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Darling Dearest

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  “Ahuhuhu~! Evening, dearie!”, your boss called from the counter of her bakery. You smiled at her, politely waving off your co-worker as they walked past you. Their 10 AM to 5 PM shift ended as your 5 PM to 12 AM shift began. You worked at Muffet’s Spider Bakery, your boss practically living in the kitchen 24/7. You and Muffet got along fairly well, as well as you and your co-worker, Lindsey. While you and Lindsey kept tabs at the front register, Muffet poured hours upon hours in the kitchen baking cakes, donuts, and croissants. All of which you could easily rate a 10/10, by the way.

  The bakery itself was mesmerizing, as maybe 50 tiny fellow co-workers used elaborate networks of webs across the ceiling to deliver goods throughout the bakery for guests dining in. Your workplace was a jewel of wonder in your city, as tourists came frequently to experience being handed a donut by a couple spiders dangling down from the ceiling. Of course the initial response to such a spectacle was a visit from the health department. There was an alleged rumor that Muffet used real spiders in her baked goods as well, which almost shut her business down entirely. After enough court visits and evidence provided, her business was officially deemed safe.

  You were very impressed by the hard work Muffet had to go through to even be able to open her bakery, let alone the immense success it brought it. In your opinion, such trouble was worth the pay off everybody was receiving from it. (Or well, at least you, Muffet, and Lindsey were receiving. You weren’t quite sure what a spider would do with money…)


  The later hours of the bakery attracted the stranger in people. A table of goths sat in a corner, Evanescence almost audible from their group. Of course you weren’t one to judge, you used to be in the “Evanescence phase” until you woke up inside. (Aha.. your humor will be the death of you.) Normally you’d tell them to turn it off, but they were the only ones in for now. You smiled it off, you didn’t really mind, plus you weren’t assertive enough to them otherwise anyways. You’re the type of person that others might call an “enabler” or “people pleaser.”

  You quietly yawned and glanced at the clock. 11:27. After the goths paid upfront to you their costs and left, the bakery was empty. You felt your eyes hang before letting them close before a light tapping on your shoulder abruptly woke you up. You looked behind you to see Muffet behind you, smiling down at you. You hadn’t even realized you’d slumped over the register and snoozed. Your eyes shifted to the clock again, 11:41. Oh my god, you hoped nobody had been in and denied of service because you couldn’t wake up inside.


  “Dearie, I’m closing up early tonight. You should go home and get some sleep, alright?” she said, her voice almost hypnotic to your half-asleep self.

  You muttered out, worry beginning to set in, “Did anybody show up while I was sleeping?”

  She held a hand to her mouth and giggled at you.

  “No no, dearie~! Nobody was here, it’s alright! That’s why I’m closing up early, nobody has came for a while. I’ve had enough time to get a head start on tomorrow as well.” You nodded softly, your eyes beginning to droop again.

  She chuckled quietly again. “Now then, let’s-” she was interrupted by the ringing of the bell to the door, followed immediately by the loud and robotic greeting.

  “Hello, Darlings!”


  You widened your eyes to the sight of a figure strutting towards the counter, and once your vision cleared, you were greeted with a big smile of the celebrity glambot directly in front of you. You shot up from the register, not even realized you had just been relaxing on it the whole time since you woke up. You glanced quickly at Muffet and back to the idol. He was wearing a black pea coat with a pink scarf neatly wrapped around his neck and tied off. Oh shit, you’re staring and getting red. You should probably say something now.

  “Ah, uh, good evening, sir!” you let the words just fall right out, wide awake at this point. “W-what may I help you with!” You were flustered with embarrassment at this point. You were rushing your words out of nervousness, all the while probably wearing a stupid smile, too.

  All he did was bring a gloved hand near his mouth and chuckle loudly. His reaction didn’t help to cool you down, and while he was laughing, you took a quick glance behind you at Muffet. HELP. ME. You lipped to her, but all she could do was smile and giggle at you. You sighed silently and turned back to him when his laughing began to quieten.

  “Oh, Darling, you don’t have to call me “sir!” he used his hands to make quotations on ‘sir’, “Mettaton is perfectly fine!” All you could think to do was laugh, but you sounded as fake as could be.

