Actions

Work Header

Tantalizing Tales of Pubes

Chapter Text

Once upon a time, there was a man that was named Guy Fieri. His sausage was very big, he cooked it last night in an easy bake oven, to get it ready for when Gordon Ramsey arrived the next day. He loved his Gordpai very much they would even pray to Shrek everyday, even late into the night. Until one day Alton Brown came to the hurky man with terrible news, Gordon had fallen into a vat of extremely hot men and died. Guy was speechless, did Alton really say that? It couldn't be true. He knew that he had to bring him back, but how? There was only one way he could think of, a butter sacrifice to Satan (Bobby Flay). But how was he going to aquire enough butter to sacrifice? Heading to the deep south he decided to wait in Paula Deens pubic hair as it had been lubricated with butter for easy access.

Guy was disgusted by how baby smooth her vagina was. After waiting for approximately 7 ½ earth years he finally attacked, curling inside her vagina he began to kick her uterus until she keeled over and died. After slaying the wicked butter dragon, he harvested her goods for the sake of all man kind and his beloved Gordy poo. After he was birthed from Paula Deens vagina, he dragged her sizzling corpse back to the diner that he originally was living in before her buttery pubes. Walking into the kitchen he formed a butter pentagram out of Paula Deen's entrails before sliding the empty carcass into the center, placing a popeyes biscut on each of the corners. "Bobby, Bobby, Bobby flay, hear my cry and help me slay? That part doesn't make any sense but, hey my bro can you revive my boo?" He asked in the name of jesus his gardener. After twerking for a bit there was a bright flash and Bobby slay queen slay appeared and began to slurp up the bloated corpse.

Chapter Text

It was months since the sacrifice an Gordon hadn't been revived yet. Bobby had told his little jiggly potato Guy to wait and that he would return. But When? When would Gordon return so they could make sweet love under the moonlight like old times. When?

He asked that question every day until one fateful night when the moon was full as well as Guy's belly from eating a cheese platter. 

There was a knock at the door. When Guy heard it he groaned and log rolled over tiredly to be surprised by a familiar face.  Hair that reminded Guy of his frosted pubes, a scowl that reminded guy of his mothers legs and angry creases that could only be his one true love Gordpai. It was like he'd found flavor town all over again. Guy gasped and stumbled back. Gordon stepped in the the house boldly with a flip of his hair, a pot full of lamb sauce in his hands. He blinked slowly as he looked down at Guy. And in that buttery smooth voice that he knew and loved he said "We needed extra lamb sauce." Then the powerful brit set down his pot of lamb sauce and ripped off his chefs outfit before drizzling the sauce  all over his naked body.

Chapter Text

Guy gazed at Gordon longingly, he looked over the man's saucy body, his abs glistening in the low light of the room damp with sauce of the lamb. He was ready. Slowly Gordon reached out with his rugged hands and caressed the Guy Fieri lovingly. Guy gasped, his breath taken from him seemlessly by the man before him. He knew what he had to do. He had to take off his clothes and smother Gordon in his frosted pubes like he knew the other man loved to do. "Gordpai p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-please take me to flavor town." Guy begged. Gordon looked down at the portly man, "Yours is the only raw meat I will eat." He purred in a low husky sensual tone. Gordon needed to ravish this beautiful man, tracing his fingers down the others pancake nipples. He was ready to whip his cream. "Guy I need ur lamb sauce. The secret ingredient, please put it in." 

 

 

That's when guy knew what he had to do