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When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. --Edward Abbey
Monday
The thing is, pretty much everyone sees it happen because it happens in the locker room after practice. Johnny's just getting dressed like normal, when suddenly he freezes.
Kaner looks over and Johnny's got this really weird expression on his face, so Kaner asks, "You okay buddy?" and Johnny says, "I feel really - " but he never finishes because then there's just a little golden-furred head poking out of Johnny's bright red practice jersey.
It goes dead silent for 3 long seconds. Then the puppy - Johnny - gives one short high pitched bark and all hell breaks loose. Everyone's shouting and the puppy whimpers and ducks his head, trying to burrow all the way into Johnny's practice jersey. And for once, Kaner's the only person on the team not talking because he's too busy staring, open mouthed, at the place where his best friend was until 30 seconds ago.
---
Coach Quenneville hears the commotion not 10 minutes after he sits down at his desk.
"A young team is both a blessing and a curse," he reminds himself under his breath as he pushes himself up from his chair and trudges to the locker room. He squares himself before he opens the door, and puts on a stern expression.
"Everyone quiet down!" he yells as he walks in. A golden streak shoots off a bench and straight to him. On instinct he reaches down and pulls the yellow lab puppy into his arms. This may explain some of the commotion, but certainly not all of it. He pets the puppy's head absently as he surveys his now mostly quiet players. There's someone missing.
"Where's Johnny?"
One thing's for sure, if Johnny were here, nobody would be acting like this. Johnny may be young, and he may be quiet, but he controls his team with the iron fist of his disappointed face. Nobody wants to be the cause of that.
But instead of saying something reasonable like, 'He already left, Coach,' everyone looks at Johnny's empty spot next to Kaner, then at the puppy in Coach's arms. Everyone is silent. Coach treats them all to a narrow-eyed glare, and finally Duncs say, "You're holding him."
Coach narrows his eyes even more, because pranks on your teammates are all well and good, but pranks on your coach are not. But as he keeps looking around he notices that even the trainers, and Torchy over by Hoss are there, and they're not saying anything. And instead of looking like they're trying not to laugh, everyone looks a little sick and confused. Some guys might be able to pull that off, but Buff's not that good an actor. Not nearly.
Coach holds the puppy up and turns it to face him. He can't quite explain how, but that is definitely Johnny's this is serious expression, right there on that tiny puppy.
"Shit," he says.
Everything descends into chaos again.
Everyone is shouting, at each other, at Coach, at no one. Things like, how did this happen, and how should I know, and aw crap we have a game in four days. The puppy wriggles out of Coach's arms and runs around the locker room barking, adding to the din.
Coach enlists Torchy's help to get everyone mostly quieted down again so he can address the team. "Alright boys, we need to take some time to calm down. I want everyone to go home, shower, take a nap, whatever you need to do. We'll reconvene at 6 at my place to talk about this." That will at least give Coach some time get his head wrapped around this.
The teams all nods in agreement, except Madden, who says, "Okay, but what about Tazer?"
---
Sharpy manages to catch the puppy - he's still having a hard time thinking of it as Tazer, even though he saw it happen - and holds him tight against his body, discouraging any of the other guys from trying to take him away. The puppy makes a little whining sound, tucks its head against his chest, closes its eyes, and falls asleep.
He manages to stop himself from saying "awwww" out loud. But only just.
In the huge locker room-wide argument that ensued after Madden's very relevant question, Sharpy had proved that just because he was laid back most of the time, didn't mean he was gonna lie down without a fight. Everyone wanted to take Tazer home, of course. But Sharpy had ruthlessly used his A, his position as Tazer's linemate, and his knowledge of just what, exactly, Bur was going to do with Tazer to win hands down. Tazer had just cemented his argument.
The only problem now is that he clearly can't move his arms and disturb the sleeping puppy, but he has no free hands to carry his equipment to his truck. He looks up and there's Kaner, staring at him. No, not at him. At the puppy. And Kaner doesn't look good. Sharpy thinks back and realizes that he hasn't heard Kaner say a single word since it happened, not even when everyone was shouting. And for Kaner, that's really weird.
