Work Header

TehPenguinz I: Exploserous Laser

Work Text:

Book 1:Exploserous Laser

Snurple ran through the snowy wasteland with seemingly endless energy. it was not completely black, because it was sunset, even though it was a cloudy night, and occasionally an incredible flash of lightning lit up the sky. He didn't notice the cold in the slightest, and just kept on running. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, the snow instantly gave way to forest, and it was strangely warm. The wind died down, but the thunder and lightning continued. After a little while, he discovered a stone table with a glowing rune on it. He felt drawn to it, and as soon as he touched it, it glowed brighter and a huge blast of lightning lit the sky. Then, he heard a voice, seemingly from the clouds. "Well Done. Your training is complete."
A few seconds after the last word, the rune on the stone table shook violently, then exploded off the table and broke apart. In the almost rectangular hole left by the rune, there was a book. It took him a while to realise what it was, but when he did, he recognised it as a copy of the book that Keyblader never let him see. The voice came again.
"You are worthy to know the secrets..."


Snurple the penguin awoke. At first he couldn't make sense of the dream, but then it dawned on him. Sometime last night, he had completed the final level of penguin training; the level that only Keyblader taught, and even then he had been the only penguin accepted into this top level since Keyblader himself completed it, nine years ago. This level taught about the secrets of the Espi, only known fully to one or two penguins,a small handful of other creatures that were born with the power in their soul, and the Espi Lightning Birds themselves, who dominated this land 500 years ago, but are known to exist still, even though nobody has ever actually seen them. He looked around, and then left the shelter of the boulders. The skies were clear, and a few other penguins were about. he then went off to follow the secret trail that he had memorised. It was a particularly warm winter day, and there was still a lot of snow, but the conifer trees were a lot less covered. He ran through the trees, until he came to to a cave that had been deliberately blocked by some stones and branches. A ninja guard penguin stood at the enterance.
"Secret password?", it asked.
Snurple replied quickly with the correct answer. "Piggy1".
The ninja guard nodded. "What is the penguin number of extreme power?"
Snurple remembered this. "65536", he said, not feeling all that confident.
"Correct.", said the ninja guard. "You may pass."
Amazingly, after a few seconds, the branches and rocks moved themselves out of the way.
Because the cave entrance was usually only guarded on secret Espi meeting days, he was sure something special was happening. he entered the cave. After a short while, the cave, which was rather small, ended. He opened the wooden door at the end, and there was a large room, well lit with white lamps that seemed to have lightning inside them. A quarter at the room, at the opposite end, was a very large raised block with a mystical circle on the floor, where Keyblader and the Espi guinea-pig Syrig sat. Five other guinea-pigs sat on much smaller raised blocks, closer to him. This was the room where he had attended general gatherings and other Espi meetings. He took his place in the circle, and Keyblader nodded to him. Then he spoke.

"Three of us four are here, so the meeting can begin. Frupplex88 is late. The ten minutes I promised to keep his world-portal active are drawing to a close. We'll wait just a little longer, but then the meeting will have to begin without him."


Frupplex88 flew through the air, narrowly missing buildings, trees, angry people, and noob-robots trying to attack him. He looked at his clock. "Three minutes and fourteen seconds. Hopefully that'll be enough."
Some other creature was trying to ask a question, but he ignored it because he was in such a hurry. A couple of minutes later, he found the World Portal, but, however, there was a small, sky-blue kitten there. "Um hi", it said in a squeaky, innocent voice. "I challenge you.", it said.
Frupplex88 said, "No! Let me pass! There's a meeting on in 55 seconds! "
"I'll only let you pass if you beat me", said the pathetic kitten.
Soon frupplex88 saw why. The kitten had the magical yellow star-mark! It was a PWNAGE kitten!
Frupplex88 didn't care. If he had to scare off this kitten to get to the meeting, then so be it.
He flew up, and shot several lightning bolts at the kitten, who made an air sheild and threw back a PWNAGE muffin. But Frupplex88 had a master weapon for the times when the opponent didn't give up after the initial onslaught. He pulled out his fluffy sword from a large hidden bag, and waved it at the pwnage kitten. It lit up with flaming light energy, and the kitten yowled and flew backwards, and then disappeared under a rock. The portal was only metres away, and he went through with only a second to spare.


Frupplex88 was met happily by Keyblader, Snurple, and Syrig. Before long, Keyblader's voice rang out across the hall. "I have called an Espi meeting today because of a dangerous penguin known as Tyce." Snurple shivered at the mention of the name, and some guinea pigs in the back row squeaked loudly. Only Keyblader stayed relatively calm. After everything had calmed down, Snurple spoke. "So my suspicions are true!", snurple said.
Keyblader took over. "Yes, Snurple. Tyce is up to no good. Donut still trusts him, but Tyce is corrupting puffles to his own evil use. He already has friends that are loyal to him alone, the most dangerous of which is Mr Hugykinz. We do not know what he will do next, but I fear for Donut's safety, as well as the safety of the Espi Lightning Birds and the land's puffle population."
But just then, something interesting happened.

