Dammit! ...Why me?
I can't get caught... Not like this!
I-I've gotta find someone to pin this on...
Someone like... him!
I'll make it look like HE did it!"
August 1, 11:00 AM
Eddy was busy playing his favorite computer game: Team Fortress 2. Eddy tricked out the graphics to tweak his finest interests. He was currently playing with his favorite class, the Scout, running to get the intelligence. Some of the players did call Eddy a "noob" and a "useless F2Per who can't even shoot a gun". They all got blasted by Eddy's Force-a-Nature though.
Just as Eddy's gained possession of the enemy's intelligence, his phone rang. Eddy quickly answered the phone before he got shot.
"Talk to me," he started.
"Pancake head Ed-boy, is that you?" came out of the other side.
"Rolfy-boy! Long time since we talked! Whatcha tellin'?"
"Stop with your mindless amusements, Ed-boy! Rolf requires your assistance!"
"Speak English, Ed-boy! Rolf does not understand your slang."
"I don't understand your slang either, Rolf, but you don't see me complainin'. Anyway, what's your problem?"
"Well, you see, Rolf has been accused of a crime he has not commited!"
"What kind of crime?"
"They call it 'murder' but Rolf does not understand it."
"A murder basically means ya killed somebody," Eddy explained as he finished killing off an enemy spy.
"But Rolf did not kill anybody! This is all a big mistake!"
"So lemme guess, you're in jail?"
"Yes, Ed-boy. Rolf has been allowed one phone call to obtain, how do you say? A defense attorney?"
"A lawyer, hey? Well today's your lucky day, Rolfy-boy!"
"Why, Ed-boy? You know of a defense attorney?"
"Totally. Ya know Double D, right?"
"Head-in-sock Ed-boy, yes. Why is in in this?"
"He's a lawyer."
"You are playing with Rolf's biscuit, Ed-boy! If head-in-sock Ed-boy was a defense attorney, Rolf would be informed!"
"He hasn't been in a case yet. That's why ya didn't know it."
"Then how come you know it, Ed-boy?"
"I've heard a lot from Double D. He keeps tellin' me and Ed about his trainin'. Apparently it's goin' very nice."
"And is head-in-sock Ed-boy ready to, how do you say? Defend Rolf?"
"I'm sure he's ready. I'll just give him a ring and inform him of our talk, and he'll be happy to defend ya!"
"I trust you, Ed-boy!"
"Don't worry, Double D will get ya off the hook. When's the trial anyway?"
"Rolf was informed that it is the day after tomorrow."
"That should give him some time. I'll be sure to call him right now. I'll be seein' ya at the trial, Rolfy."
And with that, Eddy hung up the phone. He quickly moved the enemy intelligence towards his base and returned to spawn. Once he was there, he dialed a new number on the phone.
"Double D? Ya got a case."
August 3, 9:47 AM
Peach Creek District Court
Defendant Lobby No. 2
(Boy am I nervous!) Edd thought to himself. (Eddy's informed me of this trial in such a short time, and it was an old friend, how could I deny?)
Edd looked forward and he saw two familiar faces: his best friend Eddy and his mentor Mia Fey.
"Eddy, Chief! Glad you could make it!"
"We're just glad we made it in time," Eddy started. "Don't worry, Double D. It's in the bag."
"I have to say though, Eddward, I'm impressed!" Mia added. "Not everyone takes on a murder trial right off the bat like this. It says a lot about you... and your client as well."
Edd didn't quite know what to say, so he just gave a simple thank you.
"Actually, my client is a very good friend of mine," Edd added. "We've known each other since we were kids. I owe a lot to him. I want to help him out any way I can."
Suddenly, a new voice was heard in the building.
"It's over! Rolf's life, everything, all ruined!"
"Isn't that your client screaming over there?" Mia asked Edd.
"It sure sounds like that," Edd responded.
"Wonder what's Rolf's problem," Eddy noted. "He didn't sound like that on the phone."
"Death! Despair! Ohhhh! Rolf's gonna do it, Rolf's gonna die!"
"It sounds like he wants to die..."
"That is clearly not Rolf," Eddy noted once more.
Rolf turned towards Edd, gaining his attention.
"Oh hello there, Rolf."
Pause. Rolf was trying to find what to say.
"Tell them I'm guilty, Ed-boy! Rolf begs of you!"
"But ya told me on the phone that ya didn't do it!" Eddy yelled. "What's your problem now?"
"It's all over, flat as a pancake head Ed-boy... Rolf's finished... finished!"
"Is it a girl again, Rolf?" asked Eddy.
"Yes, Ed-boy... Rolf did not tell you this on the phone because Rolf did not want you to worry. But..." Rolf turned his gaze towards Edd. "who took her away from Rolf, head-in-sock Ed-boy? Who did it? You have to tell Rolf, Ed-boy!"
"(Hmm... the person responsible for your girlfriend's death? Edd thought to himself. The local paper says it was you...)"
