Oh boy, this was such a bad idea.
Jack shifted restlessly, but it was going to be a bitch extricating himself from the situation now he was in bed and naked—and how had he fucked that up so badly? He knew not to get caught in this sort of bind, not after years of covert operations and all that time leading SG1, duking it out with the Trust, the Goa'uld, and assorted alien dickheads. What in hell had he been thinking, executing a high-risk op with no goddamn exit strategy? He should never have waited to give Daniel his present in bed.
Not to mention that Daniel was kind of squirrely about birthdays. Jack knew it came from his fucked up childhood with foster parents going through the motions, and hell, if your folks had been killed, being reminded that the person who'd brought you into the world wasn't there any more was always going to be a downer. Jack knew how that went; Charlie's birthday hit him like a body-blow, every damn time. Plus, being ascended and de-ascended had made things even trickier. Did you count years when you were incorporeal? Did you start counting again when you were effectively reborn? Not that Daniel even knew what the date had been—things were still pretty hazy for him around that time. So yeah, complicated. Which was why Jack had gone for something to distract him.
Jack realized Daniel had said that once already. He needed to get his head in the game. "Daniel?"
Daniel looked down at the box sitting in a tangle of wrapping paper on his lap. "Interesting choice of present."
Jack swallowed, mouth unaccountably dry. He waved a hand vaguely. "Yeah, well, I know you don’t like a fuss, so, ah, nothing big . . ." Damn. Bad choice of words.
Daniel's mouth twitched. "Oh, it looks big enough."
Jack managed not to groan. Maybe if he snuck down under the covers and gave Daniel a nice long messy blow-job he could a) hide, and b) sidetrack Daniel and make him forget about it. He sighed. No, that would never fly; the bastard had the memory of an elephant.
"So, you want to tell me why you got me a dick for my birthday?" Jack shot Daniel a nervous sidelong glance. Daniel was looking at him, eyebrows raised inquiringly, one hand indicating the really rather impressive glass dildo nestled in the box. "Because I already have one of those." He grinned and lifted a finger. "Oh no, wait, counting you, I have two. Well, three, I guess, given how often you are a dick."
"Yeah, yeah, very funny," Jack said, his cheeks flushed. "You're a laugh riot." He drew his knees up protectively and rested his folded arms on them, staring ahead at the stupid African mask thing Daniel had hung on the wall at the foot of the bed. It always made him feel like some kinky old witch doctor was staring at his ass when they fucked. Well, until they really got into it and he forgot about everything except Daniel and how good it felt. Maybe he should mention the goddamn mask to Daniel some time, but it was probably a horribly rare and precious artifact. Symbolic.
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," he muttered sullenly.
"Mmm, except when it's a giant dick," Daniel said thoughtfully, and oh fuck, he lifted the thing out of its velvet-lined box and began examining it.
Jack felt his ears burning. His heart was pounding really fast and his own dick was . . . well, confused. There was definitely something going on down there, but the decidedly hot image of Daniel stroking a curious finger over the translucent glans and down the lifelike vein on the underside was offset by Jack's state of panic.
"I can see we're going to have to talk," Daniel said, and Jack groaned and slid down, pulling the covers up over his head. Daniel kicked his calf, the unfeeling bastard. "Seriously, Jack. Talking now. Get the hell up here."
Jack hauled himself up reluctantly and sat there, arms crossed, staring off to one side. "It's just, a back-up. A fail-safe."
"A . . . what?" Daniel sounded genuinely puzzled, and fuck it, that meant Jack was going to have to lay it all out, even though Daniel was supposed to be good with words, was supposed to be a fucking genius with words, so if he couldn’t translate Jack O'Neill after all this time, then—
"Oh," Daniel said, and Jack could almost see the light bulb go on over his head. "You mean, if you can't . . ."
"Yeah," Jack said gruffly. "Not getting any younger here."
Daniel gave him a considering look. "But I'll just fuck you if you can't. I mean, I usually fuck you. You like being fucked."
Jack did like being fucked. Boy, did he like being fucked. Especially by Daniel. It was kind of worrying, how much he liked being fucked by Daniel, but he tried to keep that part of him separate from The General and just not think about it too much. You had to roll with things sometimes.