  “As for your help, I’d like a little insight from the employee..” he began, his eyes (or, uh, the eye you could see??) glanced upwards to the chalk menu above you. “Do you think you could give me a suggestion perhaps? What is your favorite choice?” He looked back to you and smiled patiently.


  Truth be told, even if you didn’t feel so pressured, the choice between some of Muffet’s confectioneries would leave you stumped anyways. Everything she made was magnificent in your honest opinion! Could he even eat, being a robot? Regardless, you did need an answer for him.

  “Uh..” you began as turned to look at the menu behind you. A lot of her desserts were made with obscure ingredients, such as salmonberry, which could only leave you with the mental image of a fish-shaped berry. Scanning thoroughly, you found something that you quite liked and thought your celebrity customer would as well.

  “If I had to choose, I would pick Muffet’s Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake” you offered, pointing up at it, and then directing him to the display to show him what it looked like. He walked over and crouched to eye level with the pie (if the pie had eyes) and took in the sight. The slice of pie sitting among various others was truly a mouth-watering sight. The pie had four beautiful layers; cream cheese, chocolate, raspberry filling, and cream cheese again. It was topped in a spiderweb pattern of chocolate drizzle in the top corner of the pie, with three raspberries carefully placed to the same corner. Three raspberries stuck in the middle of a chocolate web.

  After a quick inspection of the pie, Mettaton glanced up to you, and then to Muffet with a seemingly surprised look. He winked (or blinked??) before chuckling and standing upright again and facing you.


  “Muffet, Darling, have you been talking about me to your adorable employee?” he asked, still facing you. Wait, what, you’re adorable? How?? Help??? You felt your cheeks begin to feel warm again, and right after you had managed to get it under control, too. You heard Muffet giggle, and looked to her to see her give you a sly smirk.

  “If anything, she’s the one that talks about you, dearie~!”

  Oh how you would cover this woman in bug spray right now. Yeah, you had mentioned Mettaton once when she was hanging up a poster of his in her bakery to advertise for his live event that night. (Not that he really needed it as famous as he already was and is.) You also maybe talked to Muffet about going to said event, and she wound up covering for you herself for a few hours. You felt terrible about it, but she assured you her spiders would do fine alone in the kitchen, and you trusted her. Still felt bad though. Maybe you shouldn’t cover her in bug spray. Maybe this was her little revenge on you. You deserved it.

  But, right now you weren’t ready for revenge. Her revenge had Mettaton laughing even more at you. You just wanted to go home. 12:09. Oh my god, and your shift had ended like 10 minutes ago, too.


  “Well, not even my biggest fans know my favorite from your bakery. Unless of course, you decided to tell them, Darling!” he laughed with your boss some more. Then, it hit you what was even going on.

  “W-wait! So, you’re saying I actually picked your favorite from the menu??” you asked bewildered. The bakery got quiet, too quiet for your liking, and you tried to say something else, but you were at a loss for anything. Mettaton just gave you a sweet smile.

  “Yes, Darling. Your favorite just so happened to be my favorite! Isn’t that just so cute?” he asked you sincerely, head cocked slightly to the side. Gah, you beautiful bastard, stop making me blush..

  “Well, then, dearie, you just so happened to luck out! I happen to have one last slice from that very pie!” Muffet cooed, rushing into the kitchen, and out with an identical slice. Something wasn’t right, very rarely did Muffet have an extra slices. Customers would make sure of that. You watched as she handed the pie over to him, and he stared at it delightfully. “Oh, and dearie, you’ll need a to-go box as we’re fixing to close now!” she said as she handed him the white box with her bakery logo accenting it.

  He nodded, placing his dessert in the box, and then proceeding to fish out his payment from his pocket. “Thank you very much for the correct answer, Darling! Keep the change, please” he smiled to you, and winked before putting his money on the counter and walking off.

  “Toodles~!” he waved before exiting the bakery, the bell ringing after. You blinked in wonder, and as you went to put his payment into the register, you were grabbed at the wrist by your boss. Facing her, she had a content and warm smile on her.


  “Dearie, keep the money to yourself, alright? My bakery will survive without a twenty.”

  A twenty..? Surely he didn’t… he did. He paid more than double the actual amount of the pie slice. How strange, you thought to yourself as you hesitantly pocketed the money.