So he says "Kaner, grab my bag, willya?" and Kaner looks surprised, but he does it and follows Sharpy out to his truck. Kaner throws Sharpy's bag into the truckbed, then looks torn, like he thinks he should go back to his car, but doesn't want to, and he still looks a little green, so Sharpy decides to take the choice away. "Get in."
Kaner climbs into the passenger seat and Sharpy steps up to hand the puppy over.
"No wait -" Kaner says and Sharpy just glares at him.
"I can't hold him and drive."
Kaner swallows and nods and Sharpy plops the puppy down in his lap. This wakes the puppy up, of course, but he just digs his feet into Kaner's thighs a couple times, turns in a circle, then lays down in Kaner's lap and goes back to sleep. Kaner tentatively runs a hand over his head and down his back, then seems to relax slightly and pulls the puppy a little closer.
Sharpy nods and heads to the driver's seat.
Sharpy pulls into the Target parking lot on his way home, parks his truck well away from other cars so hopefully no one will bother Kaner, tells him to stay put and goes in to get supplies. He grabs a collar and leash in bright red - which Tazer will probably hate, but will actually be necessary - food and water bowls, and some puppy chow - which who knows if Tazer will even eat, but better safe than sorry.
He gets held up a little at the register signing autographs, but he holds up his purchases, smiles ruefully and says, "I've got someone in the car who needs these things asap!" and people let him go with knowing smiles.
Kaner hasn't really moved, but he doesn't look sick anymore, and Tazer's still asleep, so Sharpy'll call this one a win.
It's not too far from Target to Sharpy's condo, and now that he's got Tazer, Kaner doesn't look ready to let him go, so Sharpy grabs their stuff and they go upstairs. Abby's gone for the week, visiting her parents. For the first time since she left Sharpy's glad, because she's great but this would be really hard to explain.
Tazer wakes up on the elevator and once Sharpy closes the door, Kaner puts him down. He looks around suspiciously, then starts sniffing everything, starting with Kaner's feet then moving quickly to the hallway walls. He's so busy sniffing the walls, he runs straight into the mail table and and falls back into his ass. It surprises a laugh out of Kaner, and Tazer turns to him and growls, which just makes Kaner laugh more. Sharpy breathes a sigh a relief.
Kaner goes to grab a gatorade out of the fridge, but Sharpy notices that he doesn't let Tazer out of his sight. Tazer's been to his place like, a million times, but everything must seem like new when you're suddenly a puppy, because he's exploring very thoroughly. Sharpy leaves Kaner to watch over him while he goes to his bedroom to look for Abby's camera. This is a mission of the utmost importance. Once Tazer's back to being human - and he has to believe that this is only temporary or else he will go insane - he's going to need all of the blackmail material he can get.
He finds the camera and heads back out to the kitchen where Kaner's unpacked the bags from Target and is filling one of the dishes with water. Tazer's looking up at him expectantly, wagging his tail. Sharpy takes a picture. Tazer attacks the water dish messily when Kaner sets it down. It's hard to tell if it's simply puppy clumsiness that has him splashing more water on the kitchen floor than in his mouth, or if it's that Tazer is unused to drinking water with his tongue. Either way it's hilarious, so Sharpy takes another picture or 10.
Meanwhile, Kaner's filled the other dish with puppy chow and he sets that next to the water. Tazer sniffs at it experimentally, takes a tiny bite, then opens his mouth and tries to spit it back out, but mostly ends up with his tongue hanging out, shaking his head trying to get it off. Sharpy really wishes he knew how to work the video funtion on this thing.
Tazer barks at them enough that they have to stop laughing, especially when he trots over to the fridge and plants his front paws on it, whining.
Sharpy doesn't cook and he knows Kaner is helpless in the kitchen. They look at each other.
"Uh..."
---
Sharpy's alarm goes off at 5pm, waking him from his post-practice nap. He groans a little bit, then rolls out of bed. He throws on some jeans and a hoodie, and goes to wake Kaner.
Kaner's sacked out on the couch on his back, his arms above his head, his legs hanging over the arm, and his mouth wide open. Tazer's asleep on Kaner's chest, his paws on Kaner's shoulders. He's snoring a little bit. Tiny little puppy snores. Sharpy dies a little bit. He's gonna need to buy another memory card at this rate.
