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Waiting In The Dark

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“I’m so sorry for last time.”

Blaine hums noncommittally, slipping his cigarette in his mouth. He stares up at the ceiling, his arm resting on his bare stomach, the sheets tangled around his legs. He lets the stream of smoke seep out the cracks in his lips and escape into the sex-thick air of the room.

“Blaine, look at me.”

Blaine does, tilting his head to the side and letting his cheek rest on the pillows to take in Sebastian’s face, ridden with what is probably guilt for something that Blaine got over quite a while ago.

“I want to say I’m sorry.” Sebastian says quietly, reaching a hand out to stroke the side of a finger down his face. “I was already pissed off when I had you come over and I took that out on you. That wasn’t okay. I know I took advantage of your kinks and used them maliciously, and I am so sorry.”

Blaine closes his eyes softly and allows himself to feel the comforting presence of Sebastian on his skin. “It’s fine, Bas.”

“No, it’s not at all ok, and I know that. In no world is the way I treated you ok. I pretty much attacked you and I told you things that weren’t true and it is completely my fault. It’s not ok, but I wanted to apologize and tell you that I know it was wrong. And I would never, never take my anger out on you like that again.”

Blaine smiles fondly at him, placing a chaste kiss to his lips. “We all make mistakes, Bas. Besides, I’m a whore. I’m pretty used to harsh treatment.” He blinks his eyes open to look at Sebastian, who doesn’t seem any more relaxed.

“Will you stop degrading yourself like that, please?” He asks, almost begging, and Blaine feels his heart beat out of time with it. Blaine shifts his face in admiration, in wonder that Sebastian has probably spent hours regretting that one fuck up, one that Blaine had barely batted an eyelash at in the grander scheme of things. “You are not a whore, Blaine. I know I said shitty things like that to you last time, but you have to believe that it was the temper talking, not me. You are not a whore. You’re not a slut. You’re not any of those disgusting things I said you were.”

Blaine shakes his head gently, placing his free hand onto Sebastian’s. “But Sebastian, I am a whore. It’s what I do. I sleep with people for money. That’s the definition of a whore.”

“Maybe so, but lately you seem to be using it as a handicap or something. Like it defines who you are as a person. Like it makes you less than everybody else.” Sebastian says, his forehead crinkled with concern.

And suddenly, with Sebastian saying it like that, Blaine realizes that since he’s started comparing himself to Kurt, it is what he’s been putting himself off to be. And Blaine is started to get uncomfortable with that truth. “Well, my job isn’t exactly respectable…” Blaine mutters, stuffing his smoke into his mouth again and inhaling to calm his nerves.

Sebastian jerks an outraged hand in the air. “So fucking what?! What makes a job ‘respectable’ anyway?”

“The fact that you provide a dependable income for yourself without subjecting yourself to be physically abused by strangers!” Blaine argues, pushing himself up to a sitting position.

“Because I sit behind a fucking desk all day and make some phone calls?”

“Because you’re the fucking CEO of a reputable company!”

Sebastian plucks the cigarette from Blaine’s fingers and takes his own drag. “Then what does that make me if I’m the one using you, huh?”

“It makes you ‘a man’, Sebastian. In this society, that’s exactly what it makes you.” Blaine says bitterly, fiddling with their empty condom wrapper while Sebastian takes his turn on the smoke. Without preamble, Sebastian cups Blaine’s cheek firmly, forcing him to look towards Sebastian’s face, where tendrils of smoke are drifting from his nostrils, as well as from the dwindling cherry from the cigarette now in the ashtray.

“You’re a man too, Blaine. One of the most fantastic men I’ve ever met in my life. One that I would spend every day of my life with if you would do me the honor.”

Sebastian’s face isn’t mocking. It isn’t joking. It’s solemn. Blaine is hardly able to take in the gravity of what Sebastian just said. Something that if he had only said a few months earlier, Blaine would have fallen into his arms and kissed him for all he was worth and said “yes” a million times.

