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watching myself burn again

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Becky would be lying if she said it didn’t hurt. It has done every time: Sasha, Paige, Charlotte… she just never saw it coming from Nattie. Not that she necessarily saw it coming from the others, but this was more unexpected. Even more unsettling.

What makes it somehow worse is that she kind of gets it, in Nattie’s case. Sure, Becky hasn’t yet endured years of life on a backburner like Nattie has, but it must have been so difficult – being so hungry for matches and championships and not getting any opportunities, even though you work so hard… Becky hopes that won’t happen to her. It won’t, she tells herself constantly, it won’t, and you won’t have to change anything about yourself to get those chances. (She doesn’t know how much she believes the voice in her head anymore.)

Either way, Nattie leaving her side is at least a little understandable, though Becky would rather not be able to understand it. It’s a stark contrast to Charlotte, who betrayed her with the title in her hands.

It’s not just that, though. It hurts so much because it’s Nattie. Nattie, who she trusted, who she cared for, who she loved. Not that Becky ever made those feelings known – she knew Nattie would never return it – but still. It burns, both the love she so badly doesn’t want to feel and her anger that Nattie would do such a thing. It’s like there are flames roaring at the bottom of her stomach, threatening to spread through her whole body, even more bright and fiery than her hair.

She takes a deep breath and tries to collect herself. Becky doesn’t like to let that fire get the better of her, but it’s tough sometimes. She just never thought it’d come to this with Nattie, never thought they’d have to face each other in the ring in a way that’s anything other than friendly.

(But then again, that’s what Becky thought about the rest of them, too.)