This was nothing Steve had imagined when he interrupted Bucky's hesitation over the question of having sex again to say, "Anything you need, pal."
Still, it didn't take him long to see a way to do what Bucky wanted--not just to do it to him, but to see it as important the way Bucky did, to understand why he needed it. They were both singing from the same hymnal, when you got down to their deepest instincts; it wasn't so tough to get on the same page. A discreet online purchase, a morning where Bucky skipped breakfast to camp out in the other bathroom while Steve monkeyed around in here, and they were ready to go.
Steve and the plumbing were ready, anyway. He looked down at the bathtub and then grabbed a towel, making a neat little roll halfway down. That ought to do it.
He opened the bathroom door, already calling out, "Buck?"
Except Bucky was already waiting, standing naked in the hall with the folded bundle of his clothes held against his side. Maybe it was just because there had been no point pulling his pants up to walk from one bathroom to the other, but Steve had a feeling this was SOP.
Steve held out one hand, and Bucky nodded slightly as he turned over his clothes.
Steve felt a rush of butterflies in his stomach, and a harder pulse at his groin. He really... really wasn't going to mind doing this, he didn't think, and not only because it would hopefully clear the way to having actual sex later. Bucky was offering himself to Steve now, asking for something only Steve could give him. Steve couldn't help wanting that.
He stepped back and waved Bucky toward the bathtub so they could get on with it. "Face up so I can see you. Hips propped up on that towel, please."
Bucky stepped into the tub and sat. Steve saw his eyes widen at the new metal hose attached to the faucet, the blunt silver nozzle on the end making its purpose obvious. A bottle of lube stood ready on the tub ledge.
"Oh," Bucky said, the sound coming out soft--startled but not displeased, Steve judged. "There's... there's no bag."
Steve was pretty damn sure that a bag would mean an implicit order to take the full contents of the bag--or two bags, or however much it turned out to be. This had seemed more... flexible.
"Yeah, you'll have to tell me when it's enough."
Bucky's gaze jumped up from the gleaming silver loops of the hose to meet Steve's eyes. His pupils were wide, his eyes dark with dazed eagerness, and Steve had to make a conscious effort not to adjust his dick in his pants.
He kept his voice firm and calm. "You can do that for me, can't you, Buck? I just want to get you clean, it doesn't matter to me how much it takes to do that."
Bucky licked his lips and his gaze went back to the hose, staring in obvious fascination. "Sometimes they... sometimes I needed more than one. More than one time, I mean. I would get to the end but I still wasn't clean and they had to do it all over again."
Steve couldn't let himself think about what that actually meant--Bucky's rapists going back for seconds on a whim, taking advantage of Bucky's desperation to drag out his torment. He only had to know what it meant that Bucky was telling him this now: Bucky was letting himself be a little greedy, already anticipating going back for seconds before they'd even begun.
"Well, we're not gonna run out of water, and the drain's right there," Steve said, his voice coming out only a little hoarse at the thought of doing this to Bucky again and again while he just kept begging for more. "Whatever it takes, Buck. We'll get you clean. We won't stop until you're spotless."
Bucky nodded, still staring at the faucet, and Steve sat down on the edge of the tub and put his hand on Bucky's right shoulder, pushing gently. "Lie down, Buck. Let's go."
Bucky lay back, his head just touching the far end of the roomy bathtub. He left his hands at his sides and parted his legs without having to be told, propping his left foot to one side of the faucet and hooking his right ankle over the edge of the tub, just short of the bottle of lube. Steve put one hand on the inside of his calf and squeezed lightly, letting his gaze roam up and down Bucky's body, laid bare to him for the first time in more than seventy years.
Bucky, naked, was both instantly familiar to him--he'd never seen as much of anybody else as he had of Bucky, watched him grow from boy to man to combat-hardened soldier--but also new in ways Steve had braced himself for and in ways he hadn't expected. He was bigger, stronger--mechanized--but also pliantly surrendered in a way Bucky had never been with him before. His dick and balls were as hairless as his chest, which had definitely never been the case before, and Steve wasn't going to think about why any more than he was going to give in to the temptation to touch. Bucky's cock was soft, resting against his upraised thigh, and that wasn't what they were here for.