If only a few months ago.

“Sebastian…” Blaine prefaces, his eyes resisting meeting Sebastian’s as hard as they can. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying—”

“I am. Come live with me. Come be with me.” Sebastian whispers lovingly, and despite his better judgment, the hairs raise up on Blaine’s arms at the notion. “I’m serious, B. I want you to be there when I wake up and when I come home. I swear I’d always treat you with the respect you deserve. That I know you deserve. Which is much more than I do. I’ve been thinking about it for far longer than I’d like to admit, but there it is.”

Blaine lets out a heavy breath, and leans forward until his forehead falls against Sebastian’s with a light impact. “I wish you’d have asked me a long time ago.”

“Well, I’m asking you now.”

“And now I have to say no, Bas.”

“Why?”

Blaine sighs, but closes the distance between their lips, pulling him almost magnetically into a deep kiss. A kiss, Blaine hopes, communicates how sorry he really is that he has to say no. He feels pain come through in Sebastian’s retaliation as he grips the sides of Blaine’s face with his hands, like he isn’t about to let him go.

But he does, mere seconds after Blaine’s lips draw from his and Blaine’s spent breath wafts over Sebastian with all Blaine can muster of regret and I wish I coulds.

“You know exactly why.” Blaine says softly, his eyelids still shielding him from Sebastian.

“Kurt.” Sebastian replies, just as quiet, just as somber. Blaine doesn’t verify it, only leaves another lingering kiss on Sebastian’s lips.

“Now it’s my turn to say sorry.” Blaine says, the corner of his mouth lilting upwards, trying to lighten the intensity of the room.

But it doesn’t seem necessary as he fixes Blaine with a broad smile, one that Blaine is sure is forced, and lays a hand on Blaine’s naked shoulder, pushing him down onto the bed once more. “The only thing I want coming from your mouth from now on, baby, is moaning and begging, because I’m about to fuck up your world for the next hour.” Sebastian croons as he straddles Blaine, punctuating his words with a filthy kiss down in Blaine’s mouth as he rocks his hardening cock into Blaine’s without restraint.

And as much as Blaine knows this is a defense mechanism for Bas and he wants to make sure he is really ok, the friction against his cock is too good to argue over.

~*~

Kurt plans out his outfit very particularly the next day, although he’s not sure why. Something about seeing Blaine for the first time in weeks has him wanting to look his best. He woke up at eight, but he doesn’t end up leaving the apartment until around eleven, when he’s positive that he looks impeccable. The weather is warming with impending spring, the sun shining on a Saturday morning, and Kurt builds with confidence as he makes his way to Blaine’s apartment.

He strolls through the front doors of the complex, and is on his way up the second flight of stair when he’s almost run over by somebody descending them.

“Oh shit, I’m so…” Kurt lets his words trail off as he sees who it was that he nearly sent crashing to the ground. “Sebastian, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Well, if it isn’t Sexless and the City.” Sebastian looks proud, smug, almost happy that he’s run into Kurt like this, and he has a sickening feeling as to why. “Blaine and I just had a little sleepover.” He reports with a vindictive smirk. “He’s so insatiable sometimes. I couldn’t leave him alone.”

Kurt rolls his eyes at Sebastian, propping a hand on his hip. “Jesus, he must make bank out of you.”

If it’s possible, Sebastian gets even more smug at that. “He didn’t ask for a cent this time. And I doubt he ever will again. I make it too good for him.”

Kurt’s heart drops to his stomach. “He…he didn’t charge you?”

Sebastian leans up against the railing, folding his arms over his chest with pride. “Nah. God, it felt good being able to fuck him for hours and hours, knowing that he wanted it just as much as I did. What an animal.” He purrs, reminiscent, and Kurt’s rage spikes.

“You’re lying through your teeth, asshole.” Kurt glares, but Sebastian doesn’t back down.

