The Last Goodbye
“What the hell?” Buffy stared around. There was something eerily familiar about the meadow she was standing in; too familiar, as she saw the ram raise his head to glare at her. Shaking her head back and forth, she kept whispering, “No, no. Not again. This isn’t what I asked for. I wanted to see— Spike!”
The dishelved looking blond man who had been slowly approaching her flinched back and stared around wildly. “I beg your pardon?”
“Oh my God....” She stared at him, running her eyes over his face and body, watching him begin to squirm under her scrutiny. She began to smile. “Hi,” she said. “I’m... Buffy. I think we’ve met before?”
He blinked at her, understanding gradually coming over his face. “My warrior elf queen....” His voice was barely audible as he continued to stare at her, his eyes wide and disbelieving. “You’re real? Or am I dreaming again?”
He shook himself. “Haven’t had this dream in years,” he muttered. “Must be something I ate....”
Buffy walked up to him, frowning when he drew back. She waved her hand in front of his face. “William? Don’t you remember me? Buffy? I know it’s been awhile... I mean, here you are, all grown up and stuff, but it can’t be that long ago for you.”
He reached forward with a tentative hand and poked her on the arm, almost squealing when he felt flesh under his fingers. He snatched his hand back and began to gasp. “You’re real.”
“Most of the time.” Buffy sighed and smiled at him. “How about we sit down in the shade and I’ll tell you what’s going on? I don’t have much time this trip.” She walked over to big oak tree and sat down, leaning against the broad trunk and patting the ground beside her. “Come on. I won’t bite. That’ll be.... somebody else.”
Still staring at her as if she was a hallucination, he slid to the ground, being careful not to get so close as to touch her. When she reached over and took his hand in hers, he gasped, but didn’t pull away.
“Look, I know this is weird. But you know, we did the whole – it’s weird, I’m different from most girls, I’m from the future—“ She stopped. “I guess maybe I didn’t tell you that last time, did I? You were so young, and....” She sighed again. “Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought.” Reaching for his other hand, she rose to her knees, pulling on his hands until he turned his body to face her.
“Here’s the thing. I... and then you... and fire... and then you were back, and we... but then dust... and I...”
He was staring at her with growing apprehension, and she paused again.
“I’m really screwing this up, dammit!” He flinched at her language, then looked down at their hands where she was rubbing her thumbs along the side of his. The gentle touch, while more than disconcerting, helped him to recover his courage.
“B...Buffy? I do remember you. You are one of my fondest memories from my childhood. But I don’t understand. How are you back here now – and why aren’t you any older?”
“Trust me, I’m older,” she said with a wry twist of her mouth. “Look a little closer and it’ll be pretty obvious that I’m not sixteen anymore. Not that I’m old!” she added quickly. “But I’m still older than you are. You’re what... eighteen, nineteen?”
“I’m twenty... in another week,” he said, drawing himself up until he was sitting tall enough to be at eye level.
“Okay. It’s not a contest, but just so you know, I’m... older than that. So I’m still older than you are.”
“Thought you said it wasn’t a contest?” Although his voice was stern, his eyes twinkled and she laughed with him.
“That’s better. I knew Spike had to be in there somewhere.”
“That’s the second time you’ve mentioned a spike. Should I know what you’re talking about?”
“No. No, you shouldn’t. And you don’t need to... except I don’t know how I’m going to explain why I....” She took a deep breath. “Do you trust me, William?” She was still holding on to his hands, although William’s need to keep his distance seemed to be fading.
“Of course I do!” he said without hesitating, and Buffy caught a glimpse of the little boy she’d met the first time a portal had dropped her into this field.
“Okay, then. Here goes....” Without more warning, she leaned forward and kissed him, keeping her mouth on his until it relaxed under hers and he began to inexpertly kiss her back. Buffy dragged the kiss out as long as she could, pulling away only when she was about to lose her balance and fall into him. She dropped his hands and sat back on her heels. “Was that all right?”
He gaped at her. “I’d say so. Of course, I’m not....” He blushed. “I’m not precisely an expert on such things.”
“Trust me,” she said, scooting closer until her knees were touching his thigh. “When I get through with you, you will be...” She began to kiss him again, this time letting her tongue come out to tease around his lips before slipping back into her own mouth. For minutes, she continued to give him, long, lingering kisses, followed by shorter, nibbling ones, and then back to long, lingering ones. When his tongue made a tentative stab at her lips, she immediately brought hers out to caress it, smiling against his lips when he relaxed and softened his tongue to stroke hers.
