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On the List of Things (Read: People) Simon Thought He’d Never Do

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Simon really hadn’t meant to have sex with Raphael.

One minute they were bickering about something stupid - and Simon probably shouldn’t have pushed his luck, because Raphael had been especially cranky today, but he just couldn’t help himself - and the next Raphael had him crowded against the wall and was kissing him fiercely. It was unexpected, and shocking, but it felt – strangely good. Especially with the solid pressure of Raphael’s weight pressing against him and one of his strong hands reaching up to tangle in Simon’s hair. Raphael had pulled away for a moment, leaving Simon’s lips tingling, and he’d reached for Raphael before he’d had time to overthink it - Raphael had groaned as he pressed closer, and God Simon had never kissed anyone like this. He stifled a moan when Raphael slid his hands under his shirt to tease along his abs, and then Raphael had started sucking on his neck and his brain had pretty much short-circuited.

He’d never gotten out of his clothes so fast before, and then Raphael had pretty much thrown him on the bed, and it turns out Simon might actually have a thing for being manhandled. Plus Raphael was literally solid muscle beneath those suits and it was really fucking distracting.

Raphael had pinned his wrists above his head and kissed him hard enough to bruise before he began kissing his way down Simon’s chest, and Simon would’ve been sure he’d been dreaming if it hadn’t felt so fucking good. Because God Raphael was really good with his mouth - he'd spared a moment to wonder how the hell he'd managed to retract his fangs before Raphael had done something incredible with his tongue and Simon had decided he didn't care.

And then Raphael had traced one finger lower, and really Simon hadn’t ever thought he’d do this, but there was so much unmistakable want in the way Raphael was looking at him he was almost dizzy with it. And if Simon thought he babbled when he was nervous it was nothing in comparison to when he was apparently having one hell of a sexual awakening, but he’d never known he could feel like that. And then Raphael was asking him if he was sure, and he was breathing out “Yes” in a wrecked voice he didn’t recognize, and holy fuck this was actually happening - what the fuck was he doing? Then Raphael shifted his angle a bit and oh -

It’s all a bit of blur after that. He remembers gasping, and moaning, and...did he actually scream at one point? It’s just a haze of crazy, unforgettable, mind-numbing bliss, of Raphael’s hands and mouth and – well.

Now though, waking up naked and exhausted but definitely clear-headed next to Raphael, who somehow manages to look terrifyingly intimidating even in sleep, he’s starting to freak out a tiny bit. Obviously he’d missed the memo about his sexual orientation, but he can’t help thinking there might have been smarter ways to find out than by letting himself be seduced by someone who sort of scares the shit out of him. And ok, this maybe isn’t the most blindsided he’s ever been – that would be the whole Captain-America-is-Hydra fiasco – but realizing he wants his scary, angry vampire clan leader to sex him up has got to be pretty damn close. He swears he can feel his chest constricting, and he knows he’s gasping too loudly in the quiet room, and...

“Simon,“ Raphael mutters, his face still in the pillow. "Stop hyperventilating. You don’t even need to breathe.”

Simon tries, he really does, but the mantra of “Holy fucking shit I just had sex with Raphael” that’s been looping through his head for the past ten minutes isn’t helping at all. He knows he can’t actually be having a heart attack right now, but old habits die hard and all that, and he knows he’s too far gone when he feels a hysterical giggle bubble in his chest at that pun.

With a sigh, Raphael rolls over to face him, propping himself up on one arm and fixing him with an expression of sleepy exasperation. "You’re panicking,” he states.

“It’s nothing!“ Simon exclaims, and wow his voice came out a lot higher than he intended. "I mean you probably do this all the time - I mean not like all the time, I’m not suggesting you’re like this vampire playboy Casanova or anything, but obviously you know what you’re doing and this is kind of new for me. It’s just I thought I was straight and that you didn’t even like me - I mean, not that I think you like, like me or anything! I mean that would be totally ridiculous and-"

"Simon,” Raphael cuts him off. “I don’t usually take lovers.”

Simon’s pretty sure staring at Raphael with his mouth open isn’t the most attractive expression he’s ever made, but he honestly can’t help it. “But - what? Because that was seriously…” he splutters, waving his hands to indicate the two of them and the bed and wondering if it’s possible to die again from embarrassment.

“I have, in the past,“ Raphael replies, wearing the closest thing to a smile Simon’s ever seen. "But I don’t often want to. I don’t feel attracted to many people.”

“Oh,” is Simon’s articulate response

“I don’t usually form attachments either,” Raphael adds after a moment, and Simon’s stomach sinks a little. Which is stupid, because he’s had casual sex before - okay once, with Maureen, and he still feels bad about how that ended, but it really wasn’t his fault - and because he’s totally in love with Clary, even if he knows deep down that he’ll never be more than her best friend. So he shouldn’t feel unable to look at Raphael right now, but he does.

Raphael reaches out to hold him gently beneath his chin, and tugs until Simon raises his head to meet his eyes. Raphael holds his gaze for a moment before adding, softly but clearly, “This is different.”

“Oh,” Simon says again. Raphael holds his gaze for a moment longer, and Simon feels something slot into place.

“Now, fledgling, we are sleeping," he adds, laying back down and closing his eyes before nonchalantly throwing an arm over Simon's waist. Simon, for his part, just sits there dumbfounded for a moment before Raphael cracks one eye open in question and he hurriedly lays down next to him. His mind is still reeling from everything that's happened, but the pillows are comfortable and the probably ridiculously expensive sheets feel glorious on his bare skin, and the solid, almost-warm weight of Raphael next to him is soothing, and before long he actually finds himself drifting off to sleep.

The second time Simon wakes up naked next to Raphael, he totally doesn’t panic. (Ok he might flail for a split second before he remembers where he is and make a really attractive spluttering sound, but Raphael doesn’t wake up so he counts it as a win). Raphael still has one strong arm draped possessively over him, and the rest of the Hotel is still and quiet. And Simon feels peaceful in a way he hasn’t since he turned – confused as hell still, but also like he can finally shut off the craziness for a while and just be. He still has vampire training to figure out, unrequited love to get over, and high-maintenance Shadowhunters to try to piss off less than usual, but right now he’s in bed with a sarcastic, difficult, gorgeous man who, it turns out, might actually have a thing for him.

Simon grins, watching Raphael sleepily open his eyes. Simon leans over to give him a soft kiss before biting down gently on Raphael's collarbone. Raphael groans, pulling Simon up to kiss him again, and Simon can’t help smiling against his mouth for a second. Because right now? He totally plans on having sex with Raphael.