“Go and see for yourself, if you like. He’s probably still passed out on his bed from the last time I fucked him.” Kurt shoves past him brutally, but he stops dead in his tracks at Sebastian’s following remark. “I mean, at least I care enough to check in on him now and then. See if he’s okay.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kurt twists around, and Sebastian is in the same spot, picking at his nails.

“I think you know what I mean.” Sebastian answers dubiously, but then elaborates with a cringed disgust on his face. “I really hope your ex fucked you doggie. I don’t think I could handle watching that lady mask of yours try to pop an O-face.”

Oh god, Blaine told Sebastian everything.

“You don’t know anything about Blaine and me.”

“I know that you’ve been fucking with him for who knows how long, fucking up his brain. And can you even comprehend how shitty you make him feel about himself? The way you treat him, like being a hooker is an illness. Like he has leprosy and needs to be quarantined. And the minute he starts to show feelings for you, you shit on him, go fuck your ex to get your mind off of him, and pretend he doesn’t exist anymore. Yeah, I can see where Blaine gets his masochism from. Maybe if you thought of him with a regular person with feelings, then things would be different.”

Kurt can feel himself start to shake the more Sebastian speaks. “Who the fuck are you to tell me how I feel about Blaine? What I think of him? You don’t know anything!”

Sebastian shrugs. “I know how Blaine feels. Which is way more than you can say, isn’t it? Because knowing how someone feels requires that you actually talk to them and try not to fuck up their life by flat-out ignoring them. Blaine deserves someone a thousand times what you are. And I hope you never forget that you will never be good enough. Not for him, not for anyone.”

Sebastian pushes himself off the rail, throwing his last remarks over his shoulder, “I can actually feel your jealousy sticking to me like a second skin right now, so excuse me; I need to wash that off along with Blaine’s sweat and come.” Kurt stares at him until her rounds the corner to the next flight and loses sight of him.

Kurt finds himself running up the stairs until he gets to Blaine apartment, knocking on the door hastily. The door opens, and Kurt is greeted with Sam, staring at Kurt with surprise.

“Kurt?”

Kurt shifts his weight nervously. “Hey, Sam. Is…is Blaine here?”

The shock hasn’t worn off Sam’s expression when he answers. “I…Yeah. Yeah, in his room.”

“Thanks.” Kurt mumbles, shrugging himself into the apartment as Sam shuffles aside to let him in.

He’s on his way to Blaine’s room when Sam speaks again. “Um, I’m gonna head over to the gym.”

Kurt furrows his eyebrows curiously back at Sam. “Ok. Have fun.”

Sam rubs his hands down his jeans, his eyes not wanting to meet anywhere for too long, before finally fixing Kurt with a pleading look. “Kurt please…please don’t screw him up. He’s been a wreck lately.”

Kurt’s expression softens. “I won’t, Sam. I promise.”

Sam nods, a little excessively, before heading out the door and closing it behind him.

Kurt takes a deep breath, and then knocks quietly on Blaine’s shut door.

“I don’t have your gym shorts, Sam!” Blaine shouts from the other side of the door.

“It’s me.” Kurt says simply, and he hears a loud thump from inside the room, and a mumbled swear.

“Kurt?” Blaine says, but it’s almost reverent. Like if he says it too loud, Kurt will vanish. And suddenly Kurt is overcome with guilt.

Kurt braces himself and turns the knob, letting himself in. Blaine is standing in the middle of his room, clad only in a pair of jeans, his curls disheveled, his expression a cross between confused and in awe.

It takes Kurt a moment to realize that they’ve been staring at each other for about a minute.

“Hi.” Kurt whispers, feeling if he talks too loud, it’ll disturb…something.

“Hi.” Blaine returns, just as tentative.

Kurt stares down at the ground, and he scuffs his shoe on the carpet. Kurt remembers doing the same thing the night he met Blaine. It makes Kurt’s stomach dance uncomfortably.