Sharpy hates to wake them, except oh no wait, he doesn't. He looks around for the method sure to get the best reaction. That's it. He goes to the kitchen and gets a single ice cube from the freezer. He places it carefully in the hollow of Kaner's throat and stands clear.
Kaner's awake and up immediately, flailing at the ice. Except he can't get all the way up because of Tazer on his chest. Tazer falls off of Kaner and the couch with a loud yelp. Kaner's flailing has managed to push the ice cube down his shirt, which is better than Sharpy ever could have hoped for. He finally manages to get up from the couch, nearly stepping on Tazer in the process. Tazer runs and hides behind Sharpy's legs as Kaner shakes and wiggles and finally gets the ice cube out of his shirt. He glares at Sharpy.
"You're dead."
"Promises, promises," Sharpy says breezily. "Get dressed. We're gonna be late."
---
They don't get a lot done at the meeting. Nobody has any idea how Tazer turned into a puppy, and nobody has any idea how to reverse it. They decide what to tell the press about Tazer's absence, and what to do if he's not back to being human before the game on Thursday, but other than that, they got nothing.
Kaner accidentally, probably on purpose left his gear at Sharpy's, so he goes back to the condo with him. Frankly, Sharpy's pretty sure he's not gonna get rid of Kaner until their captain is no longer a dog, so he doesn't rag him. He reminds himself that they'll have to go grocery shopping after practice tomorrow, because Kaner eats enough to feed a small country.
20 minutes after they get home they've settled on the couch watching ESPN with the puppy between them. It's not a bad way to pass an evening, Sharpy thinks. Which is when the buzzer goes off. Five minutes later there's a very determined looking Seabs and a very long suffering looking Duncs in the doorway. Seabs has a whole duffelbag full of crap like good luck charms and hex bags and a fucking dreamcatcher of all things, and he wants to try them all on Tazer.
An hour later Seabs is halfway through his supplies, the rest of them have called for take out and are in the midst of a high-spirited Mario Kart competition, and Tazer's still a puppy, except now he's an angry puppy who looks about ready to bite Seabs's ankle.
And that's before Seabs pulls out a book titled 56 Easy Wicca Spells For You and Your Family.
Tuesday
In the morning they wake up to Sharpy's alarm going off in the other room and Johnny running around the living room barking and jumping on them. Seabs and Duncs are in a pile on the floor with some couch cushions and one blanket between them, Kaner's face down on the couch, and Sharpy fell asleep sitting up against the couch with his head tilted back onto Kaner's calves. His neck is fucking killing him. There are take out boxes and beer bottles and video game controllers scattered around, along with a bunch of different colored candles and books and lucky charms, and the whole place smells like incense and smudge sticks and hex bags and whatever else they tried burning last night.
Johnny barks and jumps some more, and from the pile on the floor Seabs says, "Fuck. Practice," and everyone groans.
Sharpy sits up and tries to rub the soreness out of his neck. He looks around the room - which if it doesn't get cleaned up before Abby gets home he is dead - and says "Who's taking the dog out?" Johnny barks indignantly.
Last night at Coach's, it literally almost came to blows over who's turn it was to play with the puppy and now no one moves.
Finally Kaner says, "Fuck all you lazy assholes. There better be breakfast when I get back," and attempts to get off the couch, but it's really more like falling off the couch and then using it to steady himself as he stands up. He gets the collar and leash and irritably tells Johnny to, "Hold the fuck still, I don't care if you don't like it, you have to wear it, which is what you get for turning into a goddamn dog," and Johnny barks back and Kaner says, "Well it might be your fault, we don't know," and he grabs Sharpy's keys off the table and he and Johnny are still arguing when they walk out the door.
Duncs and Seabs sit up gingerly, and Duncs gives Sharpy a startlingly awake look and says, "So, how is he?"
"Um, he's a puppy?" Sharpy says. "How the fuck do you think he is?"
Duncs rolls his eyes. "Not Johnny. Kaner."
Sharpy gets it. The A on Keith's shoulder means just as much to him as Sharpy's does. This is their team, and the three of them have always had an unspoken agreement to look out for Tazer and Kaner.