Not yet. Not until Bucky was ready. Not until Steve made him ready, because that was what Bucky needed from him.
Steve looked lower. There was no trace of lube on Bucky's hole, but it was looking very pink and scrubbed. "All set, Buck?"
"Please." Bucky's eyes drifted shut, his whole body going slack and soft. Even his hole seemed less tightly closed, inviting what Steve was about to do.
I needed it, Bucky had told him. I didn't fight it, I knew I needed it. That was the one thing I always cooperated with. Sometimes I asked for it if it seemed like they forgot, when they were squaring me away after a mission. I always wanted to be clean.
"All right." Steve pressed the heel of one hand against his dick and picked up the hose.
He pressed the button on the base of the nozzle to let water out, testing the warmth and water pressure against the palm of his hand. He'd just spent twenty minutes getting it exactly the way he wanted it, but it couldn't hurt to be careful.
Bucky gasped a little at the sound of the water spraying; he turned his face toward the sound, toward Steve, but kept his eyes closed.
Steve let go of the button, stopping the spray. He picked up the lube and carefully slicked up the blunt, smooth nozzle. It was about the thickness and length of his finger, with holes in the top that reminded him absurdly of a salt shaker.
"Here we go." Steve leaned over, pressing gently against Bucky's inner thigh with one hand and putting the nozzle to his hole with the other. There was only a second of resistance, and then it slid smoothly inside, sinking a couple of inches in one easy glide.
"How's that feel?" Steve dragged his gaze from the shiny-wet metal and Bucky's ass with an effort. When he looked at his face, Bucky had opened his eyes to slits.
There was a little flush on his face, and he was smiling slightly. "S'fine, Stevie. It's good."
Steve couldn't help grinning, feeling a rush of eagerness to give Bucky more of what he wanted. "All right. Here it comes. I'll let the water run a little while the first time, but tell me right away if anything doesn't feel right, okay?"
Bucky nodded, his eyes closing again, and Steve looked down again to where he was holding the hose he'd just plugged into Bucky's ass. He licked his lips, tried to square his shoulders and couldn't, twisted up as he was. He slid down to kneel by the tub instead, his arm hooked over Bucky's thigh, his left hand resting automatically on Bucky's stomach. He felt muscles twitch under his palm before Bucky relaxed again.
Steve pressed the button, letting water spray into Bucky, washing him clean from the inside.
There couldn't be much to clean in practical terms--supersoldier digestion being what it was, they didn't produce shit anywhere near in normal proportion to what they ate, and Bucky hadn't eaten anything at all in sixteen hours. But if it were only about practical terms, Bucky could have done this himself. That wasn't the point. Bucky wanted to feel clean inside, and he wanted Steve to get him there.
Bucky gasped quietly at the first rush of water, but Steve kept his thumb steady on the button, rubbing his left hand in circles over Bucky's abdomen. The muscles softened under his touch, and he felt absurdly proud to have made Bucky relax.
"There you go," Steve murmured. "There, we'll get you all cleaned up, see?"
"Please," Bucky breathed. "Please, Steve, don't stop, I need a lot, I need it all the way in."
Steve had barely counted off twenty seconds, and hadn't planned on stopping anytime soon; he pressed down a little more firmly as he rubbed Bucky's stomach. He thought he could feel the first subtle movements inside as the water kept pouring into Bucky's guts.
"I won't stop until you tell me to," Steve promised, though he couldn't help continuing to count off seconds in the back of his head. "But I need you to tell me how it feels, can you do that? I need to know we're doing what you need. Tell me what you feel, Buck." He rubbed his hand in a deliberate circle, pressing gently. "Is this okay?"
Bucky nodded quickly, emphatically. "S'good, it--ah--" Steve felt a little spasm of tension run through him, a cramp striking and then releasing under his fingers. "It's warm, it's--I can feel it going into me, getting in, and you--you're--"
Steve rubbed another few slow circles before he prompted, "What am I doing, Buck?"
