That’s because I am stressed.” He said pointedly, hoping that he’d get the hint and leave Enjolras alone.

 

“You know I’ve always found there’s only one surefire cure for stress.” Grantaire said leaning in towards Enjolras slightly, his smile spreading wider.

 

“Please, do enlighten me.” Enjolras said as he rolled his eyes.

 

“Casual, mind-blowing, animalistic sex!” Grantaire said placing his hands behind his head and leaning back into an even more relaxed position as he wiggled his eyebrows up suggestively.

 

Enjolras only glared at him. It could have been the god awful lack of sleep, or the fact that his mind had not been working properly for the last week or so but the line conjured up the briefest image of a breathless and naked Grantaire beneath him, grasping at sheets with his neck arched backwards, a look that was purely scandalous etched across his face.

 

Grantaire laughed; the sound as breezy as the cool, crisp air outside snapped Enjolras away from the mental image and he quickly cast his eyes downwards.

 

“I’m joking , Enjolras. Jesus, you don’t have to look at me as though I’ve just killed a puppy. You don’t need sex, you just need a night off.” He said the last part earnestly, a genuine plea of concern could just be made out under his usually light-hearted tone.

 

Enjolras let some of the built up tension he’d been holding in his shoulders drop. He sometimes got much too guarded around Grantaire’s presence and let the man’s obvious ribbing get to him more than it should. A problem to do with past encounters a few years back, when Grantaire had been at his worst and Enjolras had been too sharp tongued and quick to bite. They’d been getting better at it lately, the whole talking thing. But sometimes they fell back into the same steps and dialogue that had made their company with each other so unpleasant years before. He checked himself and made sure to soften his voice before replying.

 

“I appreciate your concern, but I’d really much rather just get this over with.”

 

“Is that so? Tell me, how many times have you read the same sentence without actually taking any of it in?”

 

Enjolras almost let his mouth fall open before he caught himself, instead choosing to furrow his brow in confusion.

 

“How did you-?”

 

Grantaire laughed once more, his eyes shining with delight at Enjolras’ surprise. Enjolras relished the sound of Grantaire’s laughter. It reminded him of chilled days off and adventurous nights and when he laughed as he was doing now; genuinely with his eyes crinkling in the corners and his head thrown slightly back, the sound could warm the coldest day.

 

“You’re forgetting before I dropped out like the spectacular failure that I am that I too was once an overworked student. I know the look all too well.” He gave Enjolras a sympathetic grin. “Come on- one night off won’t hurt. Besides I think you’ll find by tomorrow that a break was all you really needed.”

 

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, or the envious way that Grantaire proposed a break so casually, as though it was the simplest thing in the world. Or maybe it was the fact that he’d spent so many nights here in the cafe hiding behind textbooks and his laptop that he was beginning to feel the heavy lack of presence from his friends. Or maybe it was even just the sound of Grantaire’s laughter, and the desire to hear more of it, but for whatever reason Enjolras relented.

 

“Fine.” He sighed defeatedly, closing his binder with a sharp snap. “What do you propose we do for fun?”

 

“You’ve got five minutes to find a safe place to store your studies, because this place is about to go off the fucking chain!” Grantaire’s grin widened into a broad, toothy smile as he whipped out his phone and excitedly typed away.

 


 

“Have my eyes deceived me or has Enjolras actually admitted defeat?” Courfeyrac declared excitedly five minutes later as he made his way inside.

 

“It’s not defeat.” Enjolras frowned at him. “I’m just taking a break.”

 

“Well whatever you call it, I’ll take it!” He pulled him into a tight squeeze before holding Enjolras at shoulders length. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! I was beginning to think that textbook had grown to be apart of your arm.”

 

Enjolras found himself laughing, and the muscles in his cheekbones loosening as a result. He’d missed this . The joyous feeling he got surrounded by his friends and their easy company.

 

“I think it almost had. I swear I saw some of the text from Nietzsche’s ‘ The Gay Science’  on my hand the other day.”

 

“‘ The Gay Science’ . Now that’s a tattoo idea if I’ve ever heard one.” Combeferre said from behind him. Enjolras smiled broadly at him. Despite the fact that he and Combeferre shared an apartment together, between Enjolras locking himself behind his studies and Combeferre taking more graveyard shifts at the hospital than usual lately the two had barely crossed paths the last few weeks.

 

He was already feeling a million times lighter.

 

Soon there was Bahorel and Feuilly, closely followed by Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta and soon all of his friends were there. It seemed that Grantaire had a strange skill for joining them all together.

 

Enjolras wasn’t much of a drinker, but being surrounded by all of them once more rose his spirits enough to join them in just one drink.

 

Soon one became three and Enjolras was floating happy on a buzz of comradery and a feeling of freedom, even if it was just for one night. God how he’d missed them all and now they were all here and laughing and happy. Enjolras was happy.

 

Looking over to the table in the corner he spotted Grantaire relaying a dramatic story to Jehan and smiled absentmindedly. Enjolras watched his hands move in dramatic flourishes and his mouth slant sideways as he reached the pinnacle of his story before finally throwing his head back in uproarious laughter, exposing his neck as it arched backwards and letting his curls fall across his face.

 

Enjolras felt a tingle crawl across his spine slowly as the sight of him sent the shameful image of Grantaire beneath him flooding back.

 

His mind, hazy from the liquor, failed to catch up quickly enough to shake it away instantaneously, and it played out longer than before. Enjolras saw himself trailing hard and rough kisses down Grantaire’s bare chest and a strong hand draped across his own hip and playing in his hair.

 

He might have let it play out even further if the real life Grantaire hadn’t noticed him suddenly and shot him a smile from across the room. Enjolras realised with a start that he’d been staring and gave him a polite one back before turning quickly towards Feuilly, pushing the thought far into the back of his mind and feeling his cheeks flush at the shame that the image had caused.

 

He and Grantaire were getting better, but they’d never been good, and after so kindly convincing Enjolras to take a well needed break how had Enjolras repaid him? By ignoring him for most of the night in favour of his other friends and thinking about him inappropriately. He felt a strange urge to be around Grantaire more and decided suddenly that enough was enough. They were adults now, they were friends. He didn’t want to be constantly on guard with Grantaire anymore and he certainly didn’t want to fall back to the state they used to be in.

 

Feeling more than a little bit tipsy and having the urge take hold of him, Enjolras confidently walked over to where Grantaire had started to tell another ridiculous story. Jehan had disappeared giggling out the back door, closely followed by a dark haired and sullen looking young man that Enjolras had never seen before. Enjolras made a mental note to check up on them later.

 

Grantaire stopped in the middle of his story when Enjolras reached him and looked at him surprised. “Enjolras! Are you enjoying your night off?”

 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but you were right. I really, really needed this.” Enjolras had to raise his voice over the music playing. As the night was wearing on it seemed to have only grown louder and louder, and now he was almost yelling. Grantaire looked at him delightedly.

 

“Listen. I want you to do something for me.” He said taking Grantaire by the shoulder and leading him slightly away from Bossuet and Joly, who really didn’t seem to mind as they were currently distracted giving each other quick and giggly kisses everywhere they could get away with.

 

Grantaire gave a nervous laugh. “Sure. Anything.”

 

“Give me one actual conversation tonight.” Enjolras said looking at Grantaire’s uncertain expression seriously. “No bickering or sarcasm or trying to get on my nerves. Just a proper conversation.”