"Better than yesterday," Sharpy says, "but we need to get this figured out."
But they don't really have time to discuss it more because Coach made it clear that they were all expected for practice - even Tazer, even if he can't skate - so they get up and get dressed and put some poptarts in the toaster for Kaner when he gets back.
---
There's a dog park a few blocks away from Sharpy's building, so Kaner heads that way once Johnny stops pouting about the leash. Kaner has to pretend Johnny's just a regular puppy now that people can see him, so no talking to him like he's a person, even though he is, even if he's not right now. Damn. This whole thing is gonna give him a headache for sure.
Kaner walks quickly because if they're late to practice Coach'll skewer them, but the truth is he's dreading going to practice. It's really dumb. He knows he's not handling this well. He of all people should be able to see the humor in this, and maybe if it was anyone other than Johnny, he would. But he just can't when one minute his best friend was right next to him and the next he wasn't. And sure, it's a fucked up situation, but he should be handling it better. Just because he can't talk with Johnny or skate with Johnny, that's no reason to get all bent out of shape. He's actually spent most of his life not talking to or skating with Jonathan Toews, so there's no reason to feel like everything is wrong now, just because Johnny's not right there, being Patrick Kane's best friend and center.
Jesus, it's not like he's dead or something. He's right there, pulling on the damn leash like an asshole.
But it's not the same.
Obviously, since Johnny is supposed to be human.
It's pretty early, so the dog park isn't that crowded, but there are a few other dogs running around. Kaner unhooks the leash and says, "Okay, go do your thing, and then we'll get to practice." But Johnny doesn't run off and play with the other dogs, he just turns around and looks up at Kaner and gives him some sort of sad puppy look.
Kaner crouches down and says softly, "Look you gotta act like a puppy here, okay? Run around, piss on something, and we'll go back to people who know you're actually a person. Come on, dude."
Johnny gives him a look that roughly translates as ugh, fiiiiiine and runs off with a few short barks. Kaner finds a bench and slouches on it, pulls the hood of his sweatshirt up, tucks his hands in his pockets and yawns.
"Looks like someone didn't want to leave you."
Kaner looks up and someone has taken a seat on his bench. And not just someone, a pretty hot chick, maybe a few years older than him and holding a leash of her own. She's smiling at him, but not the 'I recognize you as a professional athlete' smile, more a 'I think your puppy's cute and maybe you too' smile.
"Uh, he's new," Kaner says.
The chick smiles even more. "How long have you had him?"
"Since yesterday."
"Oh, really new then. What's his name?"
"Tazer," Kaner says without thinking about it, and then thinks shit shit shit and really hopes she doesn't follow hockey.
"Which one's yours?" he asks to distract her.
She points out a viszla running around with two golden retrievers. "I'm Cheryl, by the way," she says, sticking out her hand. "So are you new to the neighborhood? I haven't seen you around."
Kaner shakes her hand thinking, holy shit, Burish was so right about puppies and ladies.
That's the moment when Johnny runs up to the bench, barks a lot, and jumps up to rest his paws on Kaner's knee while growling at Cheryl. It's a cute little puppy growl, and not threatening at all, but it's rude and therefore completely unlike Johnny.
"Hey," Kaner says. "Be nice."
Johnny stops growling, but he still doesn't look happy, so Kaner quickly clips the leash back on and stands up. "We're gonna be late," he says. "Maybe I'll see you around." But he thinks, I hope not, because she's cute and all, but he'd rather not have to walk his best friend to a dog park for any more mornings. He drags Johnny out of the park.
Back at Sharpy's place, Johnny decides to act like a little puppy bitch for no good reason and attaches himself to Duncs as soon as Kaner lets him off the leash. Johnny even insists on riding with Duncs and Seabs in Seabs's car, and whatever, it's not like Kaner has to have Johnny in his sights at all times, especially when he's being a jerk, so fine. He rides with Sharpy and eats his poptarts and absolutely does not sulk.
Practice is mostly like normal except that Johnny sits on the bench with his paws up on the barrier watching everyone intently, and barking. Sometimes Coach will go over to consult with him and actually seems to understand what he's trying to say. It's freaky.