"Yeah, I guess," Jack said, trying not to look at the glass dick in Daniel's hands. Daniel was touching it absently, fondling the head and cupping it in the palm of his left hand, rubbing the ball of his right thumb up and down the shaft. Jack swallowed. Okay, now his own dick was definitely interested. "But you know, this job now, I'm away a lot. Meetings at the Pentagon, with the President. It's pretty busy . . ."
"So when you're away, you thought I could . . . amuse myself?"
Jack nodded, glad Daniel was finally catching on.
"You want me to video it for you so we can watch it later?"
Jack gasped and grabbed for his cock, holding it tight around the base to back himself off. Wow, that'd been close. "Jeez, Danny, give a guy some warning. I almost came all over your Egyptian cotton sheets." He glowered at Daniel. "And can we get to the action part of the evening yet? Enough with the talking."
"I don't think it is quite enough, no. See, I think something else is going on here. I think somewhere in that mysterious brain of yours,"—Jack glared at the fucker. Just because he didn't have a bunch of PhDs, and just because he had the Ancient Wikipedia in there, didn't mean—"you made a connection between 'birthday' and 'getting older'." Jack opened his mouth to say that hello, he'd already explained that, but Daniel held up a finger. "Not you getting older, me getting older. Which is what happens on birthdays, as well as cake and, hopefully, sex."
Jack rolled his eyes, because in the name of all that was holy, please let them get through the talking part to the sex. Like, sometime this century.
"So maybe," Daniel continued, waving the goddamn dildo at Jack for emphasis like an Italian greengrocer arguing about aubergines, "maybe it's a back-up for me, in case I can't get it up and fuck you."
Alarmed, Jack swiveled around to face Daniel. "Hey, no, I never meant. Danny, I would never—"
Daniel leaned forward and kissed him, left hand curling around the nape of Jack's neck, right hand braced on the dildo, pressing it down into the pillows. Jack tried not to be distracted; the things must be damn near unbreakable, right? Otherwise the lawsuits'd be a nightmare. He gave himself over to the kiss.
Daniel pulled back and smiled at him. "I know. I know you didn't mean that, and anyway, it'll hopefully be a while yet before that gets to be a regular issue. But Jack, you gave me a spare dick. I think that means something."
"Just wanted to make you happy," Jack said, staring at Daniel's mouth. He needed to kiss it again.
"Uh huh. And, you know, good thinking, there. Because making you happy makes me happy. And I know you, Jack." He pushed Jack down flat on his back, straddling him and sitting up, fingering the dildo again. "I know you like dick. The more the merrier."
Daniel stroked the sleek glass down Jack's face, making him shiver. "Danny–" he rasped, turning instinctively toward it like a baby searching blindly for the breast, as Daniel slid it across his cheek toward his lips.
"Open for me, Jack." Daniel's voice was all heat, intense and focused. "Take it for me."
Jack groaned and arched up, trying to get some friction on his cock other than the slippery zillion thread-count sheets. He opened his lips and mouthed the glass head, surprised that it wasn't cold, but then Daniel'd been holding it, touching him with it. His mouth was wet and he swallowed around it, closing his eyes, sucking, then pulling off and licking, using his tongue around the rim of the smooth glans, on the molded veins, the indentation of the meatus. Daniel exhaled sharply and shifted his hips, cupping Jack's cheek, feeling the solid mass of it filling his mouth as he sucked, moaning around it.
Jack opened his eyes and stared up at Daniel, putting on a show, unbearably turned on, writhing under Daniel's splayed thighs where they pinned him just north of his own neglected cock. "Please," he groaned. "Please, Danny—"
"Prep first. God, you're such a size queen," Daniel said, withdrawing the dildo and leaning over to scrabble in the bedside drawer until he found some lube. "You couldn't have gotten a smaller one, oh no, it had to be a giant—"
"Wanted one like you," Jack panted, feeling his ears burn again. "Ruined me for anything else."
"Flatterer." But Daniel was grinning as he slicked up his fingers. He slapped Jack's hip with his dry hand. "Up." Jack hooked his legs over Daniel's shoulders and Daniel knelt there, thighs splayed, the glass dick set aside, and began to finger him, frowning in concentration.
