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All These Things You Said

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Ninth Grade(October 2011)

Rolling his eyes as he sat on the steps of Zac's porch, Harry just watched as Zac cursed while trying to carve the pumpkin that his little siblings had picked out at the pumpkin patch today when they had taken them. A task that had been assigned by Zac's mom. A task that had been semi hard because three young children in a pumpkin patch was a task that had turned into a nightmare thanks to Mackie being a brat and Avery wanting the biggest pumpkin she could find.

Then there was Zoe who Harry had to carry the whole time because she was sleepy. Sleepy and catching a cold more than likely.

"You need help with that?" Harry finally asked trying to stifle a laugh as Zac messed up on the specific design that Avery and Jessica had asked for. A design of Snow White because at the moment that was their favorite Disney Princess.

"I hate you," Zac muttered a bit playfully as he looked over at Harry and all Harry could do was smirk because he knew Zac didn't hate him. Not in all their years of being friends and that had been since they were in diapers thanks to the Styles' and Hanson's being neighbors and their moms being pregnant at the same time.

Though Diana had been a bit farther along and Zac was three months older than Harry..just three though sometimes he liked to use those three months to his advantage.

"You sure you hate me?" Harry asked as he scooted a bit closer to Zac, the smirk staying on his lips. "You never seem to hate me when we have sleepovers and you cuddle with me. No matter how much Isaac says it's gay that we still cuddle at our age."

Zac blushed at that but he moved his gaze away from Harry, going back to giving most of his attention to the carving. "Isaac does have a point though, Haz. We have to stop cuddling eventually," he spoke though he sounded half disappointed over his own words. "I'll be fifteen in a few weeks and I'll probably get a girlfriend soon and I can't be cuddling with you when I get one."

"Yeah because you'll be spending so much time cuddling with her huh?" Harry asked trying to mask the hurt he felt at the idea of losing the ability to cuddle with Zac or even just having to share Zac with a girl...it was stupid really but he wanted Zac all to himself.

Though of course he'd never tell Zac that just like he'd never tell Zac that he was into boys, fearing that if Zac knew that he'd abandon him or stop being friends with him which was the last thing Harry wanted. He didn't want to lose Zac as a friend just because he was gay.

But he knew he could...he could so he kept quiet. Only having told his mom, Gemma and Ed Sheeran the boy who he had become quick friends with in just a few months thanks to having an art class with him and well maybe he hadn't really told Ed as much as Ed had guessed because of the fond looks he always gave Zac.

Because deep down Harry's real issue was that he had a crush on his best friend since diapers who was probably straight and oblivious to Harry liking him and being gay.

Zac laughed now which caused Harry to glare slightly.

"I never said I'd be cuddling with whoever my girlfriend is," Zac defended as he shook his head. "Just like I never said I'd be spending so much time with her too. I'd still make time for you."

Harry looked down and away from Zac, not sure if he could truly believe what Zac was telling him, though he really really wanted to believe it for his own sanity.

"You promise you'd still make time for me whenever you do get a girlfriend?" Harry asked as he raised an eyebrow hating how all his confidence about anything had died once the subject of Zac getting a girlfriend came up. It was just a subject he hated with his crush on Zac.

Zac heaved a soft sigh before leaning over and leaving a light kiss on Harry's cheek, "I promise," he spoke onto his skin before pulling away and after Zac pulled away Harry felt his skin get all warm and tingly and he couldn't help the smirk that came back to his lips.

Nor could he help if maybe he got lost in his own feelings because he always did love any type of affection from Zac. Even if the reason for it was just a simple reassurance.
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"I can't fucking believe this," Harry muttered as he sat beside Ed in Zac's basement. A week had passed since the pumpkin carving and tonight was the night of Zac's birthday party and Harry at the moment was currently wishing he hadn't came because everyone who had came was involved in a game of truth or dare and somehow Taylor's girlfriend Natalie had thought it would be funny to dare Harry to kiss Zac and both boys who had been on opposite sides of the room just looked at each other like deer caught in headlights.

"Come on you two, we don't have all day," Natalie finally spoke as she shook her head. "It's just one simple kiss," she said and her words seemed to cause a chorus of people chanting for them to just kiss and Harry swore he was going to be sick right now because this wasn't how he wanted his first kiss to be nor was this how he wanted to kiss Zac.

In a room full of people who would get amusement because to them it was some simple game when kissing Zac would have never been a simple game to Harry. It would be so much more and yet he also knew Zac wouldn't want it because Zac wasn't gay. Zac didn't like boys and the way he had been hanging off Kate Tucker tonight was enough for Harry to know that.

Harry shook his head harshly as he stood from the couch, unable to follow through with what everyone seemingly wanted him and Zac to do. "I can't," he said before rushing up the stairs of the basement and quickly finding his way out of Zac's house which came easy since he had been there so much growing up.

Once he was outside though, he collapsed on the grass, falling on his back as he looked up at the sky.

"I'm such an idiot," Harry told himself as he felt a few tears going down his cheek. "Such a damn idiot," he muttered because he really did feel like one. Getting embarrassed by Natalie and everyone who wanted him to kiss Zac and running out like he had. He had probably ruined his fifteenth birthday.

It wouldn't be finding out that Harry was gay that ended their friendship. It would be this right now. This night would be the end of their friendship because he had ruined Zac's birthday and Zac would probably never live this down for as long as he lived.

