Mello was always in motion, always doing something, to the point where I never stopped to worry about the day he would finally be worn down and instead admired the perpetual use of his incredible strength and fluid beauty, thriving off the power that he radiated in delicious waves.
#02 – Cool
Gazing at Matt now, with his lithe body riddled with bullet holes so painfully visible even on the small screen from which I'm seeing him, I can't help but wonder if the cool feeling in my chest and the lack of warm tears on my cheeks is a sign that, despite my gamer's constant assurances, I'm really a monster after all.
#03 – Young
Youth is kinda hard to preserve when you're working your ass off 24/7 over about a dozen computers in an old, musty apartment, but at the times when Mello's home and in a good mood, stroking my hair and indulging me in random non-Kira/Near/L talk, I can't help but feel like we'll be young like this forever.
#04 – Last
"This is the last fuckin' one Matt, really..." But I know as the redhead lets out a childish giggle, and his lips mash in to mine again, I'm not going to be leaving any time soon.
#05 – Wrong
Every time Mello and I have sex (and mind you I mean every time) he takes some time afterward to say a prayer, to repent and all that, and I can't help but wonder why this can be so wrong when it, we, feel so right.
#06 – Gentle
Agile fingers trace light trails down my face, before cupping my chin softly as he leans in to whisper an 'I love you' against my lips, and to this day it never ceases to amaze me how gentle Matt is, after all he's been through, all I've put him through.
#07 – One
I never really liked the ranking system at Wammy's; after all, it only took a simple gesture from Mello, just him grabbing at my hand and dragging me out to 'play', to know that he was first, and always would be.
#08 – Thousand
We must have shared a thousand kisses, albeit heated, desperate, rushed kisses that paled in comparison to the feeling of Matt taking the lead for once, his soft lips caressing mine, sweeter than any chocolate, marking the first of a thousand more.
#09 – King
I'd never once even though to take place in the rowdy jumble that was King of the Mountain here at the orphanage...that was until Mello offered a hand to me with that childish smirk of his, urging me to step at his side at the top, just where I belonged.
#10 – Learn
It was a wonder to me how Matt could fucking smile like that, so carefree and adoring, in a place like this, to a person like me, and for all my intelligence, I felt a had a lot more to learn.
#11 – Blur
I always considered myself observant, hell sometimes I even felt like I saw too much, but whenever I was with Mello...things passed in an intoxicating blur of pleasure and love, laughter and the perfect harmony that could only be completed in his company.
#12 – Wait
"Wait," My fingers found the straps of his precious goggles, pulling them away to reveal a deep emerald behind the orange, knowing I wouldn't have been able to kiss him the way I did without having seen those brilliant fucking eyes first.
#13 – Change
The moment I laid eyes on Mello after years without getting the chance, my first thought was how much he had changed, while only moments later the smile that graced his features assured me that part of my Mels was still there underneath all that leather.
#14 – Command
It was so easy to dish out commands the way I did, the feeling of being in charge was like a high I'd never been allowed before, yet none of that would make up for the fucking hole that had been drilled inside me by that look a certain redhead had given me the night I'd left him only months ago.
#15 – Hold
There's nothing like the feeling of being wrapped in Mello's arm, the security of his tight hold, the way he sometimes hums under his throat while lulling us both to sleep, but by far the most memorable moments are those in which I get to hold him and provide the same kind of protection he's always offering me.
#16 – Need
As much as I hate to admit it, need doesn't even fucking begin to describe whatever it is that drives me to drag Matt against my chest by his narrow hips, crush my lips into his, and then when its over and he's tucked away in my arms as he should be, I definitely know its not need that tells me to whisper those three words I know he cherishes over any other.
#17 – Vision
As far as I'm willing to remember, my vision has been tainted by gold, yet even having everything rimmed in a color like that wasn't much compared to my first view of Mello and all his brilliance without.
#18 – Attention
Matt is an attention-whore, albeit an annoyingly, adorably affectionate attention whore who gives much more then he receives, but an attention-whore no less.
#19 – Soul
"You have a frickin' amazing, bad-ass soul you fucking bastard," I said for maybe the hundredth time as I curled up against Mello in order to settle down for sleep, smiling to myself as I caught his quiet chuckle.
#20 – Picture
I wasn't sure whether to be fucking pissed or touched when I found my picture tucked securely under Matt's pillow; the very one I'd told him to get rid of as soon as Near had returned it to me.
#21 – Quiet
Living with Mello long as I have, I've learned it's best to be quiet until you're sure you're about to say the right thing...unless you like getting repeatedly cuffed over the side of the head that is.
#22 – Quirks
Out of all his quirks, and fuck there are a lot of them, by far the weirdest is the fact that one of Matt's favorite things to do is provoke me in ways that no one else would dare lest I fucking blow their brains out, and all the while he's doing it it's hard to focus on anything else but that cocky, lopsided grin of his.
#23 – Child
Y'know....if you look behind all the leather, and the bad-ass scar and the guns, Mello's kinda that same kid that dragged me around Wammy's inside, crazy as that sounds.
#24 – Now
It's hard to think about anything but right now when Matt's lips and fingers are working their magic over my chest, when my own fingers are threading through his silky hair, when his pleasured noises and warm scent are filling my senses...and I dread the moment when I have to face all the bullshit of my life all over again.