Everyone's a little out of it at practice, and Kaner's a little more off than everyone else and he knows it. When practice is done he lags behind everyone into the locker room and yes, fine, he's sulking. His best friend is a dog, he thinks he's entitled to a little bit of sulking.
Johnny comes in and goes around to everyone and lets them pet him or scratch his ears or something, and everyone's got these huge smiles on their faces. Kaner just grits his teeth and pulls off his skates with more force than really necessary.
After Johnny's done with his circuit of the room (including all of the trainers and the equipment managers and christ, he isn't this social when he's a person, what the fuck) he comes around to his locker and jumps up on the bench, puts his head on his paws and looks at Kaner.
Kaner ignores him.
Johnny scoots towards him a few inches, and Kaner ignores him.
Johnny wiggles forward until he can put his head on Kaner's thigh and looks up at him with sad eyes and Jesus, Kaner isn't made of stone.
"Fine," he says, and starts scratching Johnny's head in that way he knows Johnny likes. "But I don't see what the problem was in the first place." Johnny doesn't answer, like he could anyway, but he wags his tail and looks pretty happy, so Kaner guesses everything's alright now.
Relatively.
Johnny kinda sniffs around the bench and his locker for a while, like he could find what did this to him, or maybe because he's in the same spot, he'll turn back. But neither of those things happen, so when Sharpy and Kaner are ready to go, Kaner scoops him up and throws him - gently - over his shoulder. Johnny's tail is wagging so hard it's slapping him in the face and making it hard to walk and Sharpy is practically in tears he's laughing so hard, and also, crap, he has a camera.
Seabs and Duncs follow them back to the condo because Seabs says he hasn't finished trying to change Johnny back. For his part, Johnny looks like he'd maybe rather stay a puppy forever than have Seabs attempting to say a spell in Latin over his head ever again.
Fifteen minutes later, Steeger and Ladd are at the door wanting to "help" which mostly seems to consist of laughing at Seabs and playing video games. Ten minutes after that it's Brouwser at the door with Ari saying, "So Johnny has someone his own species to play with." Ari and Johnny don't look very interested in playing with each other though. Johnny sticks close to Seabs, despite the Latin, and Ari wanders into the kitchen.
Ten minutes after that and Bur's at the door. "So," he says, leaning against the door frame, "does Tazer need to be walked?"
Kaner gives up. "I'll go with you," he sighs, and goes to get the collar and leash.
"Dude," Adam says, "Don't cockblock me."
"Do you even know where the dog park is?"
"You're killin' me, Kaner. What if you make the ladies think I'm gay?"
"Then they'll be right," Kaner retorts and slides the collar over Johnny's head and snaps the leash on in one smooth movement. "Let's go."
Johnny whines the entire elevator ride down, and Kaner nudges him with his foot until he shuts up. Johnny never whines like this when he's a person. Though Kaner's never made him wear a collar while he's a person, so maybe he doesn't know. Then his brain catches up with what he just thought and he's really glad the elevator doors chooses that moment to open.
"Stop being so possessive, dude," Adam says halfway to the park. "The plan doesn't work if I don't have the dog."
"Fine," Kaner says and throws him the end of the leash. Johnny takes the opportunity to run in a circle and nearly trip Adam in the process, and Kaner smiles the rest of the way to the park.
Kaner sees Cheryl's vizsla before he see Cheryl, and he grabs Adam's arm. "Uh, just so you know, the puppy's name is Tazer and I got him yesterday."
"What?" Adam says. But Kaner doesn't have time to answer before Cheryl sees him and starts waving. "Kaner, you dog, you," Adam grins.
"It's really not like that," Kaner tries to say. Johnny growls and Adam just keeps smiling, and Cheryl walks over before he can kill any of them.
"Welcome back," Chery says, then crouches down and holds her hand out to Johnny. Kaner really hopes Johnny doesn't bite it.
He doesn't. He does duck out from under her hand and walk, nose in the grass, from between Kaner and Adam to Adam's other side. This conveniently puts Adam between Cheryl and Kaner. Then he seems content to let Cheryl scratch under his chin. Johnny is such a hypocrite.
"Hi," Adam smiles his charming smile, the one Kaner thinks is less charming and more smarmy. "I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Adam."