He hears the springs of Blaine’s bed creak, and he looks up to see Blaine sitting heavily on the edge of it, still unable to keep his eyes off of Kurt.

“What are you doing here?” It sounds almost accusatory.

“I needed to see you.” Kurt says quietly, clutching his bicep tightly.

“I don’t see why. You haven’t felt compelled before.” There’s bitterness there, bitterness that Kurt knows full well that he is the source of.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you are.” Blaine says brusquely, finally turning his head and staring in the direction of his closet.

“I saw Sebastian.” Kurt says wearily, crossing his arms across his chest for some kind of comfort.

That throws Blaine off guard, and he yanks his head back to Kurt. “What’s wrong? Jealous?”

“Oh, come off it, Blaine.” Kurt says, shaking his head. “In what universe would I be jealous ofThat?”

Blaine charges him in his tone, gripping the bedding underneath him with intensity. “Thisuniverse. Where Sebastian asked me to come live with him. To come be with him. Because he wants me!”

That warps Kurt’s brain, hearing those words from Blaine and not Sebastian. It’s almost as if his heart is ripping, just tiny little tears, but then something is squirting lemon juice inside them. Blaine wouldn’t really go with Sebastian, would he? Not when Kurt was standing right here. But something in him feels like maybe Blaine should go. And that’s what he pushes for, against his better judgment.

“Oh, then why didn’t you go, then?” Kurt shouts. “Go with him! I’m sure he’d spoil you! Fuck you just right, all the time! That’s what you care about, isn’t it? Getting fucked?”

It dawns on Kurt rapidly how very, very wrong that was to say to him. He also becomes privy to the thought that he’s deliberately doing the opposite of what he agreed to Sam. He’s making confrontation. But there’s so much coursing through his system, so much hurt in his chest that he has to let it out somehow. And he sees the product of it in Blaine’s expression.

“How dare you!” Blaine yells back, hurtling himself off of the bed and towards Kurt. “Howdare you accuse me of that! You know, maybe I should go with him! He would never think that I wanted to be with him solely for the sex.”

Kurt wants to stop fighting, but he’s not. “Good! Then go get him. He’s probably waiting outside right now, knowing you’ll come crying to him when mean ol’ Kurt comes stomping in here to fuck up your life! Your knight in a shiny condom to come fuck your cares away!”

“Oh, but the sex is good, isn’t it.” Blaine hisses, a malignant smile crossing his face. “He’d fuck me until I forgot all about you, wouldn’t he? Fuck me until I screamed for mercy. Because he’s not afraid that fucking a whore would make him less of a person.”

Kurt takes that like a blow to the chest, and that’s what finally knocks him out of his rage—that Blaine actually thinks Kurt feels as if Blaine is less of a person for doing what he does. Kurt shakes his head adamantly, speaking softer. “I never thought that about you.”

And Blaine laughs. Harsh and cold and cutting. “You thought that from the moment you met me! I propositioned you and you turned me down because you didn’t want to fuck a whore! And I respected that, I always respected it. I respected you, but it fucking sucks that you never respected me.”

“I do respect you!” Kurt argues back instantly, begging him to understand.

“Oh, how could I not realize?” Blaine mocks. “How could I not realize that you having an existential crisis over kissing me meant that you respected me.”

Kurt falls silent. Tears leak from behind his eyes and they sting. The words were bubbling inside him like champagne, the fateful words that he knew he had to tell him to try and fix this, and explain his actions, but they were not filling him with the giddiness that usually accompanies the alcohol.

Blaine is shaking his head, his lips pressed together to utter paleness out of frustration. “Don’t tell me you respect me, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. When you couldn’t even handle knowing that you’d kissed a wh—”

“I stayed away because I knew I was falling in love with you!” Kurt yells, finally letting the tears slip down his cheeks, and letting the words leak too. He’s shaking, and it feels like it’s vibrating through his entire body.

