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Questioning

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One moment he's walking down the hallway on his way to the library to study and the next he's being yanked into a janitor's closet. He turns around and is surprised to find Rachel Berry standing across from him with her arms folded over her chest. Everything seems so surreal, especially since he had rejected her earlier in the day at the coffee shop.

"Uh, Rachel what's going on?" Blaine asks.

"I wanted to test something now that Kurt's not around to pass judgment."

"What do you mean?"

Rachel sighs in frustration before speaking. "I know what Kurt's like, probably a lot better than you do and Kurt only sees things in black and white."

"Is this about this morning? If it is, you're not going to change my mind."

"This isn't about changing your mind Blaine, it's about testing something that you said," Rachel quietly says.

"What's the difference, because I don't see one."

Rachel closes her eyes, runs her hands through her hair and sighs.

"Blaine, you decided that you want to be with Kurt. And I am okay with that," Rachel tells him.

"Then why are you here?" Blaine interrupts her.

None of this is making sense. He's 100% gay and happy to be starting something with Kurt. This is what he wanted. And he doesn't understand if Rachel is okay with it, why she's here to test something. As far as he can see, there's nothing to test.

"You know I don't believe that you're 100% anything, Kurt might be but I think that you're a little more fluid than Kurt is. You see things more in shades of grey."

"Rachel, this isn't making any sense."

Before he can say anything, Rachel's moved across the closet and is kissing him. It feels so different from the kiss they had this morning. That kiss had been perfunctory, there had been little emotion and he hates to admit it but he was nervous about kissing her in front of Kurt. He was afraid that Kurt would judge him poorly if Blaine had shown any emotion while kissing Rachel. Now in this moment, there's something about the feel of her body pressing into his that makes him move his arms until he's holding her tight against his body. There's something about the way her lips feel as they move over his own that makes him sigh. He's not quite sure who deepens the kiss but it's not some chaste or hasty affair to prove something to someone else.

It's Rachel who pulls away first, with a triumphant grin on her face. And the world comes crashing down around Blaine. He can't do this, not when he knows how jealous Kurt is of Rachel. He's heard enough stories from Kurt to realize how it'd destroy Kurt.

"Rachel," Blaine begins to say but she's kissing him again and pressing him back against the door of the closest.

All rational thought leaves him as she slides a hand underneath his shirt. He loses track of time as they kiss over and over again, their hands exploring one another bodies tentatively. And then it's Rachel who pulls back again.

"I'm not going to make you change your mind about wanting to be with Kurt. But I think that we're far too young for either of us to close off certain avenues of who we are."

"You mean this was just to prove that I am not gay?"

Rachel laughs. "Blaine you need to stop being so narrow minded. You need to stop putting yourself in a little box with some sort of label on it. Why don't you look at this way: you like boys a lot and you like girls a little bit more than you thought that you did?"

"You can't just come here, pull me into a janitor's closet and start kissing me to make me question who I am!" Blaine spits out.

He's beyond angry at her for manipulating him, for playing games with him. Maybe she's just like Kurt explained her to be. Rachel sighs as he threads his hands through his curls so that he won't give in to the desire to hit something.

"I'm sorry Blaine, it just killed me when I heard you say that you're a 100% gay earlier today."

"So this is about you then? You had to prove that you could make me want you?"

"No!" Rachel shouts. "Stop twisting my words around."

"Then tell me what this was all about. What was this test about? After all you're okay with the fact that I want Kurt and you want Finn."

"No one's 100% something Blaine," Rachel quietly says. "Especially not at our age."

"That's rich coming from you. Let me guess, it's okay for you to be 100% straight but it's not okay for me to be 100% gay?"

"Who said I was 100% straight?" Rachel demands.

"Isn't it obvious with how you only date boys?"

Rachel laughs. Blaine hates how it's a bitter sound.

"Just because I don't date girls at McKinley doesn't mean that I've never dated a girl before. I had a girlfriend when I spent a summer in Columbus at this ballet program when I was fifteen. And trust me when I say it wasn't some pretend relationship or something for us to explore who we were. The only reason why we're not together is because her family moved away from Ohio."

Blaine is shocked by the amount of pain he hears in Rachel's voice. Before he can say anything she's speaking again.

"I can't explore dating a girl at McKinely. I am sure that Kurt hasn't told you about cruel people are to me there. If I started dating a girl, it'd be ten times as worse. And let's not forget that I am a pariah there. I am lucky that Finn wanted to date me in the first place. Let's just say that I am a little bit more fluid than people think I am. I like boys and I like girls."

"Rachel, I had no idea," Blaine admits.

"No you wouldn't, but why would you? Do you think it's something I'd talk to Kurt about. Kurt's all black and white. In his world, you either like boys or you like girls. You should hear what he has to say about how Santana and Brittany fake are for acting like they like girls and boys. Do you think I'd open up to him?"

Blaine shakes his head in denial. He could just imagine what Kurt would say to Rachel.

"That still doesn't explain about this test," Blaine quietly says.

Rachel sighs and looks away from him. "I'm not asking you to change your mind about wanting to be with Kurt. I am not saying that it might be for the best if you lie to him about who you are, but I don't think you should label yourself so rigidly. I don't think that you should conform to what Kurt wants you to be. I tried that with Finn and it didn't work out for me."

"You don't understand, I really like Kurt."

"Yeah I do understand, but if you lie to yourself, you're only going to hurt Kurt and yourself."

"Rachel, I can't lie to him."

"Who said anything about lying? Do you think Kurt's going to ask you every day if you're still 100% gay or not?" Because he's not. I just don't think you should lie to yourself."

"It's not that easy," Blaine tells her.

He wishes it were. He wishes that he could be honest about who he is and about the fact that he might like girls just as much as he likes boys. But it's not just about Kurt, it's about his parents and his brother and all of his friends. He's shouted about how gay he is for so long he's afraid they'll see it as a betrayal if he comes out as anything but.

"Maybe it's not but at the very least don't make up your mind right now because people expect you to be one thing."

Before he can say anything she's wrapping her arms around him and placing a chaste kiss on his lips. He realizes that maybe things aren't as black and white as he wants them to be. He wants to be the boy that Kurt is falling in love with. He wants to be the boy everyone believes him to be. But he's not sure if he can be that boy.

"You're not going to ambush me again if I decide that I am not into girls, are you?" Blaine asks.

"No I won't but I hope that you won't lie to yourself." Rachel quietly says. "I need to go home."

There's a sadness and a resignation in her voice and he can't help but wonder how much of her testing him was to see if he liked her. He moves out of her way and he almost lets her go, he almost lets her walk away without at least giving her a bit of honesty.

"I'm not sure if I like girls the way that I like boys," Blaine tells her. "But I am pretty sure that you're the exception."

Her shoulders sag for a moment and Blaine feels like a jerk. He's rejected her already today and here he is telling her that she might the exception to the rule when he's already picked Kurt. He's just a jerk like Finn is.

"It's a start," Rachel tells him.

He can't see her face so he can't tell if her happy tone is fake or not. Then again, he's pretty sure that Rachel Berry is a talented enough actress that he wouldn't know even if they were face to face.

"I'm sorry Rach," Blaine tells her.

"Don't be," Rachel tells him and then she's gone.

And he's left in the janitor's closet with more questions than answers. Questions that he's not sure if he wants to explore or not.

((END))