"Cheryl."
"I came over to meet Patrick's new puppy," Adam says, crouching down to be at eye level with Cheryl and idly scratching at Johnny's neck. Oh, he's good. Johnny has his eyes closed and his tail thumping on the ground, looking pretty blissed out.
Kaner uncleches his jaw. "Maybe we should let him off the leash to run around. You know how he hates that thing."
Adam sends him a smug look over his shoulder. "Sure thing, Pat." He unhooks Johnny's leash and Johnny squirms out from between them, leaving them on the ground, close together, and chatting. Whatever, Kaner's going to look after Johnny, like they're supposed to.
He finds a tennis ball that's not too disgusting abandoned in the grass, and Johnny over at the base of a tree, sniffing around, avoiding the other dogs. To be fair, the other dogs seem to be avoiding him too.
He throws the tennis ball so it lands nearly on Johnny's nose. Johnny looks up, startled, then looks back down at the ball, then back up with what even on a puppy is a skeptical look. Then he shakes his head, picks up the ball - which is slightly too big for his mouth - and trots over to Kaner.
Kaner laughs. "Awesome," he says when Johnny drops the ball at his feet. They end up playing fetch for a while. It seems really dumb, but Kaner's having a good time. And Johnny's jumping around, and running, and barking, and it seems like he's having a good time too.
"Pat!" Adam calls from the other end of the park. Kaner looks over and Adamn is tapping his watch and Cheryl and her vizsla are nowhere to be seen.
"Guess playtime's over for both of us," Kaner mutters. He and Johnny make their way back to Adam and the leash, but Kaner makes sure to tuck the ball into the pocket of his hoodie.
Johnny makes only a little bit of fuss when they try to put the leash back on and Kaner is going to rib him about this forever because, seriously, it's a few blocks.
"So," Adam says, grinning, "Cheryl."
"So what," Kaner says. "You realize she's gonna ask where the puppy went, once Johnny's back to being a person again."
"Also, she's gonna wonder why the Blackhawks star forward named his dog after his captain."
"Shut up," Kaner grumbles. "It was the only thing I could think of." Johnny takes this opportunity to stop in the middle of the sidewalk and butt his head against Kaner's knee. "And what the hell's wrong with you? She says hi to me and you nearly take both our heads off, but with Burish here you're practically a matchmaker."
Johnny barks and starts walking again, pulling at the leash.
"Maybe," Adam says, smarmy tone gone, "he just didn't want her flirting with you."
"I think we've established that," Kaner says.
"No, I mean -"
But Johnny interrupts Adam with a flurry of barks, and Adam sighs, and then they're back at Sharpy's anyway, so Kaner never does find out what Adam means.
Sharpy's place is full of guys there to "help" but no one is actually doing any helping. Mostly people are just continuing the Madden tournament and Johnny's growling because he can't participate. Even Seabs has gone through every good luck charm and spell that he brought and is sitting slumped on the floor at Duncs' feet. Kaner gives him a beer, then sits next to him and pulls deeply from his own. At least Seabs tried, which is more than anyone else did, including Kaner. He doesn't even know where to start.
Johnny clambers over their legs and settles with his head in Kaner's lap and his feet in Seabs'. Kaner automatically starts scratching his ear. This puppy version of Johnny is a lot more affectionate than the human version. Maybe it's just something in his puppy brain.
They sit like that for a while, Kaner feeling hopeless and drinking 2 more beers, which the other guys seem happy to bring him before he can even ask or think about disturbing Johnny, who has fallen asleep.
Seabs and Kaner's mood affects everyone, eventually. The video game trash talk gets more and more subdued until one by one, everyone decides to go home. Even Keith drags Seabs from the floor and out of the condo, muttering about dying on the ice tomorrow if they spend another night on the floor here.
Sharpy wanders around straightening up, and Kaner wants to help, he does, but Johnny's still asleep on his lap and he dozes a little, feeling worn out like he does at the end of a hard fought losing game.
Some time later Sharpy shakes him awake and herds him into the guest room. Johnny follows at his heels and jumps up onto the bed once Kaner's under the covers. He curls into a tight ball against Kaner's chest. Kaner throws an arm around him and says, "You know, any time you wanna turn back into a person, you just go right ahead and do it.