Blaine freezes, staring at him. “You’re lying.”

Kurt shakes his head with vehemence, wiping a tear from his cheek. “I ignored you because I knew I was in love with you. I was so in love with you it hurt, Blaine! But I couldn’t handle being with someone that sleeps with other people! And it’s not because you sleep with a lot of people, it’s because those people wouldn’t be me!”

Blaine’s face falls, and so does his body, as he collapses back onto the bed, staring at nothing for a long time.

Kurt walks toward Blaine and sits down next to him, but Blaine still doesn’t look at him. “I’m sorry I treated you like I did, Blaine. And I know I did a terrible job at trying not to love you because I still feel like I’m going to explode, seeing you again. My heart is beating out of my chest and my stomach feels sick and all I can think about is how beautiful you are right now, even when you’re pissed off at me.”

Blaine drops his head, his chin hitting his chest with momentum, and Kurt sees a tear hit Blaine’s knee, darkening the fabric of his jeans.

It’s right then that Kurt comes to a realization about everything. And he sees fit to share it with Blaine. “I’m not scared anymore, Blaine. I don’t care about any of that. Anything you do. I just want you. I want everything about you.”

Blaine sniffs and another tear falls and all Kurt can think about is wanting to get rid of those tears as soon as possible.

“Blaine, please say something.”

“I’m scared, too.” Blaine says thickly. “I’m scared shitless.”

Kurt’s confusion seeps through his features, he’s sure. “About what?”

Blaine looks up, his face blotchy and wet and still absolutely gorgeous to Kurt. “About you. You’re perfect, Kurt. You’re successful and handsome and snarky and a million other things that I’m not. I’ve never even been in love before, not like this. You scare the fuck out of me, Kurt. I could never be good enough for you, but I love you so much I feel like I’m gonna be sick from it sometimes too.”

Kurt lashes out his hands and takes Blaine’s cheeks between his hands, and Blaine lets out the smallest whimper that makes Kurt’s heart ache. “Blaine, I’m an idiot. I’m the biggest idiot to ever walk the streets of New York.”

Blaine’s hands cup over Kurt’s, and he gives a watery smile. “You kind of are.”

Kurt glides his head forward until their foreheads are pressed together, and he gives Blaine a wide smile in return. “But I would really like to be your idiot if you’d let me.”

“God, Kurt.” Blaine sighs out, and then their mouths are pressed together, and Kurt is clawing at Blaine’s bare back and Blaine is destroying Kurt’s flawlessly coiffed hair and Kurt couldn’t give the slightest shit.

The tears disappear quickly as Kurt shoves Blaine onto his back and straddles him, feeling Blaine arch underneath him and grab at anything he can touch. Their mouths seem to meld together perfectly, even more so than they had the first time they kissed. But now, there were feelings and revelations and an overwhelming dizziness between them that Kurt simply cannot get over.

With a burst of energy, Blaine shoves upwards, sending Kurt backwards off the bed, immediately followed by Blaine who subsequently shoves Kurt against the neighboring wall and begins attacking his mouth again. Kurt welcomes the action with a loud moan, his hands clinging to the small of Blaine’s back, and Blaine moans in retaliation.

Kurt switches their positions in a matter of less than a second, hearing Blaine’s head thud dully against the drywall, but he doesn’t appear to care about the pain if there is any, given the way he whimpers as Kurt shoves a leg between Blaine’s with obvious intent.

Kurt kneads the top of his thigh up against the bulging hardness in Blaine’s pants, and Blaine’s head flies back against the wall again with a deep groan. Kurt takes the opportunity to devour the neck before him, sucking at biting at the skin with ferocity.

Kurt doesn’t plan the words when they come out, spoken raspy and low in Blaine’s ear as he continues to rock his leg up into Blaine’s throbbing cock beneath the denim.

He doesn’t intend to, but it forces its way out anyway, giving light to how badly Kurt needsthis.

“I wanna fuck you.”