“You’re a fast learner,” she murmured, nibbling on his lower lip. “I don’t know why that surprises me, though.” She hummed her approval as they went back to long lingering kisses that were now as much his idea as hers. Her mind was already going to her next move when she felt him draw back.
“Buffy...” he gasped, taking her arms and holding her away from his mouth. “What are we doing?” From the way he was trying to turn his body away from her, she knew that he didn’t want her to see what the kisses were doing to him.
“It’s okay,” she said, trying for another kiss. “It’s what I’m here for.”
“You’re here to show me what a bad, rude man I am? Or are you here to drive me insane with desire? Because that is what you’re doing.”
“I know.” She sighed and let him hold her at arm’s length. “And I know you probably think I’m the worst kind of slut. But the thing is... I just don’t have time to go slow. They only gave me the rest of today and tonight and I just...” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. This is...it isn‘t right. I’m sorry,” she repeated, shaking her head again and slumped down. “I shouldn’t... I didn’t mean to... I just...” She raised her eyes to his, tears making them glisten in the dappled sunlight. “I have missed you so very, very much...”
“You’ve missed me? Surely you aren’t suggesting you wanted to kiss me like that when I was a child?” He looked horrified and shifted farther away from her.
“What? No! God no! I never—No!” She shrank away from him. “Is that what you think? That I... no! Not that you weren’t adorable, but the you I’ve been missing is way older than that. Much, much older,” she added with sigh. “I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like a lunatic.”
“Allow me share with you that you appeared out of nowhere and within a very short period of time were kissing me in a fashion I’m fairly certain should be reserved for those who have been lawfully wed... or betrothed, at the very least, now you are apologizing for kissing me into a state of.... a very inappropriate state for me to be in around a young lady and telling me it’s because you missed me.” He sighed and dropped his head back against the tree with an audible thunk. “I think we left lunatic behind some time ago,” he said, rubbing the back of his head, “although I’m beginning to suspect it is I who is losing his mind.”
Buffy got off her knees and sat down beside him again, leaning against the tree and just letting her shoulder brush against his.
“Can we start again?” She rolled her head to meet his puzzled gaze. “Hi, I’m Buffy. Remember me? The super strong girl from another time who visited here a while ago? You wrote me a poem.”
“I remember,” he said with a small smile. “You taught me how to sword fight... and how to cheat if I was really in danger.”
She grinned at him. “Well, you lived to grow up, so it must be working for you.”
“I suppose it has had its moments,” he agreed. “So, Miss Buffy. Do you want to tell me how and why you’ve come back? I haven’t noticed any monsters that you would have been pursuing.”
“Okay, I’m just going to go for it. Just... don’t interrupt me till I’m finished, ‘k?”
“So, here’s the sitch. I’m not a warrior elf queen – I mean, you probably figured that out now that you’re all grown up, but— anyway. I’m a slayer. In my time, for a long time, I was the Slayer, but in your time it’s some other girl. That’s why I chase mon—demons... and vampires. My whole title is Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I don’t discriminate – if it’s evil, I slay it.”
She waited to see if he had any reaction to what she’d said, but when he mimed keeping his lips locked, she went on. “So, the first time I was here, I fell through a portal opened by that demon you watched me slay. And when my... teacher... reopened it, I went back through it to my own time.” She peered at him closely, but he was listening without expression. “Which is well over a hundred years from now. 2008, to be exact.”
“You are in extremely good condition for your age,” he said quietly.
“I’m not that old!” She risked touching his arm. “But in my time, you were.”
“That seems unlikely, Buffy,” he said, his eyes boring into hers.
“Can you just trust me when I say it’s true? I really, really don’t want to tell you how that came to be.” She looked at him anxiously. “Please? Can we just say that the man you are now doesn’t really get a whole lot older... physically? And that we met again when I was a little bit older than when I was here the first time? And we... recognized each other. Eventually. And then we... it was sort of overly dramatic for a while, but we fell in love. And we were together for a pretty long time, fought evil, usually survived—” He did start to say something there, but she shushed him. “....but when you were helping me save the world one spring—”
“One spring?” He shrugged in apology and closed his mouth, but Buffy just nodded her head.
“Yeah, annual apocalypse, it’s kind of a thing in my line of work. Not important — except that this one time...” She raised devastated eyes to his. “This one time, you didn’t make it. You died helping me save the world and I didn’t... I didn’t even have a body to bury. You were just... gone.”
He was quiet for a minute, then nodded. “Well, if I was as old as you say, it seems I had a pretty good run. I had a good, long life.”