"S'like a bath instead of a firehose," Bucky murmured, squirming restlessly in the tub. Steve shifted his left hand up to touch Bucky's cheek. Bucky pressed into the touch immediately, gasping as another little cramp went through him; Steve could see the flex of muscle in his belly as the pain hit. The slight concavity between his hipbones already looked softened, flattening out as his abdomen was filled.
"That's right, Buck," Steve murmured, brushing his thumb over Bucky's cheek before he settled his hand low on Bucky's abdomen again, rubbing softly. "Nice warm bath for your insides. Tell me how it feels now, do you need a break?"
Bucky shook his head. "S'good, getting--getting--I can feel it, I can feel--getting full, a little--but don't stop, Stevie, it's not all the way yet."
"Shh, I know." Steve slid his hand up Bucky's thigh, noticing that Bucky's cock was getting thicker against his thigh, and his belly was definitely starting to round up a little now. "I know. We're going to fill you all the way up, get you clean all the way inside. There's plenty of hot water, you can have as much as you want. Not quite the way I ever thought you'd get fat in your old age," Steve added, poking one teasing finger into the center of Bucky's faintly distended belly.
Bucky groaned, and Steve's cock jerked at the sound and the sight of Bucky's cock doing the same. Another cramp went through him, and Steve switched to rubbing softly until it eased. He was cupping Bucky's belly under his palm as it rounded up under his touch.
"Buck? How about now, should I stop now? How's that feel?"
Bucky shook his head. "It's good, it's good, I can--I need--more, Steve, please, please, it's so good, so full."
"Okay, Buck," Steve said softly. "You're doing great, getting so clean. I know you can take a lot. I know it hurts a little bit, but that's okay, isn't it? Sometimes it needs to hurt some so you know it's working. So you know you're really getting clean."
Bucky nodded frantically. "Yeah, it's, it's--you don't know if you got everything until it's too much, it's--oh God, Stevie, there's so much."
He squirmed, pressing up into Steve's hand, and Steve rubbed harder, feeling the taut fullness of his belly. Bucky gasped, and Steve lightened his touch again as a hard cramp struck.
"Can you--" Bucky's voice went thin and strained.
Steve took his thumb off the button and waited, watching Bucky's face. He moved his hand gently, touching Bucky's skin but not applying any pressure. Bucky raised his own hand--the right one, flesh fingers trembling. His hand hovered in the air by his belly, but didn't touch.
"Go on, Buck," Steve prompted, not thinking about who made him so hesitant to even touch his own body. "Feel how full you are--you took so much, pal, and now you're keeping it all in so you can get good and clean."
Bucky settled his hand gingerly against the unnatural curve of his belly, stroking lightly at first and then pressing harder, first with the flat of his palm and then digging in with his fingers, moving from one side to the other.
Steve slid his own hand out of the way of Bucky's systematic exploration, but he didn't stop touching him.
Finally Bucky shook his head. "More, Steve. I can take more, this isn't that much, really. Not enough."
"All right, Buck. As much as you need." Steve pressed down on the button again, watching Bucky's face. His eyelids sagged half shut even as his face tensed in something that had to be pain, caught up in the luxury of this backward gluttony.
Steve kept touching him, felt the cramps shudder through him from time to time. Bucky moaned a little when they hit him, but he didn't try to squirm away, and Steve could only watch, fascinated.
Finally the skin of Bucky's abdomen was stretched completely taut, his belly obscenely rounded. His face was flushed, his cock firm and thick where it lay against the underside of his gut, and he was panting hoarsely. Steve stopped the flow of water and waited to see if Bucky would even notice; it took a couple of minutes, but he opened his eyes to focus on Steve, blinking away the daze and meeting his eyes.
"How's it feel?" Steve prompted. "You took so much, Buck, so much more than I thought you could. You're doing so well. Does it hurt now?"
