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The Dawnmeister Diaries

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Buffy the Slayer Vampire

The Dawnmeister Diaries


Aug 10.
Well, it’s been a week since those soldiers from the Watchers Council attacked us. Xander has been here every night after he gets off work replacing the windows those guys broke. He said he got them at half price because in his construction job he knows lots of guys who supply things like that. He said not to worry about the cost right now, Buffy can pay him whenever she gets some extra money. But I don't think he would really take the money if she offered it.

I am thinking about asking Buffy if I can get a job at the Double Meat Palace. I – we – could use the money, and there are some really cute guys that go in there.

School starts in a few weeks. The notice that came in the mail said that they want to meet everyone’s parents. But since Buffy’s supposed to be dead, we’re not sure what to do. Buffy said that if they find out there’s no blood relative living with me, I might have to go into foster care. We were also talking about if Willow could use that Glamour to look like my dad, or maybe Aunt Arlene, we could pull it off. We’ll have to see. That is such a COOL power ! ! If I could make myself look like anyone I wanted, some people would really get what’s coming to them ! !

Aug 12.
Buffy is making me clean out the cellar so we can put all the shelves back together. I asked why Xander couldn't do it since he’s a carpenter, but Buffy said he’s already done enough. It really sucks being down there. It’s so dusty and dirty, and buggy!

Aug 13.
Friday the 13th. You’d think on this day of all days something interesting would happen, but it didn't. I can't believe it, but I’m starting to wish the first day of school would hurry up and get here.

Things are so   B O R R R R I N G ! !

I asked Buffy about getting the job and you’d think I asked for a new car or something. She didn't have to get so mad, just because some demon head lady tried to eat her. I asked Willow what to do and she said to just wait a while and ask again when Buffy’s had time to think about it.

Aug 15.
Things got kind of interesting over the weekend. Spike finally came back Saturday night. He said he went back his old crypt, which is where he was when the Council attacked us. He had no idea anything had happened. He said he was only visiting and didn't stay very long when Buffy told him about everything. I think he got scared that we are still being watched. Buffy thinks he might be right, but I haven’t seen anybody acting suspicious.

She still goes out at night to patrol, but is extra careful when she leaves. She goes out the back door and jumps over the neighbor’s fence. She’s never gone more than a few hours.

Aug 17.
I almost forgot!! Angel has been calling here almost every night, usually about one in the morning, after Buffy is through patrolling. He calls her cell phone so the line can't be tapped, and she always tries to answer it before it wakes anyone up, but I always hear it. I don't know why she doesn't just put it on vibrate. I wonder what they could be talking about night after night. Maybe they’re going to get back together ! ! And maybe we could move to L.A. and get AWAY from the Hellmouth ! ! Yay!!

Aug 18.
I heard Buffy and Willow talking this afternoon. I was upstairs and I guess they thought I couldn't hear. Buffy was talking about me. Every night since we were attacked, she hugs me before I go to bed. Sometimes she kisses me on the cheek, but she always says she loves me. It still feels odd because her lips are always a little bit cold. Anyway, she told Willow that even though she’s still hungry (for human blood?) all the time, she just realized that for the past week whenever she hugged me goodnight, she never felt the blood lust. She just felt love for me. My eyes got all weepy and it was all I could do to keep from running to her and hugging her and kissing her and telling her I love her too!! Willow said it was because her soul is getting more and more into her psyche (I think that was the word she used). Maybe she really wanted me to hear that, but didn't know how to tell me face to face.

Aug 22.
I used to write all the time, when things were really exciting, like with Glory and Ben, and when Riley and Tara were around, and when Mom was sick. But now it’s hard to find something interesting to write about everyday. But tonight before Buffy went out on patrol, she and Willow were talking in Willow’s bedroom. This time I don't think they wanted me to know what they were talking about. I couldn’t hear that well, but good enough to know what they were saying. They were talking about Buffy and her blood lust, not for us, but just in general. She says sometimes it’s hard when she’s out patrolling and she sees humans walking around by themselves and how easy it would be to kill them and drink them and that no one would ever know. She was talking about when she was first turned and Angel thought that maybe she ought to kill someone evil, and she said that maybe she should do that and drain them, just so the horror of it would make her not want to do it again. Willow had the same reaction as she did before – NO! NO! NO! I’m not sure how I feel about it. Maybe if it was a murderer or child molester it would be okay. Of course, Buffy could do it anyway and not tell anyone. But somehow, I’ve got the feeling that if she did, Willow would know.