 

“Are you sure?” Grantaire asked with a small smirk. “You know sarcasm and trying to get on your nerves is like ninety-nine percent of my vocabulary. You cut that out and the leftover one percent is pretty boring.”

 

“I’m being serious.” Enjolras said trying to sound firm but coming across as whiny instead. He decided with a hazy, passing thought that he didn’t care if that made him sound pathetic. He was after all trying to let his guard down. “We never talk properly.”

 

His expression must have looked as sombre as his tone for Grantaire’s smirk was wiped away almost instantly and was replaced with something else entirely. Enjolras told himself that he really needed to cut back on the drinks because it was making him see things that weren’t there; like a passing moment of fear reflected in Grantaire’s eyes.

 

“I guess I did say anything...” Grantaire said slowly, before quickly lighting up again. “Alright, I guess the years of pulling your pigtails have finally caught up to me.”

 

“Enjolras!” Bahorel called from across the room. “You owe me a kamikaze shot! Get your ass over here!”

 

“One conversation.” Enjolras said pointing a finger up at Grantaire and earning himself a laugh. Enjolras removed his hand from Grantaire’s shoulder and felt an odd sense of warmth leave him as he did so. He rather hesitantly made his way over to where Bahorel was waiting with a tray of drinks and a piece of lime wedged between his teeth.

 

As the night wore on it seemed that every time Enjolras had a proper chance to talk with Grantaire somebody dragged him away from his company in favour of their own.

 

“This doesn’t count!” Enjolras called back to Grantaire as Courfeyrac grabbed his arm and forcefully led him to the karaoke machine for the third time that night. Grantaire had just been telling him about a gallery an old university friend was opening before Courfeyrac had heard the starting notes of Journey’s ‘ Don’t Stop Believing ’ begin to play and decided that it had to be sung as a duet.

 

People slowly began to filter out. There were only four of them left by the end of the night, if you didn’t count Bahorel passed out on the pool table. Although Enjolras was worn out, tired and much past the point of tipsy he was still incredibly determined to have a proper conversation with Grantaire if it killed him. Which he realised suddenly, it actually might.

 

“Enjolras,” Combeferre said softly, pulling his coat over his shoulders whilst Joly waited by the door. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

 

“Nooo.” Enjolras said slurring out a long whine. “There’s still something I haven’t done!” He looked over to where Grantaire was standing by the pool table, trying to poke Bahorel into consciousness again.

 

He looked back towards Combeferre who was eyeing him strangely and realised that he had no context for the situation.

 

“Grantaire promised me a conversation.” He tried to elaborate but it only earned him another strange look. Seeing the unwavering and determined expression Enjolras had so famously come accustomed to wearing however, Combeferre sighed and shook his head.

 

“Grantaire?” Combeferre called out. Grantaire moved away from the pool table and came over to them. “Joly and I have to go to the hospital, would you mind making sure Enjolras gets home safely.”

 

“I’m not a child…” Enjolras muttered under his breath as he crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“No,” Grantaire said with a smirk. “But you’re clearly not used to being this intoxicated. ‘Course I’ll take you home!”

 

“Great. Well don’t do anything stupid and try to make sure Bahorel doesn’t sleep here tonight. The last place he tried to do that he broke the table and we got barred from coming back.”

 

“Stay safe!” Joly added with a smile and a wave as they headed out.

 

“I’ve had a couple of drinks and they’re acting like I’m going to try to start a riot or something!” Enjolras muttered with a huff.

 

“I think that may have been directed more at me than at you. I don’t exactly have a shining track record” Grantaire said with a laugh. “But come on, are you seriously saying you’re not even a little bit tempted to start a riot right now?”

 

“I’m honestly more tempted to just go to bed.” Enjolras said sitting down at the closest table with a sigh. Grantaire sat across from him looking awkward and fidgety.

 

“Did you want to go home?” Grantaire asked checking the time on his phone. “I mean it’s dead here anyway-”

 

“I meant it.” Enjolras said. Sitting down was helping him to sober up a little and although the lights above them were still dancing slightly his focus on Grantaire’s face was steadying. “We never talk and I want to fix that.”

 

Grantaire looked at him uncertainly, he tapped his fingers on the table and went to open his mouth.

 

“And I meant it when I said no sarcasm.” Enjolras said firmly.

 

This caused Grantaire to laugh and broke some of the tension in the air.

 

“Okay fine. But I meant what I said as well- I’m really boring without it.”

 

“I don’t mind.” Enjolras said with what he hoped was an encouraging smile.



Talking to Grantaire without guarded personas and a wall of sarcasm between them was not at all boring and actually surprisingly easy, as it turned out. The man had a natural way with words so that even when describing dull and normal things such as early school life and family matters, Enjolras was rapt with attention the entire time.

 

He seemed to have an intriguing story for every facet and predicament his life had taken, although Enjolras couldn’t help but notice that he conveniently glossed over the parts from a few years back; his bad years, as Joly would call them.

 

It also seemed that they had a surprising amount in common, as every time Grantaire finished telling a story Enjolras had a sister one, reminiscent and similar and striking in the issues they had both seemed to face. The only thing that seemed to be different about their experiences was the way they had both gone about dealing with them. Although, Enjolras supposed that really was not quite surprising at all.

 

What Enjolras enjoyed the most however was hearing Grantaire describing his family. The way that his face lit up and his eyes filled with a bashful pride at all the good his younger sister was doing and how far she was succeeding was simply breathtaking. Enjolras found his mind slipping from the conversation as he watched the variety of ways Grantaire’s facial expressions changed. He’d never realised before; the dimples when he smiled widely or the way his nose scrunched up when he was describing something unpleasant.

 

“Enjolras?”

 

“Huh?” Enjolras said, shaking himself out of his trance. He realised with a start that Grantaire had been asking him a question, but he had been distracted watching the way the light was bouncing off his hair, as the loose lamp above them swung unsteadily.

 

“I asked you if you’ve ever seen Metropolis. Wow, you’re really out of it.” He said with a laugh as he checked his phone. “Holy shit. No wonder, it’s been almost three hours.”

 

“Three hours?” Enjolras asked blinking. The fuzziness in his head didn’t have anything to do with the alcohol that had long since faded from his system.

 

“Yeah, since Ferre and Joly left. Come on,” He said rising from his chair and grabbing his coat. “Let’s get you home and Bahorel into a bed with less balls in it.”

 

“But it’s my night off!” Enjolras said with a pout.

 

He didn’t want to leave, he wanted to keep talking to Grantaire.

 

“Sorry to break this to you but your night off has turned into a morning off. And you’re not going to be wishing you stayed out later when you wake up and have to study again. Trust me.”

 

“Since when are you the voice of reason?” Enjolras muttered, reluctantly standing up and following Grantaire over to Bahorel, who was quickly and violently sitting up.

 

Grantaire chuckled under his breath as he helped Bahorel to his feet. “I’m always the voice of reason, Enj. You just never listen to me.”

 

“It’s the motherfucking lighthouse man.” Bahorel murmured in a slur as stumbled forwards. “The lighthouse was fucking haunted that’s why all that weird shit happened. They would have realised that if they followed their motherfucking hearts.”

 

“Thanks Captain Hindsight.” Grantaire said leading Bahorel towards the door. “But where was that insight 6 hours ago when Feuilly asked you what they should have done instead of summoning a demon?”

 

“Feuilly’s a dick.” Bahorel said with a frown as they reached the door, before his face broke into a vague and distant expression, “No he’s not. He’s perfect. God, I’m the dick.”