"Like, if this is some weird thing where you think you can only ask for affection as a puppy, I promise I'll hug you and shit if you're a person, okay? I just really need my best friend back."
Johnny doesn't say anything, doesn't even bark, so Kaner falls asleep and doesn't wake up until Sharpy jumps on him the next morning yelling that it's time for practice.
Wednesday
Practice is even worse than the day before. Kaner can't concentrate. He feels slow and dumb and the puck just won't cooperate. Johnny's quiet over on the bench, and Coach isn't going easy on anyone.
Kaner's the last to score a shootout goal on Cris, and lags behind clearing up everyone's gloves and sticks. Nobody even razzes him as he does it. The reporters keep asking where Johnny is and Coach keeps telling them he has the flu. "He'll skate again when he's better. He'll play tomorrow if he's better. If he's not better, he won't play."
In the locker room, Johnny's sitting glumly at his place. Sharpy's talking to him, trying to cheer him up, but it doesn't seem to be working. Kaner sits next to them and tries to drum up the energy to take off his skates.
Hossa and Koppecky wander over then, mostly in their street clothes already, and crouch down to be at eye level with Johnny,
"Hey Hoss," Sharpy says. Johnny lifts his head up in greeting.
"Tomas says he can help with this problem," Hossa explains quietly, but suddenly everyone in the locker room is paying attention.
"In Slovakia," Tomas says, "My grandmother is a woman many people go to if they have problems like curses, or if they want a potion to help their love life."
"Your grandmother is a witch?" Kaner blinks.
"A wise woman," Tomas corrects. "I talked to her last night. She has seen something like this before. It is the work of a -" and he says something that doesn't sound like a word, but a jumble of consanants.
"A what?" Sharpy asks.
"Skrzak," Tomas repeats. "I think you would say ... imp? They are small and cause mischief."
"Some Slovakian imp turned Tazer in a dog?" Keith asks. "How did it even get here?"
Tomas shrugs. "People come here, they bring things with them. Luckily, it is easy to fix."
"How?" Kaner asks eagerly.
"I say a binding for him now. When you go home, you leave a bowl of cream, some butter, maybe some yogurt under a window in the room where Johnny sleeps. Tomorrow, he will be Johnny again."
Everyone stares at him.
"Seriously?" Sharpy says. "We're gonna fix Tazer with some yogurt?"
"Anything thick and dairy will attract the Skzrak, and keep it near the window. When the sun rises, it will lose its power."
It doesn't sound very likely, but what the hell, it's not like it can hurt, and no one else has any ideas.
"Do it," Kaner says.
Tomas reaches out and rests his hand on Johnny's head, speaks quickly for a minute in what Kaner assumes is Slovakian, then stands up. "See you tomorrow," he says, and he and Hoss grab their stuff and leave.
Johnny watches them go, but doesn't seem any happier.
"He doesn't look any different," Seabs says.
"Well he wouldn't till the whatever-the-hell gets caught in the sun. Guess we'll just have to wait and see tomorrow," Keith frowns.
"Come on, Kaner," Sharpy smacks him gently on the side of the head, "get your skates off and your clothes on so we can go home."
They stop at Target again for the cream, and a box of butter, and big tub of yogurt ("Do you think it matters if it's flavored?" "Maybe it likes the fruit on the bottom.")
Back at the condo, Sharpy heads for his office to pay some bills, and Kaner sits in front of the TV, not really watching whatever's on HBO, just letting his mind drift. No one shows up to "help" or play video games, and Kaner's sort of glad for the quiet. He thinks about taking a nap, but he slept a lot last night, and even with practice this morning, he's not really sleepy.
The movie ends and Kaner changes the channel to ESPN. There's a college basketball game on, and Kaner doesn't even really like basketball, but he watches anyway. Sharpy finishes his bills and makes them sandwiches and sits down to watch with him.
During halftime Kaner feels a nudge at his calf and looks down to see that Johnny's dropped the beat up tennis ball and the leash at his feet.
Sharpy laughs. "Somebody wants a walk."
