Reliance Week (was Subtle Hazards)

by sherrold

Summary:

It wasn't enough to survive a week on the mainland, completely alone -- you wanted to have created something during your alone time that made it completely clear that you could have stayed alone forever without a problem.

Notes:

Written for sheafrotherdon's impromptu Skin Hunger challenge in 2007. Thanks to rosawestphalen for the kickass beta!

"McKay's birthday is just a week away," Ronon whispered. John looked around studyhall to see if their teachers were listening, but as usual they were all busy with the kids from the younger cohorts. "Has he decided?"

Teyla put down her astrophysics homework and leaned in. "Decided? What is there to decide? Everyone goes to the mainland for their Reliance Week."

"Next week?" Geez, John had forgotten it was so soon. "But if he was planning to go to the mainland, he'd be pumping me for information on how my week went. Instead, he--" One of their teachers glanced over, and John started ostentatiously working over his PADD.

Teyla picked up her PADD as well, but said quietly, "This will not be good."

* * *Reliance Week was a major part of becoming an adult on Atlantis, and every fifteen-year-old teetha spent hours deciding how to best make their mark. It wasn't enough to survive a week on the mainland, completely alone -- you wanted to have created something during your alone time that made it completely clear that you could have stayed alone forever without a problem. No one could help another with their plans, of course, and John had to be especially careful now that he'd gone through it and the rest of them were still getting ready, but of course they were close enough that he knew Teyla was already planning the tipi-like structure she was going to build, complete with camp versions of all the mod cons. John was still unbelievably proud of the buffalo-trap he had made, and the fact he'd managed to smoke and preserve hundreds of pounds of meat -- enough to help him survive the winter if he'd been left there.

John could kick himself. Only now did it occur to him that he'd never heard Rodney plan anything about Reliance Week. He'd been avoiding outdoor opportunities since they were small, but they'd only teased him a little; a lot of children had a hard time with the transition between Atlantis and the mainland. Of course, most kids got over it in their teens, and Rodney never had. Oh, this...this wasn't good.

* * *Once they'd brought Zelenka up to speed, it wasn't hard to convince Zee and Ronon to make themselves scarce from the dorm that night. It was harder to get Rodney to talk. "No one has done Reliance Week here in 50 years! The last person to try it broke down four days in, and didn't become an adult until he was in his twenties!

Rodney looked at him scornfully -- i.e., his usual expression. "I don't know why people think it'll be so hard. People ignore me all the time, and I ignore them right back. It's only a week. And it'll be much easier than sleeping on the ground, getting eaten by bugs and attacked by wild animals."

John could hardly breathe. They had been right! Rodney was, as usual, his own worst enemy. He swallowed hard. John knew he'd already gone over the line, but he couldn't help himself. "Please, re-think this, Rodney! No one can stand being shunned for a week. Not even you!"

"Shunned? No, it will be fabulous! I'll get so much done, I'll probably have graduated by the end of the week!"

John was still trying to figure out what to say when Ronon and Zelenka finally made their way back to the dorm. They were each wearing a demerit badge, but John couldn't find it in himself to feel too bad. Demerits were nothing compared to the disaster he could see bearing down on them all.

* * *The morning of Rodney's birthday was beautiful and sunny, but the mood in the gate room was not. The triumvirate--the leaders of Military, Science and Everything-Else--were standing on the balcony, there was a 'jumper warming up, ready to take Rodney and his chosen 25 kilos, and plenty of people were milling around ready to see him off. But the lack of luggage, and lack of Rodney, was putting a crimp in the festivities.

John tried to look inconspicuous. Nevertheless, Elizabeth, the leader of Everything-Else, waved imperiously at him. Wishing he were still fifteen, he trudged slowly up the stairs towards them, and then he stopped. Rodney, dressed all in red, appeared in front of the gate.

The crowd immediately quieted. Elizabeth started the traditional words, but her tone was anything but rote. "Rodney! By your robes, you intend to spend your Reliance Week here in Atlantis. The hazards of the mainland are easy to understand, though occasionally difficult to endure." John bit his tongue, trying not to laugh as many people turned to glance at Cadman and her three two-week-old casts. "The risks of staying are more subtle but equally hard. Are you set on this decision?"

"Yes, Mistress." Rodney sounded ridiculously sure of himself.

"Then, for this week, no one in Atlantis will notice you."

Not wanting to call attention to himself, John was still stuck halfway up the stairs, close enough to see both Elizabeth and Rodney's faces. Strangely, Elizabeth looked more worried -- even scared -- than Rodney did. But she continued the time-honored words. "You will not be seen. You will not be heard. You will not be touched. Though here, you will be parted from us. Is this the way that you wish to show adult Reliance?"

John held his breath again--something he seemed to do a lot around Rodney--and hopedhopedhoped that he'd change his mind.

"Yes, Mistress," Rodney repeated, fidgeting in his unaccustomed robes.

"Very well." The leader for Military pulled a triangular red control out of his pocket, and all three members of the triumvirate grabbed a corner. "From this time, for one week, you are here, but gone from us." John was close enough to hear her sigh before she continued the chant. "We do not see you. We do not hear you." As she continued, John reached for his own personal adult connection to the city, something he hadn't yet even tried, and repeated, "let me see him; let me see him," as hard as he could. The strength of Elizabeth's chant pulled him in and Rodney's red robes started to fade out in front of him. John drove his fingernails into his hands and repeated, "let me see him, let me see him," until, finally, Rodney stabilized as a faint gray figure, already walking out of the gate room. No one turned to seem him go, and as if by magic, no one crossed his path.