 

“Sleep it off, mate.” Grantaire said giving him a small shove in the direction of his apartment.

 

“Is he going to be okay?” Enjolras asked uncertainly, “I mean I feel like he’s the one you should be walking home.”

 

“Bahorel’s practically got a GPS in his feet when he’s wasted. He can find anything. He’ll be home before we are.”

 

“If you’re sure…” Enjolras said.

 

“Hey, if our resident Mother Hen finds out I broke my promise about taking you home I’m going to wake up on his operating table.” Grantaire said as they started walking in the direction of Enjolras’ apartment. Enjolras couldn’t help but laugh at that.

 

“Do you remember the time Marius and Bahorel were supposed to car pool a group of us to a protest outside of the city but we changed the car arrangements last minute-”

 

“-And Bahorel thought that Marius was taking Courfeyrac but Marius thought that Bahorel was the one taking him!”

 

“Yes! And Courfeyrac ended up waiting for a carpool that wasn’t coming and when Combeferre found out he twisted both of their ears like they were ten or something and made them both go back for him!”

 

Grantaire laughed wholeheartedly. “And Bahorel tried to argue that you don’t need two cars to pick up one person and Combeferre just fixed him with the iciest, coldest death stare. I felt like he was seconds away from shooting lasers from his eyes! And Bahorel shut right up and almost drove into a pole in his hurry to get back to Courf.”

 

“I honestly thought that he was going to murder them both. He can be so protective when it comes to Courfeyrac.”

 

“What is up with those two anyway?”

 

“Marius and Bahorel? I dunno I think it was just a communication error-”

 

“No, not them.” Grantaire laughed, he was so close he was practically leaning on Enjolras at this point. Enjolras could feel his warm breath against his neck as Grantaire laughed and smelled something akin to coffee and caramel. “Courf and Ferre. Come on, you’re their best friend. You must know all their secrets.”

 

“I wouldn’t be a very good best friend if I told people those secrets.” Enjolras replied with a half smile.

 

“Aha! I knew it! So there are secrets!” Grantaire said triumphantly.

 

Enjolras rolled his eyes but was unable to hide the grin that spread across his face.

 

“Come on, you can tell me!” Grantaire said giving Enjolras a playful elbow shove. “They’re dating right? They’ve been acting especially strange the last few weeks.”

 

“I haven’t noticed.” Enjolras said honestly. He felt another sinking feeling as he realised just how distracted he’d been lately. “If they are they haven’t told me.”

 

“Well even if they’re not, they’re at least in love with each other right? I mean, could they be anymore obvious?”

 

Enjolras frowned. He was well aware of his friends feelings for each other as it seemed like every week one of them was running to him complaining about it. It was especially frustrating for Enjolras, as both of them had made him promise to never tell the other.

 

“I promised I wouldn’t say.” Enjolras said with a shrug.

 

“I knew it! I can always tell when someone’s in love! Bossuet owes me 15 euros!” Grantaire’s entire face lit like a child on Christmas but he replaced it with a sheepish grin when he saw the stern look upon Enjolras’ face. “That is to say, he would owe me 15 euros if I wasn’t sworn to secrecy.”

 

Enjolras was about to reply when his foot caught on the pavement and he lurched forward. His breath hitched as he expected to feel the cold sting of the ground beneath him, instead he felt warm and strong hands catch him by the shoulders and steer him steady.

 

“See?” Grantaire laughed as he pulled him back into an upright position. There was that intoxicating and warming aroma once more, and Enjolras had to suppress a shiver. His face was closer to Grantaire’s than ever before and underneath the moonlight Enjolras could see small golden flecks shimmering beneath the deep green of his eyes. “You did need a chaperone.”

 

For the second time that night Enjolras realised that he was staring, and hastily looked away. Grantaire withdrew his arm from around his shoulders but the closeness between them remained. Enjolras was far too aware of the body heat radiating from him. His traitorous mind kept throwing flashes of the image back at him with every brush of their shoulders.

 

Just when Enjolras thought that Grantaire could not get any closer, he did. Leaning in towards Enjolras’ ear and cupping his hand around it, Enjolras felt the hairs on his neck stand up as Grantaire’s breath and voice fell softly upon his ear.

 

“Don’t tell the other chaperones I let you drink or I’ll be kicked out of their exclusive club.”

 

Enjolras giggled, smiling at Grantaire with matching glee. Before tonight he never would have even thought of doing so as casually as he did, but he threw his arm around Grantaire’s shoulders and walked with him in step. All too soon they had arrived at Enjolras’ apartment and he felt a crushing realisation that the night was finally over and instinctively tightened his hold around Grantaire, in a fleeting hope that it would somehow delay the end.

 

He hadn’t realised he’d been dragging him inside of his apartment with him until they were well inside of his bedroom. The light from the kitchen was pooling slightly into Enjolras’ room.

 

Not bothering to turn on his bedroom light, Enjolras finally let go of him, falling lazily on his back against the bed. Out of his peripheral vision he could see Grantaire lean against his bedroom wall as he laughed quietly to himself.

 

“Did you have fun, Enjolras?” Grantaire asked him in a soft voice. Enjolras could hear the smile behind it.

 

“I did. I really, really did.” Enjolras said lacing his fingers together and closing his heavy eyes.

 

“Good.” Grantaire said, and Enjolras could have sworn he heard a brief sigh of relief.

 

Enjolras sat up slowly, opening his eyes to find Grantaire looking at him contentedly.

 

“Thank you.” Enjolras said in the softest voice he could manage.

 

“Hey, I just hope it helps with your studies.” Grantaire raised his hands up in mock defense, before sliding them into the depths of his pockets and tilting his head towards Enjolras with a sideways grin and a wink. “And if it doesn’t- my original offer still stands.”

 

There it was again. The mental image of Grantaire . This time Enjolras did nothing to push it away. He let it play out with defeated impatience and realised suddenly that he wasn’t just unopposed to the idea, but he actively craved it.  

 

“Grantaire, do you want me?” Enjolras asked suddenly.

 

Enjolras saw Grantaire blanche and his eyes went wide as his shoulders tensed suddenly.

 

“What?! It was... It was just a joke!”

 

Enjolras stood up, a helpless desire pushing him on, he took a step forward. Grantaire tried to step back, forgetting that he was against the wall and his back hit it with a small thump.

 

“That’s the second time you’ve said that to me.” Enjolras took another step towards him. They were close now, the fabric of their shirts almost touching.

 

“Did I- Am I making you uncomfortable?” Grantaire said uncertainly, his body pressed against the wall.

 

Enjolras placed his hand steadily beside Grantaire’s head causing him to swallow hard.

 

“Am I ?” Enjolras asked him in a low tone, almost whispering. There was only an inch between their faces. Enjolras moved his own closer to Grantaire’s tilting it slightly and stopping just before reaching his lips. Closing his eyes he whispered against them. “Like you said, the offer’s on the table.”

 

Enjolras felt something warm and wet hit his lips but felt it withdraw almost instantly. Grantaire had tried to lick his lips and in doing so accidently hit his tongue against Enjolras’ own lips. The sensation made his belly drop and his head buzz in a wanting tease.

 

“You’re just drunk, Enjolras.” he heard Grantaire say weakly.

 

“I haven’t had a drink in over three hours” Enjolras said. He could hear the own desperation in his voice but didn’t care. He had a want. A need. He moved his thumb in a stroking movement across Grantaire’s cheek and felt him still at his touch. It was almost burning hot and he opened his eyes expecting to see doubt behind Grantaire’s eyes but instead was met with matching desire and his heart thumped rapidly in a hopeful foretaste.

