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Hypothetically

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“‘It’ll be fine’, you said,” Tony mutters, pacing.  “‘We can totally handle this by ourselves’, you said.  ‘Don’t worry about it, Tony.  It’s just a simple robbery,’ you said.”

“Yes, Tony,” Steve says from his spot on the floor, “I am well aware of what I said.”

“And you better still be aware of it once we get out of here and everyone blames me for getting us into this mess,” Tony says, still pacing.

There isn’t much space in the room for Tony to pace, so he keeps having to turn around six steps to avoid bumping into a wall.  When the two of them were first thrown in the locked room - calling it a cell would be too generous - Tony paced around the perimeter of the room.  Eventually Steve got tired of standing in the centre of the room while Tony marched around him, and he decided to sit down and rest his back against one of the walls.  Tony then had to change course so that he wouldn’t trip over Steve on his way around the room.

“Well, at least you’re sounding a bit more optimistic about our chances,” Steve says.

“They’re doubtlessly tampering with the suit, so JARVIS will have passed along our location to SHIELD by now,” Tony explains.

Steve raises an eyebrow.  “I take it the security camera doesn’t have an audio feed?”

Tony shakes his head, and continues pacing.  “Got a good look at the model on my first few turns around the room, and it doesn’t have an audio feature.  There aren’t any microphones hidden around here either, although,” Tony glances around the empty room, “where they’d be hidden is anyone’s guess.  You’d think their security would be better considering how easily they trapped us, but alas, they are woefully inadequate in that area.”

Steve didn’t catch the name of whatever organization currently had them captured.  All he knew was that it was one of many that wanted to make an Iron Man suit of their own, if not simply steal one.  There’d been a sudden increase in those lately.  This one had successfully managed to distract Steve and Tony on their way back to the tower from lunch by having some members partake in overtly suspicious behaviour, giving the others the opportunity to inject something into Steve - it’s long gone from his bloodstream, so testing for whatever it is is out, but he could always ask Bruce about the symptoms - get their hands on Tony’s suitcase, and transport the two of them somewhere.  Tony hadn’t been able to see anything, and Steve had been too dazed to register much outside of his own exhaustion.  Steve still isn’t entirely sure why they took him along.  Keeping Tony around in case they needed him to do something with the suit makes sense, but dragging Steve in tow seems like more trouble than it’s worth.  They didn’t seem like the villain group that was usually after the serum, but today was already full of surprises.

“One would think,” Steve says.  “So is it near time for me to jump up and wreck the camera?”

“Almost.  Once you do I’ve gotta start picking those locks, which look much more sturdy than their security system.”  Tony gives Steve a brief sardonic grin.  “The fact that they didn’t search my pockets for anything confirms my suspicions that they’re new to this.”

“Let’s leave the part about them being rookies out when Fury asks for the run down of what happened.”

“Agreed.  It’s embarrassing enough that we got ourselves in this mess without bringing the fact that they’re amateurs into it.”  Tony lets out an exasperated huff.  “You know, I’m not saying that Natasha was wrong about using pacing as a distractor so people don’t notice that you’re looking at things, but it’s making me dizzy.”

“I suggest we hurry up with the break out then,” Steve says.  “If you get too dizzy your lock picking skills will be severely impaired.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Tony turns away from the lock and starts walking back across the room.  “When I turn back around, break the camera.”

Steve nods and stands up.  He takes a step and a half to the right, and stops under the camera.  Tony turns back towards the door, and Steve jumps up, grabs the camera, and crushes it in his hands.  

“Was that satisfying?” Tony asks, kneeling in front of the door.

“Terribly so.”  Steve goes over and stands next to Tony.  “Do you need a stream of consciousness conversation?”

Over the past few months, Steve learned that Tony sometimes worked better when he was talking.  It wasn’t always needed, nor was Steve always present when it happened.  But Tony admitted a few weeks ago that it wasn’t unpleasant to be aware that someone was listening to him ramble, nor was it unwelcome when Steve interjected a question or two.

“It certainly wouldn’t hurt,” Tony says, poking one of the small tools he carries around for lock picking into one of the locks in front of him, then cursing upon realizing it’s the wrong lock.

“Go ahead then,” Steve says.

“I’ve been thinking about our hypothetical wedding,” Tony begins.

Steve turns his head to look at Tony instead of the lock, intrigued.

“And I have no fucking clue how it would go down,” Tony continues as he fidgets with the various locks.  “Would it be a huge event?  Would a church be involved?  I mean, what church would want to marry you off to me of all people?  Would there be any of that ‘best man’ and ‘maid of honour’ shit?  And how would that work?  Do we each get one of each?  I know who would be in those roles at least.  How do small weddings work anyway?  Like the ones in someone’s house.  Does someone just come in and officiate the marriage between the two people and there are a few scattered guests milling about?  Would the officiator going to the house be classified as a house call and, if so, do priests make house calls?  Hell, the two of us could possibly elope for all I know, even though absolutely no one would forgive us for doing so.  Pepper and Bucky would probably weep if we got married without them there.  Rhodey would make us get married again with everyone else actually being invited, so now that I think about it, elopement is out.  The eloping option was my least favourite though, so I can’t say I’m sad to see it go; even if the idea of us eloping is hilarious and - there we go.”  Tony turns the door handle, and pushes the door open.  “Freedom is ours.”

Steve, snapping himself out of the happy daze of realizing that his feelings are reciprocated, sticks his head out into the hallway and finds that it’s deserted.  There’s some noise coming from behind the double doors they’d been led through earlier.

“If we go to the right, we’ll be heading towards the commotion that is hopefully SHIELD and not an angry mob of members of whatever this group is called.”  Steve holds his hand out to Tony, who takes it, and pulls Tony up off his knees.  “And I say we postpone the marriage discussion for now, seeing as we haven’t had an official date yet.”

Tony looks confused for brief second before realization dawns on his face.  “Shit.  I didn’t mean to drop that on you.”

“Either way,” Steve says, smiling, “I’ve got no other plans tonight.”

Tony grins.  “As if I didn’t have enough incentive to get the hell out of here.”

Steve lets Tony pull him down the hallway by the hand, and breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of SHIELD agents on the other side of the doors.