The first day was weird. John saw Rodney twenty times over, running back and forth to the labs, weighed down with scanners and laptops and lap equipment, talking to himself a mile a minute. But he was gray and almost ghostly, and though no one else seemed to see him, the crowd always parted just in time. No one ever stepped in his way.

The second day was longer. John guessed that unlike during other Reliance Weeks, no one could talk about Rodney, in case he was within earshot. He tried to whisper to Teyla about Rodney anyway, but found himself literally unable to say his name. Worse, Teyla seemed completely unable to figure out what he was talking about –- she wasn't trying to keep him from getting into trouble; he had plenty of experience with that expression -– it was as if there was no one in her life she was worried about right now.

By day four, he was beginning to feel that he was the one doing Reliance Week, not Rodney. It had been incredibly stupid of him to ask the city to keep him aware of Rodney when everyone else had forgotten him for a week. He had never felt so alone. He had already seen Rodney tens of times this week, maybe even hundreds, but his ability to see and remember Rodney didn't give him the ability to interact with him in anyway – move closer, speak to him, touch him – and seeing his gray shadow without being able to touch him was worse than not seeing him at all. Especially since it seemed that Rodney's shadow was increasingly slow moving and bent down.

Day six nearly ended him. His dorm was too quiet, the classrooms too crowded, the cafeteria too loud. John kept rubbing his hands together. He'd been drinking coffee and tea all afternoon, but he couldn't seem to get his fingers warm.

"John, are you all right?" Teyla's warm voice made him jump, and he flinched away from her worried expression. "You missed aeronautics today, John. You never miss jumper training."

He couldn't tell her that he was sure Rodney had been in the hallway on his way to the jumper bay, that they'd nearly brushed against each other, that they'd both flinched away. Or that he'd swear they had both started to cry. He'd tried to say something, to reach out, but the city wouldn't let him, and within seconds, Rodney had disappeared again. "Teyla, I know you're worried about me, but please, give me another day. I know what's wrong, and I know how to fix it. Don't talk to anyone until tomorrow, okay?" Even though they weren't in the same age cohort, they'd been close since crèche days; he prayed that would be enough. "And no getting Ronon down here to lean on me, either." As he'd hoped, she laughed a little.

He woke at the crack of dawn the next day, made first in line for breakfast, and took his food to the gate room, knowing there was nowhere else he could wait without going crazy. The room slowly filled up, as people casually waited to see if any child would come forward to ask for their week. John stared at his oblivious friends and acquaintances, wondering how often he had been in their places, letting the city take over his attention. When the triumvirate appeared on the balcony, everyone's attention sharpened; people started staring at the presentation spot near the gate, but nothing else changed. John's communicator was set to chime at noon, but he didn't need it; just before it started to buzz, a slight gray image there strengthened, his robes turning to red, his face becoming clear: Rodney.

There was a gasp, not just from the return of memories, but from Rodney's appearance. He looked sad, miserable, and much older than the sixteen-year-old that had left their sight a week ago.

"Rodney!" Elizabeth's voice rang out over the crowd murmurs. "You have been alone. Now you are returned to us. What have you learned?"

John listened impatiently to the ritual phrases about strength in togetherness and Rodney's stammered replies. He ignored Teyla and Zee and Ronon gathered together staring at Rodney, and waited for the final phrase, hoping Rodney could see him in the crowd.

As Elizabeth said, "Rodney, you have proved you can stand alone. Now, stand with us," John couldn't wait for her to finish, and launched himself. Rodney grabbed back, even as the others thronged around them. Each slap on his back, each congratulatory pat on his shoulder seemed to straighten Rodney's back and unbow his shoulders, but they still clung tightly. "I can feel you!" Rodney choked. "I can touch you!"

John waited impatiently as everyone ritually welcomed Rodney back, even the leaders walking down from the balcony to greet him. He thought that Elizabeth, at least, would have given Rodney an Athosian welcome, except that John couldn't seem to let Rodney go for long enough. He gave way a little for Rodney's other friends, but still kept his hands on Rodney's shoulders, still kept talking to him as if they were the only two there. "You're back," he kept whispering. He heard Rodney's reluctant admission to Zelenka that he didn't get nearly as much done as he thought he would, that in fact, he figured he'd have to start over completely, and smiled happily.

Ten minutes later the gate room was nearly deserted, and he finally had Rodney to himself. "Tell me everything," he said, helping Rodney take off his red overrobe, noticing his thin wristbones, his shaking hands. "I missed you for a week; it's going to take a while for you for you to pay me back."

"You want to hear me talk for a week?" Rodney sounded so tired, yet happy.

John just nodded at him, pulling him back to their dormroom.

"You know you're still touching me, right?"

John pretended to glance at his watch and said, "Six days, twenty-six hours, forty-nine minutes left." They entered their mercifully empty dorm room. John was going to owe Zee and Ronon for the rest of their lives if he wasn't careful.

"You're going to touch me for a week, too?"

John didn't answer at first, he just pulled Rodney into his bed with him. "Touch you, love you, smell you--" he nuzzled briefly into Rodney's neck to make him laugh, "never leave you to be that alone again," he thought "lock" to the dorm door, "--listen to you, hear you, talk to you--" he wrapped his legs around Rodney's hips, pinning him completely, "--hold youholdyouholdyouholdyou."