Actions

Work Header

Sweep the Kitchen

Chapter Text

When Jessica realizes she's read the same sentence over and over at least three times, she puts down the report in her hands, rolls her shoulders, cracks her neck, and announces "It's time for a break!"

Carol raises her head from her own file and blearily blinks at her a few times. "What?"

"A break," Jess says. "We've been at this for hours, our vic isn't getting any deader, and unless either of us has a magical epiphany or somebody walks through the front door and says 'hey, I did it' we're kind of stumped right now. We need a break."

"I don't think-"

"Carol, how much information have you retained from the last three pages you've read?"

Carol frowns down at the paper like it's personally offended her. "Crap. We need a break."

"Thank you," Jess says. "Hawkeye's?"

"Uh, God, no." Carol screws her face up. "Bleh."

"What... What do you mean, bleh?!"

"I mean, bleh."

"But, you love Hawkeye's," Jess says, her confusion plain in her voice. "I love Hawkeye's. Everybody loves Hawkeye's."

"Yeah, well, some people love Hawkeye's too much, if you get what I'm saying."

"No, not really."

Carol glances around the nearly empty bullpen, then leans forward across her desk. "Ever since Coulson started dating Clive-"

"Clint."

"Whatever. It's been kind of... ew."

"You mean the two of them being all sappy and googly-eyed at each other over the counter?" Jess asks.

"No, I mean the two of them boinking each other in the back room," Carol says. "Look, I'm just not that comfortable eating in the same place that Coulson gets his rocks off, okay?"

"They don't have sex in the actual diner, Carol," Jess says chidingly. She thinks for a moment, then leans forward across her desk. "Do they? Oh, my God, do you think they have sex in the actual diner?"

"I'm a little bothered that you sound almost enthusiastic about that prospect. The proper emotion should be disgust, Jess."

"Oh, yeah. Of course. Duh. The two of them... That wouldn't be hot at all..." Jess clears her throat. "But, come on, could you honestly see Coulson, of all people, doing the beast with two backs in a booth or something? Don't you think he's probably a lights off, under the sheets kind of guy?"

"I'm trying not to think about what Coulson likes in bed," Carol says. "Or out of bed. Which is why I don't want to eat at Hawkeye's anymore."

Jess shakes her head and crosses her arms over her chest. "You're being ridiculous."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you... Urgh." Jess stands up and grabs her jacket from off the back of her chair. "You may not want to go to Hawkeye's, but I would gladly maim someone for one Clint's patty melts."

Carol's jaw drops a bit. "You would go without me?"

"Patty melt."

"You'd abandon your own partner for a sandwich?"

"Patty. Melt."

"Jess."

Jess waggles her fingers at Carol. "Patty melt."

"Oh, for the... Fine! But if I catch anything-"

"What could you catch?!"

"-I am so saying 'I told you so'!"

"Yeah," Jess says fondly, "I don't doubt that for a second."