Johnny doesn't even protest the leash, so Kaner steals Sharpy's keys and takes Johnny out to the park. When he unclips the leash, Johnny just stands there, kind of vibrating and barks a few times until Kaner takes the ball out of his pocket and throws it across the park. Johnny races after it enthusiastically, and Kaner laughs. It feels really good to laugh, it feels like maybe he hasn't done it since the last time they were out here. It's a typical March day in Chicago - dreary and cold, but they stay outside for a long time, and Kaner has the sudden feeling that everything is going to be okay.
They pack it in when it starts to get dark and Kaner can't feel his hands anymore.
Sharpy orders pizza and they watch The Hangover - for the 5th time - and then Kaner figures the sooner they go to bed, the sooner they'll see if Kopecky's Slovakian mumbling actually worked, and Sharpy seems to agree with him. They put three bowls filled with cream, yogurt, and butter underneath the window in the guest room, crack the window so the room won't smell like ass in the morning, and say goodnight.
Johnny's sits on the end of the bed and looks at the window as Kaner strips down to his boxers and gets under the covers.
"Come 'ere," he says, but Johnny whines a little bit and doesn't move. "Seriously, dude, what's your problem? I know you wanna cuddle. All puppies wanna cuddle." Johnny starts to move, but then sits back again. Kaner sighs. "Fine, it'll make me feel better if you were here and not there, okay? You can make fun of me tomorrow, I don't care."
Johnny curls up, warm against Kaner's stomach, and Kaner falls asleep with his fingers crossed.
Thursday
Kaner wakes up to a yell, a large thump, another yell, and a soft, "ow." When he opens his eyes, the bed is empty. He pokes his head over the side and there's Tazer, butt naked and gloriously human. A huge grin spreads across his face.
"Um," Johnny says, "clothes?"
"Dude," Kaner says, "I've seen it." Then he flies off the bed and tackles Johnny. Johnny who has skin and not fur oh, thank god.
"Fuck. Get off me, asshole," Johnny mumbles from underneath him.
"No. You're back!"
"I'm back and I want clothes." Johnny manages to throw Kaner off, and Kaner just lies on the floor, smiling like a fool.
"I see how it is," Kaner jokes, "Now that you're not a puppy, you don't need to cuddle anymore, and I just get dumped."
Johnny doesn't say anything, and when Kaner turns his head, Johnny's looking at him seriously. "Thanks," he says. "I mean, for, you know -"
"Shut up," Kaner says. "You'd do the same for me."
"Let's hope I won't have to," Johnny smiles.
"I would make the cutest puppy. Even cuter than you."
"In your dreams," Johnny says, and shoves his shoulder. "I'm gonna go find clothes."
---
That night Kaner walks into his apartment for the first time in days. It's exactly like he left it, of course, but it feels quiet and weird without Sharpy and a puppy. But there is no more puppy, only Johnny, and Kaner can't be sorry for that. Especially not after a game like tonight: they were on fire, happy to have Tazer back, and Johnny played like a beast, just happy to be able to skate again.
He turns on some lights, and the TV, just for the noise. He throws off his shoes, grabs a beer from the fridge, and sits on the couch. Thirty seconds later, he's up again. He walks to the kitchen, opens the fridge, but he's not really hungry so he closes it and walks back towards the couch. He detours to his bedroom for sweatpants, then back to the couch, where he picks up his beer and stands. Okay, maybe he's a little restless.
Fuck it, he's going to Johnny's. It's not like he doesn't show up there every other night anyway. He's in the middle of a hunt for his shoes when there's a knock on the door.
Johnny's on the other side, his hair still wet from a shower, looking sheepish.
"So uh, I was thinking," he says, "that what if that thing comes back? If I turn into a dog while I'm alone at my place, I can't even call you guys for help, you know?"
Kaner hadn't even thought of that, but suddenly it's imperative that Johnny not be alone. "You're totally right, dude," he tells Johnny seriously as he waves him in. Johnny smiles and his shoulders relax, and Kaner thinks that, actually, maybe he's not so restless anymore and some video games sound good.
"Halo?" he asks.
"Awesome," Johnny says.
They settle on the couch, and Kaner leans in against Johnny's shoulder. Johnny throws him a grin and leans back.
"Awesome," Kaner says.
And it is.