It was good, and Jack was ready, had been ready for ages with all this talk about dicks and taking it. He pushed himself onto Daniel's fingers—two, now—and moaned, head thrown back.
"Christ, look at you," Daniel said, stretching him so it burned just how Jack liked it, brushing his prostate so he twitched and gasped. "Yeah," Daniel said. "God, you love it."
"C'mon, Danny, please." Jack could hear the whine in his voice, but he was past caring.
"Another finger. And that'll teach you for getting a monster cock. Seriously, Jack, it's way bigger than mine. And hard as I am at the moment, it's a damn sight harder, so lie there and let me do this properly."
Jack lay there and took it, and gasped, and fucked himself on Daniel's fingers, and whimpered and was generally a slut, but that was okay, because Daniel had him, and Daniel was looking after him.
Eventually, Daniel pushed it in and sweet Jesus it was huge. Jack cried out, but it was good, it was intense, almost overwhelming with the head inside him. He started to move on it, urging Daniel to push it further in, gasping and clawing at the bedclothes.
"Jack," Daniel said brokenly, and Jack knew Daniel had a hand around his own cock, stopping himself coming. He could hear how close Daniel was from the desperation in his voice. He began fucking Jack with the dildo, in and slowly out, again and again. Even though Daniel was in control, the alien hardness of the glass made it seem inexorable, like a machine, and that was even hotter. "God, if you could see yourself," Daniel said and Jack writhed as the thing filled him up and invaded him, feeling like it was right up in his chest, in the back of his fucking throat. Too inhuman, it was too . . . he needed . . .
He opened his eyes and looked up at Daniel who was kneeling, intent, mouth open as he watched it slide in and out of Jack's ass. "Kiss me," Jack gasped. "Danny, please–"
Daniel slid Jack's legs off his shoulders and Jack spread them wide so Daniel could lean up, one hand still holding the thing in Jack's ass, and kiss him, all heat and wet tongue and need. He slid off Jack and lay beside him, and Jack pulled his offside leg up so Daniel could work the glass cock deeper into his body. He groaned and gasped on every stroke as Daniel lay half across him, kissing him, fucking him. So close, he was so damn—
"Touch yourself," Daniel ordered, between kisses. "C'mon, come for me."
Jack reached down and took his aching cock in hand, jerking himself frantically. Daniel fucked him and kissed the side of his mouth, then pulled back to watch Jack come with a shout, thrusting into his hand, body curved up off the bed. His ass clenched around the dildo as he shuddered through the aftershocks.
There was a flare of discomfort and it was out, abandoned somewhere in the covers. His ass was briefly empty, bereft, then Daniel bent his legs up and pushed in, his cock fire-hot after the neutral body-warmed glass and it was so good, so right as he pressed Jack down, hammering himself home. Daniel raised his head and he was gone, eyes glazed, blown beyond words for once. Beautiful, and Jack offered himself up and gave Daniel what he needed.
"So, happy birthday, Danny," Jack said, some time later when they could talk again. They were slumped, limbs not fully functional yet, Daniel half across him.
"Yeah, thanks," Daniel said hoarsely. "Good present."
"Thought you'd like it," Jack said smugly, and Daniel laughed, a few weak huffs into his armpit.
"Next time," Daniel said, after a minute, "you can give me a set of leather cuffs."
"Oh, you bastard," Jack moaned, picturing himself spreadeagled face down, wrists and ankles cuffed to the four corners of the bed while Daniel fucked him with the giant glass dildo. "I'm not gonna be able to wait a whole year."
"Mmm," Daniel said. "There is Colorado Day, of course. That's August 1st, only about a month away."
"Oh, hey, good thinking," Jack said. "We should definitely celebrate that. Knew I kept you around for something."
"Well," Daniel said, getting up on one elbow and leaning down to kiss him. "Luckily I'm not the only one with good ideas here."
"Good point," Jack said, grinning. "We're a team."
"Or there's Senior Citizen's Day on August 21st," Daniel said thoughtfully.
"Quit while you're ahead, Danny."
~ the end ~