Suddenly, the very cavern started shaking. It lit up with fire and red lighting, And in the wall, right behind Frupplex88's deactivated portal, the rocks gave way. And out came no other than the defeated blue pwnage kitten with it's friends! Frupplex88 was speechless. Snurple didn't seem too bothered, and Keyblader walked up to them. They were in a triangle formation, with the pwnage kitten at the front, two other pwnage kittens who were red instead of sky blue, and three regular brown and white kittens. The leading kitten spoke first. "I have discovered you. That blue feathered pest led me straight to you. Tyce wants to take over The Clan of Donut, and you stand in his way. We need to eliminate all of you. ALL HAIL TYCE!"
"Oh dear", said a black guinea pig. "This is not good. Not good at all. Squeak!" With that the leading pwnage kitten shot a small blast of air at the guinea pigs, who got blown about a little bit.
Keyblader said, "I suggest you leave. If it comes to a fight, you will lose anyway." This was followed by a chorus of "Leave or die!" from the guinea pigs.
"No", said the pwnage kitten. It obviously realised that the six kittens were no match for four fully trained espi with fluffy swords and lightning rays and a bunch of furious guinea pigs, some of which were themselves magical, but was trying not to show it. After a while, the kitten said "Ok fine, we leave. But next time we come back... We'll have allies."
Snurple shuddered at these words. He knew that, even if they had allies, they could beat this bunch of cats fairly easily, but the encounter still gave him a deep sense of foreboding.

Keyblader spoke again. "For a while, although he is not strictly Espi, Ronin the penguin will join us in future, for he has knowledge in explosives and he is syrig's friend."
Frupplex88 stepped forward quickly. "But Keyblader, how will we know that he won't betray us?", he asked, with a dark tone in his voice. Snurple realised that he was right. Long ago, some suspicious penguins were permitted to these meetings, and they caused much trouble.
Keyblader's voice rang out one final time to the penguins and guinea pigs around the secret cavern. "This meeting is OVER!"

Snurple looked out uncertainly over the icy white plains from the steep-sided hill. He saw many penguins and other creatures gathering in the valleys. How many, he wondered, of these seemingly innocent creatures are actually evil, masking their treachery through a fake illusion of loyalty to Donut. He could somehow sense something, something dark, something murderously evil, culminating in this very valley.
Donut, however, was obviously unaware that anything was wrong. he stood right in the center of the clearing, calling out and beconing the other penguins to gather. Tyce was sitting on a wooden chair next to donut, and FattyServantBoy and Hugykinz were also visible, although hiding next to a cave on the edge of the clearing. By now, the last, late penguins were reaching the gathering place. as a blue penguin, and a smaller red one, approached the crowd, Donut waved a dark blue flag, and the penguin gathering commenced. Snurple knew that he should really go down to join it, but something told him that if he went into the valley, that this battle against the evil force would be lost. Instead, he felt like running. far, far away, as far away as he could possibly get from this valley. He eventually turned around and started slowly walking away, towards the west.
He trudged on for what felt like hours, even though it was nowhere near that long, until the blaze of the setting sun glared in his vision. He knew he could not reach the place that destiny was trying to lead him to tonight. He went about aimlessly for a little longer, and then looked for a place to rest. The night grew dark as the sunset waned, and snurple continued to have disturbing experiences. He kept seeing blue penguins from the corner of his eye, and he kept hearing soft, whispery voices from behind him, only to turn and find nothing. The wind whistled around him as the last glimmer of light faded. The whole scene felt eerily familiar to Snurple, and his mind filled with troubled thoughts. He decided that it would be safest to stay here until the morning. The edge of the island was not far off, and he could easily reach it the next day. He knew that his destiny was somehow drawing him towards the edge of his island, but he could not begin to guess what he would find when he came there.

Three penguins stood fearlessly in the underground hideout. At the time, they did not know that it was an underground hideout, but merely though of it as a natural cave, shaped by centuries of storms. The entrance had been weathered into twisted formations, which distinctly reminded Megcat, one of the penguins, of a wide variety of reptiles. They had been told the previous week by a letter signed "Dr. Lvl2" that they were to appear at this cave that night. Two of the penguins, Megcat and Naturo10, felt fairly certain about making the journey across the island, but a third, blue penguin, Greenpaw, felt uneasy the entire way, and this feeling was greatly compunded in this grey, shadowy cave. Nobody knows how long those penguins stood there, until the paniced sound of rushed footsteps broke the lengthy silence. Greenpaw dashed out into the frozen hills, being unable to stand the unnatural power anymore.

