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Natasha "Toni" Stark wandered into the kitchen, a thick sheaf of papers held in front of her nose. Steve sipped his juice and didn't say anything as she poured herself a cup of coffee and took a seat at the table, all of it without so much as glancing up. With anyone else, he would have expected them to trip, but Toni had proved herself perfectly capable of reading and doing almost anything else, including working on circuitry.
She was wearing one of those thin-strapped undershirts that she swore were supposed to be real clothing and Steve couldn't stop thinking of as underwear. This one was purple, which was better than the white one she usually wore, but not by much. It showed off the bright blue glow of the arc reactor that was nestled in her chest, which, Steve supposed, was as much the point as anything else. Ever since the Iron Woman's identity had come out, Toni had taken every chance she had to walk around nearly topless. Jan thought she'd missed being able to show off. Steve was pretty sure she just liked seeing the male Avengers squirm.
"Good morning," he offered, not sure if she had even heard him, but not willing to be rude. "What's that you're reading?"
"Nothing much." Toni brushed her dark bangs out of her eyes and flipped to another page. Steve waited, sipping his juice again while her eyes skimmed the papers. "Just a bio report. According to this, I'm pregnant."
Orange juice went up his nose.
Toni continued on, as if Steve weren't turning purple across from her. "It has to be a late reaction to those mood-bombs that mad scientist tossed at us last week. They were hormone-based, and these things test hGC levels, which are easier to manipulate than you'd think. I haven't had sex with a man in months. Anyway, I'm on my period."
That explained the ice cream Jarvis had brought home. Steve had thought it was because of the mad scientist. The mood-enhancing bombs hadn't had much affect on the men, other than making them a bit edgy, but Jan and Toni had locked themselves in a room for three days. Thor had gone in to try and talk them down, but after five minutes and a lot of screaming, he'd come out mumbling something about the fury of Valkyries and chocolate.
What Toni had said filtered down through Steve's thoughts. "Wait— you haven't? But I thought...?" He blushed, staring down at his orange juice and trying to figure out how to end that sentence. "Um. I thought that... you know..."
"If the next words that come out of your mouth have anything to do with promiscuity, I'm going to shove this report so far up your ass you'll think the Hulk developed a taste for men." She didn't even look up as she said it, which made the threat worse. "If I were a man, you wouldn't say a thing and you know it. So stuff it, Rogers."
"But I know you've had dates! And went home with them!" The words pushed out of Steve's mouth before he could stop them. He didn't know what it was about Toni that disconnected his brain from his tongue, but it never failed to get him in trouble.
"Yes." A perfectly arched eyebrow lifted as she regarded him over the papers. "I also said I haven't had sex with a man. What's your point?"
It took a minute for her meaning to sink in. Steve blushed even more. "Oh. I— um— oh."
"Oh?" Toni stared at him, then threw her head back and laughed. She fanned herself with the bio report. "Oh God, you're precious! Are you really that naïve? Wait, don't answer that." Bright blue eyes made even brighter with laughter stared at him from across the table. "I bet you didn't believe those tabloids that said Jan and I had slept together either, did you?"
"Obviously!" This put those three days of lock-down into a whole new perspective.
"You're adorable. Has anyone told you that?" Toni was clearly finding a lot of pleasure in Steve's discomfort. She laced her fingers and rested her chin on them, watching as though he were a particularly amusing floorshow. "Like a big, clueless puppy."
Under the weight of those blue eyes and the even heavier weight of his imagination, Steve floundered. "I thought—I mean, you like men. I thought you like men."
"I do. I happen to like women, too. It's not an either-or proposition, you know." Actually, Steve hadn't known, but Toni kept on, obviously not expecting a reply. "Anyway, it's easier to handle women lately. Men always want to see my breasts. First thing out of their mouths, usually. 'Take off your shirt.' It's hard to hide the nightlight. Women are more..." Full lips that had been smeared with some sort of sheer, glossy stuff stretched into a lascivious smile. "Flexible."
Steve covered his eyes and hoped a supervillain would burst into the kitchen right now, please. Even that stupid one with the candybar theme would do. "Not all men are like that." Even to himself, the argument fell a little flat. He'd seen the way Hank watched Jan when she was in her Wasp costume and full-sized, though he thought Hank did his best not to look too much. Steve always tried to be respectful and keep his eyes above her shoulders, at least.
At least the Iron Woman suit wasn't so revealing, even if what Toni wore the rest of the time more than made up for it.
"Any man without a working pair, a gay man or a child. And you, of course. There's always you." Paper rustled and a chair scraped, presumably as Toni stood. He waited for the sound of the kitchen door shutting to announce that she'd left him to blush in peace, but instead a sticky kiss landed on his cheek.
"Don't think about it too hard, Cap. This is a bad week for it anyway." Toni bumped his shoulder with her hip and then she was gone.
Steve stared down at his juice, wide-eyed. Don't think about it. That was probably the best advice he'd gotten about women in a long, long time. And like all good advice, he knew it wasn't going to be nearly as easy to follow as it sounded.