Buffy made a noise somewhere between a laugh and sob. “I guess you did,” she said. “But I haven’t. I mean, yeah, I’ve lived longer than most slayers do, but I’m not dead yet... and you are... were... will be. You left me, Sp–William. You left me, and I’m alone, and I miss you... and then the Powers that Be said I could come back and see you when you were still hu—uh, not already old, and that it would be okay because you won’t remember it like you do the first time, so it won’t change anything... and I...” She raised her chin and said firmly, “I just wanted you to make love to me one last time. And I’m sorry. That was selfish, and unfair to you, and I never should have—”
Her words were interrupted by William’s lips as he pulled her into his lap and began to kiss her. With a whimper, Buffy kissed him back, gently guiding him to use his lips and tongue until he felt so much like Spike she wanted to cry. She could feel his erection pressing against her legs as she rested across his lap, but rather than moving away when he tried to push her off it, she turned her body until she was facing him and straddling his hips.
Buffy had been careful to wear a longish skirt again this time, both in case she appeared somewhere there were other people, and for ease of contact. William’s gasp and following groan when she pressed herself against him, nothing between them but the thin fabric of her underwear and his own trousers was more than rewarding.
“Dear God, Buffy!” That one cry of frustration seemed to be all he was capable of as his body ignored his wishes and did what it could to pull her even closer.
“It’s okay...” she soothed, sensing his mood from the anguished look on his face, even while his hips pressed upward into the moist warmth she was rubbing against him. “It’s okay. In my time, we love each other, and we do this all the time.”
“Are we married, then? In your time? Were we married when I... left you?”
Buffy hesitated, but when he began to frown and tried to push her away, she opted for as much truth as she could.
“We weren’t married the way you mean it. No. We just never got around to it. We were together all the time; everybody knew we were a couple... In my time, being married isn’t quite the big deal it is now. And we were always so busy saving the world and slaying... We just didn’t do it. We didn’t know you were going to die!”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling her close again and murmuring in her ear. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you like that.”
“It’s not your fault. It wasn’t even your fault then. It just happened. We always knew it could... that it would someday. But I always thought it would be me, you know? I’m the one that was born with an early expiration date. You weren’t supposed to be first!”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered again, groaning when she melted against him and began planting kisses on his neck. “I’m fairly certain I didn’t die because I wanted to. Not if this is how we spent our time...”
Buffy giggled softly and twisted until she was using her weight to pull them to the ground. His willingness to follow her lead surprised her, but she quickly adjusted and made sure he was lying mostly on top of her as she dragged his mouth down to hers. The feeling of his weight on her was so familiar, and yet so different, that she lost her focus for a minute.
She lay there so long, absorbing all the ways he did and didn’t feel like the vampire she was missing, that he eventually realized she wasn’t kissing him back anymore and raised himself up on his arms.
“Is something wrong? Am I not doing it correctly? Of course, I’m not. How could I be? I’m an idiot.”
“What? No. No, you’re fine. I was just....” She pulled him back down, wrapping her arms around his back and burying her face in his neck. “You feel so... right, and at the same time, so different. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s right.”
Making no attempt to hide his disappointment, he tried to roll off, only to have her follow his roll and end up lying against his side, her head on his shoulder. They lay there together for several minutes. She could feel him trembling – with fear or suppressed need she wasn’t completely sure. Her senses were going crazy. On the one hand, he felt like Spike, she fitted into his body in just the same way; his arms felt just right, if a bit less muscular and powerful than before. His scent, while missing all those things she associated with him – whiskey, tobacco, leather – was still undeniably Spike. The warmth of his skin was unfamiliar; the feel of it under her hand was not.
With one hand, she toyed with the buttons on his shirt, pulling it loose from his pants so she could slid her hand up his smooth chest. He made a strangled sound as she pinched one nipple.
“If you no longer wish me to make love to you, Miss Buffy, you shall have to stop touching me like that.”
In spite of his words, he relaxed and tried not to hyperventilate as Buffy unbuttoned the shirt and pushed it aside so that she could follow up her fingers with her mouth. When she caressed the bulge in his pants and reached for the buttons there, he put a hand over hers. Blushing a bright red, he said, “Please. Let me touch you. Show me how to please you.”
She smiled and put his hand on her breast. “You can start here. Just do... touch me wherever and however you want. It’s all right – whatever you do, it will be all right.”
His hand trembled as he cupped her breast through her shirt, but he soon was so distracted by the way she moaned and sighed that he forgot to be nervous and just followed his instincts, guided by her unspoken, but very vocal, sounds of approval. In a surprisingly short amount of time, their clothing was in a discarded heap and William’s body showed no hesitancy in finding its way where he wanted to go. Buffy’s contribution to ending William’s virginity was limited to gasps, whimpers and the occasional “Yes! Oh God yes! Do that again... ahhhh, right there.....” as she wrapped her arms and legs around him and fought back tears.