Aug 29.
Haven't written for a week now. Spike's been hanging around a lot more. Mostly at night when Buffy goes patrolling and he goes with her. Then they come back and go into Buffy's room. They must think I sleep the sleep of the dead because they always start out whispering but gradually get louder until they are talking normally. Spike has been trying to talk Buffy into them being a real couple, like they are dating or something. At first Buffy was saying no, no. No way! But the last couple of times she didn't say that. And I can't be sure, but I think I heard them kissing. I'm sure if they ever did the dirty I'd know it.

I remember hearing Willow and Tara doing it even though their room was at the end of the hall. But it didn't seem dirty when they did it. It sounded ---- sexy. I wish I could hear them doing it again. I miss Tara so much. Sometimes when they kissed in front of me I'd wonder what it was like to kiss Tara like that. She always smelled so good.

Sep 3.
We had another scare last night. There were helicopters flying around the house. Buffy made Willow and me go down into the basement and had Willow put a protective spell around us while she and Spike investigated. It was a false alarm. They were police helicopters looking for a couple of guys who robbed the liquor store. I'd sure like to see them try that at Willy's. They'd sure get a surprise! I guess Spike is staying here permanently. Which is kind of cool. I think they must do it before they come home because I haven't heard anything from Buffy's room.

Sep 4.
School started today. Willow did a Glamour to look like my dad so the principal and everyone would think I was being cared for by a relative. Talk about creepy! She even sounded like him. I guess everyone was fooled. But I have to be careful and remember not to say Buffy or my sister or the wrong people might hear it. Buffy is SO paranoid! She thinks the Council has spies at school just waiting for me to slip up.

Tonight before Buffy and Spike went on patrol she told everyone that they were going to start staying in the cellar. Xander is supposed to make a door for them so they can come and go whenever they like. After they left Willow and I were talking about it. She said it's so they can come in late from patrolling and not wake anyone up. I think it's so they can do IT without anyone hearing them. I guess this means we won't be seeing very much of Buffy since they will be sleeping most of the day.

Sep 6.
Today after school I went by the Double Meat Palace and filled out a job application. But I have to get my Dad (Willow) to sign it because I'm not eighteen. I told Willow about it, but she said I have to ask Buffy. I just know she won't let me even though it's only a few hours after school and on Saturdays. Maybe if I can get Spike on my side the three of us can convince Buffy to let me. I wish Tara was still here. I know she would be on my side.

I'm back. I was already in bed, but I started feeling bad about what I wrote about Tara. I don't care if she WASN'T on my side, I just wish she was here!

Sep 9.
I finally gave the DMP job application to Buffy. She read it over and I told her about the hours I could work since I'm a minor. And I promised I'd keep my homework and grades up. She said she'd have to think about it. When I asked how long, she said she didn’t know. So I guess that means no. Maybe Anya needs some help at the magic shop.

Sep 11.
Something has happened to Buffy. Or she did something she doesn't want us to know about. The last couple of days she's been acting even stranger than usual. She spends a lot more time down in that old cellar than she used to. It's like she doesn't want to be around anybody but Spike. I think he knows but when I try to ask him, he makes some lame excuse to get as far away from me as he can. Even Willow says something's going on. But for some reason, I can't get anyone to talk about it. Xander said she still seems the same to him. Anya said she didn't care HOW Buffy acts just so long as she stays away from her neck. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so.