 

“Are you sure?” Grantaire asked hesitantly.

 

“I’m not drunk, Grantaire.” Enjolras said with finality.

 

“It’s not that…” Grantaire said, his tone filled with honey as his face broke into a daring smirk. Enjolras felt his desire burning as he openly stared at him, taking all of Grantaire in. God, how he wanted him…

 

”I’m just… If you let me- I’m going to do something I’m very good at. But, once I’m done with you, you’ll have a completely different opinion of me.”

 

Enjolras’ objection of how being good at sex had nothing to do with a person’s character was lost halfway to his throat as Grantaire grabbed the back of his head roughly and began to kiss and suck hard against his neck. Enjolras arched it back readily letting out a moan. Grantaire’s hands were moving fast and Enjolras was so lost in the motion of his mouth that he hadn’t realised he was already halfway done unbuttoning his shirt.

 

It seemed he lost his patience at the last two buttons however as he forced the fabric apart without even attempting to undo them first. Enjolras heard one hit the floor with a small clatter, but it was soon forgotten as Grantaire was making his way, down, down, down . Across his bare midriff, placing quick and soft kisses downwards until he was crouching by Enjolras’ stomach. Enjolras let his head crane towards the ceiling as he closed his eyes, lost in intoxicating bliss.

 

Grantaire slowed the pecks across his hip bones and Enjolras felt his stomach swing in somersaults the lower they swept. His fingers were cascading down past Enjolras’ hips across the button of his jeans sending a fresh burst of goosebumps across his skin.

 

Opening his eyes and tilting his head downwards he found Grantaire on his knees beneath him. He felt a rush of lust at the sight and made a small contented noise as Grantaire slid his hands around Enjolras’ zipper and hurriedly made to slide it open. Enjolras assisted by hastily pushing his pants down and rather awkwardly climbing out of them, kicking them to one side.

 

He was now breathing heavily in his briefs with his shirt pushed open and falling slightly off one shoulder. He supposed he should have felt more exposed, and there was certainly an eruption of heat creeping up his neck towards his cheeks. But Grantaire was not looking at him, he was busying himself with fishing a wallet out of his pocket. Enjolras noticed his hands were far from steady as he pushed aside a compartment and procured a condom, tossing the wallet against the nightstand in the corner of the room.

 

His slightly glazed eyes reached Enjolras, and for a minute they merely stayed there staring at each other. Taking themselves and each other and the reality of what they were about to do in.

 

Enjolras out of breath, half naked and slightly dishevelled and Grantaire on his knees before him.

 

Finally Enjolras swallowed, giving Grantaire a curt nod. Ensuring his consent to continue and mutually reaching the understanding that they were now crossing a point together that they would never come back from.

 

Grantaire’s eyes stayed on him as he dropped the condom to his lap before moving his hands to Enjolras’ hips once more, hooking his thumbs into the waistband and sliding them down until Enjolras was completely exposed. Grantaire seemed to be struck dumb, as he stilled at the sight of Enjolras and leaned back onto the balls of his feet slightly.

 

Enjolras was beginning to feel slightly self conscious until he looked upon his face to find a slightly sideways smile and his hand moving back to the condom in his lap.

 

Taking the edge of the wrapper between his teeth, tearing it open in one swift movement Enjolras felt himself twitch in anticipation.

 

Grantaire’s touch as he slid the condom slowly down his shaft sent an electric pulse racing through his veins. What he was not prepared for, was for Grantaire to take him so quickly. Almost the moment it was on, his mouth had encased Enjolras in a hot and tight embrace. Enjolras barely had a moment to let out a sharp gasp before Grantaire was quickly and tightly moving his mouth up and down his cock. Flicking his tongue along the tip whenever his mouth reached the end.

 

“Fuck.” Enjolras gasped out, leaning one hand back upon his bedpost to steady himself. Grantaire had not just been ruthlessly flirting with him with his warning. He really was good at this, and Enjolras had to concentrate to not get helplessly overcome so quickly.

 

He instinctively reached his other hand in front of him, grasping a fistful of Grantaire’s hair and eliciting a small and muffled but pleased noise from him. Grantaire slowed at Enjolras’ touch, and took his time, hollowing his cheeks and forcing Enjolras to bite his lip in a vain attempt to stop himself from moaning. It was useless, as Grantaire moved his hand down to the base and began to move his hand in rhythm with his lips, Enjolras became all but a whining mess.

 

Cursing out a string of swear words, he felt himself building to a climax. A part of him wished to delay the inevitable sensation for as long as possible; for Grantaire felt incredible and he wanted to savour this feeling for as long as he could. But a stronger part of him ached for release, as Grantaire tightened around his tip and sucked, hard and long; undoing him almost completely.

 

“Grantaire-” He choked out in what he hoped relayed a warning, because he was suddenly rendered speechless and could no longer hold back.

 

It seemed that Grantaire either did not care about the warning or didn’t hear it, as he determinedly continued on, causing Enjolras to gasp out violently as he spilled into the condom, gripping Grantaire’s curls tightly in his release.

 

Feeling bright sparks encase his vision and his mind, Enjolras took a moment to steady his breath, removing his grip from Grantaire’s hair but still holding on tightly to the bed frame.

 

He blinked his eyes open to find Grantaire wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve and despite being completely wrecked and exhausted felt a shiver hit his spine.

 

Enjolras’ head was still swimming as he picked up his underwear and made his way briskly into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror he barely recognised the sweating and ruined man before him. The blurry and blissful haze surrounding the aftermath of his orgasm was quickly beginning to fade and he cringed as he peeled off the messy condom. He grabbed a few sheets of toilet paper and cleaned the remainder of himself up.

 

What had he done?

 

Why?

 

It just all happened so quickly. He lied to himself. It was a moment of weakness.

 

He pulled his briefs back on, throwing the paper in the wastebasket by his sink and caught himself once more in his reflection.

 

How could Grantaire of all people make him capable of looking like this? Feeling like this? His looks and demeanour resembled something more animalistic than he’d ever seen within himself.

 

And Grantaire .


God…

Grantaire had looked so different kneeling at his feet, looking up at him, taking him in his mouth.

 

Enjolras felt his stomach stir again, but this time it was uneasy with guilt.

 

Would he even be able to look him in the eyes after this and not see that vision? Would he be able to talk to him without remembering every detail of Grantaire’s mouth around him?

 

They’d made so much progress tonight, as well. He’d just gotten to know him so much better than he ever thought he could. He’d liked talking to him. He’d enjoyed his company. He wanted more of it. He couldn’t go back to distant looks and icy conversations. His heart felt heavy at just the thought of it.

 

What had he done?

 

He’d just ruined everything he’d worked so hard to build.

 

Enjolras gripped the edge of the sink and stared determinedly at the steady blue eyes looking back at him in the water stained mirror.

 

He wouldn’t let tonight ruin things. He couldn’t. He would make it work if he had to drag Grantaire kicking and screaming into normalcy. After all, he knew people had been in this situation before and had made it work. Courfeyrac and Marius used to have a casual arrangement before Marius had met Cosette, and they still got along more than famously.

 

Taking in a deep breath Enjolras removed his stronghold from the sink and opened the bathroom door. Grantaire was standing against the doorframe of Enjolras’ bedroom, hovering awkwardly between in and out of it and his head shot up to Enjolras the moment he heard the bathroom door click open.

