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Never Again

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He can't remember a time since his parent’s accident where his mind wasn't racing. Suddenly an onslaught of paranoia hits you when you know you're not as safe in the world as you once thought. Everything is different now. Jeremy thinks that maybe he's finally come to terms with accepting that now.

 

With everything put together, and they way his sister has been treating him like he's disposable, it was hard for him to find a point in all of this. Whatever he did, for whatever reason, he felt manipulated and coerced into it. He has always been somewhat of a pushover. It's not always like that, but sometimes he can't help that buzzing feeling in the back of his brain that tells him to comply. He thought that becoming this thing, this hunter, would somehow make him mentally strong as well. He was being presumptuous. Maybe he can kick your ass, but he can't seem to get though a day without having his throat clog with anxiety and eyes  prickle with something he'd never admit.

 

And then there was a distraction. A distraction he was so fucking grateful for but for the life of him could not figure out why. Said distraction was now stumbling through the sliding glass door of the Gilbert cabin to interrupt his thoughts.

 

“What time is it?” Damon spurted as he flipped down on the sofa adjacent from Jeremy. He closed the book he was skimming. He was never one to read thoroughly.

 

Damon smelled like alcohol. Hell, he smelled like a damn distillery.

 

“You drunk?” Jeremy sighed.

 

“Nothing gets past you, Buffy.” Damon chuckled lazily.

 

Jeremy hated this thing he did. These little comments, sarcastic insults, and flighty attitude. Acts like he doesn't care to mask his hideously overdramatic nature. Half of the pessimistic shit that came out of his mouth was just to divert everyone from what was really getting his goat. And in this case it's still Elena. Jeremy thinks it will always be Elena. They're supposed to go back tomorrow morning, so he'll let Damon sleep off the liquor. But he's going to bring it up. He doesn't care what Damon's reaction is. He's going to dig for answers.

 

They kissed.

 

That's not nothing. It can't be nothing. He'll be damned if he lets this one get swept under the rug. But he's having a problem, himself.

 

Jeremy has never had a sexuality crisis. He's always been comfortable with himself. He's mostly been with girls and a few men here and there, but nothing serious. Not that… This is serious. On the surface he's hoping it doesn't cause a ruckus. But deep down he's not sure thats what he truly wants. It's difficult to look at his life as a stand alone. If he takes everyone else out of the equation, he knows he wants something different. He wants to skid off the tracks and feel a new rush of something. He remembers when he dabbled into different kinds of drugs and what it felt like.

 

Kissing Damon felt like that. Not exactly the same, maybe better. Definitely addictive though.

 

Damon, as a personality, is heinous. But not always. He does have his moments, and Jeremy has seen some of them. You know, if he excludes the instance where Damon casually snapped his neck and technically killed him, he's not so bad. I mean he’d known that Jeremy would come back to life. Maybe. Jeremy's not sure. He wanted to ask.

 

Damon looked like he was asleep, but Jeremy could tell he wasn't. His breathing wasn't even enough.

 

“Damon,” he nudged his shoulder over the other side of the coffee table. “Damon.”

 

“What?!” He asked, irritated that he was roused from his faked slumber.

 

“Remember a couple of years ago, when you sort of killed me?”

 

Damon looked confused. It almost looked like he was trying to remember it. Then suddenly he's grinning.

 

“Which time?”

 

Jeremy could feel the strength of his jaw as his teeth clenched. “You snapped my neck.”

 

“What of it?” He asked.

 

“Did you know… Did you know I was wearing the ring?”

 

Damon’s expression suddenly turned hard. He had to wait a while for his answer. The more seconds ticked by, the more his heart rate sped up.

 

“I didn't.” He looked away from Jeremy. “I didn't know you were wearing the ring. I was angry. Enraged if I'm honest.”

 

Jeremy said nothing.

 

“But when I calmed down. And I heard you were… Fine. I was glad. So don't fucking linger on it.”

 

Jeremy breathed out. That was exactly what he was expecting to hear more or less. He almost didn't want to respond. What would happen if he just got up and went to bed, without saying anything? Probably nothing. Hopefully. He want even sure why he wanted to know. He was feeling more stupid as time ticked by.

 

“Why are you even asking me this? Do I have to play suicide watch again?”

 

Jeremy snapped his head up. Suicide watch? Really?

 

“No reason.” He got up from his place in the sofa. “I'm going to bed. Be up at 8, we gotta drive back into town.”