"You aren't an idiot," a voice spoke and Harry moved his body slightly to see Zac who sat down on the grass as he wiped at his mouth. "You just didn't want to kiss me is all," he shrugged with a smirk. "Which was okay because Kate offered too and I think well...I might have a girlfriend now. An older one at that."

Harry had opened his mouth to argue that no, it wasn't that he didn't want to kiss Zac, it was that it wasn't how he had wanted to kiss Zac but before he could his argument died on his tongue the moment Zac told him Kate had kissed him. Now it made sense why he had been wiping his mouth. To get the red lipstick she had wore tonight off of his lips.

"Don't look so sad H," Zac continued in Harry's silence and Harry hadn't even realized that his emotions were showing on his face. "It's a good thing I got kissed and have a girlfriend now," he smiled as he moved to lay down in the grass beside Harry, turning to look at the sky. "Now Isaac can leave me alone about being gay and not being interested in girls."

Harry rolled his eyes at that, glad that Zac couldn't see him, "Isaac only bothers you about being gay when it comes to me and we cuddle or get too close for his liking."

"Nah," Zac said as he shook his head. "He does it when you're not here too," he admitted and maybe that was a bit of news to Harry. "Said it wasn't natural that I didn't even seem to be interested in being around girls and would have rather spent all my time with you or playing video games," he spoke and Harry was probably crazy but he thought he heard a hint of sadness in Zac's tone. "But now he'll have to leave me alone because Kate and I kissed and we've been hanging out all night and I'm pretty sure she likes me."

"But do you like her?" Harry asked as he turned to look at Zac, not even sure why he had asked that question. He'd just dread the answer more than likely. With the way tonight was going anyway it sure seemed that way.

Zac heaved a soft sigh as he finally turned to look at Harry, "I will eventually," he said sounding resolute in his words. "I can do anything I set my mind too."

Harry bit his lip at that, wanting to argue with Zac but instead he opted not too because he knew once Zac had his mind made up he'd at least try. Even if he failed he'd still fucking try to make himself like Kate which probably in the end wasn't fair to either Zac or Kate but again Harry didn't see the point in telling Zac any different.

"How come you didn't want to kiss me?" Zac finally spoke again in Harry's silence and the question took Harry back some because why did Zac care so much?

"I never said I didn't want too Zac," Harry answered knowing that was probably way too open but he wasn't sure he cared. Not after knowing his friend was going to try to make himself like a girl just so he could be in a relationship.

Zac seemed to go silent at Harry's words, his face showing that he was indeed taking them in to some degree at least. "But you literally ran out of my house like the idea made you sick," he said and Harry knew he wasn't imagining the hurt look on Zac's face or the hurt tone he had. "Is the idea of kissing me really that disgusting to you?"

Now it was Harry who sighed because a part of him just wished Zac would drop the subject.

"Why do you care so much why I didn't kiss you?" Harry asked as he sat up in the grass now, though he kept his gaze on Zac. "You kissed Kate and she may be your girlfriend. Shouldn't that be enough for you?"

Zac nodded his head as he too finally sat up, "I guess you're right," he said as he smiled and nudged Harry's shoulder some. "Just have to find you a girlfriend to now, aye?" he asked a bit teasingly and Harry felt himself blush.

"Don't think I want a girlfriend Zac," Harry whispered as he looked down and away from Zac, feeling that same sick feeling that he had in the basement. "Zac..I....I'm not...I'm gay," he finally admitted his voice staying whisper thin and his gaze staying away from Zac because he had finally revealed his biggest secret to his longest friend and he wasn't sure if Zac would accept him.

"Oh," Zac muttered out just as soft which made Harry turn to look at him and again there was that hurt look upon Zac's face and the hurt tone of voice even with just one simple word. "So I guess that explains why you didn't want to kiss me," he said and Harry wanted to roll his eyes because he thought they were past that subject. "You're into guys but I'm not your type," he nodded and just like with the liking Kate thing he sounded resolute like he had made up his mind. "Probably like Ed huh?" he asked and Harry did roll his eyes at that.

It was no secret that ever since Harry had became friends with Ed that Zac was jealous of him yet he still included Ed in stuff if only because he knew that Ed had quickly become one of Harry's best friends.

"No, I don't like Ed like that," Harry sighed sounding disturbed at the idea even. Ed was like the brother he never had. "Just...forget that I didn't kiss you, okay?" he asked as he stood up and brushed off his pants. "Let's just get back to your party. Everyone's going to wonder where the birthday boy ran off too."

Zac hummed in agreement as he stood up as well and Harry watched as Zac quickly brushed off his pants before giving Harry a sad smile. "You know I'm glad you told me you were gay," he said with a slight nod. "I could..I mean I knew but I was afraid to ask," he shrugged before leaning in to kiss Harry on the cheek softly and Harry couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine. "You're still my best friend though H, regardless."

Smiling softly when Zac pulled away from the kiss, Harry swore he could still feel the ghost of Zac's lips on his skin and he felt a bit of a weight lifted off him at that because he hadn't expected that Zac knew and he surely hadn't expected Zac to be so accepting, especially since he seemed to have a bit of an issue with being thought of as gay by Isaac.

"Now come on," Zac said as he began to walk back towards the house. "I have a party and girlfriend to get back too."

Shaking his head, Harry just followed behind Zac because in the end he'd follow Zac anywhere he went.