At this point Naturo10 ventured to walk a little further into the cave. He walked further than he would have liked, and the strange uneasiness began to set over him too. But at this point, his intense curiosity of what lay deeper into the hideout outweighed by far the sense of danger. Something about the deep grey darkness kept calling to him, somehow pulling him deeper in. Megcat, by now, had slowly decided to follow Naturo. She could not detect any dark presence at all, and so, confidently, she walked up to Naturo10, who was just peeking around a twisty corner in the cave. As they moved onward, and rounded some more minor turns, something peculiar happened. The darkness suddenly gave way into a well-lit, wide cavern containing two sets of the unusual raised stone blocks that were in the secret Espi hall, one on each side of the cavern. On the left of the hall, the blocks were empty. However, on each of the raised blocks on the right, a Pwnage Kitten sat, silent as the sunshine upon the water. There were about fifteen of them altogether, and they shone in the light of the cave.

The two penguins stood there for a few moments before one of the kittens gave a loud, high-pitched mew that echoed around the cavern many times, and made even Megcat shiver with creep.

It is difficult to explain what happend next. at one side of the cave, a small, grey, boulder began to quiver. Soon it was violently shaking, and after a few seconds it shattered in a large cloud of billowy smoke. This cleared up in only a couple of moments, before Megcat could see clearly a small group of penguins on the outer ridge of the cave, emerging from the silver smoke.


Snurple awoke. It was eerily quiet. The sun shone, and the blinding white snowy hills glistened in the morning rays. He slowly walked out from his shelter behind a large, rough rock placed near the side of a steep hill. The hills were deathly quiet. The was not even the slightest whisper of wind, and there was no evidence that any other creature was nearby. He glanced nervously in the direction of the edge of the island. A few threads of clouds were slowly disappearing as they touched the horizon, ever so far away. Snurple knew, however, that if he was to reach the water, that he would have to keep going no matter what. As he began to think of the daunting, hilly, journey that lay before him, a new determinedness formed within. "I can do this, I MUST do this", he muttered confidently, looking out at the pure, icy blue sky.

This journey felt much longer than the one the previous afternoon, and to Snurple it seemed to drag on forever through the dreary, neverending white plains. The sun was now high enough that it was no longer glaring in his eyes, but still the horizon looked pure electric blue. Penguins seldom went to this part of the island, mostly because it was completely empty; there would be nothing of interest there.

Sometime a couple of hours later, he finally caught sight of the water, and counted the hills lying between him and it. There were three. "This shouldn't take much longer", thought Snurple, silently to himself.

He would have continued ascending the hill, had not he heard a shrill cry some distance to the east of him. He suddenly became paniced. Something really, really, really, really bad could be happening at that precise moment. He ran towards the source of the sudden noise. Here the landscape was more cluttered. He continued on his way, his path slowly getting more twisted and convoluted, until he felt quite lost.

Eventually, he found out the correct direction which he should be heading. But, just as he was heading back out into the open to find a clearer route, another series of shreiks followed, and this set Snurple back on course. Eventually, snurple found the source of the sounds. He peered over a ridge into the valley beyond.


As the large, black penguin strode silently towards the vacant stone blocks, and took his place. He was rapidly followed by a second, smaller, red penguin, and then a grey ninja penguin.
After a few moments, one of the Pwnage Kittens gave three meows, perhaps as a signal.
The black penguin said, after a short while, in a low voice, "Somebody is late..."
It continued on is silence, with Megcat beginning to feel more and more nervous.

A peculiar yellowish penguin dashed in through the entrance into the illuminated hideout. "Sorry", this new penguin mumbled, shuffling.
The black penguin stared at the yellow penguin.
"You're late, FattyServantBoy".
Megcat thought this was a pretty pathetic name.
FattyServantBoy replied with something that made Megcat extremely uneasy. "One of them got away. I went to take him down."
The black penguin nodded. "Did you succeed?", he asked darkly.
FattyServantBoy looked nervous again. "No. It got away again."
"Very well, said the black penguin. "You shall redeem yourself later. Naturo10? I have a secret mission."
Naturo10 suddenly felt excited. "I accept it. I like secret missions."
The black penguin spoke again. "Hugykinz, explain the mission.
By now Megcat had worked out that the black penguin, was, in fact, Tyce himself.
Hugykinz, the red penguin, spoke of the mission.
"Naturo10, you need to capture this invisible Puffle Of Smoke. if you do it quickly, quietly, and secretly, you shall have a great reward."
"You may leave, Naturo10."
Naturo10 wasted no time in running away.
"But you, Megcat... I have a special offer for you. If you join my gang, and tell me the passwords, you will get an even greater reward!"
Megcat decided to accept the offer. After all, she had little reason to distrust Tyce, even though many wandering penguins seem to dislike him.
"All you need to do", said the masked ninja penguin, "is to tell us what the two Espi passwords are if we ever require them. Of course, you may be useful for something else as well..."
"Two days from now, we strike."

