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The Jealousy Bug

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BUZZ!
Robert sleepily peered at his alarm clock, frowning as he noted that it was 5:05 AM.
BUZZ!
He picked up his phone, not even taking the time to glance at the caller id first--he didn't want Susan to lose sleep over whatever idiot was calling him before dawn too.
"Whomever this is, you'd better have a really good reason for waking me up!" he growled as he noiselessly slipped out of the bedroom.
"Congrats on the Globe win, Ducky!"
"Oh, hey, Jude."
"Who else would be calling you from my cell phone?"
"Didn't know it was you calling," Robert admitted, wondering how Jude was managing to be so wide awake this early in the morning.
"I woke you up, didn't I?"
"You kinda did, yeah."
"Sorry about that, this was the first chance I had to call you. Iris had some kind of stomach flu."
"Is she feeling better now?" Robert asked.
"Yeah."
Jude stifled a groan.
"How about you? How are you feeling?" Robert asked. When he got no reply, Robert began to get worried. "Jude? Hey, Jude!"
After what seemed like an eternity to Robert (but was really just about five minutes or so), Jude came back on the line.
"Sorry about disappearing on you like that, Robert," he said softly. "I think I caught Iris' stomach bug."
"Want me to come over and play nanny?"
Jude chuckled softly.
"I'd say yes, but you're in California and I'm in England."
"You know, there's this amazing invention, what's it called...oh yes, that's right, airplanes," Robert countered. "What's the real reason you don't want me to come over?"
Jude sighed.
"Come on, Jude, you can tell me. "
"You didn't mention me in your acceptance speech."
"I didn't mention Indio in my speech, and he's not complaining."
"Indio's your son. I'm not."
"Jude, I did mention you."
"Not by name. You mentioned Matt Damon by name, and not me."
"Seriously, Jude? Are you jealous of Matt Damon just because I said his name in my speech and not yours?"
"I guess...I don't know how I feel, besides really..uh, confused."
Robert frowned. Jude was starting to sound really out of it now.
"Jude, are you home alone?" he asked abruptly.
"No, Guy's here."
"Guy?"
"Yeah, we're..uh, we're discussing top secret stuff."
"I need to talk to him right now."
"I'll get him."

Chapter Text

"Ducky? It's Guy."
In his concern for his Jude, Robert got right to the point.
"Is there something wrong with Jude?" he demanded.
"He's...sick," Guy replied, but there was something that rang false in Robert's mind.
"There's more to it, isn't there?"
Guy sighed.
"Guy? What aren't you telling me?"
"Jude's really sick. The doctors don't know what's wrong with him," Guy finally said.
~*~
"What's wrong, honey?" a sleepy Susan asked, woken by her husband's silent bustling about the room, packing a suitcase.
"Jude's sick, I'm going to take him to see that doctor friend of yours."
"Greg? Honey, are you sure?"
"He's the best damn diagnostician in the world, Suzy," Robert replied.
"But you know how he is, honey," Susan objected.
"I'll make sure that he keeps his insults to himself, or at the very least, far away from Jude," Robert declared.

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It took nearly ten and a half hours for Robert's flight to land at Heathrow, though it felt more like 24 longs hours. Those nearly 11 hours were filled with Robert worrying about Jude and Susan worrying about both Robert and Jude.
Susan had insisted on coming along with Robert, claiming that since they were going to take Jude to see her friend, she needed to come along. But Robert knew the real reason she wanted to come along--she was concerned about Jude too. He was her friend too, after all.
Robert was glad she had insisted on accompanying him, keeping him sane during the long hours between stops for fuel, when he could call Guy and get updates on Jude's status. He was also glad that Susan had arranged for a car to pick them up from the airport and take them to Jude's house.
Now, at long last, he stood before Jude's front door, Susan beside him. And he couldn't summon the strength to ring the doorbell.
Luckily, Susan understood. She always managed to understand him, just like Jude.
She elbowed him aside so that she could get to the doorbell, and pressed the button.
Moments later, Guy opened the door.
He looked like he had been wearing the same clothes for several days--which Robert supposed was the case. He also hadn't shaved in several days either.
How long had Jude been sick?
Robert jumped when Susan snapped her fingers in his face.
"Earth to Rubber Ducky, come in Rubber Ducky," she called.
"Sorry, I was just trying to figure out how bad off Jude is from the state of Guy's clothes," he admitted.
Guy and Susan smiled at his admission, but their smiles weren't quite genuine.
"He's been delirious on and off for the past couple of hours," Guy replied. "He should be in a hospital."
Susan's phone began to bark.
"That would be Greg calling," Robert grinned.
As it turned out, it was indeed Susan's friend calling, as he couldn't seem to locate Jude's flat. Five minutes later, the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the world famous diagnostician, Cunobelinus "Greg" Gregory.

Chapter Text

Cunobelinus Gregory went straight over to Jude's bed, where the actor was sleeping.
The doctor's cold hands shocked him awake.
"What in bloody hell!?" Jude exclaimed, hazel eyes blazing with fevered annoyance. "Who the fuck are you?"I am Doctor Greg, and you are my patient, so sit still and allow me to do my job," growled Greg, as though Jude should have known that.
Robert tensed at the doctor's tone, but he did not say anything. Susan noticed, and she gave her husband a sharp look to tell him to behave.
After a long fifteen minutes, in which he examined Jude as throughly as was humanly possible to do, Greg turned to Guy, Robert, and Susan.
"Well? What's wrong with him?" Robert demanded as Jude resumed sleeping.
"I'll have to run some tests first before I can even begin to come up with any theories," the Welsh doctor replied coolly.
"Tests? What sort of tests?" Guy asked.
"Various sorts of tests," Greg replied. "I'll need to draw some blood."
"He doesn't have an STD," Susan growled, her earnestness earning her surprised looks from both Robert and Guy.
"His blood can tell me more than just whether or not he has an STD, Suz," Greg calmly pointed out. "It can tell me whether he has cancer or not."