 

He was quick to dart his eyes back downwards again, and Enjolras felt his determination to stop this from being uncomfortable rise.

 

Grantaire rubbed the nape of his neck. “It’s really late… Or early. I’m going to-”

 

“Stay the night.” Enjolras interrupted firmly before Grantaire could finish his sentence.

 

Grantaire’s eyes shot up to Enjolras and his brow furrowed. “What?”

 

“It’s almost three am.” Enjolras strode back towards the bedroom. “You’re not walking home by yourself, and I’m too tired to take you. So, stay.”

 

Grantaire opened his mouth and looked as though he was about to argue but before he could, Enjolras had reached him and took a hold of his hand, leading him back into the bedroom.

 

Ignoring his self doubt Enjolras pushed on, stubbornly tenacious in his will to make things easy again.

 

“I have to sleep on the left side, though.” Enjolras said once they’d reached the bed, dropping Grantaire’s hand and finally fully discarding his shirt onto his floor. “Do you want pyjamas?”

 

“I-Uh… No. Thanks. It’s- I usually just sleep in my underwear? If that’s okay?”

 

Enjolras didn’t have to look over to Grantaire to know that he was currently cringing at his own words. He pretended not to notice as he climbed beneath the covers, glad that the light was already switched off. He had forgotten, or perhaps not realised just how tired he was.

 

“That’s fine. I do the same.”

 

“Oh... Cool.”

 

Enjolras closed his eyes and felt the harsh sting from lack of sleep return to them as he did so. He heard a quiet shuffling as Grantaire got undressed, and felt the bed shift once he climbed in beside him, but was drifting off too quickly to pay it much mind.

 

He was almost asleep when he heard Grantaire’s small and quiet voice beside him.

 

“Enjolras?” He asked uncertainly.

 

“Yeah?” Enjolras replied, using all the willpower he had to stay awake for Grantaire’s response.

 

“I umm… I think I should probably warn you. I’ve been told that I have the tendency to… Cuddle, in my sleep.”

 

Enjolras was glad for the darkness surrounding them. The bashful way that Grantaire had confessed such an innocent thing as though it was scandalous was oddly charming to him, and he felt himself smiling. He let the quiet of the night settle over them for a moment, before mustering up the energy to roll over and latch his arm lazily around Grantaire’s waist.

 

Grantaire let out a small surprised laugh. “You’ve always got to have the upper hand, don’t you?” He said fondly.

 

Enjolras smiled against him, pleased to hear the nervousness in his voice disappear and the tension in his shoulders loosen in his hold.

 

He drifted off to sleep before he could reply.


Enjolras was comfortable and peaceful and so very warm. So why was he awake only hours after falling asleep?

 

“Enjolras?” The voice hissed again and the incubator next to him attempted to move away once more.

 

Shutting his eyes tight and pulling the comfortable, protesting, bundle of warmth tighter into him, he nuzzled his head against it. Calm in the still of the night and feeling secure in his bed he wanted nothing more but for his brain to shut down again.

 

“Shh… Sleep…” Enjolras mumbled, his mind slipping once more into the dreamscape limbo on the edge of unconsciousness.

 

The bundle laughed quietly, and Enjolras’ sleepy mind whirred back into wakefulness at the sound. He knew that laugh.

 

“I will, just let me go for a sec. I gotta use your bathroom.” Grantaire whispered.

 

Grantaire?

 

Grantaire . Shit.

 

Enjolras quickly released him, rolling over onto his back, his face burning as he realised he’d just been straddling Grantaire, who was now leaving the bed.

 

His hazy mind was beginning to catch him up on the events from the hours past. Grantaire had just been in his bed and they had done something that Enjolras tried to push out of his mind. He couldn’t help it though. The memories were too clear and fresh to so easily forget and before he knew it he was once again thinking of Grantaire on his knees.

 

Wide awake now, Enjolras fitfully turned and twisted on the mattress, trying hard to ignore the erection that was steadily growing harder in his briefs and the aroused need and want that was taking a hold of him again.

 

Enjolras heard the bathroom light click off and light footsteps grow closer as he pulled his duvet up higher and moved to his side. Grantaire was climbing back into the bed when another thought struck Enjolras. He realised suddenly that what they had done served to only please himself, and that Grantaire was probably suffering just as much as he was from the memories.

 

Grantaire’s back was to him, and before he could stop himself Enjolras reached a hand over and gently began to stroke small patterns across it. Another idea came to him as Grantaire shivered at the touch; waking up to Grantaire like this was nice.

 

He moved his finger down the curve of Grantaire’s spine, tracing an invisible linear to the small of his back before pulling it away.

 

Grantaire turned over to face him, his eyes had not quite gotten accustomed to the dark yet but Enjolras thought he saw confusion there.

 

He smiled at Grantaire, asking a question without words. Grantaire seemed to understand as he answered, taking hold of Enjolras’ wrist and leading his hand back towards his chest.

 

Enjolras continued to move his finger along Grantaire’s skin. He flexed out his hand and drew it down his midriff, taking note of the soft and long hair along his stomach and exploring the curves of his hips and waist. Enjolras could have stayed touching him like this forever contentedly. But the way that Grantaire’s breath had grown short was tempting him to move along.

 

He began to trace soft patterns across Grantaire’s hipbones before settling and hovering just above his pelvis. Enjolras’ eyes sought Grantaire’s, but he was currently lost within himself as his eyelids were fluttering closed and his mouth parted slightly.

 

Enjolras’ hand gracefully glided downwards to Grantaire’s crotch and he was pleased to find that he had already grown hard just from soft touches alone. His breath hitched as Enjolras moved his hand away and slid it slowly down Grantaire’s boxers.

 

Shifting onto his elbow, he wrapped his hand around Grantaire and began to stroke him slowly, moving in closer he balanced himself so that he was almost on top of him. Grantaire watched him as he tilted his head towards his neck and shuddered the moment Enjolras placed his mouth there. He began to move his lips as slow as his hand, sucking and grazing his teeth against the tender crook.

 

Grantaire was making helpless noises beneath him and Enjolras began to move his hand higher and move faster. Grantaire moved his hand to Enjolras’ chest, searching for something to clasp onto and Enjolras leaned into his touch eagerly. Their breaths were hot and fast against each other, and each time Enjolras withdrew his mouth from Grantaire’s neck for a breath he made a tormenting whine that only served to further Enjolras’ own arousal.

 

A hand gripped at Enjolras’ wrist and he stilled his touch immediately.

 

“Enjolras.” Grantaire breathed, his eyes were shining with yearning and his chest heaving heavily. “Fuck me. Please ?”

 

Three words should not be able to have such a profound impact on a man, but they had. Enjolras was helpless.

 

Pressing his head to Grantaire’s chest he steadied his breath enough to reply. “Wait here.”

 

Departure it seemed, was hard on both of them. For the moment their bodies became undone from one another they seemed to elicit the same disappointed noise of want and anguish. As much as Enjolras wanted to stay and continue, his rationality overtook his passion, and he knew if they didn’t take precautions to be safe they’d both regret their fervor.

 

Hurrying to the bathroom he pulled the drawer under the sink open. Last year for Valentine's Day Courfeyrac had given all of his single friends a gag gift consisting of a ‘romantic starters pack’. Consisting of condoms, lube and of course; fluffy handcuffs.

 

Enjolras had never thought he’d open the damn thing, but now found himself exceptionally grateful that he’d accepted the gift. If he remembered correctly, he’d tried to give it back to Courfeyrac, if he’d succeeded in doing so he’d be in quite a predicament currently.