"Slash them, slash them", the wind seemed to whisper as Snurple saw what was in the valley. There had evidently been a battle here only a few minutes ago, and multicoloured feathers lay scattered about. With this, Snurple instinctively thought that somebody might be hiding behind a rock, waiting to ambush, but no surprise attack came. It seemed to him that danger could be lurking anywhere. He decided to continue along his original course, towards the southern edge of the island. But, he found himself a longer way away from the water than he had expected. Instead of the three hills he had spotted earlier, it seemed more like seven.
He slowly made his way over the first few hills. It was very slow, and it seemed that each hill was doing all it could to prevent Snurple from reaching the top.
Eventually and suddenly, something bizarrely magical happened. Half the sky lit up in a great burning magic rune for a couple of seconds. "A sign that something unexpected is going to happen very soon.", he thought. He decided that he hadn't the energy to move from the valley he was currently in, so he rested there for a short while. Perhaps it wasn't the edge of the island his destiny was leading him to, perhaps it was this very valley.
Somehow, he didn't actually notice the light fading until it was the next morning.
There was something distinctly undramatic about that day. Time just passed, and nothing much seemed to happen. the silence was only broken occasionally by the distinct calls of wild birds, far off into the distance. Snurple didn't actually have the motivation to do much that day for some reason, except think about mysterious prophecies, occasionally go to the water for some fresh food(he had been living off dried food for the past two days), and write mathematical formulae and the names of Warriors characters in the snow. Little did he know that the day after would be very exciting.
The remainder of the day was dull. Later on, nearly nobody on the entire island had anything worth remembering happen to them.

Snurple woke up in what felt like a nightmare, but he knew it was all too real. A wooden barricade had somehow formed around the next valley. Penguins shuffled by, evidently friendly ones, thinking of whether it would be better to run away in terror or to hide underground when the THING came. This THING, who is actually Tyce, was of course, all a myth created by Naturo10 to gain the cooperation of some of Donut's Clan. This was all so frightening, that, when part of the barricade exploded in a shower of sparks, that most of the defenders fled in terror as their makeshift defenses collapsed around them. Somehow Keyblader had found time to get there as well, and suddenly...



Well, actually it didn't, but it felt like it to Snurple. The rest of the defenses fell apart in what seemed like a massive earthquake. THe sky was lit multiple times by an intense firey blast. With this, nobody could stand it anymore. They all fled.

"SpAmMeR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Tyce, who had miraculously appeared just behind Snurple. Keyblader was seen running to his Secret Observatory, slamming the impenitrable grey plastic door behind him.
"USE THE LIGHTNING RAY", something squeaked.
Snurple, without thinking, used the espi lightning ray straight at Tyce, who got thrown back three metres, scorched by the electric beams, but instantly stood up again. He made his way to the Secret Observatory as well, but Tyce was after him with his explody-gun-thingy.
But just when all was about to get good again, and a happy ending seemed inevitable, Tyce used his last-resort weapon. A *poof*ium bomb, which disappears things to somewhere far away, but fortunately, it bounced off the Secret Observatory and hit Syrig, the magic guinea-pig, who was probably the one who told Snurple to use the lightning ray, instead. One thing snurple didn't understand was how all of the Espi got here. Although Snurple was running as fast as he could possibly go, and he was very tired, Tyce was still after him. After a while, Snurple saw no hope of getting to the Secret Observatory before Tyce. Besides, Keyblader would have locked the impenetrable door. He turned to Tyce, suddenly feeling slightly more fearless. He tried to hit Tyce with his Fluffy Sword, but totally missed and fell to the ground. Tyce pulled out a polished, glinting sword made of red metal, but, before he could do anything with it, he was swept of his feet by some angry guinea-pigs. A few confused moments later, The leading Pwnage Kitten yelled out "Retreat!". Most of the kittens scattered away to find a hiding place, but a small group of them, including the leading kitten, broke of to go to the assistance of a Pwnage Kitten who was being attacked by four rampaging guinea-pigs that had gotten carried away: Lizzie, Fireball, Snowy, and Vapoury. These guinea-pigs feared the Pwnage Kittens, but continued to harass the evil cat. The Pwnage Kitten batted away Snowy, but at that point Fireball started charging up a super-explosive attack. Suddenly, Fireball leaped high up into the air, and dealt a rapid Fire Nova attack.

It seemed that the tide was beginning to turn against the Pwnage Kittens. Tyce had been flailing about, and had been confused by the signal to retreat. Having found Hugykinz disappeared, he went off into the shadows to search for him. Syrig had now joined the fight alongside her four friends, who were chasing off the last kittens. As Snurple looked out over the damp horizon, he knew that a great battle had been won here today, but at the same time he knew it would not be the last.