 

Just before closing the door, he hears it.

 

“Goodnight, Jer.”

 

He didn't say it back. He just shut the door, oddly feeling nothing. He just wanted to go to bed. The bed didn't seem as comfortable as last night for some reason. And maybe the sheets didn't seem as soft or warm either. But he was exhausted, so sleep came quickly regardless.

 


 

Drives are always quiet with them. There was really no need to talk. But things have been unusual lately.

 

Damon's grip on the steering wheel was tight, knuckles white.

 

“Are you gonna tell Elena?”

 

Jeremy thought for a moment. He meant the kiss right? Playing dumb is the best way to go. It'll make him say it.

 

“Tell Elena what?”

 

He was quiet for some time letting the beats of silence pass. “Are you gonna tell her I kissed you?”

 

And wow, that's a lot. He's admitting that he's the one who initiated it.

 

“Why did you kiss me?” Jeremy asked quietly, fiddling with his pocket knife. It was a perfectly valid question. Jeremy thought it was reasonable to want to know the answer.

 

“Answer the question, Jeremy.”

 

“You first.” He challenged, not looking at him.

 

Damon cursed under his breath as he slowed the car. He pulled over on the shoulder of the road. This road was empty. There was barely anyone traveling in the area. Damon put his forehead to his knuckles on the steering wheel, sighing loudly. Jeremy had never seen him like this. So stressed.

 

“Look. I don't know why I did it. But it won't happen again. Okay? Promise me you won't tell Elena.”

 

Jeremy was never going to tell Elena in the first place. Why would he? That would be stupid and pointless. He's not some teenage girl who can't wait to kiss and tell. But the fact that Damon was asking him to promise not to tell him was annoying. He almost wants to just because Damon asked him not to. Suddenly he felt powerful. He had something to hold over Damon's head. He could probably keep it up for so long that Damon will end up telling Elena himself. Now that's something that Jeremy would like to see. It wasn't everyday he got to hold a vampire metaphorically hostage.

 

“And if I do?” He asks numbly.

 

Damon pulls at his shoulder, making Jeremy look at him. His eyebrows are knitted and he's red in the face.

 

“Don't.” He says firmly. “Jer, don't.”

 

He doesn't answer him. He wants

to leave him worried and guessing. He can tell how much fun this is going to be. And he's just getting started. Suddenly an idea flicked through this head and he's mad with it.

 

“Yeah. Sure. No problem.” Damon sighs out and looks relived.

 

“On one condition.”

 

He tenses back up immediately. “What?! What condition?”

 

Jeremy stares, intense gaze burning with nerves.

 

“Kiss me again.”

 

To say that Damon looked taken aback was an understatement. He wasn't angry. He looked like he was in thought. An internal debate  was visible and flickering in his expression. He moved slowly, and surprisingly unsure of himself.

 

“This is it. Never again.” He whispered, lips ghosting over Jeremy's.

 

Jeremy nodded, wetting his lips. “Never again.”

 

It wasn't like before. It was something different. Planned and careful but with a certain edge to it that made Jeremy tremble quietly. The soft press of lips enveloping his own, caught in something that felt like holding his breath. His chest felt tight as he folded into Damon’s gravity. The truck had no middle console. Nothing was dividing them. Damon pulled him in as their breathing intermingled. A hand rested softly on Jeremy's rib cage and slowly curled around his back, and he was crushed into Damon's center. To feel Damon's tongue slowly against his own only made the situation more difficult to come to terms with.

 

It grew hot. Even with barely any space in between them they still felt the need to be closer.

 

They pulled apart for mere seconds, just long enough for Damon to whisper a single, “fuck,” and pull him right back onto his lips.

 

Jeremy didn't know what was wrong with him. Last night he knew it had been wrong and he out a stop to it. And he still knew it was wrong now but he wanted it. He'd like to think it's just his way of getting back at Elena. But that's not what it is. It's more than that, but he's not sure if he willing to admit that yet. Hell, he isn't sure Damon would be willing to hear it. After all they had just agreed that this would be the last time it happened. Never again.

 

Somehow Jeremy highly doubted that though.

 

It seemed that somehow they became strangely pulled to each other in a very short amount of time. Jeremy can't remember a time he felt this much lust. He could feel Damon's harsh grip biting into his skin. He could the heat of his tongue as his mouth was assaulted. He was pushed down across the worn seats of the pickup. There was no escaping from Damon's grasp. It didn't matter, he didn't want to try.