 

Leaving the handcuffs but taking the lubricant and one of the condoms, Enjolras impatiently ran back to the bed to find Grantaire propped up slightly on his elbows, waiting for him, his boxers discarded on the floor.

 

“Lay down.” Enjolras said softly, climbing back into the bed and kneeling over Grantaire. Placing the items to one side.

 

Grantaire did so, his curls bouncing slightly as his head hit the pillow. Enjolras took care to run his hands down Grantaire’s waist one more time, evoking another shiver. Placing his hands steadily on Grantaire’s hips he gently turned him over so that he was now on his stomach.

 

He uncapped the bottle of lubricant, unsure of how much Grantaire was used to or was comfortable with he decided to be quite liberal with it, almost smothering three of his fingers.

 

He couldn’t see Grantaire’s face, as his thick hair was covering the side of it that wasn’t resting against the pillow. He reached his other hand out and stroked it out of his eyes, before running his fingertips through the back of it, settling there gently.

 

He moved his index finger towards Grantaire’s entrance. The cold touch of it sent goosebumps down Grantaire’s body as he shuddered in response. Enjolras began to tease it. Part of him shy and gaining courage to go further and the other part relishing in the desperate sounds that Grantaire was making of a pressure that wasn’t completely there.

 

“Enjolras, please. ” Grantaire panted. He was sure it wasn’t supposed to sound like a beg but it had, and the depravity of his voice drove Enjolras to gently glide his finger into him.

 

Grantaire made a grunting noise and Enjolras paused.

 

“Is this okay?” Enjolras asked, worried he’d hurt him.

 

“God, Enjolras.” Grantaire said through a small burst of laughter. “It’s more than okay.”

 

Relieved, Enjolras continued. Moving his finger slowly at first, pulling and pushing until Grantaire was moaning.

 

“More.” He groaned into the pillow. Heat had risen to his cheeks and he had began to sweat. Enjolras had an odd sensation flow through him as he added a second finger and began to move faster while Grantaire shuddered underneath him. He could get used to seeing him like this. He enjoyed seeing him like this. Depraved, moaning, saying his name as though it was a filthy word.

 

He added a third finger without warning, causing Grantaire to gasp out a sharp curse. Enjolras slowed his movements, watching Grantaire’s expressions change while he twisted them and pushed in and out again.

 

Enjolras couldn’t put off his own arousal much longer. He leaned down to Grantaire’s ear and whispered into it.

 

“I need t o fuck you.”

“Do it.” Grantaire whispered back through gritted teeth. He wasn’t begging this time, he was demanding.

 

Enjolras slowly removed his fingers, before moving to position himself over Grantaire, ripping open the condom and unfurling carefully. Once more he uncapped the bottle and coated himself with a large amount. There was a moment of breathless anticipation between both of them, as Enjolras placed himself at Grantaire’s entrance, before he took in a breath and pushed himself in.

 

They both made different noises of relieved pleasure. Grantaire emitting a small noise from the back of his throat and Enjolras moaning above him.

 

He began to work up a slow and steady rhythm, taking note of the way Grantaire’s breath hitched the deeper he went. He cherished the sound, and slowed enough to press himself into Grantaire as much as he could.

 

“Ahh!” Came Grantaire’s surprised yelp. His fingers grasped fiercely at the sheets beneath him and Enjolras, taken in a moment of ecstasy, moved his hand down Grantaire’s forearm and clasped it tightly around Grantaire’s hand. Grantaire shifted the pressure from the sheets to Enjolras and squeezed his palm tight as Enjolras began to move faster within him.

 

It wasn’t long before he’d lost all sense of his surroundings and himself, and he was nothing but a thrusting, moaning wreck. Grantaire was swearing loudly in great succession before he called out Enjolras’ name against the pillow, Enjolras stilled and shuddered to his finish, slowing down his thrusts as he began to soften.

 

He collapsed upon his side, dragging Grantaire along with him, and reached his shaky hand around to grasp him. Grantaire was sweaty and still evidently hungry for more, and he only grew more so the faster Enjolras stroked him. It didn’t take long for him to reach his climax too.

 

They stayed pressed together, panting and recovering from their shakiness, before Enjolras realised he should probably move to pull himself out of Grantaire. He did so carefully, with a hand around the rim of the condom. Not wanting it to spill or fall. There were tissues on his nightstand, and Enjolras reached over Grantaire to bring them to the bed, before rolling onto his back and sitting up slightly. Taking the condom off carefully with a wince and wrapping it in tissues, before cleaning himself up too.

 

For the second time he headed to the bathroom, eager to throw the remainder away. This time he was determined not to look into the mirror. He didn’t like his chances of liking what he saw looking back at him.

 

“Wow.” Grantaire said once Enjolras had returned. His chest was still rising and falling heavily, and his hand was resting on his forehead, eyes glued to the ceiling in disbelief. “We just did that.”

 

“Yeah.” Enjolras said collapsing back into the bed with a sigh and a smile. “We did.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Enjolras saw Grantaire reach for his phone, his screen dimly lighting up the room in an unearthly blue glow as he opened it.

 

“I have to go.” Grantaire said hurrying out of the bed and collecting his clothes.

 

Panic overcame Enjolras as he shot up onto his knees. “You don’t have to leave, you can stay later! The sun’s only just rising!”

 

“No it’s not-” Grantaire laughed suddenly. Pausing halfway through buttoning his jeans. “I’m not like running out on you or freaking out or whatever. I genuinely have to be at work in an hour.”

 

“Oh.” Enjolras said relaxing a little and sinking back into the bed. “Do you always work this early?”

 

“Just today. I only have to work until midday though so it makes up for it. Otherwise my schedule’s on the normal side. Old Hucheloup’s pretty flexible.”

 

Enjolras hummed a response, much calmer now that he knew Grantaire wasn’t leaving on account of what they’d done. He watched idly as Grantaire pulled his shirt over his chest and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Hey?” He stopped to turn to Enjolras, looking uncertain and nervous. “We’re good, right?”

 

Enjolras smiled at him. At the moment he was well past good. He was soaring.

 

“Of course we are.”

 

“We’re not like… Going to be weird with each other because of this, right? Because I like hanging out with you.”

 

“Grantaire, the last thing I want is to be weird around you. We’re good. More than good.” He rolled over onto his side resting his head in his palm. “I like hanging out with you, too.”

 

Grantaire beamed at him in relief. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around then. Try and sleep a little longer before you go back to hitting the books, okay?”

 

Enjolras let his head fall back onto the pillow with a brief mumble in the affirmative. He really was tired, but his bed suddenly didn’t feel right this empty. Grantaire was gone without another word, leaving Enjolras staring at the place he’d just been occupying. He wished for something. Longed for something. But he couldn’t put his finger on what.

 

Surely his physical need was more than satisfied by now- so why did he want him to come back?


Enjolras awoke to the obnoxious and blaring sound of his default ringtone. Groaning and wondering at what point in the night he’d switched it from it’s usual vibrate setting he answered without looking at the screen.

 

“Hello?” He asked groggily, face still half planted in the pillow.

 

“Well good morning to you too, sunshine!” The blindingly bright and cheerful voice of Courfeyrac filled his ears, and he bit back a groan of annoyance at the wake up call. “I have the books that you left in the bar last night. Did you want me to bring them over?”

 

Enjolras used his free hand to rub the corner of his eye as he sat up and straightened.

 

“Thank you.” He said through a yawn. “That would be great.”

