Mike twisted uncomfortably and tried to back away. Unfortunately the girl currently straddling his lap was not to be backed away from. "Hold still," she said, sticking her tongue out a little as she poked at his eye with a pencil.
"No!" said Mike. "Stop shoving sharp things at my eye!"
"Honestly, it's like you've never worn contacts," said Marie. "Hold still."
"I don't wear contacts," said Mike. "Every time I try my eyes water for half an hour and people ask me if everything's okay and Rudy offers to hire a therapist. It's not worth it - hey!" The eyeliner pencil had come dangerously close again.
Marie made a little pout shape with her lips. "Rudy," she repeated thoughtfully. "You know, I have a theory about Rudy."
"So you've said," said Mike. Marie's Rudy Theory was the main reason for the eyeliner. Apparently it would make sense eventually. Being Rudy's best friend, Mike thought, was pretty good preparation for being the focus of Marie's plotting tendencies, in that he still had no idea what was going on half the time.
"Close your eyes," directed Marie, and finished off the eyeliner with two quick strokes. "Okay, and open them. Blink," she grinned, "yes, good, perfect. Wait - you need different jeans."
"These are the only ones I have," protested Mike.
Marie was already going through his closet, throwing things haphazardly on the floor. "These!" she announced, chucking a pair of jeans over her shoulder. "Put them on."
Mike stared down at the denim pile that had just landed in his lap. "These are my sister's!" he exclaimed.
Marie was over by the sink now, tossing the eyeliner pencil back into her makeup bag and extracting other strange unguents. "I know," she said breezily. "Put them on unless you want me to do it for you. And remind me to call Vicky and thank her."
Mike groaned but complied. After a moment he said, "They don't fit."
"Hop and wiggle," directed Marie serenely.
Mike hopped and wiggled and felt extremely silly, but he managed to get the jeans up over his ass. They clung tight to his legs all the way down, but they actually did fit. Mike supposed it was a good thing Vicky was tall. Marie turned away from the sink and paused to give him an appreciative look. "Hot," she said.
"Stop it," said Mike. "I'm really not."
Marie rolled her eyes. "You're holding yourself up to an impossible standard," she said. "Only movie stars are hot like Rudy is hot. You've got it going on, trust me. Come here."
Mike went over the sink and yelped when Marie slapped his ass. "Let me get at your hair," she said, and ran product-sticky fingers through it when Mike complied. "Okay, and we are in business. Let's go party."
"What are we doing?" said Mike plaintively.
Marie patted his cheek. "Confirming a theory. Just trust me."
"Well?" said Mike later that evening - or, technically, early the next morning. He'd been tipsy earlier but it had mostly worn off now. He was still wearing Vicky's jeans, mostly because he didn't feel like he had the coordination to peel them off. "What was your theory?"
"Never mind," said Marie. She was stretched on her back on the bed with her head on the pillow and her legs extending up the wall, and smiling smugly. For Marie, this was pretty normal. "Confirmed."
"Oh," said Mike. He'd had a good evening. He'd been hit on by a lot of people - a lot of people - including one guy who Marie had had to scare off with a glare and a threatening murmur. He'd kissed someone in a bathroom, obtained four phone numbers, and been invited to a threesome. "But Rudy wasn't there," he said.
"Yes he was," said Marie. "Just for a minute." She giggled. "And then he left again."
"Oh," said Mike, blinking. "And that means you're right?" He wished he'd seen Rudy. A small embarrassed part of his brain wished that Rudy had seen him.
Marie rolled over and sat up, tilting her head to one side. "You're half asleep," she said. "Take the bed, go on. It is your room." She had to get up and tug him over after a moment, but eventually Mike managed to collapse onto the mattress. It was very soft.
"Mmm," he said.
"Go to sleep," said Marie, and giggled.
"Mmmkay," said Mike.
Marie giggled again. Half on the edge of sleep, Mike heard her say, "And oh God, you should have seen his face."