My name is Eddward Wright. Here is the story: my first case is a fairly simple one. A young woman was killed in her apartment. The guy they arrested was the unlucky man dating her:
Rolf Yolkvolt ... one of my best friends since junior high. Rolf seems to keep getting himself into trouble lately, I don't know why. One thing I can truly say though, it's usually not his fault. He just has terrible luck.
But I know, better than anybody, that he's a good guy at heart. That and I owe him one. Which is the reason I took the case the second Eddy mentioned it to me... to clear his name. And that's just what I'm going to do!
August 3, 10:00 AM
Peach Creek District Court
Courtroom No. 2
Eddy was currently among the crowd, on one of the best seats to watch the trial. An empty seat next to him was reserved for his friend Ed. He's never on time to anything. Then again, Ed and Eddy were always late for school.
As if on cue, Ed quickly came towards Eddy's position.
"Am I late?"
"You're lucky the trial's just startin', Ed. Sit down."
"I didn't know it was at 10 AM, Eddy!" Ed yelled as he sat down next to Eddy.
"The trials are always at 10 AM, Ed! Ya need to wake up earlier!"
"If only Sarah would warn me to wake me up..."
"Sarah's not your alarm clock, Ed! Ya need to wake up yaself!"
A bang of the judge's gavel made Ed and Eddy stop their pointless argument. The trial had begun.
"The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Rolf Yolkvolt."
"The prosecution is ready, Your Honor."
"The, um, defense is ready, Your Honor."
The judge noticed Edd's worried voice.
"Mr. Wright, this is your first trial, is it not?"
"Y-yes, Your Honor," Edd responded. "I am, um, a bit nervous."
"Your conduct during this trial will decide the fate of your client. Murder is a serious charge. For your client's sake, I hope you can control your nerves."
"Thank... thank you, Your Honor." Edd still felt his voice being all shaky, as he was still very nervous.
The judge was silent for a short while.
"Mr. Wright, given the circumstances," he started, "I think we should have a test to ascertain your readiness."
"Yes, Your Honor. (Gulp... hands shaking... eyesight... fading...)"
"The test will consist of a few simple questions," the judge explained. "Answer them clearly and concisely. Now then, please state the name of the defendant for this case."
Edd immediately knew the answer to the first question.
"The defendant? Why, that's Rolf Yolkvolt, Your Honor."
"Correct. Just keep your wits about you and you'll do fine."
"Double D had to know the answer to that one!" Eddy told Ed. "I mean, he and Rolf have been friends for years!"
"Next question," the judge continued. "This is a murder trial. Tell me, what's the victim's name?"
"The victim's name? I don't think Rolf told me that on the phone."
"You sure, Eddy?"
"Quite sure, Ed. Yet I think Double D knows it anyway. He's read the case report cover to cover so many times."
Eddy looked down and saw Edd's worried look.
"What's the problem, Eddy?"
"What a time for Double D to forget a crucial detail! He's drawing a total blank here! Not like him at all! What's with people these days?"
Mia noticed Edd's worried face and spoke up.
"Eddward! Are you absolutely SURE you're up to this? You don't even know the victim's name!"
"Of course I know this victim's name!" Edd tried to explain. "I, um... just forgot. Temporarily."
"Not like ya at all, Double D!" Eddy yelled out.
"I think I feel a migraine coming up. Look, the victim's name is listed in the Court Record. Remember to check it often. Do it for me, please. I'm begging you."
"Let's hear your answer," the judge requested. "Who is the victim in this case?"
A quick check of the victim's autopsy report gave Edd the answer.
"Um... the victim's name is Cindy Stone."
"Correct. Now tell me, what was the cause of death?"
Another check of the autopsy report gave Edd the answer.
"She was struck once, by a blunt object."
"Correct. You've answered all my questions. I see no reason why we shouldn't proceed."
"You seem much more relaxed now, Mr. Wright. Good for you."
"Thank you, Your Honor. (Because I do not FEEL relaxed, that's for sure.)"
"Well then, first a question for the prosecution. Mr. Payne?"
"Yes, Your Honor?"
"I know that guy..." Eddy said to nobody in particular.
"What are ya talkin' about, Eddy?"
"I saw a lot of this guy's trials on TV. Some call him the Rookie Killer. They say every lawyer he has been up against has been defeated and never defended again. Well, almost every lawyer."
"As Mr. Wright just told us," the judge continued, "the victim was struck with a blunt object. Would you explain to the court just what this 'object' was?"
Mr. Payne presented a statue to the court. The statue had a golden colour and was standing on a cinder block, which was its base. He explained that this was the murder weapon and it was a statue of The Thinker. He also explained that it was found lying on the floor, near the victim.
"I see... the court accepts it into evidence."
Statue added to the Court Record.
"Have ya seen that statue before, Ed?" Eddy asked Ed.
"Nope," was Ed's response.
"I wonder how Rolf got it..."