William was lying atop Buffy’s body – too limp to move, and too sure he’d died and gone to heaven to want to. Buffy’s legs were still wrapped around his hips, and she gradually relaxed and let them drop so that he could move if he wanted to. Apparently he didn’t, as he remained where he was, breathing heavily.
“Should I be mortified? Or is that what is supposed to happen?”
Buffy giggled. “Eventually it is. That was a little faster than I’m used to – although there were times when we—never mind. Some things you don’t need to know. It’ll take longer the next time. I promise.”
“We’re going to do it again?” He brought his head up quickly, suddenly much less exhausted.
She giggled again, then shivered. “Uh, it’s getting dark, and kind of chilly. Is there someplace we can go?”
“Of course! I apologize. Of course you are freezing, lying out here in the grass like... that.” He glanced down at her nude body, still visible in the fading light. His rapt expression made her smile, even as she poked him to get his attention back.
“I can be just as naked indoors,” she hinted.
“Right! Indoors. Wait here.” He jumped up, embarrassed by his own nudity, but refusing to cover himself as he wanted to. The way Buffy smiled at him and ran her eyes over his body made him glad he hadn’t, and his limp cock begin to fill when her eyes lingered on it. He ran over to the caretaker’s hut that had taken the place of small supply shed in which Buffy had sheltered on her first visit. Fumbling in the dark, he found a lamp and means to light it. He glanced around the plain, not terribly clean room and shuddered, but set the lamp on a table and went to the door where Buffy was already standing, her arms full of both her clothes and his.
“I’m sorry it’s not any better than this. You deserve fine linens and a feather mattress, and servants, and a man who—”
“It’s got you and a bed. That’s all I—we need.” She walked to the bed, pulled down the rough blanket, sat down and held out her hand. “You’re the man I want. For as long as I can have you.”
“I suspect you’ll have me for the rest our lives,” he said. “If you think I’m going to let you dive back through that portal this time....”
“Don’t,” she whispered into his mouth as she pulled him into a kiss. “Just help me enjoy what we’ve got. Help me make memories, William.”
“Memories I’m not going to have.” The bitterness in his tone made her shudder.
“I’m sorry... I know this isn’t fair. But you don’t love me... yet... and you won’t even know this ever happened. You’ll have the whole day to live over without any surprise visitors from the future.” She stared at him anxiously. “If you don’t want to—I mean, I understand if you don’t. If you think I’m playing with your mind. And... and I’d be furious if someone did it to me. I know I would. But only if I found out about it. If I never knew, then I’d never care, would I? And you won’t know. In the future. You won’t know, and neither will I. We’re just going to meet and fall in love and neither one of us will know anything about this night.”
She wanted very much to touch him, confidant that her knowledge of where his buttons were and how to push them would render him incapable of controlling himself. However, vowing to be as fair as she could be to this man who had no reason to believe she really loved him, she resisted the urge to put her hands on his body.
As if reading her mind, he said, “You know, if you touch me, you can have whatever you want. I doubt I could refuse you anything right now.”
Buffy just nodded and waited, holding her breath as she watched the emotions flying across his face. When he fell back on the bed and pulled her against his body, she released her breath with a gasping sob and buried her face in his chest.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Thank you for allowing me to decide, Buffy. I can’t imagine this future you come from, or how I could possibly end up there with you, but knowing it will happen is enough for now. I’ll just have to be patient until I get there.”
Buffy decided not to remind him that he wasn’t going to have anything to be patient about because he wasn’t going to remember she’d ever been there. Instead, she threw one leg over his and squirmed closer.
“Can I touch you now?” she asked, sliding her leg up and down his and smiling at the immediate reaction. “’Cause I’d really, really like to. All over. Lots of times. Lots of places.”
“Only if I get to touch you too,” he murmured, following words with actions. “I’m sure I’ve missed some vitally important places that require my attention....”
“Oh... okay... I think that’s a good... idea... mmmmmm.....”
Buffy sat up just as dawn seemed to breaking. With a whimper, she slid off the bed and began to dress, keeping one eye on William and praying he wouldn’t wake until after she was gone and the day had been restarted. Afraid to wake him, in spite of knowing how exhausted he must be after a night of vigorous love-making, she kissed the tips of her fingers and just gently brushed them across his slightly-parted lips before tiptoeing out of the small building and out to the waiting portal.
It would be over two months before she realized that she had brought something back with her. Something that would make the lonely years much easier to bear.
Tags: trope meme