Bucky nodded. "It's... good hurt. Has to hurt, to get clean. Has to--"
Bucky stopped abruptly, eyes going wide. "Oh, fuck, Stevie--I can't--"
"Okay, Buck. It's all right. I'm gonna take the nozzle out--"
Bucky let out a little keening sound of protest, and Steve winced but did it, tugging the nozzle free. Bucky had tightened up around it, so that almost nothing escaped with it, his hole tightening up instinctively. Steve looked at Bucky's face, wondering if he needed permission to let go; he saw the moment when his struggle to hang on turned to the relief of surrender.
His gaze jerked back down to watch the water gush forcefully out of Bucky's hole, propelled in a jet that pounded against the end of the bathtub. It seemed to go on and on, and Steve felt his hand sinking with Bucky's belly as it emptied. He looked at Bucky's face when the flow stopped.
Bucky was looking blissed out, and he'd only paused; he caught a breath and moaned it back out, expelling yet more water in another hard stream. Steve started rubbing his belly again, pushing a little to help.
"Get it all out, Buck. There you go. Get everything out, let the water take it all away. When there's nothing left inside you, you'll be so clean. So good and clean."
"I need," Bucky mumbled, lifting his left hand toward Steve. "I can't, I..."
Steve took his hand and tugged him up, helping him curl around his deflating belly as he pushed out the last of the water. He rested his forehead against Steve's shoulder, panting softly, when it was all over. Steve nuzzled at his temple.
"Okay?" Steve murmured, glancing around the tub. All the water had drained, leaving no visible residue behind. "I think you got it all out, pal. How do you feel?"
Bucky leaned harder into him, curling forward further. "Can I... Can I go again? Just to make sure?"
Steve bit his lip to keep from making a sound at the rough need in Bucky's voice, and reached for the bottle of lube.
The second time through, Bucky had his right hand on his own belly the whole time. His head was tipped back, eyes closed, his lips parted and showing the wet pink inside of his mouth every time Steve dared to look.
Bucky's eyes flashed open when his belly was only gently rounded up, firm but not stretched completely tight. "I think that's..."
"Okay, pal, that's fine," Steve soothed, stopping the water and then easing the nozzle out of him. "Okay? You're doing great, you must be so clean inside now."
Bucky's eyes closed, and he rubbed his own belly in gentle motions while Steve let his hand rest on the rounded crest, waiting. Bucky held it for a while this time, deliberately prodding at his own distended flesh, his attention turned inward as he felt around.
Steve barely breathed, as fascinated by this as he was by the more obvious process of filling and emptying. He kept his hand on Bucky, feeling the subtle internal rumblings, the occasional tension of cramps.
He knew that Bucky knew he was there, had wanted him to see this. Watching him like this, while he was so absorbed in something so private, felt like a whole different kind of closeness Bucky was granting to him. Steve drank it in, memorizing every line of his body, every tiny change in his expression.
He was beyond the early blissful daze, focused carefully on himself. When he lifted his gaze to Steve's, the connection was immediate, though there was a naked hesitation in his eyes. "I need--should I--"
Bucky's gaze darted sideways; he couldn't see the toilet from where he lay, but the implication was obvious.
"If that's what you want," Steve allowed, rubbing his hand feather-lightly over Bucky's rounded belly and loving the strange new curve of it. "But where you are is fine. Even if you could get up this time, you don't have to."
"Can you," Bucky's hand shifted over Steve's, pressing down slightly. "Steve, can you, please..."
Steve made a helpless noise at the thought of what Bucky was asking for, his brain flashing hot and bright and his cock jumping. Bucky jerked his hand back, taking it for a refusal, and there was only one way Steve could respond to that. He pressed down with his whole hand against the tender, swollen curve of Bucky's gut, pushing against the volume of water he was holding in.
Bucky's eyes went wide, his gaze locking on Steve's. The flush on his face was deepening from pink to red, but he arched into Steve's touch, offering himself, his lips shaping silent words. Make me.