Sep 13.
There definitely is something Buffy is hiding from us. I finally cornered Willow and Xander together and they eventually said they were worried too. But they wouldn't try to guess what was wrong. So I said it – the one thing no one wants to think about. Has Buffy fed off somebody she killed? Or someone she found dead? When I said this they got mad that I could even think that. But I could see in their faces that they wondered too. I know if we ask Buffy she'll deny it. I would if it was me.

Sep 17.
This afternoon I finally got up the courage to ask Spike if Buffy drank anyone. He tried to get away from me, but I wouldn't let him. I grabbed onto his arm and wouldn't let go. I know he could have pried my fingers off, but I also know he wouldn't want to hurt me, even a little. (It's so odd that we trust him like we do. Before he was chipped we were all afraid of him and hated him.) He finally said he knows there is something going on with her but isn't sure himself what it is. He might be lying, but maybe not. I asked him to tell me if it was something serious like that. Then he asked me if I really wanted to know, really, really know, deep down in my heart of hearts. I didn't know what to say. Do I really want to?

Sep 20.
I asked Buffy if I could go to work at the Magic Box if Anya said it was okay. At first she said she'd have to think about it. Then I reminded her she was still supposed to be thinking about the Double Meat Palace, which was over a week ago. Then she said she would ask Anya. I bet Anya doesn't pay as much as the DMP, but anything is better than nothing.

Sep 25.
Another fun afternoon. I guess I've been showing signs of depression at school, and my work hasn't been what it should be. At least that's what Mrs. Powers said when she came to see Dad today after school. She's the new Guidance Councilor. Willow answered the door and when she asked for Dad, Willow told her he was in New York on business. Willow told her she was Aunt Arlene who was staying here while Dad was gone. Willow said Mrs. Powers wanted to know why she didn't look anything like Mom, and why she was so much younger (Why are they ALWAYS so nosy? !!!) She said she told her they had different fathers. I had to come downstairs to talk to her. And Willow didn't have to warn me about making any wishes. I learned my lesson, that's for sure. Anyway, after a long talk I guess she was satisfied, but she said she'd seem me at school. That's all I need!

Oct 1.
Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!! We finally found out what was going on with Buffy. I love my sister more than anyone, but now I'm scared of her again, kind of. I don't remember everything she told us, but here goes what I remember --
She said she and Spike were patrolling and thought the had found a vamp nest. But it wasn't. It was three guys from the Watchers Council!! Because Buffy's hearing is so good, she was able to hear what they were saying. They were wondering why vamp activity hadn't increased like they expected it to after they killed Buffy. One of them thought maybe Spike was killing the vamps, but the head guy said he didn't think so. He thought Buffy was still alive somehow. And he was going to recommend that a full investigative team be brought over, including a dozen soldiers. Buffy said one of them mentioned that they had been watching our house but hadn't seen anything suspicious. But the head guy said he didn't care he was going to call the Watchers right then. Buffy said she didn't have any choice and broke down the door and broke their necks.

But that wasn't the worst part. She said after looking over their records, she found that they had already reported about the low vamp activity, and the only thing she could think of was to have them drained so it would look like a vampire did it so it would look like they were wrong. Spike couldn't do it even though they were dead because his chip activated. And they couldn't just invite some vamps in for a free meal. So Buffy had to do it HERSELF!!!!!

Buffy DRANK HUMAN BLOOD!!! And not just from one person but from all THREE of them!!

Oct 2.
I was shaking so bad I couldn't write anymore last night. My hand still shakes when I try to write. I know Buffy did what she had to, and I agree, mostly about why she drank them. But, god! I wish she hadn’t done it. Now we don't know if she has the blood lust like she did when she was first turned. No one knows if they can trust her. And I don't why she thought everyone should know. Everyone being me, Willow, Xander and Anya.

Poor Anya is freaking out big time!!! She just knows Buffy is going to kill us all in our sleep. But Buffy did say she now understands how Angel feels about all the people he killed. She said she doesn't regret killing them, it was necessary. But drinking their blood makes her feel unclean and dirty. I guess her soul will keep her from doing what Anya swears will happen. I sure hope so.


The End


(For Now)