 

He wanted to stay under Damon for as long as he could. He felt hot kisses deepening on his neck. It's like he was a man starved. The thought struck an idea in Jeremy.

 

“Hey,” he panted, breathless and wanting, “hungry?”

 

He could swear he heard a growl of some sort erupt from Damon.

 

“Come on,” he urged him, wanting it more than he knew. “Bite me. Do it.”

 

Not a moment passed and he could feel Damon's fangs puncturing thought the soft flesh of his neck. He grew desperate as the euphoria of Damon potentially draining the very life from him lit his insides on fire. He pulled at Damon, encasing him with his arms, encouraging him to take whatever he wanted.

 

Damon pulled up, mouth stained and eyes black. They could hardly breathe but still, even so, they saw a  window to devour  each other mouths once more. Jeremy could taste his own blood on Damon's lips. It only increased his aroused state. He could feel the pulse of Damon's erection against his own even through their clothes.

 

He tried to communicate what he wanted through small thrusts of his hips. It seemed it wasn't being reciprocated. Like Damon was holding back.

 

“Shit.” Damon voiced. “Never again, just this once, yeah Jer?” He went the zipper of Jeremy's jeans waiting for an answer.

 

“Yeah,” Jeremy nodded, agreeing all too quickly. Anything to get close again, and have those lips and hands and whatever else back on him. “Never again. C’mon.”

 

He felt cool air as his erection was freed. Damon's hand enveloped him and he hissed at the contact.

 

“Wait, wait.” Jeremy told him, breath labored. He wasn't going to be the only one. He wanted an even playing field. He reached down between them to pull at Damon's clothes, finding the button and zip to his jeans easily.

 

Skin on skin contact was the only way he was going to be satisfied. If he was going to fuck up Damon’s relationship he might as well make it worth it. Damon didn’t seem to have too much of a problem with it himself.

 

As soon as they were both equally freed of any confines, Jeremy hitched his legs up on either side of Damon’s waist. Damon gripped the both of them in one hand. Jeremy let a gasp escape his lips as the pace was turning brutally slow. Slow tugs and languid movements as Damon braced himself over Jeremys quivering form. Labored breaths were panted into each other’s mouth. Their lips continued to graze as their thrust became more erratic.

 

Jeremy decided kissing him was something he had to do as much as possible while he still had the chance. He felt himself reaching his peak as his hips moved wildly.

 

“C’mon Jer. Come on.” He coaxed him on. “You gonna come for me?”

 

And wasn’t prepared for dirty talk of any kind, but he liked it far too much to protest. Jeremy let out a whine that he never thought would come out of his mouth. He’s burning up, and he can feel himself start to unwind, his orgasm unlocking from somewhere deep inside of him.

 

Damon closes the distance and crushes his lips down to Jeremy’s, and Jeremy comes like the press of Damon’s lips commanded him to do so. He’s trembling with his orgasm, small whimpers in the back of his throat.

 

Damon wasn’t too far behind. He seized up seconds after Jeremy’s release, adding to the mess created in between them.

 

They try to catch their breath as Damon is still perched over him. Jeremy can feel a cramping in his legs, as logical thought creeps back up on him.

 

“Fuck.” Damon breathed out shakily.

 

He pulled himself up off of Jeremy, discarding his soiled shirt and tucking himself back into his jeans.

 

Jeremy could see the racing anxiety behind his eyes as what they had done settled in.

 

He situated himself just as Damon had and sat up to reassure him once more. He didn’t expect any of it to escalate that far, but after they started it was just too difficult for either of them to stop.

 

“Damon.” He got his attention, snapping him from his worried thoughts. “I promised I wouldn’t tell. I won’t. Never again.” And he wished he could say it a different way where his tone didn’t sound so disappointed.

 

Damon let out a heavy sigh through his nose, looking mentally exhausted. Jeremy knew it was ridiculous but he almost felt like he’d taken advantage of him somehow.

 

“That’s not the problem, Jer.” He stated, finally turning to make eye contact with a very confused Jeremy.

 

“I want to do this again.” And he uncharacteristically turns and places his hand on Jeremy’s knee. “Do you?”

 

There’s no sign of trickery in his eyes.

 

Jeremy does the only thing he’ll let himself do. Gives into it.

 

Yeah.”