#25 – Shadow
From the moment I set eyes on Mello, and he returned that look, I was destined to be his...his pet, his sidekick, nothing more than his shadow, and never once have I wanted anything else.
#26 – Goodbye
A goodbye between Matt and me...usually isn't just a normal goodbye, it's one filled with desperate touches and hard kisses, dread and fucking fear because honestly, we never know if we're going to see each other again.
#27 – Fall
I'm a clumsy ass, there's no denying that, but at least I know every time I fall Mello will always be there to catch me.
#28 – Fortune
"We'll make a fortune Mels...we'll be frickin' dirt rich and we'll do whatever the fuck we want," And the way Matt says it almost makes me believe that we'll get to live those dreams of his.
#29 – Dance
When I wake up to find Mello singing to himself while going through various articles of freshly cleaned clothes, its hard to refrain from grabbing his hands and dragging him into a sort of make-shift dance, loving the sound of his laughter as I do so more than even his singing from before.
#30 – Body
It's hard not to love how delicately Matt's fingers move as the trail along my body, like he's afraid I might break under him, and all I can do is laugh and flip him over so I'm the one ravishing his own slender frame.
#31 – Smirk
Mello really has no 'trademark' smirk, he's just got a bunch of different ones that mean anything from 'I'm going to kick your sorry ass' to 'C'mere Matty, I don't bite too hard', and each and every last one of them never fail to make my insides do some sort of acrobatic routine.
#32 – Pretty
Skinny, messy-haired, wide-eyed, crooked-smiled Matt is, and I fucking dare you to repeat this, the fuckin' prettiest sight on the damn planet, and that's just one of the many benefits of him being all mine.
#33 – Never
"Never gonna let you go," I murmured desperately while clinging to his waist to try and stop him from leaving, to which he only replied with a: "Never say never, Matty," before slipping out of my grasp, and my life for what just as well might have been forever.
#34 – Formal
Matt's fingers stroke along the fabric of the dress a lost bet of ours as forced him into, and I have to smirk because he looks damn good in formal wear.
#35 – Roses
Only Mello could hand over a bouquet of roses as if it were nothing, only Mello could smirk that way he does while doing it, and only Mello could melt me with the simplistic gesture that somehow means so much more than meets the eye.
#36 – Stop
When you're me, the type to keep going and going and fucking going, its hard to remember that you have to stop, unless of course you find yourself a lazy, chain-smoking, video-gaming redhead you somehow feel the need to stop for.
#37 – Lies
I've never had my hand at lying, but by some miracle, as I'm clutching at Mello the night before we're probably gonna die, I can kinda believe myself when I tell him it's going to be okay.
#38 – Snow
Dragging Matt outside suddenly seemed like ten times better an idea than it had when I'd been actually doing it, now that I was watching him bounding around in the snow like some hyperactive puppy, calling an excited "C'monnn Mels!" as he went.
#39 – Torn
I never knew that the feeling of being 'torn' could actually be taken literally until the day I found myself torn between staying at Mello's side where I belonged, and listening to his orders and staying behind.
#40 – Innocence
Matt radiates an impossible amount of childish innocence, despite everything, and sometimes it annoys the ever living shit out of me, while others...well I can't help but admire him for keeping that through all the bullshit life has thrown at him.
#41 – Power
It's that power, I think, that originally drew me towards Mello, because it's just that intoxicating, and apparently enough to become my technical life source.
#42 – Clouds
I could never see how Matt got any amusement out of pointing out patterns in the clouds, but regardless each time he'd perch himself by the window to look up at the sky, I'd be right there, basking in the happy glow that very well could have rivaled the fuckin' sun's.
#43 – God
While I don't personally believe in the whole God thing, the way Mello prays, the fervency of his words and the way he clutches at his rosary, the very extent of his faith itself is almost enough to have me praying right there beside him in order to thank his God for gracing someone like me with someone like him.
#44 – Heaven
Even if Matt doesn't believe in God, I can't imagine them kicking someone like him, so fuckin' selfless and beautiful and innocent, out of Heaven, yet all the same it fucking scares the shit out of me each time he blatantly refuses any sort of faith.
#45 – Hell
Well it's pretty much decided I'm going to Hell, all considering, but so help me God if Mello ends up there too...The big man in the sky has got some serious issues.
#46 – Sun
Matt is about equivalent to having my own personal sun sometimes, I fuckin' swear it, bright and near perpetually cheerful as the scrawny ass is.
#47 – Harm
As much harm as Mello seems to cause, it seems no one ever notices the good, and I can't help but hope if his God really does exist, that he notices it at least.
#48 – Welcome
It's hard to believe the welcoming gesture of Matt's arms each time I return home reeking of alcohol and sex, hard to believe that he can still want to welcome me after all I've done to him, and all I keep doing, yet it's so fucking easy to fall into this arms and hold him close, breathing in his clean smell like I would the fucking oxygen in the air around us.
#49 – Hunger
As I settle into Mello's bed for another sleepless night, I feel the hunger for his presence stir in my gut again, urging me to bury my face in the sheets, though I'm a bit more than disappointed to find that their Mello-like smell is fast fading into that of my own.
#50 – Believe
"Just tonight Mels...we'll play make-believe, pretend it's just you and me and not Kira or Near or any of those bitches," He smiles as he presses his lips to the corner of mine, and for once I actually feel like playing one of his stupid games.