"Let it out, Buck," Steve commanded, pressing down harder and meeting the resistance of tensed muscles as Bucky tried to brace himself, tried to hold on. "Come on, you've gotta let this go, that's the only way you're gonna get clean."
Bucky shook his head a little, but didn't argue and didn't take his wide, bright eyes off of Steve's.
Steve rocked his hand, concentrating the pressure here and then there, and felt Bucky's abdomen go harder still as a cramp shot through him. "Don't fight it, Buck. You need this. Just let go. I've got you, I'm right here. Let it out, let me see you do this."
Bucky moaned and a hard little blurt of water escaped before he cut off the stream of it again.
Steve shook his head and stopped pressing down. He couldn't force this without hurting him. He slipped his other hand between Bucky's thighs instead. He rubbed his thumb around Bucky's clenched-tight hole, feeling the slick residue from the nozzle going in. He didn't try prodding into the center, but used his thumb to tug gently at one side and then the other. "Let go, Buck. I know you know how, just give it up for me. It's okay, you can stop."
Bucky squirmed under him, and Steve pushed down just a little then, just enough to keep him still.
Bucky gasped and let go. Steve felt the surrender between his hands, and didn't bother to draw his right hand away from the gushing stream of water escaping him. He rubbed Bucky's stomach firmly as the water left him, helping make sure it was all gone, feeling around the rim of Bucky's hole at it opened with his other hand.
Bucky didn't try to sit up this time, just put his hand on top of Steve's, encouraging him to press down harder as he released the last little spurts of water. When it was all done he lay still under Steve's hands, watching Steve through half-open eyes.
"I think that was enough, Buck," Steve murmured.
Bucky was entirely relaxed now, and between that and the lingering traces of slick, it was easy to slip a finger into Bucky where the nozzle had been. Bucky's eyes widened, his mouth falling open, as Steve stirred his finger around inside the wet heat of Bucky's ass.
He didn't bother looking away from Bucky's eyes as he slipped that finger back out and popped it into his mouth, licking and sucking as Bucky's mouth worked in dazed silence. It didn't taste of anything in particular--water and lube, maybe, but nothing else. Still, knowing what he'd just done made heat rise in his face and his dick. It was an effort to speak in a halfway normal tone.
"Yeah," Steve said. "All clean, pal, like I--"
Bucky moved fast when he decided to move. He shoved himself upright and lunged at Steve to kiss him like he could wash his mouth out for him--or maybe he just needed to taste himself on Steve's tongue.
It didn't matter. They were kissing, filthy and deep and frantic, for the first time in years. Steve put his arms around Bucky automatically, and Bucky swung a leg over the bathtub ledge and then stopped there, spread open as he kept kissing Steve.
Steve could take a hint even when Bucky was sucking on his tongue, at least when it was one he was looking for. His fingers found Bucky's hole again, and he rubbed two around it without pressing in.
Bucky pulled back to demand, "Do it, Steve, come on, if I'm clean enough for--"
Steve cut that off with a kiss and pressed both fingers inside.
Bucky moaned into his mouth, clutching at Steve's shoulders and rocking his hips as Steve curled his fingers inside him. Steve slid his other hand down to Bucky's cock, and he'd barely made contact before Bucky broke the kiss to gasp.
He wasn't even completely hard, but he shook with eagerness, his voice ragged as he said, "Steve, please, you, you--"
Steve groaned, his cock pressing hard in his jeans. "Come here, then, Buck, come on--"
Steve leaned back, keeping his hand on Bucky's cock and his fingers in Bucky's ass. Bucky followed, his hands tightening hard on Steve's shoulders as he got his feet under him just long enough to get out of the bathtub. He straddled Steve's thighs as Steve sat back on his heels.
"You want me, you get me," Steve directed. He kept flexing his fingers inside Bucky, didn't stop stroking his cock.
Bucky whined but dropped his left hand, always steady, to Steve's fly. Steve shut his eyes and bit his lip, trying to focus on keeping his own hands working on Bucky. He was aching for this, though, and the teasing almost-touch of Bucky's vibranium fingers made him feel like the top of his head was lifting off.
