Don't Forget to Tip the Messenger God

by themadlurker

Summary:

Somebody should have known it was a mistake putting Hermes in charge of the IT department.

Notes:

It was innocentsmith who originally said, "There is a strange lack of fandom exchanges for stories involving time-travelling gods who exchange telegrams, and I feel this is unfortunate."

I can't help but agree with the sentiment.

from Stuck in a Cave <anonymousnymph@gmail.com>
to Swaddling Clothes <messengerboy@gmail.com>
date |ERROR INVALID DATE STAMP|
subject Stop LOLing about

Dear Hermes,

Why is my computer filled with ungrammatical cats? Why do I have a computer? What are you doing in the 21st century?

Your loving mother

---------
_{Everybody forgets about the nymphs after their sons move away from home.}

 

from Can't Catch Me <messengerboy@gmail.com>
to Mother Dearest <anonymousnymph@gmail.com>
date Tue, Jun 9, 2009 at 3:14 PM
subject Re: Stop LOLing about

Dear mom,

Investigating "spambot" phenomenon. It's turning out to be a bigger headache than Athena gave dad. Back next week for family reunion on Mt. O.

Love,

Hermes

P.S. What did you pick your e-mail signature to guilt me? I'll call as soon as I can.

--------
_{Don't forget to tip the messenger god.}

 

HERMES WHAT HAVE YOU DONE STOP ANACHRONISTIC TECHNOLOGY POST NINETEENTH CENTURY NOT FUNCTIONING ON MOUNT OLYMPUS STOP DIONYSUS UNHAPPY ABOUT LACK INTERNET PORN STOP NYMPHS COMPLAINING ABOUT ZEUS SEXUAL HARRASSMENT STOP FIX THIS NOW STOP REPLY HERA STOP

WHO MADE ME TECH SUPPORT ANYWAY STOP SOME IDIOT EXPERIMENTING WITH MECHANICAL TIME TRAVEL DISTURBING HIGHLY UNLIKELY MYTHICAL BRIDGE BETWEEN TIME PERIODS STOP REPEAT NOT MY FAULT STOP DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER STOP

 

messengerboy @calliopewritesnovels how many times--> don't shoot the messenger! #liesandblasphemy
_{4:16 AM Jun 12th from Tweetie}

messengerboy @goddessofwisdom !! NOT my fault! Who made Wells such a genius anyway, OH GODDESS OF WISDOM???! #liesandblasphemy
_{4:15 AM Jun 12th from Tweetie}

calliopewritesnovels isn't talking to @messengerboy #hermesfail
_{about 3,000 years ago from twhirl}

queenh @thunderking don't make me laugh #bull$#!%
_{about 3,000 years ago from web}

thunderking @queenh told you that bull wasn't me!! #liesandblasphemy #hermesfail
_{about 3,000 years ago from Tweed}

queenh @artemis next time he runs wild just arrow the bastard #bull$#!%
_{about 3,000 years ago from web}

calliopewritesnovels @tragicmel yep, totally screwed. no one will believe this $&#% as a novel. #hermesfail
_{about 3,000 years ago from twhirl}

goddessofwisdom Thank god (not you, dad) internet's back. #hermesfail
_{about 3,000 years ago from web}

 

1. Thief of Time » by Messenger Boy reviews
The infamous H. G. Wells is called to account for his role in the disruptive invention of the time machine. Zeus sits in judgment.
Stones may be thrown, and not the good kind, either.
Rated: R - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 559,326 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 8-04-09 - Published: 8-04-09

 

Reviews for: Thief of Time

Ares
2009-08-09 . chapter 1
HHAHAHAHA! OMG HERMES YOU ARE SO LAME!

Tragic_Muse
2009-08-11 . chapter 1
I think this is really more RPF? You shouldn't be posting this kind of thing on fanfic.net.

 

 

Epilogue:

ALCMENE HEAR YOUR HUSBANDS ABROAD STOP WANT TO MAKE HEROIC HISTORY STOP REPLY ZEUS STOP

ZEUS STOP STOP SENDING TELEGRAMS STOP INTERNET FIXED STOP HARD WORK USING EARLY TWENTIETH CENTURY TELEGRAPH WIRES STOP HAVE OTHER IDEAS HOW SEDUCE ALCMENE STOP BUT HERA WILL BE PISSED STOP DO NOT FORGET TIP MESSENGER GOD STOP TELEGRAMS EXPENSIVE STOP