"Mr. Payne," the judge requested, "the prosecution may call its first witness."
"The prosecution calls the defendant, Mr. Yolkvolt, to the stand."
"I think this is the point where witnesses come to the stand," Eddy told Ed.
"But Rolf's not a witness," Ed noted.
"Well, yeah, but still Double D should pay attention and not miss anythin'. He'll have his chance to fight back."
"How do you know so much about trials, Eddy?" Ed asked Eddy.
"Since Double D became a lawyer I've been watchin' a lotta trials on TV. Getting everythin' I need to get. Get it now, Ed?"
"I just hope Rolf doesn't screw himself--and us--up."
"But Rolf gets easily mad, Eddy!"
"Then this could be bad..."
"Mr. Yolkvolt," the prosecutor began, "is it not true that the victim had recently dumped you?"
"That is not true you raphscallion!" Rolf responded. "Rolf and her were great together! Like, how do you say? Romeo and Juliet! Cleopatra and Mark Anthony!"
"Didn't they all die, Rolf?" Ed yelled out.
"Shut up Ed!" Eddy yelled back.
"Rolf wasn't dumped, as you say! She was just not taking Rolf's phone calls. Or seeing Rolf... Ever."
"Surprised ya know how to use a phone, Rolf!" Ed yelled out.
"I said shut up already Ed!" Eddy yelled back.
"Mr. Yolkvolt, what you described is what generally what we mean by dumped," Mr. Payne explained. "In fact, she completely abandoned you... and was seeing other men! She had just returned overseas with one of them the day before the murder!"
"What do you men, 'one of them'?" asked Rolf. "Lies, all lies! Rolf sees your intentions!"
"I'm clean, Rolf!" Eddy said to Rolf. "I know I'm a hit with the chicks, but I'm clean this time!"
Mr. Payne presented a blue passport to the court.
"Your Honor, the victim's passport. According to this, she was in Paris until the day before she died."
Passport added to the Court Record.
"Indeed, she appears to have returned the day before the murder," the judge added.
"No way..." Rolf had a blank look in his face.
"The victim was a model, but didn't have a large income. It appears that she had several 'sugar daddies'."
"Daddies? Sugar? What nonsense language do you speak?"
"You see, I'm talking about older men, who gave her money and gifts. She took their money and used it to support her lifestyle."
"I wouldn't mind havin' older chicks give me money and gifts," Eddy noted.
"We can clearly see what kind of woman this Ms. Stone was," Mr. Payne continued. "Tell me, Mr. Yolkvolt, what do you think of her now?"
"I don't think Double D wants Rolf to answer that question..." Eddy noted.
"Rolf does have a way of runnin' his mouth in all the wrong way..." said Ed. "What are we gonna do?"
"I know Double D..." was Eddy's response.
Down below, Edd noticed the situation as well and knew just what to do.
"My client had no idea the victim was seeing other men!" he said. "That question is irrelevant to this case!"
"Head in sock Ed-boy, what are you saying? What do you mean 'irrelevant'?" Pause. "That cheating son of a gun... Rolf's just gonna drop dead! And when Rolf meets her in the afterlife... Rolf's going to get the bottom of this! Rolf will give her the all mighty three shoe beating! Twice!"
"I believe the accused's motive is clear to everyone," Mr. Payne continued.
"Yes, quite," the judge agreed.
(This is not looking good...) Edd thought to himself.
"Now then, next question!" Mr. Payne proceeded. "You went to the victim's apartment on the day of the murder, did you not?"
Rolf gave out a small gulp.
"Well, did you, or did you not?"
"Well maybe Rolf did, maybe Rolf did not! Do you have a problem, yes, no?"
(Uh oh... he went), Edd thought to himself. He then gave out a signal for Rolf.
"Oh I get it! Tell the truth! Nice signal Double D!" Ed noted.
Rolf noticed Edd's signal.
"Er... yes! Yes! Rolf was there! Rolf cannot lie!"
Surprised gasps from the audience came out, causing the judge to retain order.
"She was not home, so Rolf did not see her!"
"Objection! Your Honor, the defendant is lying."
"Whaddaya mean lyin'?" Eddy yelled out.
"The prosecution would like to call in a witness who can prove Mr. Yolkvolt is lying."
"Well that simplifies matters. Who is your witness?" asked the judge.
"The man who found the victim's body," answered Mr. Payne. "Just before making the gruesome discovery, he saw the defendant fleeing the scene of the crime!"
"Mr. Payne, the prosecution may call in its witness."
"Yes, Your Honor."
(This is bad... in some way...) Edd thought to himself.
"On the day of the murder, my witness was selling newspapers at the victim's building," Mr. Payne explained. "Please bring Mr. Frank Sahwit to the stand!"
"Peach Creek sure is gettin' a lotta people lately, don't ya think, Eddy?" asked Ed.
"Ya can say that again, Ed. Especially since that happened..." Eddy noted.