 

Courfeyrac erupted into bubbly laughter. “You just rest your poor, pretty, hungover head, Enjolras. I’ll be there in ten.”

 

Enjolras frowned. “I’m not hungover. I’m just bad at waking up.”

 

Suuuuuuure you’re not.” Courfeyrac teased, laughing once more before saying goodbye and ending the call.

 

Enjolras stared at his lockscreen and realised that it was just past 11am- so much later than he was used to sleeping, and yet he still felt as though he needed more rest. Perhaps a late night of broken sleep with early morning interruptions had done him more harm than good.

 

Slowly crawling out of bed and barely comprehending what he was doing, he splashed a handful of water on his face and got changed. By the time he had woken up enough to run a comb briefly through his locks there was a happy knock on his door.

 

“Look who’s risen from the dead!” Courfeyrac said when he opened the door, handing over the an armful of books. “Wow, you still look wasted. What on earth did you get up to after I left?”

 

“Nothing. I didn’t do anything, and I told you. I’m not hungover.” Enjolras mumbled embarrassed before clearing his throat, eager to change the subject. “Coming in?”

 

Courfeyrac hovered on his tiptoes biting his lip uncertainly. He seemed to be scanning over Enjolras’ shoulder and Enjolras remembered something that Grantaire said from the night before.

 

“Ferre’s at work.” He said quickly.

 

Courfeyrac visibly relaxed and followed him inside with a smile. Enjolras decided he needed to get to the bottom of this, the sooner the better. If anything, thinking of ways to talk to and help his friends was distracting him from having to think of Grantaire again. Something that was beginning to be a problem. From his dreams to the moment he’d been woken up his thoughts had been plagued with him.

 

“I feel like we haven’t had a chance to talk in forever.” Enjolras said trying to keep his tone casual and dumping his books on the coffee table and falling into the couch next to Courfeyrac. “Even last night, we mainly sang. What’s been going on?”

 

Courfeyrac narrowed his eyes slightly suspiciously before shrugging. “Nothing much. Just the usual, I guess.”

 

“You haven’t had the chance to give me your bi-weekly ‘I love Combeferre’ rant lately.”

 

Courfeyrac flinched suddenly. “What did he tell you?”

 

“What? Nothing. Why? Did something happen?”

 

“Nothing happened.” Courfeyrac said, suddenly jumping up from the couch. “I have to go.”

 

“Courfeyrac-” Enjolras caught him just before he reached the door. “I don’t want to see you upset. Either of you. What’s going on.”

 

“It’s fine .” Courfeyrac said sighing as he shrugged his arm out of Enjolras’ arm, frowning slightly. “It’s dumb.”

 

“It’s not dumb if it’s upsetting you.” Enjolras said matching his frown. “Look, Combeferre’s going to be home in about an hour, why don’t we all just sit down and-”

 

He was cut off by a short and bitter laugh coming from Courfeyrac. “That is not happening. I have to go. Good luck with your studies.” He said in a very un-Courfeyrac like voice before hurrying out, closing Enjolras’ door behind him.

 

Enjolras was at a loss of what to do. But if Courfeyrac wasn’t talking then he had to rely on Combeferre.

 

He decided that as soon as Combeferre was home he would discuss it with him.

 

Sighing and running a hand through his hair, Enjolras made his way back to the couch. He’d been hoping to kill some of the more distracting thoughts in his mind with talking. Not only that but he had been wanting to ask Courfeyrac about him and Marius, specifically- how had they made it work?

 

Picking up his studies from where he’d left off with a sigh, he tried to soak up the words for the better part of an hour.

 

Politically fuelled propaganda, black market corruption, and billionaire rankings all coincide with society's signals of booms, busts, and protests- Grantaire, arching his back and moaning as Enjolras kissed his neck- Many issues arise when the people who have money decide that money is the most powerful tool- His curls sprawled across Enjolras’ pillow, the feel of his hand on his chest-   European prime ministers and international dictators, emirs and kings, celebrities and aristocrats- Grantaire, Grantaire, Grantaire-

 

Enjolras snapped the book shut in frustration. This was going nowhere. He was clearly still frustrated and berated himself for thinking that sex could do anything but distract him. The thought that it could actually have the opposite effect and de-stress him seemed ludicrous now.

 

He threw the book down in defeat and paced the apartment until he found himself back in his bedroom, staring at the damning evidence of everything that occurred earlier. He went to grab the wastebasket from his bathroom, reasoning that if he couldn’t study he could at least clean up a little. There were bundled tissues and the two discarded condom wrappers littering his floor. He was halfway done when he spotted it, lying half open on the floor against his night stand.

 

Grantaire’s wallet.

 

Abandoning his task he picked it up, an odd curiosity taking hold of him. He was half tempted to rifle through it but stopped himself, jumping slightly as he heard the front door open.

 

“Enjolras, are you home?” Combeferre called out.

 

Coming out of the bedroom he found Combeferre in the kitchen, his dark blue peacoat undone and thrown over his hospital scrubs. He gave Enjolras a kind smile.

 

“I’m glad to see you got home safely. Did Grantaire keep his promise and take you?”

 

“Yeah.” Enjolras said. A need was growing within him once more, and a strange urgency to see Grantaire again was taking hold of him. He doubted it had much to do with returning the wallet. “He actually ended up staying the night. I didn’t want him going home alone that late.”

 

“Sensible.” Combeferre replied with an approving nod. “Hey, do you still have that book I lent you a few weeks ago?”

 

“It’s in my room somewhere. Should be on the bookcase- I’m sorry Combeferre, I have to go. He left his wallet here and I should return it.”

 

“Oh. Okay then.” Combeferre sounded surprised but didn’t question him further. Enjolras remembered that he’d wanted to ask him about Courfeyrac, but at the moment he couldn’t stop himself from moving towards the door.

 

“Can we talk when I get back?” Enjolras asked at the door.

 

“Of course.” Combeferre was frowning now, and a deep worried line appeared in the middle of his brow.

 

Enjolras didn’t have time to placate him. His feet were already carrying him down the hallways steps and out the door. He didn’t have a plan, all he knew was that this morning had not been and would not be enough for him. Having no idea if Grantaire felt even remotely the same way was making his stomach twist in horrible anticipation. Knowing that what he was going to ask him was risky and potentially friendship ruining, he felt a stab of doubt in the back of his mind. Maybe his selfish desire should just be left at that- a desire and nothing more. Perhaps asking Grantaire for more was akin to feeding a tamed lion; each time he put his hand through the cage there was a thrilling sense of danger and excitement, and the sense that it could suddenly all go horribly wrong.

 

His feet had found his way to the street that Grantaire resided on in no time, and before he had a chance to rehearse the words he wanted to say he spotted him, rustling in his pocket for his keys outside of the apartment complex.

 

“Grantaire!” Enjolras called out before he could stop himself, he also couldn’t stop the wide smile that spread to his face at the sight of him.

 

Looking slightly startled to see Enjolras there, Grantaire smiled nevertheless. Enjolras broke into a brisk jog to catch up to him.

 

“You left this behind.” He said slightly out of breath when he finally reached him.

 

“Oh!” Grantaire said, sounding even more surprised than he looked, taking the wallet from him before giving Enjolras a slightly sideways smirk. “Is it bad that I didn’t even realise it was missing?”

 

Enjolras was laughing nervously, despite there being no joke. What was wrong with him? He had never found himself tongue tied or so oddly self aware like this before.

