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Alone in Company

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Pansy has always been pretty narcissistic so she agrees eagerly when Harry first suggests the mirrors. She doesn’t stop to think about Harry’s motives, doesn’t look any deeper because she has always believed Harry to be arrogant anyway. Besides, she likes it too and has her own kinks that Harry is happy for her to indulge. She has always thought his hair looked like it needed a good tug, and there is nothing that turns Pansy on more than Harry eating her out while she pulls on his hair. The mirrors turn her on in the beginning too and she revels in being able to see Harry fucking her when she is sprawled on her back, likes to see her ankles digging in to his bare back. Then they completely surround the bed. Pansy had expected the one on the ceiling but then Harry started conjuring others around the four-poster when they get into the bed and that is when it starts to irk Pansy a little. It always breaks the momentum, the heat, when they have to stop and find a wand and conjure up the mirrors just so. She still doesn’t talk to Harry about it though, doesn’t really talk to him in general because she doesn’t really know how to talk about her feelings and neither does Harry. Opening up always seemed such a dangerous thing and now that it is started Pansy doesn’t know how to stop it, how to help him because sex should be about the two of them, as a couple, and it just isn’t anymore.

For Harry, it is not about the sex or being turned on. It is something so much deeper than that. It is about simple joy, happiness, and more importantly Harry reassuring himself that he can feel those things by seeing them reflected in his own face. Then he comes to need it, crave it, becomes unable to come without it. They go on holiday and for two weeks he hardly touches her because they are meant to be having a total muggle experience to let her see the other side of things so he can’t conjure his mirrors. It shouldn’t be that way. It is like Pansy is no longer part of it and he needs the reassurance from himself.

Harry needs to know that all of him survived the war, that nothing has been tainted or broken by having part of Voldemort inside himself for all those years. He needs to know that he can be normal and not damaged. They don’t talk about how desperate Harry gets, about how even though it hurts his lover he never looks at Pansy when they climax because he is too busy looking at himself. It could be anyone sharing his bed, Pansy thinks to herself at times, because they are not sharing his mind. Harry is alone in there, always has been.