That was nothing to the feeling of those cool fingers wrapping around his cock. Steve surged up under Bucky's first stroke, driving his fingers harder into Bucky's ass. Bucky moaned and rode the motion. The next second he was rising up over Steve, adjusting his grip on Steve's cock--not to tease him any further, but to line it up with his ass.
"Uh-uh," Steve managed, letting go of Bucky's cock to snag the bottle of lube off the edge of the tub.
He had a second's awareness of how absurd it was to be too frantic to do this somewhere other than the bathroom floor, and then Bucky was snatching the bottle out of his hand, squirting its contents directly onto Steve's overheated cock. The wet slick chill on the head of his cock sent a shudder through his whole body that seemed to rebound into the tightening of his balls. He got his own hand on his cock, giving it a couple of too-hard strokes to spread the lube and slow himself down.
Bucky had no interest in slowing down. He grabbed Steve's wrist, tugging Steve's fingers free of his ass, and brought his hips in tight, kneeing Steve's wrist in the process to force him to let go of his cock. The head of it bounced directly up against Bucky's ass, and Bucky made a startlingly smug little noise and pressed down onto it.
"Fuck," Steve said--maybe yelled, by the way the sound bounced off the tile.
He jerked back against the bathroom cabinet and stared at Bucky's fluttering eyelashes and bared throat as Bucky worked himself down onto Steve's cock, inch by inch. He didn't stop until he had all of it inside him, and even then he was still moving, rocking and squirming, stroking his own cock when Steve wasn't quick enough to get back to it.
Steve couldn't move, pinioned by the stunning pleasure of being inside Bucky again. If the open edges of his fly hadn't been digging in uncomfortably he would have come already, would never have believed he was really here with Bucky like this. He was so hot inside, so tight around Steve's cock, so obviously greedy for this even more than for what they'd done before.
"God, you needed this, didn't you?" Steve murmured.
Bucky's gaze was instantly riveted on him. There was a hunger in his wide eyes, something he still needed, even with Steve buried inside him and his own hand working his cock.
"You're doing so well," Steve tried, and Bucky's breath caught on a half sob, but he didn't take his eyes from Steve. "Come on, you can take more, can't you?"
Steve rolled his hips up and Bucky moaned, clenching on Steve's cock.
"That's right, you do it," Steve managed. "You know what you want, just how you want to be filled up. Take it, Buck, take what you need--"
Bucky groaned again but started to move in earnest, rising and falling and working his ass on Steve's cock in a hot caress that nearly had Steve's eyes rolling back in his head. Bucky gave a choked off little cry as he started to come, jetting out against Steve's shirt. His ass contracted tighter and tighter around Steve, and Bucky kept moving, working Steve over every way he could.
Steve couldn't help jerking up into him a few more times, wringing more deliciously helpless sounds from his mouth. It wasn't long before he was coming, acutely aware that he was pouring himself out inside Bucky, just where they'd spent all this time getting him clean.
Bucky went limp on top of him, leaning into the mess of come he'd made of Steve's shirt. Steve could feel lube trickling down his cock and onto his balls, felt himself softening though he was still inside Bucky for now. The mess would only be worse when he finally pulled out.
Steve took his hand off Bucky's thigh and felt around behind him, feeling for the drawers and trying to remember their contents.
"What're you," Bucky mumbled, snuggling more firmly into Steve, rubbing his forehead into the crook of his neck. "Stop moving."
"Just trying to find a washcloth." Steve turned his head to nuzzle into Bucky's hair. "Get you cleaned up again."
Bucky shook his head and reached around to catch Steve's wrist, tugging his hand away from the drawer. "Did that already."
Bucky squirmed in his lap and worked his ass on Steve's softening cock, making Steve more aware of the mess of come and lube between them.
"Got everything bad out," Bucky murmured. "Now I'm clean."
Steve closed his eyes and breathed out without a sound. He wrapped his arms around Bucky and settled in to stay right there until his ass went numb.