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Kyle Rayner blinked at the spectacle on the kitchen table: a violently green-frosted cake with three ascending tiers, topped with one lone candle. The tiers were more than a bit lopsided, and the frosting applied unevenly, but it was definitely a cake. Of some sort.
And behind it, grinning, stood Guy Gardner.
"Happy birthday!" announced Guy.
Kyle looked from the improbable cake to Guy's face, then back. "It's...impressive, Guy," he said. "But...my birthday is in December, and I'm pretty sure it's March on Earth right now."
"Nah, nah," Guy waved an impatient hand as if such considerations were beneath him. Which they probably were. "This is for your other birthday."
"Other birthday?"
"You know." When Kyle's blank face made it clear that he didn't, Guy looked surprised. "You died a year ago. Soranik brought you back to life. You forget that?"
"Well, no." It wasn't exactly the kind of thing you'd forget, dying and being brought back by the power of a Star Sapphire. Kyle was also unlikely to forget Guy going absolutely apeshit because of it and turning into a Red Lantern, vomiting rage and fury on everyone. "It just didn't seem like something to celebrate."
Guy held up his hands, revealing two bottles of beer. He waved his hand, manifested a glowing green bottle opener, and popped open the beers. "The way I figure it, man, every day we wake up not dead is a reason to celebrate." He took a long swig, belched happily, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He handed Kyle the other bottle, absently staring at the one little candle burning on top of the cake. "Yeah," he said thoughtfully, "Reason to celebrate."
The beer--imported from Earth, the only source of good beer in the universe, according to Guy--was cool and slightly bitter in Kyle's mouth. He swallowed and waited, sensing Guy wasn't done.
They'd never talked about this.
"When I saw that damn green ring of yours trying to leave you, leave your body behind..." Guy shook his head. "It just...I couldn't stand it. It was all so unfair. I just wanted to break everything, break the universe itself in half, I didn't care anymore. Let it all burn to hell. Nothing in me anymore but the anger." He took a long, slow gulp of beer, still staring at the tiny, wavering candle. "So. Happy birthday, buddy." He turned a lopsided grin to Kyle. "I was a pretty kick-ass Red Lantern, though, wasn't I?"
Kyle snorted. "Guy, you had one red ring and one green ring. You looked like a freaking Christmas tree."
Guy looked rather relieved to be back on safe emotional ground. "But a kick-ass Christmas tree, am I right?" He punched Kyle on the arm, hard enough to make him wince a bit. "Least I didn't get stuck in one of those lame Star Sapphire costumes, cut down to my crotch and all sparkles and shit." Kyle choked on his beer at that mental image; encouraged, Guy leaped to his feet and put one hand on his hip, the other flopping from the wrist. "I'm Star Sapphire Guy, saving the universe through the power of luuuuuuuuv," he warbled, sashaying about the room. He added a few hip-thrusts for good measure. "Uhn!" He pointed at Kyle, who was sputtering with laughter. "Hey, I could totally make a Star Sapphire outfit work, too. That's how manly Guy Gardner is, baby. 'Cuz there'd be a star--bam!" he gestured with both hands at his crotch, "--right on my junk. And I think we all agree Guy Gardner's junk? Deserves a star."
"Guy--" Kyle was having problems breathing through his laughter. "Cut it out!"
Guy looked immensely pleased with himself. "Okay, time to blow out your candle and make a wish, Rayner."
Shaking his head, Kyle pursed his lips and blew out the guttering flame. Just as the candle went out, there was an explosion of green frosting and chocolate cake. Half-expecting an attack of some sort, Kyle wiped icing out of his eyes while brandishing his ring, only to see a tiny glowing girl--she looked a little like Fire--emerge from the top of the cake, wearing nothing but tiny pasties and a thong. As Kyle stared, the girl leaned forward seductively and opened her mouth to sing. "Happy birthday to youuu," she crooned in a tiny Marilyn-Monroe falsetto, "Happy birthday to youuu! Happy birthday, Kyle Rayner! Happy birthday to youuu!" She beckoned to him. "Come over here and give me a smooch, you big strong hero, ooooh."
Kyle glanced over at Guy, who was mouthing the words like a bad ventriloquist while concentrating fiercely on the construct, gesturing. "Let me make this a birthday you won't forget, Romeo," purred the glowing girl.
"Guy!" choked Kyle.
Guy looked over, honest surprise on his face. "What? Can't a guy get his buddy a stripper for his birthday?" He put his free hand to his mouth and gave a wolf whistle. "Take it all off, baby!"
"Anything for Kyle, my big brave hero!" chirped the construct.
Kyle couldn't seem to decide whether to be appalled or break up laughing. "Guy, that's..." he started, and realized he had no idea how to finish the sentence.
"What? You're gonna say 'that's totally gay' or something, aren't you?" Guy's face scrunched up in puzzlement more than anger. "Kyle, dude, I can see I need to explain the difference between 'gay' and 'straight.' That there--" He gestured, "--is a chick that we're checking out. A chick. With hooters. That makes it straight. Now, if it were a mostly-naked man, that would be totally gay."
Laughter won out. Kyle collapsed onto the couch and laughed until his sides hurt. He opened his mouth to say something--and got hit in the face with a handful of chocolate cake.
"Hey," Guy said as Kyle sputtered and glared, "I made you this cake, and I can throw it at you if I like!"
"Oh yeah?" Kyle lunged forward.
The air was filled with flying green frosting.
In the resulting fracas, the cake was entirely destroyed. A fair amount of it might have somehow ended up shoved down Guy Gardner's pants, but Kyle was taking no responsibility for that.
Eventually the two of them ended up sprawled on the sofa, winded and panting and grinning. "Happy birthday," Guy said, scooping frosting out of his hair and licking his fingers clean.
Kyle snagged his beer from the other side of the room with a pair of glowing green pincers. "Couldn't ask for better."
There was a short silence.
"You didn't tell me what you wished for," Guy said. "When you blew out your candle. You got a wish."
"If I tell you, it won't come true."
"True," said Guy. "Fine. Keep it secret, then." He grinned and gestured with a ringed hand. "But I bet it's about Boopsie here, right?" The little construct did a last bawdy pirouette, blew Kyle a kiss, and faded out.
"Nope," said Kyle. "I promise you--it's not about Boopsie at all."