Sometimes, John wonders if there was ever a time he wasn't raised as a messiah. If there was a Sarah Connor, who wasn't paranoid, obsessed, batshit crazy. If he was someone else.
But you can't think too much about a boy born before his father, the father he himself sent back. But was that him, will that be him who gives Kyle the photo and sends him away?
John's learned from his actions. He doesn't think he'd do the same again. But. But does time itself depend on this, depend on a John Connor who sends back a Kyle Reese to be his own father. Sends back a T-800, a Cameron, Derek, who hasn't he sent back?
Did he know then, in the future, what would happen? Knowing, will he do it again?
The future's so far away.
The future's already here.