 

“Did you want to come up?” Grantaire asked, and Enjolras felt a small burst of validation that he was doing the right thing when he heard the small hint of hopefulness behind the question.

 

“Sure!” He said enthusiastically, but not too much so. He was overanalyzing everything he was doing and saying, and God what was he doing with his hands? Were they usually just so useless at his side like this when he talked?

 

Grantaire was saying something to him as they walked up to the floor his apartment was on, and Enjolras was trying to pay attention, he really was- but the sound of Grantaire’s voice was more intriguing than the words he was actually saying and Enjolras found himself oh so lost within it.

 

“-But I guess that’s expected from somebody who orders 20 euros worth of coffee every Tuesday.”

 

“Yeah.” Enjolras let out a short laugh, unsure of what he was agreeing with.

 

They had reached Grantaire’s door and he let them in with haste. They made their way into Grantaire’s living room and both stopped there, awkward and unsure of what to do next.

 

“I kinda have a confession to make.” Grantaire said rubbing the nape of his neck and smiling sheepishly at Enjolras. “I may have had an ulterior motive inviting you up.

 

Feeling his heart sing and his courage rise Enjolras smiled back at him.

 

“I may have had an ulterior motive coming here.”

 

Grantaire looked at him happily for what seemed to be a very long time. “You say what you wanted to do first.” He said. Despite the fact that they both seemed to have an unspoken understanding of what they wanted, Grantaire seemed unwilling or unable to say it aloud himself.

 

Enjolras swallowed hard. “I want to have sex with you, again. Regularly. On a casual basis if that’s okay with you.” He was watching him intensely, careful not to miss a single reaction that Grantaire may have.

 

Grantaire seemed to be considering something, and for a second Enjolras’ heart stopped with the fear that maybe their unspoken understanding hadn’t actually been an understanding at all. Maybe Grantaire hadn’t even been thinking of what Enjolras was thinking of.

 

Before Enjolras could overthink it too much Grantaire nodded and graced him with another smile.

 

“I’d like that too.” He said in a low tone. Enjolras was too happy and Grantaire too skilled at being guarded for him to pick up on the disappointed undertone in his voice.

 

“Listen, if we’re going to do this I think we should set some boundaries.” Enjolras said. Truthfully he hadn’t thought this far. Too worried over Grantaire’s reaction to think over what he was going to say if he said yes.

 

Grantaire nodded and licked his lips. Enjolras felt another urge overtake him as he did so. He wanted nothing more but to cross the room and take his lips in his own. But the thought panicked him slightly, it seemed much too intimate an action to permit himself to do.

 

“We don’t kiss.” He said before he could stop the words coming out.

 

Grantaire looked up at him in surprise. “Okay? Any reason why?”

 

Enjolras faltered. “It’s… Weird. It would feel too personal.”

 

At that Grantaire laughed. “You’ve literally had your dick in my ass but kissing is too personal.” Before Enjolras could try to rationalise his thinking or backtrack, Grantaire continued. “That’s fine. What else?”

 

“I don’t want anybody to know. If our friends find out they’re going to be absolutely unbearable.”

 

“We’re on the same page there.” Grantaire said with an enthusiastic nod. “I don’t even want to think of the conclusions they could jump to.”

 

Enjolras thought that Grantaire sounded a little worried, which led Enjolras to a third improvised point.

 

“This is just physical. Nothing else.”

 

“Yeah.” Grantaire said with a small smile as he buried his hands deep within his coat pockets. “I got that. Don’t worry.”

 

“That’s all I have.” Enjolras said running an awkward hand through his hair. “Unless you wanted to add something?”

“Nothing comes to mind.” Grantaire said with a shrug, he paused for a moment. “So… Now what?”

Enjolras gave him an alluring smile and raised his eyebrows.

Which is how they had found themselves pressed together, Grantaire pinned against his living room wall, their breaths catching slightly.

It had just kind of happened.

This time when they had finished there was no panic, nobody was gathering their clothes in a rush and nobody was leaving. They lazily took their time to get redressed, Enjolras sitting with his back against the wall he’d just had Grantaire on. Pulling on his boots as Grantaire pulled his shirt over his head.

There was something oddly peaceful about the aftermath that Enjolras wanted to savour.

Unfortunately it was rudely interrupted by the unmistakable click of a lock being turned. Grantaire’s shoulders tensed as he hissed out a sharp. “ Shit . She’s home.”

Enjolras scrambled to his feet, reacting to Grantaire’s tone without knowing what the problem was.

“People are the worst!” Eponine’s disgruntled tone cut through Enjolras’ blissful daze. “Remind me never to be one.”

She stopped suddenly at the sight of Enjolras, keys still in her hand, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“What are you doing here?” She asked bluntly.

“I left my wallet behind, last night,” Grantaire said before Enjolras could reply. “Enjolras was just dropping it off.”

Enjolras never really got along with Eponine. More for the fact that he could never read her than any actual problem they had with each other. Enjolras liked to know exactly where he stood with people, and Eponine took good care to never reveal herself completely. They both had strong personalities, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was incredibly stubborn in his convictions as she was terrifying in her guardedness, he had a strange feeling that they’d actually get along quite well. Problem was, neither of them were capable of pushing that to one side.

“I’ve told you a million times to get a chain for that thing.” Eponine called behind her shoulder as she made her way into the kitchen.

“And I’ve told you a million times that 2005 called, and even in 2005 they knew that wallet chains were tacky.”

“Tacky is a small price to pay for not losing your shit everytime you go out.”

“At least I don’t lose my clothes every time I go out.” Grantaire bit back in a joking tone.

“That’s a lie and you know it.” Eponine said as she made her way back into the living room, carrying a small bottle of coke. “You’re even more of a slut than I am.”

“Therefore rendering a wallet chain completely useless if the pants are just going to get lost anyway.” Grantaire said, victory in his tone.

Enjolras let out a small laugh only to quiet under Eponine’s watching tone. Somehow he had a strange feeling that just by looking at him, she knew.

“I’m going to head home.” He said quickly.

“Alright.”

Grantaire walked him over to the door. “That rule about not telling people includes roommates, you know.” Enjolras said quietly once they’d reached it.

“Yeah I figured.” Grantaire said. “But I have a feeling that’s going to be a bit hard to keep up. Especially considering Combeferre’s way too nosy for his own good and the walls in my place are as thin as rice paper.”

“We’ll figure something out.” Enjolras said. Despite the fact he had nothing else to say he didn’t want to leave. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”

“Just text me whenever you want to do this again.” Grantaire said with a smile that hit Enjolras like the first ray of Summer’s sun.

Departing from Grantaire’s and making his way home, Enjolras felt the spring come back into his step. He felt oddly light as he floated along in a happy euphoria. There was something intoxicating about what they were doing and Enjolras was wayward and disoriented with everything about Grantaire. He didn’t feel like anything could kick him off his cloud nine, until he opened his apartment door to find Combeferre sitting on his armchair, waiting for Enjolras.

He remembered with a cold ache that there was still something he had to fix between Combeferre and Courfeyrac. No matter how much he wanted to keep this ecstatic and floaty feeling alive, his friends’ happiness was much more important.

“You wanted to talk.” Combeferre stated. The book that he’d lent Enjolras was resting on his lap, he must have gotten it from Enjolras’ room whilst he was out.

“Yes.” Enjolras said shaking himself out of his own thoughts and sitting across from Combeferre.

“Are we talking about the fact that you and Grantaire are sleeping together?” Combeferre asked him plainly.