Work Text:
The Shade leaned back a bit in his chair and poured himself a glass of iced tea. He and Jay Garrick had one of their irregular meetings scheduled, but Jay was two minutes late, which probably meant a crisis of some sort. Oh well, he would just sit on his porch and enjoy the day. He had some lovely roses this season and even some decent irises.
Just then, Jay zoomed up, smiling a little sheepishly. "Sorry I'm late. Joan was baking pies and mentioned that she needed some nutmeg and I went out to get it for her. The express line at the Winn-Dixie was anything but."
"Heh." The Shade gave one of his rare, genuine smiles and poured his friend a glass of tea, adding one spoon of sugar, the way Jay liked it. "Ah, there are priorities and then there are priorities, and, having sampled Joan's apple pie .... Though I daresay nothing trumps my dark chocolate mousse," he finished archly.
"Shade, are you flirting with me?" Jay's eyes held a mischievous twinkle.
"And if I were?" Shade warmed to the game. A verbal sparring match with Jay Garrick was almost as much fun as crossing quips with Jack Knight.
Jay shook his head and said, "If Joan thought you had designs on me, not even Batman would be able to find your body."
Shade shrugged. "Well, it goes the other way, too. Should you die before Joan, I'll wait a month or so out of respect for you before I come courting."
Pause.
"You ... You're serious ."
Shade laughed again. "Yes. Mostly. Why shouldn't I be? I mean, can outsmart Batman, that's not something you see every day." Pause. "A goddess like that deserves to be worshiped."
Jay, over his momentary shock, winked at him, "As often as I can."
"Well," The Shade countered with a leer, "considering what your ... gift ... allows you to do, it's a wonder the woman spent any time out of bed during the first years of your marriage."
"If only ..." Jay gave a wistful sigh.
They both laughed at that.
"Speaking of things bedroom, have you had to have 'the talk' with Bart?" The Shade asked, thinking he would have more fun watching his friend squirm.
Jay groaned loudly and put his head in his hands.
"That bad?"
"Shade, have you ever just happened to read the entire contents of the main branch of a public library?"
"No, but "
"Bart has. And he has a photographic memory. And not just any public library, either. The San Francisco public library, if you catch my drift."
"Oh. Oh my ." A delightfully wicked smile flashed onto the Shade's face.
"You're making me worried, smiling like that."
"It's nothing, really."
Jay glared at him. "Pull the other one, it plays jingle bells."
"Well," Shade said, leaning forward, patting Jay's hand conspiratorially, "if you've ever wanted to say mix a bit of revenge into a practical joke, you could arrange to have one of your ... colleagues ... give Bart 'the talk'."
A matching, delightfully wicked smile flashed across Jay's face.
"Who?" The Shade asked, eagerly. "Green Lantern? Wildcat? Hawkman?"
"Alan would be on to me like white on rice. And Wildcat? Are you kidding? He'd start telling Bart stories about the times he'd done half of that stuff. Carter's probably done it all, given his 3000 plus years of lifetimes. With my luck, he'd start telling Bart all about what really happened at a Roman orgy."
"Mr. Terrific?"
"No. He'd probably have a way to access the same public library and what fun would that be?"
"Dr. Midnite?"
"Would give nice straightforward medical answers and would probably try to see if he couldn't get Bart into med school."
"Ma Hunkel?"
"Would kill me."
Snort. "I would say Power Girl, but I think we both know that Bart wouldn't be able to say a word."
"Damn straight. And then she'd kill me."
The Shade leaned closer in his eagerness. "Who?"
Jay smiled triumphantly. "Captain Marvel."